So, I've decided to teach Cirro about our family traditions. More specifically, playing video games before we even understand the concept of money.¹Real talk, I was playing Super Mario Sunshine and countless other Gamecube games at the ripe age of four, so don't tell me it isn't possible.

You might be wondering where I'm getting the hardware to play a video game. Well, unlike the rest of my equipment that I willed into existence, my laptop and controllers were actually on my person all along. Don't know why my backpack was carried over with my soul, but who cares.

Mom teaching (read: forcing) me to keep a laptop, two controllers, and a DVD (Yeah, mom doesn't believe in USB drives. Blu-Ray is fair game though.) filled with totally legally acquired games on me is somehow not the weirdest thing she's done. She says it's in case someone needs a tiebreaker, but I don't believe her. All of her nonsense did teach me how to make the closest thing to a bag of holding that is possible in real life though.²You'd be surprised how much you can fit inside a messenger bag while still being able to fit school supplies. So, yeah, this situation is partially inspired by my actual experiences.

Anyways, back on topic, I need to pick a game that is sufficiently complex for her teeny-tiny child brain, yet not slow and boring looking, and I thought a fighting game might work. Unfortunately, the only one I currently have may or may not give Cirro an existential crisis.

On the bright side, I guess she can feel what it's like to play as herself?

I think you can tell where this is going.

"If this goes poorly, I'll never be able to face mom again..."

"Big sis, what's up with the rectangle?"

"Well Cirro, I'm about to teach you what my mother taught me, and hopefully it works out."

"...You didn't really answer my question, but okay."

----------{Five matches later}----------

"That midget looks nothing like me! I'm at least ten centimeters taller!"

...How the fuck does she know what centimeters are? More importantly though...

"Cirro- No, Cirro-sama. How did you get this good in such a short time? I've been playing this game since I was four, and I'm still mediocre."

"Isn't it obvious!? You're just playing it wrong!"

So... it really is just a skill issue. I always knew that it would come to this, yet I kept denying it. It's time to face the tru-

Hmm? There seems to be an... office lady rapidly approaching the house?

I don't know who she is, but despite looking like she hasn't slept in a month, she's hot.

If I didn't know the idiot, I would've assumed god specifically created a woman that fits my preferences to a T.

Short and curly cloud-gray hair, mesmerizing hazel eyes that look as if they want to kick life in the balls and demand it take its goddamn lemons back, and she's taller than me! Not to mention her legs... guess I got something in common with dad after all. She's literally perfect. Enough staring though, even I have some level of decorum.

...I guess I still like women, huh? That's gonna be awkward. Better than the alternative though.

Back in school, everyone who knew I was a guy just assumed I was asexual for some reason. Like, do you not see me blatantly staring at the girls at the pool? I thought it was quite obvious. Call me a lecherous bastard all you want, I had to make myself known to the women somehow, and clearly looking pretty or being nice to them wasn't the answer. In the immortal words of Oscar Wilde, "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." I'm pretty sure there are worse things, but Oscar never found them I guess.

Back to the hot lady though, her emotional state at the moment seems to be an odd mix of agitation and relaxation, a combo I'm intimately familiar with. I'm going to go ahead and assume she's here because of the old man and the dead asshole.

"Ey, Cirro. There's someone coming to the house. You wanna greet them?"

"Hnn... not really, but I guess I should be polite..."

Aww, she's trying to be considerate!

"S-stop messing with my hair!"

"Alright~"

******

{Gazelle POV}

Shit, shit, SHIT!

The one time my wish gets granted, of COURSE it's when I want the king to get killed!

Now I'm going to have to deal with the coronation shitstorm, and I'll get even less sleep!

...deep breaths...

Okay. Whew.

On the bright side, at least the new ruler might get those hedonists off of their asses.

...W-wait a minute... since the douche didn't have any heirs, and considering I'm his cousin... I'm pretty sure I'm like, DIRECTLY next in line for the throne.

Fuck. I'm the new ruler.

*sniff* "I don't wanna! Dealing with that is gonna suck!"

Maybe I should just run away. I was planning on retiring anyways.

...that makes me sound old though. Why do I have to consider retiring at 23 years old!? Why can't my job just be normal!?

"FUCK!"

Ha... ha...

I really need to calm down...

Okay, so, planning time. I need to meet with Schelgan- wherever he is right now- and convince him to smuggle me out of the country. Shouldn't be that hard, he's pretty simple. He'd go through the depths of hell and back for a mug of coffee, so I just need two, maybe three mugs and some above-average coffee.

******

{Arika POV}

"Big sis, why are we hiding behind the door?"

"Shh, we've still gotta wait for the perfect moment to bust in."

And I've gotta psyche myself before talking to her. Wouldn't want to accidentally make a Freudian Slip, now would we?

"Lady Gazelle, though I'd be honored to assist you, someone has to maintain public order. That said however, there is somebody I know who, given they agree, could help you get out of the city."

"W-well, who is it? Please tell me it's not that drunkard again!"

Aaannnddd...

*sigh* "No, it's not Dabor, though he would likely also agree to assist you. I must warn you about them, since they're a bit-"

Now!

*slam*

"Hey there pretty lady! My name is Arika Kokoro! I couldn't help but overhear that you need our capable hands!"

"I'm Cirro! Why is your hair gray?"

"Cirro, you shouldn't ask things like that. It's probably just her natural hair color."

"Yours is weird too big sis."

"You wound me!"

"Are... are you sure they're good enough?"

"Despite appearances, Arika is undoubtedly the strongest person- nay, entity, present in the kingdom, and perhaps even the world."

"...and what about the shorty?"

"I'M NOT SHORT!"

"Well, Cirro is the one who, albeit unintentionally and whilst asleep, killed the king."

"Wait, I did what now?"

"wha-"

"Well you see, Gazelle- if you don't mind me calling you that- my little sister and I are very sensitive to emotions and danger. It seems that Cirro, while sleepfloating- don't worry, she just does that sometimes- sensed some kind of danger, and unconsciously used one of her strongest attacks. Namely, the absurd hailstorm that occurred earlier. It just so happened that one of those ice chunks hit your stupid cousin in the head, killing him instantly. By the way, he was staring at Cirro, so I'm assuming he brought this upon himself. I think that's all."

"...what the hell are these people?"

"Old man, please explain everything. Carefully though. I wouldn't want a beautiful lady getting mindbroken."

*sniffle* "I’m starting to think I’d rather have Dabor back."