Felicia

“Aha...ahahahahahahaha!”

Tears and laughter erupted from my eyes and mouth at the same time.

I have failed.

I have completely and utterly failed.

Not only I have failed in opening the Gate, but I have failed in everything else as well.

I have failed as a human being.

Leila… she died by my own hands… by my arrogance, who believed I could protect her from those that would come after me…

Berault… I have failed him as well. I have failed to bring back his real wife. I only gave him a puppet made of my own filthy soul as a replacement…

All those years degrading myself… all those sleepless nights I spent on my research… it was all for naught…

I couldn’t bring my ideal world… I couldn’t even save a little child from myself… and I couldn’t keep my promise to them.

Father… Mother… Aaron… Pip… Bryn… Elt… Granny Yan… I’m sorry... 

If it exists, I wouldn’t even get to see you all in the afterlife, for my wretched soul only belongs to the void... 

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I laughed through whatever that inquisitor had to say to me. I laughed until I could no longer laugh.

And then, I cried.

---------

Hugo

When I saw her come, I knew what was going to happen.

I readied my staff, aiming it towards the lady inquisitor.

All I needed was just one good hit, then she would be taken out of the equation.

And yet, I couldn't do it. My hands shook. My heart raced like it never did before.

"Don't do anything stupid, Hugo. If you go against them, then you'll make an enemy out of the entire Church. She brought this on herself."

"Are you going to play the hero? You know the consequences, I presume."

Anton and Ilymhyrra's voice rang in my ears, aiding my own inner voice that told me not to pull the trigger.

I shouldn't be doing this. Surely she wouldn't be so callous to kill a child?

It wasn't just that that made me hesitate.

If I fail to take her out, then I would be facing against a Grandmaster-level mage. And her four subordinates. All at once. On my own. What are my chances on winning? Zero to none. Attacking her would be me doing something stupid. I'm no shonen protagonist. I won't get a miraculous power-up mid-battle. I would die and that would be the end of it. It was only luck that I could survive her spell. And I don't have enough mana to do it again.

I… I don't want to die.

And so, I remained on my spot, unmoving, with my heart seized with fear.

When I saw her kill the father, the girl's scream snapped me out of my fear. I aimed again. But once more, my hand shook wildly.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger.

Images flashed in my brain, of Vera freezing Alan and Renee, of them shattering into a million pieces. She would've killed me too, if not for Alan sacrificing himself.

I thought Fiora had drilled into me her courage and bravery. I was wrong. I was still my old, cowardly self.

The lady inquisitor walked behind the weeping Leila. She's going to do it. She's going to kill her too! Hugo! Are you just going to let this happen?

It's not your fault. It's Felicia's fault. She's the one who dragged her into this mess. If she dies, her blood is on her hand, not yours.

Hugo! Haven't you promised never to be afraid of doing what you desire? You want to save her, don't you?

...N-no, I'm… I'm no…

You saved her once! And you're going to save her again! It's not about being a hero! It's about being a decent person!

I clenched my teeth. I formed my mana, preparing to cast my Boom Rifle.

Stop this idiocy! You can't even aim right! You're going to hit her instead!

I held my right hand with the other one.

You're dooming Marina and Erika to a life of a fugitive! Two great powers of this world would be after them! Is the Magocracy wanting them dead not enough for you?!

"D-damnit!”

I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t pull the trigger!

And then, it happened. Just like I knew it would.

In a flash, the inquisitor sliced her head off her neck, with me unable to do anything to stop anything.

No, I was able to. I simply chose not to do it.

As her limp body fell to the ground, as Felicia’s scream echoed through the air, bile rose from my stomach.

"Uurghh! 

I gagged and retched as tears fell from my face.

Disgust.

Anger.

Fear.

All that swirled in my stomach, before bursting out in a pile of puke.

“Uoorghhh!"

It was enough to wake me up from my slumber.

If you let her die too, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Another regret to the pile of regrets you already have.

Quickly, I aimed my wand once again. 

You’ll never be able to look Marina or Sherry in the eyes again.

I didn’t have enough courage. So I could only use my rage to overcome my fear.

