Felicia’s eyes widened in shock.
“You!” She readied her staff as she took her fighting pose. “H-how did you get here?”
“With my magic, of course. It really wasn’t that hard to sneak all the way here without you noticing, especially when you’re preoccupied.”
The elf walked forward, not a smile seen on her lips.
“S-stand back! I warn you! I’m not afraid of killing you on the spot if you get closer!”
The necromancer was, understandably, in a state of panic. How could someone just waltz in without her noticing?
“I see it now.” The elf stopped in her tracks, glancing towards where Rowana had left. “Why that boy believes you’re a good person. That zombie you created… you infused her with your own soul, I assume?”
The necromancer didn’t answer. Instead, she sent a swarm of shadow tendrils towards the elf.
None landed, of course, as she was protected by her beehive barrier.
“Relax. I’m not here to kill you. I disagree with you being a necromancer, but my days of going around playing the hero are long gone.”
“Then why are you here?!”
“I’m here as an inspector.”
“A-an inspector?”
“Correct. I’m here to determine just how much of a threat you and your necromancy pose to the world.”
Silence. Felicia had no idea how to respond to her words.
“And I have to say, I am not impressed. That Gate of yours… it is incomplete.”
“Incomplete? What do you—”
“It means it will not work the way you want it to work. All you would achieve if you activate it is to flood this region with the dark mana you have gathered.”
This, of course, took Felicia by surprise.
“N-nonsense!” She yelled back. “What do you know about the Gate? You’re not a necromancer! You’re just some high elf who—”
“I am indeed not a necromancer.” She impatiently interrupted her. “But I’ve seen a Gate before. And I know yours are faulty compared to it.”
Another silence. Felicia was sweating profusely, her entire body shaking. Her work for these past years wouldn’t work? Inconceivable! She had gone through the calculations so many times there was no chance whatsoever she was wrong!
“Where did you learn it? A book? A mentor?”
“S-silence! I am not wrong! I deciphered the method myself from a book written by the Necromancer King himself!”
“Oh? Show me that book then.”
“Do I look like a fool to you?!”
“Yes. Yes, you are. You are just a foolish, scared little girl who’s way over her head.”
The elf walked closer, and, once again, Felicia backed away.
“Do you think you’re the first? To selfishly believe that she could overcome death through the dark arts? Nay. You’re merely a failure in a long line of failures. Just like the Necromancer King. Just like her.”
Hearing that, Felicia exploded in a ball of fury.
“I will not fail!” The necromancer yelled. “I have sacrificed everything for this! I have given my body and soul for it! This is all I have! And I will not let you make a mockery out of it!”
Before she realized it, tears trickled down her reddened cheeks.
Ilymhyrra paused her steps, staring at the glossy eyes of the necromancer.
“What a shame. I can see that you have some good in you. That zombie, created by a part of your soul, she’s a good woman. A loving, loyal wife. One cannot create a zombie with that perfect of a personality without sharing the same traits as the creation. So you are just like her, or rather, you want to be her. You want to be a loving wife to a husband that loves you back. You want a family.”
Felicia was taken aback by the sudden switch of subject.
“H-huh?”
“You don’t really want this. And you’re too blind to see that.”
“S-shut up! You have no idea what I really want! I want a world of immortality! I want a world where no one will suffer from death or illness!”
The elf didn’t respond right away. Instead, she locked her unblinking gaze at the necromancer’s wavering eyes.
“...Then I shall leave you to your fate.”
With those words, the elf turned around before she started to walk away.
“T-that’s it? You’re just going to give me your sanctimonious speech? Just who are you anyway? You’re a powerful mage, aren’t you? Some high-ranking mage from the Forbidden Land?”
Her feet stopped in place.
“I am Ilymhyrra, just a simple wandering elf.”
Felicia could only watch as she disappeared into the dark corridor at the other end of the room.
The necromancer quickly used the Dungeon Core to track her movement, only to find that the Core could not detect her presence.
She had left exactly in the manner she had arrived.
Damn it damn it DAMN IT! She bit her thumb until it bled. Just who is she? And how dare she insult my work?!
...Wait, if she had sabotaged my Gate—
She hurriedly made her way downstairs, to where she had built the yet-to-be-finished Gate.
