Katie-the-Angel-Witch

Content Warning:

Spoiler

Misogynist slurs

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For the second day in a row I awake in a tangle of limbs, sighing contentedly. “I think we can save on rent and heating if you two move in with me.” 

“And on AC in the summer if Liz kicks her powers into high gear.” Violet mumbles, squeezing closer to me. 

“Please don’t, don’t make light of it like that, Violet. I’m still processing it.” Liz squeaks out, but it’s barely audible on account of the cat on her face. 

“Alright, alright, keep me updated on when we can make jokes about it.” Violet rolls out of bed, yawning and stretching as she gets up. 

Something begins buzzing in her pants. “I could have sworn I left Timbers at home.” Violet remarks, already reaching into her pants pocket, to see her phone vibrating with a call. “Well, shit. It’s the dean. I’ll take it in the living room, you two cover up while I deal with whatever this bullshit is.” I don’t even get to enjoy her walking out of the room through the anxiety of her getting a call from the dean. I decide to distract myself. 

“Liz, how’re you feeling?” 

“Thankful. Turns out I don’t have to breathe anymore, and your cat’s tummy is really soft.” Liz pets Top as she says it, and Top responds with a purr. I contribute to the purring by scratching Top under the chin. 

“Top says she’s thankful too, for the fact she gets to cuddle up with you.”

Liz rises, holding Top in her arms with a goofy grin on her face. “I’m really glad about that too. We never had a cat, but I’ve always liked them. And Top is really, really sweet!” Liz nuzzles Top’s head before she lets Top go. “Did… did this count as a slumber party? I’ve never gotten invited to one before.”

“Do you want it to?” I ask, Top now monopolizing my lap.

“Yeah, yeah I do. I’ve only ever been to one and it was when I was seven and the classmate gave me an obligatory invite because their mom made them give them out to everyone in class and they never expected me to show up and it was obvious nobody wanted me there so mom took me home after an hour.” Liz wrings her hands during her rant, as per her admission she doesn’t need to stop to breathe, and such a blessing is a curse when you’re prone to panicked over explained rambles. Top meows, which has Liz stop and focus. “Sorry, sorry, rambling.”

“No, no, no need to apologize for rambling. Plus, I get it. I think this year will be the first one where I’ll get to have an actual birthday party.” Reassuring someone by saying you know their pain feels weird. You’re not providing hope, or a plan or a solution, you’re just letting them know they’re not the only one wading through shit. Oftentimes it doesn’t work, because the other party thinks you’re moving the spotlight to yourself, even though that isn’t your intention. Liz leans on me, resting her head on my shoulder.

“Pseudo hug.” She explains, and I offer my hand for her to hold. She grips the index finger.

Violet enters the room, tossing her phone from hand to hand, biting her cheek. “Guess who can shift genitals and has cops after her for causing grievous injury? This bitch.” Violet checks my closet, closes the blinds, looks under the bed. “The dean didn’t mention you at all, I figure Dick didn’t want a witness in the police report. You okay if I bunker down here until the shit sorts itself out?” 

My eye twitches. Do you know that feeling that no matter what happens to you you’re calm but the moment something happens to a friend the first line of Santa Claus is Coming to Town starts playing on repeat? You better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out ad infinitum?

Well, until that moment, I didn’t. And honestly? The anger feels good. Righteous. Sure, you’re pissed off at the injustice your friend is facing, but fuck if that anger isn’t sharpened down to the atom and aimed squarely at a single source. “Sure. More than okay. In fact, this shit will be sorted within the hour.” 

I dig into the outfits Violet bought me. Half the battle of intimidation is theatrics. Which means I need to make myself look like the meanest, hottest, gothest, most powerful witch on campus. And fuck me if Violet didn’t equip me for that. 

Especially with the four inch heeled boots. I’m going to tower over Dick. Nevermind the click of them on the floor, announcing my presence like cannon fire. “Fuck, Kat, now I want you to strap me, holy shit.” Violet’s comment would make me blush, were I not so focused on the word ‘Murder’. Speaking of murders...

“Havuranuh-Vshevyedie-Priiluet.” Materializing an all knowing Raven on your shoulder as an accessory is but one of the few benefits of understanding Spellcraft. “Violet, I’d like to politely request access to all your family has on Velesic.” When I ask her she flashes me a thumbs up and a smile, and I march out of the building. 

Maybe I should be scared of the outside world. Maybe I should be terrified of what people can do to me. After all, every second of every day I get bombarded with tactical strike news, planned to try and make me disappear by hiding away from public life until I die of exposure or get murdered. And, honestly? For a while they worked well enough to keep me meek and small and not taking up space.

But not anymore. 

My phone buzzes with a message from Violet. An installer for an app to construct spells with, one that has all the vocabulary of Velesic. Maybe a bit too convenient a solution. It makes me wonder who developed it. I copy it over to the coven group chat and start thinking up spells. I need to make them confess, all of them, with consequences for lying. A concept begins brewing in my head, and I realize I don’t know where I’m going. 

