when you said goodbye, i couldn't hear you

by oofcat

 

Tags: established relationship, assumptions of cheating, breaking up, getting back together

Content warnings:

 

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“Bye. I'm sorry but I…” Are the words Tsukasa sleepily remembers being uttered to him in between his dreams.

He wakes up with his feet freezing from slipping out of the blanket in the middle of the night. With an annoyed whine, the red haired young man tugs the blanket back up his shivering form. He rolls around the soft bed for a few more times before finally opening his eyes, blinking up at the ceiling and slowly leaving behind the haze of his comfortable sleep.

He notices two things.

Good news, he remembers that it was Sunday. Which means that he can lounge around all day, eating his snacks, and snuggling against the warmth of his boyfriend's body and maybe they could even take naps together during the afternoon in front of their tiny fireplace to get into the winter spirit.

Bad news…the other side of the bed is empty and cold. Has been for a while now judging from how cleanly the sheets are tucked in and how neatly the blankets are folded.

Tsukasa frowns, eyeing the empty spot. No wonder he felt annoyed when he woke up, his boyfriend isn't here to gently coax him awake with that low and gentle tone he has. When did he even leave?

It takes another ten minutes for him to even manage to get up. He blinks before laying back down and rolling toward the empty side of the bed, sighing as the cool surface hugs his half naked figure.

Ugh, where did Shion even go? The more he thinks about it the more annoyed he’s getting. As soon as he gets back, Tsukasa will…

And then a sudden feeling hits him like a baton just smacked him right in his pretty face.

He lays still in the bed now, the coolness under his skin slowly vanishing as the sunlight streaming through the windows causes him to sweat.

The idea bounces around in his uneasy mind more than he'd like, making the area under his chest feel full and clogged.

What if…what if…

No. He refuses to entertain the idea for longer.

The Shion he loves has always been an honest man. Too honest for his own good even. How many years has Tsukasa been teaching him how to be more selfish only to have it fail immensely as Shion didn't have a single ounce of selfish bone in his body.

That Shion would never…

He would never betray him.

But aren't all the signs there?

Tsukasa sighs frustratedly, unable to deny those thoughts. Shion is the type to smile even when facing life's biggest hurdle. Even when Tsukasa threw his temper tantrums and refused to talk to him out of sheer pettiness, Shion never showed any signs of it wearing him down.

But what if that's not the case? 

Has the man truly gotten sick of him because of that? Has he been holding back his feelings out of kindness? Has he reached his breaking point and realizes he doesn't want a selfish boyfriend?

Maybe it's partly Tsukasa’s fault for being busy during these times of the month but…has it been so much that his warm and lovely Shion had started to look for love…somewhere else?

He thinks about it now. Breaking up, completely severing their connection and having to leave their shared home or, worse, having to see Shion leave their shared home with his belongings in hand, leaving nothing but an empty apartment and a colder heart behind.

Tsukasa sits up completely, his head aching momentarily from getting up too soon. His hand grips the sheets of Shion’s side of the bed. Is Shion really…?

Oh. He suddenly remembers Shion whispering something in his ear earlier this morning.

He'd been apologizing.

“I’m sorry.”

Tsukasa leans back against the headboard of the bed, staring blankly at the walls. The temperature around him suddenly becomes so cold and unbearable. 

Does that mean that he’s leaving now after that short, barely audible goodbye?

His phone beeps by his nightstand, shaking him out of thoughts. Tsukasa rubs the area under his eyes and opens up his phone, seeing a text message from none other than Shion’s sister. They'd never been besties but Tsukasa liked to think that they were, at least, casual friends. 

hey

The typing bubble pops up, disappears and then pops back in as if she's hesitating on what to write.

i got something to tell you

That doesn't sound very comforting…

It's about my brother

And then,

I think he's cheating on you

“Bye. I'm sorry.”

He feels like he's about to throw up right there and then. The phone falls to the ground but not before he catches her last message.

he went all the way across town and i saw him holding some girl. he told me he booked a hotel for them.

That's about as much Tsukasa can handle before his face meets the palm of his hands, fingers digging into the skin achingly. 

It's over? Is his and Shion's connection that fragile? That damaged from the inside? How had he never figured it out or even realized at all? 

Does this mean that he'll never be able to bask in Shion’s warmth ever again? See his awkward smile and feel his hands brush against his hair? All of that? Gone?

Deep inside, his common sense is telling him to get angry. Break things, damage the entire apartment, yell and shout, fill Shion’s voicemail with hateful messages. 

He just wants to lie down right now.

He feels so cold.

When he comes to his senses, it's already evening and Shion has been gone for a few hours now. Over those hours, Tsukasa has run through so many scenarios in his mind until he gets tired. He tries to figure out what he wants to say when Shion comes back later and how he wants to act in front of the man.

Fortunately he does not have to wait long.

The door to the apartment creaks open, the lock turning behind the person who entered. If Tsukasa isn't so pissed at the moment, he would've loved to admire the way snow is clinging to Shion’s dark hair and his flushed cheeks. It seems like he's been out in the cold weather yet he's still so sickeningly handsome.

“Tsukasa, I'm home!” Shion greets him before even spotting where he is. He takes off his shoes and places them by the rack before coming over to their kitchen - dining space area. The man puts away the bag of groceries in his hand and when he turns around, he jumps as he spots Tsukasa slumped over the table.

The man frowns, leaves the half-empty grocery bag nearby and comes over, studying Tsukasa’s exhausted figure. He tries to brush a finger down the other man’s cheek but he slaps his hand away a second later, surprising Shion. 