It was a large cavern, with thousands of stalactites and stalagmites at its edges. The place was not part of the mausoleum itself. It was simply a natural cave that she had linked with the mausoleum, so she could use the spacious room for her Gate.
On the ground, one could see an awfully complex runic circle, around 500 meters in radius or even more. It took her months to draw it according to the instructions of her book, and she had followed it to the letter. Crystals made of pure darkness were placed in specific places inside the circle, to act as fuel for the ritual. And in the middle…
There was nothing. Only a small circle inside the large one where every inch of the rune converged into.
It was where the Gate would open.
Felicia began frantically examining the place, making sure that nothing was amiss.
Nothing. Everything was exactly the same as she had left it.
She took a deep, relieved breath.
She didn’t tamper with any of it. So she really was here just to speak to me.
Just in case, however, she stabbed her staff at a certain spot in the circle, allowing it to act as its control rod.
99.99% of the necessary mana. Just a sliver more and then I can activate it.
She could sense the circle slowly absorbing and crystallizing the ambient Mana coming from the dungeon above. This was how she had created all those crystals all these years. That function was still going as she expected it would.
Just a little more… just a little more until I can activate it…
There’s no way it’s faulty… I’m no clumsy fool… I’ve rechecked again and again and again…
She bit her thumb until it bled once again.
-------
As the necromancer was troubled by the sudden visit from the elf, the army, along with the Inquisitors, was encroaching closer and closer. They had made significant progress in traversing the maze, thanks to the hard work and sacrifices of the soldiers and adventurers who they had sent ahead of them. With their path clear, they were free to make it to the center of the dungeon where their enemy awaited.
The general was traversing the corridors with the vice head Inquisitor and her aide. They stayed in the middle, protected by around a hundred soldiers to their front and back. The sound of their marching footsteps could be heard from a mile away. They had found a sizable enough path that could bring them to the heart of the dungeon, thus they could afford to deploy such a force.
“Your Holiness? If I may...” The aide suddenly spoke.
“Speak. Eldan.” His superior responded.
“If I might ask, why are you holding back? With that spell, there’s no need for us to trudge through this place like this, right?”
“I do not wish to,” she replied swiftly. “I want this necromancer alive, so I can have her burned at the stake. That is the proper way to deal with a heretic. Not a painless death, but a slow and torturous one.”
Her aide went silent for a bit before replying, “Is it worth it? Sacrificing all these men for that?”
“Sacrifice? They should be glad they could give their lives to the cause of the Church. They’re martyrs that shall enter Valhalla. What better outcome there is for them?”
“...Of course, Your Holiness.”
Unlike his superior, Eldan Firmshield was more of a practical man. He didn’t share the same religious fervor that the Vice Head Inquisitor had. He believed in the teachings of the Church, of course, just not to the extent as she did. Thus, to condemn so many men to their deaths, just to capture a heretic alive, he couldn’t agree with it.
But, it wasn’t his place to disagree. She was his superior, which meant that he was duty-bound to serve her without question. That is how a knight of the Church should be.
The main army soon reached a large intersection. They were given a choice—left, right, or forward. And since they were in entirely new territory, they didn’t know immediately which path to take.
“General, split your forces.” The vice head inquisitor ordered. “Tell them to scout ahead, as usual. And tell your men to set up my tent. I tire and in need of rest.”
Her order was something the general was all too familiar with. The vice head inquisitor had kept a barrier around her proximity throughout the entire dungeon, making her require frequent rests in order to charge her mana. Whenever they stumbled upon a spacious enough place like this intersection, she would order them to set up camp so she could rest in it.
The general couldn’t help but think she was acting too spoiled for a supposed member of the Inquisition. Not that he would dare saying that to her face, of course.
And so, as the general’s men scouted ahead, the main force took another break, delaying it from reaching Felicia’s place yet again.
Lucky her.
---------
As the vice head inquisitor had her nap, the rest of her associates—those that didn’t accompany her—were still trudging inside the dungeon. They were actually heading right where the main force set up their camp. Not that they would know it, of course.
“M-Milady! We can’t possibly—”
“Shut your trap and charge on. I’ve said it before, haven’t I? I’ll heal you over and over, until the enemy’s dead.”