“Which way, Raven Knowitall?” It flies from the perch on my shoulder. With a caw and a flap of its wings it’s gone, except not truly, for in my sight I notice a feather pointing me in the right direction, one I cannot touch and nobody else seems to notice. Now I know where to find my prey. 

The hospital feels about as sterile as I wish to be. You’d think they’d bother with making it look nice, considering how much they charge for a stay. The paint on the outside looks cracked in a few places, a number of windows look fit for a change, and the smell borders on being a slur. I stride inside and approach the reception with the confidence of a soccer mom that’s about to complain about one missing pickle. 

“How can I help you?” The nurse looks existentially tired, sounds like it too. I can tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn’t a mean girl in high school. 

Okay stomach, steel yourself, I might hurl after what I’m about to say. “I’m Richard Bought’s girlfriend, his mom just called that he’s here?” 

The nurse eyes me with suspicion. “Really?” 

“Yes, really. Vyer-Mieh-Luzich.” There is a light in her eyes for just a moment as the spell takes hold. Somebody get me old Ben Kenobi on the spirit phone, I don’t even need to be force sensitive to mind trick people. 

The nurse huffs, the kind of huff you huff when somebody eats shit on the pavement. “Well, you should go break up with him, considering another girlfriend of his just left. Room five o five.”

“I wasn’t planning on talking to him any more after today.”

“I figured, with you looking ready for a funeral. Be a dear and don’t give us more work.”

“I wouldn’t think of it. Thank you.” 

The elevator ride up is solitary. Raven Knowitall materializes on my shoulder once more as I step into Dick’s room. 

“You’re missing a scythe if you’re here to finish your bitch’s job.” He spits out as he sees me. I calmly close the door and the blinds, the only light in the room being a faint minty glow, courtesy of Knowitall. 

“I’m here for something else, Dick. I heard you’ve been telling nasty lies, painting yourself as the victim-”

“SHE SMASHED MY NUTS!” His interruption won’t be repeated.

“Huubuh-Durzh.” As I speak the incantation his lips seal shut, a spectral thread sewing them together temporarily. “That’s better. See, I can’t have you telling nasty lies. And I can’t have you hurting people.” I lean on the bedframe. “So here’s what I’ll do. I’m going to curse you. You’ll lose your ability to hurt people, which means your scholarship, and your ability to lie.” As I speak, Knowitall lands on Dick’s chest, cawing right in his face. “After I’m done? You’ll call the cops, drop the charges, and confess what actually happened.”

I step back, spread my arms for proper theatrics, and begin speaking the longest and most complicated incantation I have ever spoken. “Aituh tie boulee hulavuh puree kazhdeh luzich, cheem vietshee luzech theem horuhshi bouleest. Puravuhdomluvuhnoustee seh veehnesh azh svou smurtee.” I can feel my hair flailing around me as I chant, and a circlet of light manifests around Dick’s head, returning  him to monkey. “Aituh niekouhoh uzh nerahniesh, yuak slouvem takuh cheenuh, ruukuh niekuhdee nevuhztaahnesh, a toumutoh ousueduh seh veehnesh azh svou smurtee.” My chanting spreads thorny vines made of light across his fists and arms. 

Thunder sounds as I finish chanting. The circlet around his head fades away, as do the vines, and he stares at me, confused, dumbfounded. The curse is simple. Killer migraine if he lies, strength dependent on how big the lie is, and inability to hit people. “Muluveh.” The string through his lips splits, letting him speak again, no trace left behind. 

“What, what the fuck did you do? What the fuck was that you freak?” 

“I did as I promised. Now call the cops and clear Violet’s name, or I’ll have to test just how unable you are to fight back with Raven Knowitall’s help.” It flies to my shoulder as I speak its name. “What do you think? Left or right eye?” 

“Left! Left! So he has none left! Caw!” Knowitall’s proclamation has Dick scramble for his phone. I lean against the wall, arms crossed, making sure the spell worked.

“Hello, this is Richard Bought? I said I was the victim of an assault yesterday.” He looks at me, a blend of fear and anger in his eyes. “I lied. I was hurt by the person acting in self defense. Drop the charges.” 

When he hangs up, I get in his face and pat his cheek. “There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” 

“Fuck you. I want to strangle you, but my arms won’t move.” 

“Good. Goodbye, Dick, and good luck.”

Katie-the-Angel-Witch

The click clack is important, the drama of this was much more exagerated in the campaign but know what? This was still fun wish fullfilment. It fits with two Hexes you can have as a Witch skin in Monsterhearts 2, and it was fun to use those on the King and Queen of the environment to strip them of their authority and ability in a poetic way. Can't play american football if you can't ram into people. Can't manipulate people if it fucking destroys you to lie the same way Sun Wukong gets tortured by Tripitaka reciting the mantra that activates his headband. That's where the Return to Monkey bit comes from, by the by.

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Thank you ever so much for reading, see you next week, happy pride month.