Did something happen?

“Where were you?” Tsukasa demands.

“I went to the store, I told you I-”

“Don't lie to me!” Tsukasa snaps, eyes locking into Shion’s. “Your sister told me what happened.”

At the accusation, Shion freezes. He takes involuntary steps back as he stares at Tsukasa with wide eyes. “...she told you…?” Is his secret out already?

Tsukasa’s scowl deepens at the reaction. “So it's true? You really went across town just for….that?”

Shion swallows. Fuck. He'd been hoping to explain it in better circumstances, he knew how much he fucked up. He just thought the other man wouldn’t even realize it. Running a hand through his hair, he begins to think for a while on how he should answer, guilt wracking his insides. Yet it's clear that he's made the wrong decision as his silence tells Tsukasa enough.

Tsukasa is usually someone who's quite in control of his emotions. He dislikes having emotional outbursts, thinking that they make him look weak in people’s eyes. He prefers showing a more stoic side even when he’s being wracked with overwhelming emotions. But this time, it’s almost impossible to hold everything back. He can feel the touch of warmth behind his eyes from the tears. He fears that he wouldn’t be able to stop them and Shion would think that he’s easily exploited. He grits his teeth instead and looks away from the man who had promised him happiness.

“Tsukasa, I’m sorry. Let me-”

“Shut up! Liar! We’re through!”

“W-what? W-wait, I’m so sorry, I was wrong! I really thought you wouldn’t notice…I just…didn’t have another choice. I had to-”

“- You think I wouldn’t notice you cheating on me?!”

“- I didn’t think you would notice the difference in the coffee flavor!”

 

….

 

What?

 

…

 

“Cheating?! What cheating?”

“You…” Tsukasa’s lips form different shapes, each first syllable of the questions he wants to ask lingers at the tip of his tongue but none makes it past his lips. Shion looks just as flustered, almost offended. “...coffee….?”

“Uh,  I, um…” Shion gapes before sighing. The man then pulls out a single box of instant coffee that Tsukasa liked to chug during colder days, his mood often plummeting and growing rotten if there isn’t any in their cabinet.

What is happening…? 

“This morning, I left to buy you your coffee….”

Tsukasa blinks before his face scrunches in confusion. “But, then why were you saying sorry?! What the fuck, you were even saying goodbye like we were never going to see again!”

“WHY WOULD I BID YOU FAREWELL, DON’T YOU KNOW HOW HEAD OVER HEELS I AM FOR YOU?” The man takes a deep breath and looks away. “And the reason I was apologizing is because the usual store you buy it from isn’t open so I had to visit another one across town.”

Across town….

The other man hesitates for a moment under Tsukasa’s impatient gaze. Slowly he slides the box across the counter and it takes a moment for Tsukasa to realize what’s wrong with the box. His face scrunches in disgust. The store Shion bought this from…he absolutely despises it. To the point of wishing that the garbage establishment would burn down in a fiery glory.

“Okay, yeah I know, you hate that place but come on! That’s the exact same brand and flavor, I keep telling you that it’s no different-”

“I’m not arguing about this again!” Tsukasa scowls before sliding the box back across the counter. “Then why did your sister say that she saw you hugging a girl…and that you booked a hotel room for you two…”

Shion sputters, looking extremely shocked. The man thinks back for a moment and he suddenly wants to scream. So this is how that brat went about her stupid petty revenge? For god’s sake, he thought he’d apologized enough for forgetting to pick her up that one time but retaliating by almost ending her brother’s relationship? That's fucked. She better prepare for the nagging of a lifetime the next time they meet.

“Because she hates me.” Shion mutters sarcastically. The next words however are spoken with a more genuine tone. “Nothing like that happened! She just wants to see me suffer because I- Tsukasa?”

Tsukasa’s slumps over his seat, eyes staring ahead of him as gears in his mind begin to turn. A blush slowly crawls across his cheeks and the young man buries his face into his arms before screaming into it.

ALL THAT? ALL THAT ANXIETY, WORRY, HEARTACHE WAS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? END ME, RIGHT NOW.

“I want to die.” That was too embarrassing. The most he’d ever experienced. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’d looked desperate hadn’t he? Absolutely hysterical and distrustful….ugh.

Pathetic.

“So…uh,” Shion asks cautiously, his lips curling up into an amused but awkward smile. “This means we’re not breaking up right? Or does this count as getting back together? That’s probably a new record, we were broken up for less than ten minutes-”

When Tsukasa sits back up, he shoots a glare at his boyfriend. Annoying. So annoying! God, this man sometimes…

He mutters a low but dishonest, “I hate you so much!” before grabbing Shion’s arm and pulling the man into their bedroom. He won’t allow this fool to leave their room until he’s fully satisfied. Maybe he can vent his anger out on him too. For now, he’ll ignore the warm feeling in his heart, the sense of relief that he’d never admit to anyone else, especially Shion.

That night, as Shion listens obediently to Tsukasa complaining and venting out his feelings, a thought pops into his head. That he better keep that ring in his coat pocket hidden for a little while longer.

“Bye. I'm sorry but I…have to get your stupid coffee from that one store because I refuse to watch you tear down our winter ornaments for the tenth time. This week.”

 

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Author's Account:

oofcat

 

Author's Note:

This fic is a crack fic. Everything at first glance purposely looks like it'll be an angsty breakup - getting back together fic but it's just two idiots misunderstanding something.