One of the groups was facing an entire tribe of goblins, numbering around a hundred, or even more. The group had walked into an ambush, and now the goblins had them surrounded. And yet, the two Inquisitors, who were the de facto leaders of the group, showed no signs of distress. They simply raised a barrier around themselves, letting the soldiers outside do all the fighting for them.
“Hmph, not going to waste my strength fighting against small fries like them.” The cocky-looking blonde youth proudly declared. “My barrier is enough. Let small fries fight against small fries, I say.”
Her partner, the redhead, could only roll her eyes.
“What’s that look for? If you had known Turn Undead, we could finish this nuisance faster.”
“Says someone who doesn’t know the spell either.”
The blonde youth had in his possession what you would call a holy sword. It allowed him to cast Holy magic, as if he was holding a staff in his hand. Instead of using it to wreak havoc on the goblins, however, he felt it was beneath him, and so he stayed his blade.
The redheaded girl, on the other hand, was what you would call a pure support cleric. Her specialty was that of healing and succor, not fighting. So even if she wanted to, she couldn’t fight back against the goblins effectively.
“Uaarghh!”
“Aarghh!”
A group of soldiers were burned alive by the goblin shamans’ fire spells. Another group received a rain of arrows from the goblin archers.
“Don’t stand in the line of fire, you idiots!” The redhead yelled. “Urgh, I can’t believe this. Amateurs, all of them…”
She began chanting, and then—
“Mass Heal!”
A warm light enveloped her surrounding, closing the wounds of any soldiers that happened to bathe in its embrace.
“Fight! Don’t you dare let up!”
And so, the soldiers, some with arrows still sticking out their bodies, pushed on against the goblins. It wasn’t an easy task, for the goblins were also regenerating like them. They were zombified goblins, much more durable than normal ones.
The redhead continued to cast Mass Heal over and over. The soldiers were, in a sense, another undying army thanks to her.
The only difference was—of course—the soldiers could feel pain.
-----
Hugo
“Felicia? Felicia? Are you there? I want to speak to you.”
...No response yet again.
I sighed. Great. Do I have to do this the hard way?
It had been an hour or so since I entered the dungeon. And so far, it has been a miserable experience.
Damn it! Have I ever been to this corridor before? I feel I’ve been to this corridor before.
I knew I should’ve just followed the map they gave to me.
I, like any other adventurer that decided to participate in the venture, was given a map that described the route they had taken and cleared so far. I was supposed to follow said map, but I opted not to, as I wanted to speak with Felicia directly, away from the ears of the soldiers and other adventurers. They said that she could watch and communicate with them even when she wasn’t there in person, so I figured it was worth a shot. As for why I decided to take the detour, I couldn’t have them suspect that I was consorting with her after all.
Unfortunately for me, she wasn’t responding at all.
Oh God, this is so boring.
There weren’t any monsters or traps to be wary about. None. The soldiers must have cleaned all the side routes as well.
I was tempted to try to make a hole downwards with my spell, but I was afraid it might end up causing a cave-in or something. Not to mention that it might make Felicia think I was here for her head like the rest of the adventurers.
I sighed. Guess I’ll just retrace my steps and return to the designated path.
“You! Why are you here?!”
Just when I was about to turn around, I heard a voice coming from behind me. Quickly, I turned with my wand drawn.
Only to find the necromancer standing in front of me.
“Are you here for my head as well?!”
“Wait, don’t get the wrong idea! I’m just here to—”
“To what? Are you saying that you want to help me?!”
“No, not exactly. I’m here to—”
“Then leave,” she spoke with a bitter tone as her eyes narrowed. “I might admire your pure desire for heroism but I shall not hesitate to strike you down if you interfere with my work.”
Her figure then scattered into the four winds, revealing that it was merely a shadow clone, most likely made from her magic.
“Wait! Oh goddamn it!”
My words fell to deaf ears.
If I had to guess, she was busy repelling the soldiers so she had no time to speak with me. That’s why she seemed so uncharacteristically irate.
Mmm, should I have lied to her? Probably not. It would only cause more problems down the line. I feel she’s the type that doesn’t take kindly at being deceived.
Fine then. Guess I’ll have to follow the main route like everybody else.