They’ll be disgusted with you. Just like you’re disgusted with yourself now.

I decided on a Boom Rifle. It was faster and there would be less chance of me accidentally hitting Felicia since the lady inquisitor was standing right beside her.

So shoot. Shoot that vile woman who took the life of a child like slaughtering a cattle.

The spell flew through the air, faster than any of them could notice or react to. It pierced through her head, and she collapsed to the ground.

I heard loud yelling, as two of her subordinates ran to her side while the other two looked for me.

Go. Kill them all.

I couldn't hear what they said.

It didn't matter.

I knew what I had to do.

I ran forward and fired a Boom Grenade at the latter two. They split up just before the spell could hit them.

I summoned Earth Sprite and told her to chase after the nun, while I remained on my trajectory.

The blonde man moved in to block my path. He used some sword skill that extended the length of his blade. He also yelled some things about me being an evildoer. I don’t know. His voice barely even registered in my mind.

I leaped forward with Wind Step to dodge his sweeping slash entirely. And then, still in mid-air, I drew my sword. Using another Wind Step, I gave myself a strong downwards force, before plunging the mithril blade into his head.

One down.

Another series of muffled yelling entered my ears. I continued making my way towards the other two.

They would heal her and I couldn’t allow that.

I fired a Boom Grenade at their direction. However, the two already erected a barrier. It was twice as powerful as a normal barrier as they were layered on top of one another. My spell was easily deflected by them.

It didn’t matter for long. Once I got close, I touched their barriers with my left hand and dissolved them as they were butter.

Ilmyhrra’s technique. Once again, it had proven useful.

I cut them down with a single swing of my blade.

Just before I could do the same to their boss, however, a light burst forth from her unconscious body.

I had failed to finish her off.

I fired a Boom Cannon, only for it to evaporate as it hit the light.

The light continued to grow and spread as it made what looked like a construct around the inquisitor. I reached out my hands to try and dispel il, but it wasn’t working. It was a far sturdier spell than the two barriers I just eradicated.

I opted to retreat as it continued to grow until it towered over me.

It was a statue. It was a statue of a woman wearing a cleric’s long robes and holding a staff.

Her size? As massive as the Forest Treant I fought off before. She was as large as a skyscraper.

In the middle, inside where her heart would be, was the lady inquisitor, visible from the outside thanks to the construct being transparent. No longer did she have her cold, unbothered look. Fury seethed out of every inch of her countenance.

She first mocked me for my failure, saying how she wielded the protection of the Saint that allowed her to recover from my attack. She then said something about me being a coward, and how she would now enact divine justice onto me and Felicia, using the Avatar of Milicis herself.

I didn’t respond. She was right. I am a failure and a coward.

I heard Felicia’s voice, begging me to run away—to abandon her worthless self.

Heh, why would a trash abandon another trash?

Looking at the towering monstrosity in front of me, I chuckled. How would I defeat something like this?

But, before I did anything, I had to make sure she’s safe first. So I ran to where Felicia is. I ignored her protest and swept her off her feet.

The construct’s staff shone, moments before a beam hit the place we once stood, creating a large crater in its wake.

I ran as far as I could from the construct, carrying Felicia in my arms. She begged me to leave her behind, but once again, I refused to do so. In the end, she could only sob into my chest.

It was the only respite I could give to her.

I saw Earth Sprite out of the corner of my eye. She was holding her own against the nun. Her mace didn’t seem to be dealing much damage against her defenses. I ordered her to retreat as well.

The construct began to chase after me. However, its movement was slow and sluggish. It couldn’t really keep up with how fast I could move, even with Felicia in my arms.

It might be some Grandmaster-level monstrosity of a spell, but it’s a defensive-oriented spell. It’s really bad at chasing fleeing enemies.

And so I continued to run, even as it rained down more holy lights onto my direction.

My feet took me out of the city-sized crater. I didn’t stop there. I continued to make my way to the cliffside at the distance. My intention was to dig a hole using Earth Sprite’s magic where I could hide from the construct.

And then, I saw them—the companions I had been travelling with for months.

They were standing in the distance, along with the surviving adventurers and soldiers.

