A Cultivator’s Magic
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3.6 (5 ratings)
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Synopsis
Left to rot after being crippled by his own father, Tang Xiaolong, a dog to the ever brutal Tang Clan, is given a chance to get his revenge after awakening the memories of his previous life as a magician. Armed with the power of another world, will he be able to overturn his fate and rise against the will of heaven?
Genre
ActionAdventureFantasyMartial Arts- Chapter 1: The Birth of A Magician (1)Nov 6, 2020
Table of Contents
Let's see here now - this story has only one chapter and has not been updated since November 2020. As such, it's reasonable to assume that it won't be continued. However, since it ended up on my list, I will pass my judgement on the portion of the story that does exist in the moment of me typing this.
The premise of the story appears to be an underdog getting his comeuppance against those that have wronged him - a classic. And here, the tools given to accomplish said revenge appears to be awakening past memories and powers of another lifetime in another world.
As a concept, it does show potential. As far as the execution goes however, there are multiple issues to address. However, while I am tempted to line up the chapter paragraph by paragraph to offer up more detailed commentary, I also recognise that there is little point.
By and large, the grammar and spelling are decent enough. Punctuation poses a greater issue, with either missing commas or weirdly placed commas, or the use of periods (.) instead of commas, in situations such as "Something something, " he said, and whatnot. Also, typically, the "he said" and "he thought" and "he muttered" would not have a capitalised H, which it does in this story.
Anyways, moving on, here are a few other points:
- The pacing: There are way too many things happening in quick succession, and too much information introduced all at once, both through the third person narration and through the dialogue. Feed the reader more slowly.*
- Descriptions: Sentences are cluttered with descriptions, choking off whatever natural flow of the story might have otherwise existed. Also, a bit more of "show, don't tell" would have done this story a whole lot of good. Be more liberal about using verbs to convey emotions, rather than merely adjectives and adverbs. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with giving descriptions, but do try to portion it out more evenly.*
*Here is an example of what I mean, lifted from the initial paragraphs of chapter 1:
Shining down into the lively Crimson Leaf Village, a ray of sunlight highlighted the body of a young man beaten to a bloody pulp by one of the many guards of the Tang Clan's private library for martial skills. The name of the young man was Tang Xiaolong, but despite how pathetic he currently appeared with his torn and worn-out clothing, he was once the heir and most talented cultivator of the Tang Clan.
"Know your place you incompetent fool, you can't cultivate and you can't help make the basic pill. How dare you attempt to go against the patriarch and try to set foot into our grand library?" Standing before the beaten Tang Xiaolong a guard to the Tang Clan's private library berated him.
But regardless of his previous position within the clan, currently, he was seen no better than a beggar thirsting for the Tang Clan's resources. Yet unknown to the Tang Clan, despite his current pathetic state, Tang Xiaolong still possessed a potential greater than they could ever imagine. Whilst he suffered from a destroyed a Dantian, he awakened the memories of his previous self, a man praised by all, not for his martial arts, but for god-like skills in the art of magic.
S-senior... I- I apologize..." Acting like the pathetic bug the Tang Clan, expected him to be, Tang Xiaolong bowed to the Tang Sect Disciple. "I... am nothing but a fool, p-please forgive me..."
- The characters: There is honestly not enough words to say whether or not they have much emotional depth, but if so, then it is not particularly well conveyed. Here, they come across as quite shallow, and even if there was a continuation past chapter one I doubt that I would feel compelled to read it.
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