And I better hurry.
--------
Felicia
“Damn it, why is he here?” The necromancer bit her thumb yet again. “Is he a friend? A foe?”
“Milady?”
“Shut your mouth, Berault! I’m thinking here!”
“Apologies, Milady, but the main force is approaching fast. And the side forces are going to rejoin them soon. We should strike now before they could do so. Thin out their numbers.”
The necromancer didn’t seem to listen to her knight’s plea. She wandered back and forth with a distraught expression, all thanks to Hugo’s sudden appearance.
Should I beg him to join my cause? No. After all I’ve done, there’s no way someone like him would be willing. Should I kill him then? No! I don’t want to! Not him!
“Please, Lady Flameu! Listen to Lord Berault!”
Rowana was there too. Somehow, she could sense her husband returning and so she left her room to greet him.
“Milady, we have to move soon.”
Felicia continued to walk in a circle, ignoring the pleas from them both.
“... You’re right.” She abruptly stopped. “We have to cull their numbers.” She turned to face the knight. “Let us depart. We’ll start from the group with the nun.”
“Of course, Milady.” He returned with a bow.
“Oh, please do be careful!” Rowana clasped her hands together.
The knight halted his steps. He turned around and lifted his helmet from his head, revealing his dark hair and handsome face. With a smile that would melt any woman, he told her, “Do not worry, my love,” the knight returned. “I shall protect you from those men and women.”
He knew that if he and Felicia failed, his lovely wife would die once again. And he had no plans on suffering the same grief twice.
He put his helmet back on, once again returning to his stern and stoic persona. His smile was reserved only for his dear wife. He never even gave it to Felicia, the woman he had sworn to serve.
Watching this, the necromancer felt a pang of jealousy in her heart.
She wanted it. She wanted to be loved, just like Rowana was.
Alas, no one would love a person as horrible as she was, would they? One that had desecrated a mountain of corpses and sacrificed her own dignity to further her own goals. Good men loved pure women like Rowana, not a filthy and corrupt whore like her.
“The only happiness I will get is when the entire world becomes undead”. It was a fact she had accepted in the deepest folds of her heart.
Hi, lotta negativity in the comments here. I just want to say I'm enjoying the story immensely, including this arc. The slow age progression is unusual for a harem isekai but I think it's proceeding at a natural pace, and I can't wait to see how things go down when Hugo meets with Felicia, and how the inquisition / army situation will be handled. I see some things that make me worried that you might drop the story entirely and I think that would be a shame, you have a really good story going here, with a lot of fine detail that is hard to find in most novels. Keep it up!
Bro there are always going to be certain things people dont like about a story, lotr and mt arent exceptions, trust me there is alot more people that like this book then you think, these people are the silent majority, people wont come forward to say something unless it's something that stands out to them, and usually personal preference is going to stand out above all else, hence the criticism heavy comments, trust me you're doing fine and we're just bastards here to give you a hard time. ;)
Thx for chap
& Merry christmas!
I think I know why I don't feel so invested in the current arc recently,the focus has been shifted to side characters/other main characters to the point where Hugo hasn't had much character development recently. For our main character, the motivation seems weak, personally I don't think we've spent enough time on Felicia to really feel that Hugo is close with her. The ideas in this story are good, but they lack good execution when it comes to the emotions emitted to readers. Of course,the pacing is a contributing factor to this,remember when people were upset when Hugo ran away depressed after his parents died;readers had to sit down for a week waiting for new chapters only to be greeted by Hugo depressed each time,it doesn't help that he only got back up after help from an outside source. There's a time disconnect between the character who's going through this in minutes and readers who wait for a new chapter which would be released in two/three days now. During this arc,what else does Hugo have at stake besides someone who was semi-close to him? Another gripe I have is that they'll be saved because they're Hugo's harem members in-story,I've always felt that the heroines falling for Hugo never quite felt right. Comparing this to MT,Sylphy at the start was bullied for her green hair which could be mistaken for the Ruijerds(note:forgot about Sherry,we might need a side chapter for her alone),it would be obvious that she'd fall for Rudy when he saves her because childhood memories and traumas go a long way in people's lives,what about Eris,she started off as a spoiled tomboy noble's daughter , after being teleported to the Demon continent,she had to rely on Rudy who would constantly help her, hell even before that he saved her from a kidnapping incident. In this story,Fiora was strong by the time Hugo met her,she could've easily taken on the assassins on her own(even then,the assassins pledged their loyalty to her because of her goals),she might not even need Hugo's assistance(Debatable since readers still don't have a good grasp on the power levels in this world) @ForestDweller
I would try to defend myself, but at this point, it's clear there's a disconnect between what I want to write and what my readers want from it.
