Dear Hera,

I know you love me. I do. I've known for a very long time - since our first year, and I truly treasure you. You are my dearest friend, my closest companion.

The time we spent together last night was great - and I have truly loved flying with you, practicing with you through our years at the academy.

But I do not, and can not, love you like you love me. We will always be friends. Always. If we get the chance to fly together on our next tours, I would be beyond happy. I do not think we will.

But you need to fall out of love with me.

I need you to know that, I will always love your friendship - I will always tussle with you have a night together, laugh and spend time together. But you can not have my heart, no matter how willingly you give me yours. 

I wish I could have found another way, but I made sure to be below Octavia in scores. Made sure we wouldn't be assigned together... I wish I'd been brave enough to tell you in person. Even now, I request First Pilot, incase something happened, so we could not be assigned together. 

I hope in the decade until we have a chance to meet again, you find it in yourself to forgive me. I will always treasure our time together, our friendship, and how you gave me confidence and helped me find myself. I wish to share stories with you about all we've seen.

I hope last night gave you enough of what you wanted, that this doesn't hurt too much.

I truly am sorry I could not love you back.

Your friend,

Amelie.

PS: Don't be too harsh on Octavia, I am certain you will get along. As I felt our relationship would only sour over a decade, the two of you can only go one way. Give her a chance.

Hera stared at the tear-stained note for the thousandth time. She'd slept and cried and slept and cried. Everything was sore, and not from the piloting - she'd cried herself hoarse, sobbed every tear out of her eyes, and was a wallowing ball of self-pity. SLT-VC had kept poking her to do her required excise, to get her meals, but Hera didn't care. Nothing mattered. Nothing would ever matter.

Amelie knew Hera loved her. And she didn't love her back. Somehow worse, she pity fucked her.

Her heart had been torn and twisted and beaten before being slammed back into her chest.

"First Pilot Cooper, it is required you attend the briefing and perform your duties." SLT-VC admonished her. 

"SHUT UP!" Hera screamed. She didn't care. The mission could go to hell, the mecha could go to hell, and Octavia could fuck off into a sun. She wished she'd gotten hit by a flare when she launched. She drifted in and out of sleep, a ball of covers, looking into the warp outside her window as half a universe flew by, pining for a woman she'd never see again.

She was so stupid. So unbelievably stupid, and she hated it and it hurt.
She'd woken up again, the note sticking to her cheek at the sound of the door opening. That was weird, SLT-VC didn't need to open her door. She blinked, looking at the monitor showing they had twenty-two hours left in warp. Had she been in her bed for over thirty hours?

"Uhm.. Hey" A voice suddenly came from her door. Octavia's voice. She sat up in bed, and glared at her, open-mouthed

"What are you doing here? This is my room!" She intended to shout, but she hadn't drank any water and had been crying and shouting for hours, her throat was dry and her forceful speaking hurt. "Get out!" She squawked again.

Octavia sighed and didn't move. "SLT-VC won't let me. Seriously, Hera, you bragged about what a great pilot you were, how outstanding you'd be and you've broken immediately?" She crossed her arms and cocked her hip. "Now the ship AI has to force me to come get you? What the fuck is going on."

Hera was going to shout at her, but instead, she started crying again. Octavia looked at her, seeing her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. 
"Hey... What's going on? It's just warp sickness right?" The idiot woman asked as she stepped closer. "What... Hera? You do need to talk to me. You can't bail now - we are in this for a long time."

She supposed she was right - she had no one else, and even if she went back, Amelie wanted nothing to do with her. She chucked the wet note at Octavia, and then lay down, knees tucked to her chest under her covers, turned away from her co-pilot waiting for her to read the note. Read about the betrayal.

She lay and waited in silence, interrupted by the odd gasp from her enemy. 
"Oh... Oh Hera, I..." Octavia didn't seem to know what to say. Planning some sort of barb, some form of insult. How naive and stupid Hera had been, a dumb bitch, thinking someone as amazing and perfect as Amelie could love her. Want her for anything more than just being her friend. Mock her for the next ten years.

"I'm so sorry Hera," Octavia said gently, softly. She knew she was gonna ins- wait. That wasn't what she was meant to say, she turned her head slightly, looking back at the blonde woman who was looking at her with sympathy. Or she thought she was pathetic. Hera wasn't certain. It almost looked like Octavia was crying. "This is so cruel. I can't believe she'd... She wouldn't tell you before. She's awful"

"Hey - Don't be mean to Amelie, you bitch" she sobbed, almost crying again, jumping to defend Amelie. She was perfect, she could do nothing wrong. Hera was wrong. Octavia seemed taken aback. 

"I'm... I'm sorry Hera. I know you still must care, that it must be raw..." She reached a hand towards Hera, then pulled back slightly. Not daring to quite touch her. Coward. They'd been fucking not long ago. Piloting. 
"Would you like a hug?" Octavia asked, finally. Hera said nothing. "I know you hate me, for whatever reason... I can't say I don't hate you but..." The sad girl looked at her enemy out of the corner of her eye, as she seemed stuck in introspection. "I know it sucks when you think someone loves you, you look forward to seeing them every day, for however long and it's just broken." She took a breath and looked back, Hera burying her face back in her pillow. "If it helps, if touch helps, I'm happy to hug you, Hera. You can pretend I am whoever. Would that help?"

Hera nodded, and Octavia crawled into bed next to her - the thing Hera had sworn would never happen, and cuddled around her, holding her tight. Letting her cry in her arms, again. Neither woman said a thing, as they just embraced, pretending they were someone else, somewhere else. Until SLT-VC announced that they really had to pick a destination now.

Hera got up first. A minute later, Octavia followed.