And they were looking right at my direction.

Both Anne and Amelie were yelling at my direction, but I couldn’t make out their voices.

Heh, it didn’t matter. After what I did, I would be a fool to drag them into my mess.

A glance. That was all I spared them as my departing message.

-----------

Around fifteen minutes had passed since then.

I recalled Earth Sprite to my side once I arrived on the cliff. Using her ability, I hid myself inside said cliff, making sure she also built a little breathing hole for air to come in. Using her expertise, she led me as far as she could before she had to vanish from her time limit. We ended up coming out inside a forest. If I remembered my map correctly, it was the neighboring forest just beside the valley we were at.

I put Felicia down as gently as I could. An hour of carrying someone of her size and weight (not that I'm implying she's fat or anything) certainly had taken its toll on my arms and hands. Through most of that hour, she had remained mostly silent, only whispering the occasional "Why?" over and over. She didn't even react when I grabbed and pinched her butt.

She really was broken by what just happened.

I wouldn’t blame her. I would feel the same in her position. Especially since it was my own inaction that led to the deaths of her companions.

I didn’t know why Leila was there, but I would be shameless to blame her for her death.

Unfortunately, this was no place for me to have a chat with her. We’re still far too close from that inquisitor to be safe from her. She probably was going on a rampage right now, looking for us.

“So, you did it after all. But you did it in the worst possible manner.”

I sighed. At this point, that voice was all too familiar with my ears. And not in a good way, I’m afraid.

“What do you want?” I turned around.

As expected, I found Ilmhyrra staring at me with the usual dispassionate look on her face. Behind her was Elun. And to my surprise, her two underlings were there as well.

“I thought I killed you back then.” I spoke to the fishman.

“Lady Ilmyhrra saved me when I was on the brink of death,” he replied. “”And I have to thank you, Hugo Greenwood, for opening my eyes on how weak I still am. I shall redouble my training once I return back.” His sharp eyes and scowl weren’t expressing any gratitude, however. Instead, I could sense enmity emanating out of him.

“I see you have a new underling.” The slime girl noted with a smirk. "Or perhaps she's the same one you had before? Only evolved?"

The sprite walked forward, putting herself before me and the slime girl with a look that said "If you even touch a hair on Master's head, I'll bludgeon your head in with my fists!"

"You've been watching me, haven't you?" I spoke to the elf. "I thought you've left already."

"I thought I'll be able to watch something interesting." A small smirk appeared on her face. "So I stayed. Using my magic, I could see you and those inquisitors clearly from a safe distance."

"I see. I hope what you saw amused you."

"It certainly did."

With her power, she could easily fight off the inquisitors. Yet she chose not to, to the point of letting a little girl die.

But I couldn't criticize her for that, could I? Not when I hesitated to save her myself, like the coward I was.

Her smirk disappeared before she resumed her speech.

"You chose to save her, but not before you let those other three die. You were shaking and whimpering. You couldn't keep your wand steady. You even puked. And yet, you did it anyway, after it was all too late. If you ask for my opinion, then you should've let her be instead. You don't have enough courage or resolve to take this path."

I said nothing. I could only look away.

"You're just a kid who thinks he's a hero of justice. With that half-baked bravery of yours, you'll only get more people killed in the future."

Half-baked bravery. Heh, that describes me to a T. I'm only pretending to be brave. I was never brave. Bravery was never in my bones in the first place.

"And yet, I have to praise you. You really have learned how to dispel magic on your own. That takes talent."

Talent? I'm talented?

Talent doesn't mean anything. Not when I am too much of a loser to use it properly.

"I would ask of you not to teach it around, however. It's a secret elvish technique unbeknownst to mankind. And I would prefer to keep it that way. Human magic has no need to be even stronger than it already is.”

"Is that all? We have to leave before they catch up to us."

She glanced at Felicia, who now sat with her head buried in her knees.

"Would you take her with you?" She looked back at me as she asked. "I'm sure you realize if you leave her here, she would only get captured by them."

"I… I'll take her to a safe place first. We'll decide then."

A disappointment frown appeared on the elf's face. "Indecisive. That part of you has yet to mature. You do things without thinking about its consequences."