I should've made Hugo less a loser and make his harem member weaker.
I'll try again if I ever decide to write another harem story.
@ForestDweller It's okay, it's your second novel;you aren't supposed to write a classic that fast. Sorry if that was a bit harsh.It's not a waste of a novel if you learn!
@WanderingSwordNuub I thought I could get away without making the MC so much superior compared to other characters around him (and his harem). It's clear now that if I'm to write in this genre, I couldn't. Like your Mushoku Tensei comparison, that's exactly why the harem works. Every single member of Rudy's harem adores him because they have the cause to do so. But Hugo? Not really, no.
So in a sense, this story has been flawed from the start.
I have to ask you something though. Doesn't it make sense for Sherry to like him after he stood up for her and gave her the family she wanted?
I agree with Marina, Fiora, and Felicia. The two won't join the harem while Felicia
will have more development until she officially joins the harem. And she's fond of Hugo already just because he's the only one who doesn't view her as evil for being a necromancer.
@ForestDweller
I should've made Hugo less a loser and make his harem member weaker.
maybe and no. maybe to the point where hugo running away wasn't the best of dynamics. but it fits so it was fine.
no in the sense of making them weaker so it's easier for them to like his is a form of pandering imo. the kind that get closer and closer to that silver platter wish fulfillment. where the MC is strong and charismatic just by existing, thus easily able to turn heads just by walking by. bleh.
I thought I could get away without making the MC so much superior compared to other characters around him (and his harem). It's clear now that if I'm to write in this genre, I couldn't.
i think you have. in a number of ways i think this is better than MT in the character development aspect. i think that this is an actual story that's set to be an epic. it may not be quite there yet because hugo's still growing. however it has the foundation and build up of one. and that build up is something i enjoy because i see in your foreshadowing and writing style there will be payoff.
Like your Mushoku Tensei comparison, that's exactly why the harem works. Every single member of Rudy's harem adores him because they have the cause to do so. But Hugo? Not really, no.
i'll be blunt, if we're talking about all the random girls flirting with hugo (members of fire arrow, the princess of the current arc's kingdom, maybe even elrun if we push it) then yes. some of them are a bit forced. but that's also plays into exactly why hugo might be able to resist their temptations. because A) he doesn't feel the same way they do. and B) in the back of his mind he knows building something meaningful out of a spontaneous decision would not make a lasting relationship. generally speaking. sherry promise aside i mean, heck if sherry wasn't an issue i'd yellow light it and say proceed with caution. hugo could use some experience, and no i don't just mean the sexual kind. but the kind where couples have to problem solve their issues together and not fall into the basic pitfalls. LD relationship, honey moon phase carrying on too long thus not planning for the future, things they don't like about each other and things that are tolerable. etc.
however for the main cast thus far (marina, fiora) and future/current cast felicia they all have some foundation for their attraction to hugo.
marina's being their memories and bond they developed over the years. also how hugo at tries his best to keep her happy.
fiora's is even simpler, hugo is among her first male friends, one who talks to her as a near equal, and one who pushes her to better herself harder than before.
felicia's will probably play into a sense of idolization. she already has massive respect for his morals despite his power at a young age. tie this to hugo probably saving her from her own folly and you got a stalker. lol
sherry is the only one i contest. and i've made my points very clear as to why. however, her early age damsel in distress event did bring her to the falling in love with the idea of falling in love. thus I've continuously been a pest hoping you'd go in that direction instead of the gallant white knight cliche. (to which i think you do understand and accept as decent enough logic?... mixed with my bias preferences.)
