Interesting fantasy kingdom story with a good storyline. It's still in its story-building prosses, and so far it caught my curiosity to read further~. The story is kind of missing plots, for example expressing the tense atmosphere in the beginning. Still an unripe book but I look forward to the constriction of this story. Overall I can see the effort the author is trying to keep in this book, so I do recommend u give it a try, given its well grammar and dialogs its worth a shot.  atm it just got 2 chapters,   and I can't review a book that got just two? I'll continue to read u, and next time, once it reaches a max of 10 or so chapters, ill like to review it again.

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i don't usually do review's as I mostly read for the fun of it. but I was asked to do so, so I may. this review is written on the 15-10-23, and looks upon chapters 00-01 in act 01

Writing, style and context:★★★★☆ (4/5)

you are going for a style of writing, this style is very drawn out. this style is usually used for building up tension, and this book do it very well, however I feel by the contents that sometimes this tension is released. an example comes from the first line:

 

Great building up to some sort of thing as the whole chapter does, but one of the next lines after the descriptors. 

 

I personally would restructure it to remove the word "bit" and the ending line about the sun could be made differently to keep the tension and build it up even more. An example could be " with the sun shining bright up high, but black clouds loomed on the edge" personally I believe it would retain some tension and be a sign to the black clouds above the capital, as it feels a bit like the knight is riding with the royals towards it. it is a very hard style to nail down as there are a lot of thing that need to be just right and different readers read things differently, so my critique may not be relevant for some people.

World/character building/development:★★★★☆ (4/5)

there is not a lot of thing I can criticize here, most of the world building is very well done, and the character building, while it may be lacking in really setting home who they are in some cases. some other people we completely know exactly how they are. currently it still feels very much like we are in the prelude part of the story so I cant comment on the characters a lot, as world setting is currently getting established, so this rating may be higher than normal.

structuring:★★★☆☆ (3/5)

Now one of the most important thing is structuring, according to me, this is not grammatical but things like. line separations or <hr>, and Bold and Cursive text, and this is where the story most lacks from what I have read. it could really use a kind hand, example:

this is great other than the text referring to switching scenes the separation of the line means that there is a clear indicator of a switch. 

here I can get confused by when the scene switch happens, the text supports it but the structure does not, creating a line switch after "king Ethos."  would fix this as it help separate the scenes. another thing is using SHIFT + ENTER to create 0 margin line shifts like I have done in this review with only using a proper ENTER when switching topic, you could likewise only us a full ENTER when switching location, scene, ext. sometimes I can feel there should be a pause in the text yet there is not, so I can recommend using commas as a pause sometimes, even though its not grammatically correct, to keep the tension.

As a final score I would give it a ★★★★✬ (4.2/5) can diffidently look forward to the future of it, as it has a high quality of writing, some few issues, but they can easily be fixed.

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