I looked back at Felicia, where our eyes met.

"...L-leave me. I-I don't… I don't deserve to live…" She averted her gaze.

And then, all of a sudden, she burst into a rage.

"WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?! YOU SHOULD'VE SAVED THEM INSTEAD! LEILA! BERAULT! DIONA!"

Before bursting into tears once more.

I felt Ilymhyrra's gaze at me. She wants to see what I would do now.

"Ahhh, to think that the person who killed two of my dear subordinates would end up like this…"

Elun suddenly spoke. She had a pleased grin, her hands folded under her chest.

"If you want to die, then come with me to the Magocracy instead. We won't burn you at the stake, I promise. We'll just hang you after parading you around for a bit."

Felicia didn't respond. She only continued her sobbing.

Elun sighed. "Necromancy. Only crazy people want to learn it. What's so fun about controlling corpses anyway? I heard you can't actually revive people with it so if you want to bring back a loved one, you'll only create a pale imitation of their living self."

And then, a smirk formed on her lips.

"I see it now. You want to revive your family. Terrible plague, I heard. Though since it only affects folks who can't use magic, it's not really a big deal. After all, they're mostly useless to our great nation of magic."

"That's enough!"

The words escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

"I'll take her. I'll take her with me." I looked at Ilymhyrra. "You're right. I'm just a little kid that doesn't know anything. But I always finish what I started.” 

I turned back to face Felicia. “I’ll take you with me, if you agree with travelling with someone who let a little girl die just because he’s afraid.”

“N-no! Don’t blame yourself, Milord! I-it’s my fault… it’s all my fault that all this happened in the first place… if I hadn’t taken her in as my apprentice… if I wasn’t so deluded to think I could ever have a family… this wouldn’t…”

Her voice petered off. She looked away once more, sniffling before blowing her nose using her skirt.

“...A second chance it is.”

Ilmyhrra walked over to her. She grabbed her chin and forced her to look right into her eyes. She remained like that for a few seconds before she released her.

“Take it out—whatever tome or book or grimoire that taught you necromancy, especially the ritual to open that Gate. Use my staff since you’ve lost yours.”

She weakly nodded, moving her right hand to grip the bottom half. A book popped out from her Dimensional Storage, landing right on Ilmyhyrra’s hand. She gave a cursory look at it before making it disappear, storing it in her own Dimensional Storage.

“Promise me that you won’t ever perform necromancy again. If you’re truly a good person like he believes you to be, then you have no need for it. It will only bring calamity and sorrow to yourself and the people you love.”

She weakly nodded once again.

Satisfied with her answers, she returned her attention to me once more.

“She’s your charge now. I expect you to take responsibility for her well-being. If she goes down this self-destructive path once again, then you only have yourself to blame.”

Suddenly, a question entered my mind.

“Ilmyhrra?”

“Yes?”

“The hero. Arthur. How was he like?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Do you want to compare yourself to him?”

I fell silent.

“He’s a much more determined man than you would ever be.” She looked upwards, averting her gaze from me. “When he made a mistake, he would be sure to fix it. Once, he let a demon child go. A mere little girl. He believed he wouldn’t do any harm.”

A bitter smile manifested on her lips.

“He was wrong. The child went on to kill the human family that had taken her in.”

Crunch. Her boots snapped a twig into two.

“He blamed himself, of course, but after he cut her through without hesitation. And he didn’t linger on that mistake like a sentimental fool would. He took the lesson he learned to heart and since that day, he no longer trusted demons.”

She turned her gaze back to me.

“That is enough for me. No one is free from mistakes. Not even us long-lived elves. So instead of moping around for the rest of your life, you two should live on to redeem your mistakes.”

“You.” She moved towards Felicia again. “You’re a good alchemist, are you? Maybe you should consider that line of work instead."

She walked back towards me.

"As for you, the indecisive coward who can't keep his wand steady…”

I gulped. What’s with the ominous pause?

"I have nothing. I don't know how to fix someone like you."

...Eh?

"Mira was never as cowardly as you. She might be reckless but she never was indecisive. All I could say that you might grow out of it once you get older."