however with MT nearly all the girls fall into the white knight cliche. and how they used that to better themselves is the only big differences between their love for rudy. did they have different personalities yes, were they developed enough to make the readers care about them? sure. but not near satisfactory levels, to me anyways. why? because we only ever got their general ambitions, love for rudy, and general character out of them. we know jack sh*t about their morals, their simple wants, and pretty much any deep issue you can think of. adding to that after their special scenes where they join the family their development stops. no scenes about their married life are really depicted just summarized, no major talks about household decisions were depicted only summarized. (with the exception of roxy second wife 'talk', which was still a let down.) we only know a bit of how they think, and typically if it wasn't something they were hard against it wasn't even mentioned. it was leave it to rudy, he'll think for us. eris aside as that's within her character all i can say to that is BLEH!
that said, your main cast has been clearly depicted in all of the ways i mentioned above... except sherry. in which her's will come after this arc if you continue.
So in a sense, this story has been flawed from the start.
you do know that one could argue entertainment as a whole is a waste of time right? why bother reading or writing at all? easy it's because either you or us enjoy it and it can keep our spirits up. for some reason you've been letting commenters destroy your motivation again. i know feedback is a big part of your enjoyment, however it is a mistake to rely on it. your mood currently is proof of that... well unless you're also projecting some IRL issues onto here? which is possible but i've seen no major signs of it.
so again, i suggest to you, take a break. rethink community interactions and story directions. what parts of what make you happy? what parts make you not happy? limit both so you lean on the side of happy but aren't carried away by it. that should bring you back to what you were feeling early on when writing this story.
@ForestDweller I edited in a note saying that I forgot about Sherry in the original comment.I have to agree with loshi that perhaps you shouldn't take feedback this seriously,after all this is YOUR story ,not ours.
Edit:I also wanna add that I don't think that Hugo should be superior,it's just that we didn't spend enough time on the heroines to understand why they like Hugo,I would like to contest @loshi1505 on that point since the time readers spend with Marina is after some time skips(I generally hate time-skips in any story since it messes up the pacing and things are assumed/happen during the time skip) while agreeing that some interactions that they pointed out are forced.I can get that Fiora would fall for Hugo due to him pushing her to higher heights while being on a near-equal position. I'd like to say that a sense of idolization wouldn't make for a good relationship starter if Hugo and Felicia ever get together;mainly because I view love as an intimate relationship with an equal. The only reason I understood Sherry falling for Hugo is that I had an experience in my childhood that still affects me to this day,so I assumed that her angle was more believable.
@WanderingSwordNuub @ForestDweller I actually think Fiora is a perfect partner for Hugo. She is not afraid to speak her mind, act decisive and their whole dynamic where they smash their heads against eachother makes for a joy to read. Not every relationship in fantasy has to come from where the male saves the female. It is completely normal for relations to develop where the potential lovers actually clash most of the times during their initial meetings or when they even hate each other.
Fiora is a strong character, woman and partner. Where Sherry might be the more indecisive type and general clutch, Fiora is a decisive one. Which can help Hugo grow as a character and a partner. Also it would be a fresh take when the woman actively take part in decisions that affects Hugo and the family, which is again where Fiora can shine.
@WanderingSwordNuub @loshi1505
i'll be blunt, if we're talking about all the random girls flirting with hugo (members of fire arrow, the princess of the current arc's kingdom, maybe even elrun if we push it) then yes. some of them are a bit forced.
I guess this means you guys don't want the usual harem hijinks you can find in harem novels. It's a common trope for the MC to have a bunch of girls falling for him (or at least interested in him) in an easy manner.
@WanderingSwordNuub
I'd like to say that a sense of idolization wouldn't make for a good relationship starter if Hugo and Felicia ever get together;mainly because I view love as an intimate relationship with an equal.
More like a sense of need. She doesn't have anyone else, so she latches on to him.
