This is by no exaggeration, a well-written story, annoyingly so in fact, and thus its current major flaw becomes quickly apparent; the rate at which it is written, now not the gap between chapters, but rather the amount written over the time period, (15, 611 words over the course of Jan 20th to March 2nd then April 6th to June 15, 2, 688 hours) 6 words per hour* (5.8-etc. Rounded up) of course this doesn't accurately account for time spent writing, and also gives no thought to time spent sleeping, working, eating, free time, et cetera, however, my point is more so that despite this work showing decent promise, it is being written by a divided author, working on multiple projects at once, rather than it getting the undivided attention I believe it deserves.

Tldr, It's a brilliant story however it needs more substance before it can shine, if it doesn't end up abandoned, pick it up every year or so to see if any progress has been made.

Post-script, I realised I hadn't mentioned much I actually enjoyed or disliked about the story specifically, so:

1. Quite unique and interesting ideas; I cannot fully back this up as I haven't read a large quantity of horror novels, however, I found that several things were rather novel and allowed me to explore new avenues of thought

2. A lack of tension; I'm unsure whether this is an individual bias of mine from years of horror movies and a lack of exposure to macabre literature or if it's a flaw in the writing, from my perspective there isn't much suspense involved as a reader, when I went in thinking it would have horror and psychological elements I figured there'd be more of an 'edge of your seat' kind of spine-chilling sensation, that's not to say it's not engaging, but rather whenever I read a chapter from the "victim's" pov, I feel there's a lacking when it comes to the anticipation and tension one would expect. Unfortunately, I'm not much of a writer so I can't really point out how to improve on this point.

3. Decent characters; so far the characters introduced seem well written, however since there isn't much to go on currently I can only say so much.

4. Good gore; so far the majority of gory scenes have been well described and easily imaginable.

5. High-quality concept; Honestly this is the greatest part of this story, to the point where it doesn't need to be fan fiction, you could put the horror game creation concept into an original world and it would be just as, if not, twice as good.

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Great story and ok character so please don't forget to put more chapters in the future ! Also can you create artwork of your monsters that you create.

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