...Right. Tried that once, didn't work.

"What's with that frown? It's your problem, not mine. I'm not your babysitter. There is no easy way to change someone's personality. I tried making Mira less of a blockhead, but I never succeeded, even after she became a powerful mage."

A blockhead? To say that so casually to one of this world's legendary heroes…

"I know the solution!"

Suddenly, Elun spoke up.

"You're afraid of opponents you think are too strong for you, to the point that your own body trembled in fear. If I had to guess, it's the trauma you got from Vera. Back then, you probably barely survived her Grandmaster-level spell as well, just like today. And so you thought you're facing against her all over again. You saw your parents die in her hands (they probably even died protecting you!) so that primal fear crept into your fear, never leaving from its premises."

D-did she just psychoanalyse me?

"My suggestion? You find another Grandmaster-level mage and fight against them, over and over again. A magic spar. They wouldn't actually kill you but they would scare you enough that you think they might."

"And how would I find someone like that?"

"Why, my mother, of course! Marry me and she'll definitely be willing to be your sparring partner!"

"You're still on that?"

That smirk… I really want to punch her in the face.

"You have a good point.” Ilymhrra followed with an amused smirk. “Perhaps all he need are more life-or-death battles. Not easy fights where he can win in a comfortable margin.”

“Hmph, easy for you to say when you’re that strong,” I replied.

Her smirk vanished as fast as it came.

“I’m serious. One day, you might lose someone important to you if you hesitate in their defense. Today, you let three people you barely know die. Would you do the same if it were your demon girlfriend instead?”

“I…”

I couldn’t answer her.

I no longer had any confidence in myself, not after what happened.

“...The next time we meet, I hope you already found your answer.”

The elf paid another glance towards Felicia, before she walked away from the scene.

“Oh, don’t worry. Rest assured that I would speak in your stead once I made my way to the Magocracy. And your sister too. And even that necromancer.”

“I dunno about the last one,” Elun shrugged. “There would be a bunch of really angry mage houses if we just let her go. She killed their darling little kids after all. And my favorite twin subordinate.”

“...I see. Then perhaps not her.”

As they walked out of sight, I realized the truth—the thing I needed to do if I were ever to be free from Vera’s shadow.

I need to go back. I need to go back to the Magocracy and face against the Council head-on. I will make sure that I can build a proper grave for Alan and Renee up on that mountain, undisturbed by their machinations. And I would not let that mountain be used by another Council member as their headquarters. 

...But not now. I am still too weak. I need to become stronger. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I need to seek stronger opponents and greater challenges. Even if I have to suffer for it.

And I want them to be present. Sherry, Marina, and Erika. They deserve an apology from them as well. And if they refused, their deaths.

Only then I would be able to truly free myself from my failure.

“Master, I have to go. Would Master be alright on your own?”

Earth Sprite’s voice brought me out of my thoughts.

“Yes, I would.” I gave her a smile. “Come. I’ll give you your hug.”

Once I did, she vanished, as usual. I then turned my attention to Felicia, who was still sitting there, looking as pitiful as she did.

“Can you stand up? We should walk further away from this place.” I offered my hand. She did not take it however.

“Y-you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t have... saved me…”

“That’s enough. I don’t want to hear about that. You should be angry with me instead, not weeping around like this."

"B-but…"

"If you want to chat, then wait until we get further away. For now, just follow me and stay close at my side. You don’t have your staff anymore so you can’t do anything if a monster appears and attacks you."

She fell silent for a few seconds before she took my hand. I pulled her up and helped her stand.

"Now, come. Can you run?"

"N-no, I'm never good at that kind of stuff."

"Then it can't be helped. I'll carry you again."

"E-eh?" Her cheeks grew red. "A princess carry like before?"

"I could do a shoulder carry instead. Might be awkward though, since you're taller than me."

"T-then I'll take the princess carry!"

And so, once again, I swept her off her feet, earning a cute yelp from her that belonged more to a teenage girl than a woman of her age. I gave her a reassuring smile before I dashed forward.

We have a lot to talk about. But this is not the place nor the time to do so.