@ForestDweller
depends on the series, but for your novel more no than yes. it's better if 1/3rd or less of them do. the reason why is so he can grow to say no. which he has, a little too easily imo. but it's within reason of his character so it's fine.
i would much rather see him build male/female relations based on friendships first. generally speaking, exceptions being main cast, teaching moments hugo himself won't forget, and challenging his morals and beliefs. so from the range of nicole, to elrun is fine. the girls from fire arrow... less fine but it tested his resolve. (i still think both fell for him too quickly though.) the princess? nah, that was too left field. we even got to see how quickly hugo declined with that one too.
that said though, this is just my preference. i think it 'could' be fine if you keep throwing women at hugo so long as there's more male characters (friends, rivals, enemies, neutral uncaring) to balance out the gender ratio and more platonic relations built. because if it's one thing hugo lacks it's platonic friendships, he has no real close friends. or better put, no close friendships that do not change into something more or distance themselves to him. his best friends are his love interests... so yea.... not a balanced diet going there. >_<
to make my point instead of just saying things, does hugo know when he can trust a friend with his wallet? does he know what signs to look for to avoid betrayal? i feel he relies on his intuition and luck too much on friendship level human relations, he doesn't have the experience nor knowledge to pin point these things. and intuition can be tricked and/or consciously ignored.
for example, he trusts anton(?) from fire arrow decently well now right? lets say there's another version of him that's slimy. but he hides it well. not even the girls he travels with know he's been cheating them 1/3 to 1/2 of the money they earn. but he acts roughly the same as regular anton(?). would hugo not get ripped off from slimy anton(?)?
so yea, i just think hugo need more experiences with basic friendships. and naturally that would cut into the women throwing themselves at him. but that's just my opinion, since he is able to discern to some extent the angles of strangers and enemies well enough. *shrug*
@ForestDweller Generally speaking, I don't like the phrase ''usual harem hijinks'',I feel that there are more bad writers than good writers no matter which industry you look at,this is especially true when it comes to harem novels(both light and web novels) which would pander to a demographic of horny teens(it doesn't take much to sell to them after all).I don't think you should look to other novels for reference as much as you could try writing the characters yourself to create their dynamics to one another from your own real experiences(or other people's). After all,tropes are building blocks in a story but they have to MEAN something or be built up from.Even then,it's easy to screw up a harem, a web of characters in a relationship with a single person(Main character usually) and each other. I'd like to highlight Lili(Lilly,Lily), from danmachi;yes,it's a white knight moment but
when readers and Bell first met her,she was a poor supporter always being taken advantage of by others in the Soma familia;she herself took advantage of Bell in order to accrue money to leave her familia with uneven loot ratios.When the time came,she betrays Bell,throwing monster bait around him,steals his Goddess Knife(a item Hestia personally got for HIM), and ran off where her familia found her and abandoned her after being surrounded by ant monsters.But even after all that,even after her explicit betrayal,Bell SAVES HER in the nick of time
What I'd like to point out is the emotional impact there,how she lived a hard life,did the things that were done to her, and yet someone reached out despite her deeds.This is just a single emotional connection but it's been built in a way that is powerful,the problem with harems in general,is you have to write multiple emotional connections.
Edit:I am just a reader,I've never written anything in my entire life,take this with a grain of salt.And I am aware that Danmachi is a different story from MT and this story in which the main character is vastly different,but the point I wanted to make is that readers have to really feel for these characters when they're written from tropes.Characters cannot be written in a way that assumes their feelings or as ideas,someone who with a tragic past wouldn't sprout out exposition on their back story. Take Fiora,for example, her feelings of anger and hatred towards slavery are assumed,you never had her interact with a slave trader ,in which the resulting interaction would give readers a good feel of how she views slavery instead of just saying it.What if the trader was a strong person who breaks down others,wouldn't the resulting interaction tell us that she loathes people that pick on the weak for their own gain(such as the Empress and her children).(Surprisingly this could be a good dynamic with her and Hugo)
@ForestDweller
@WanderingSwordNuub also makes a decent point. but in a different direction. the harem hijinks is a cliche that panders to masses of people. generally speaking this cliche is for the purpose of adapting multiple choice visual novels to other formats. MT the main stay novel you take inspiration from is nothing like that for the most part. sure rudy had around 3-5 other girls who were interested in him that didn't join the harem. however it was only them. not every woman rudy came across was a love interest. norn sure as hell wasn't, nanahoshi wasn't, one could argue what's her name demon lord that gives rudy the eye powers wasn't either despite rudy looking to score! lol and so on with a number of the rest.
thus far you've had a decent split between love interests and non. but imo the optimum ratio would be 1:3 or maybe even 1:5. is hugo a desirable guy? sure, i see only his young age and commitment to sherry as being the only draw backs. but one could also argue that the fire arrow girls, and princess as love interests were at least partially superfluous. in the sense of the story would be roughly the same without them.
so yea, should hugo turn every head? no no he shouldn't. should he get a few head turns here and there for character developmental reason? sure why not?
heck the only reason i'm not saying you could do away with it entirely is because it's one of your writing passions is it not? i'd much rather tolerate some minor decently well written harem hijinks in a story that doesn't quite fit it, than a dispassionate and dispirited author writing detailed but bland content.
i would rather tolerate 100 princess skirt lifting scenes than watch one more episode of 'to love ru'. that should at least tell you how much better your version of this cliche is.
@WanderingSwordNuub I actually did have an idea to add a scene like that with Fiora, but I decided against it, because I can't find a good place to put in it. So it would have to be postponed once we saw her again, years later in-story.
Other than that, I agree with you. In fact, that's what I'm aiming for with
Felicia.
But honestly, my harem-forming ideas have been mostly white knight stuff. And it would remain that way for the next member. I thought that's acceptable enough for a harem isekai story.
@loshi1505
but one could also argue that the fire arrow girls, and princess as love interests were at least partially superfluous. in the sense of the story would be roughly the same without them.
The fire arrow girls liking Hugo is to
demonstrate how different the ordinary folks are to Hugo, and how not every girl can be with him, not without an intense amount of dedication. Hugo is about to do something stupid that no ordinary person would ever do, and if they can't follow him and support him doing so, then they have no business being his girlfriends.
The princess wasn't even a love interest (nor is she a serious side character). It's just a perverted gag scene, about a naive princess who barely knows anything about sexual stuff.
It's clear though that the fact you have to ask about this means I didn't communicate it properly inside the story, another sign that I'm lacking as a writer.
so yea, should hugo turn every head? no no he shouldn't. should he get a few head turns here and there for character developmental reason? sure why not?
He won't turn every head. And your desire for this makes me decide
he's not getting mama elf that would make her appearance at the next arc. Nor would he get the female swordmaster as well.
heck the only reason i'm not saying you could do away with it entirely is because it's one of your writing passions is it not?
Yep. I do like writing ecchi harem scenes.
Unrequited attraction as well.
@loshi1505 The male companion I got planned for him wouldn't be his equal, by the way. More like his subordinate.
@ForestDweller
so you admit the princess scene could have been just her emotionally breaking down and have stopped there right?
very fair and good points about fire arrow girls. personally i interpreted that part as resisting temptation. two is an improvement over one after all! I wasn't quite considering the things past the possible outcomes that'll happen soon.
It's clear though that the fact you have to ask about this means I didn't communicate it properly inside the story, another sign that I'm lacking as a writer.
if that line applies to the fire arrow girls too than please flick your own forehead for me!
he's not getting mama elf that would make her appearance at the next arc. Nor would he get the female swordmaster as well.
i see no problems with that direction at this time. nor the other really so long as they remain in a 1/3rd to 1/5th ratio or less.
you can feel free to use the joker movie clip of "you get what you f*cking deserve" if or when i change my mind.
@loshi1505 Also, that sounds like you want Hugo to get betrayed.
@ForestDweller
maybe, but not quite. it's not like i particularly want hugo to be betrayed, just that i want him to learn how to avoid it. however it's true i don't quite know of a good method to learn healthy levels of speculation, even towards those they trust without the bad experience that brings that growth... i think the recent chapter of alderamin said it pretty well:
"But the word trust is delicate, and its value might plummet depending on the way it is used. For example— a foolish man who never pays attention to another’s deepest thoughts, and even avoids that person. If that man knew that and still claims to “trust” that person, that isn’t trust, but just him giving up on thinking."
then again supposing felicia joins hugo he might not get that chance and she's keen to that sh*t i assume. *sigh*
@loshi1505 Don't think like something I'm interested to write about.
@ForestDweller
*shrug*
@ForestDweller That is fine, write what you enjoy. It is foremost your hobby and it is most important that you have fun while writing and discussing about it.
Oh, so you're the one who gave this complaint back then.
See? I should've just ignored posts like this since they would all leave anyway, making my extra effort pointless.