Chapter Ninety

Our Bond

 

 

He woke up with a start but didn't resurface from his dream at first.

He was just that scared of the lingering traces of it and felt the need to ease out gradually.

The daylight was diffuse and soft outside of his shut eyelids, but even that bothered him. He did not want to rise and face the new day yet. He was just so comfortable here...

In this safe, warm spot beside Abihiko. With the familiar scent of Abihiko's hair in his face, even if it tickled him horribly. He still was beyond happy to just breathe it in and keep swaddled in its wonderful warmth.

Abihiko's breath disrupted his bangs over his eyes. Idly, Nekohiko stretched his legs and arms, then snuggled in closer to Abihiko, drawn toward him like a flower to the sun.

Gently, Abihiko's hand lay on his shoulder but didn't grip too firmly, remaining just soft enough to be barely felt.

"Shhh, you are safe," Abihiko murmured into Nekohiko's hair. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. Nobody will hurt you ever again."

Nekohiko hummed agreement but still shook his head in negation. "Just a nightmare I had. As though we were years ahead and you... murdered me, and I have no idea why. Then I was forced to reincarnate as a tree, and..."

He shuddered, wishing to erase all this nonsense out of his memory.

"Just the worst kind of a nightmare you can imagine," he said at last.

...

Abihiko's hand on his shoulder slowly drew away. Even Abihiko's breath seemed to become fainter.

"I'm here," he said at last.

Yet his voice sounded so grave, Nekohiko finally squeezed his eyes open.

And then he realized.

He had been... purring when he'd just woken up.

He had been purring all through the night and now... lying here in Abihiko's arms and confessing to him all the horrors that he thought he had merely seen in a nightmare...

Stiff, he lifted his face to peer at Abihiko on whose shoulder he was resting like on a pillow.

Abihiko watched him from under the lowered eyelashes and kept quiet.

"..."

Spirits, this was such a cruel awakening.

Because after all the horrors Nekohiko had just confessed to him -- Abihiko still had chosen not to tell him it had all been a lie and that it had all been some grand misunderstanding between the two of them.

Nothing.

He only watched him, a pained and downcast expression on his face -- and said nothing.

Worse still -- he had also lied to him just now. He'd said -- "I am here" and "I won't let anything bad happen to you" and "nothing will hurt you anymore".

And, you know what, Abihiko?

That hurt too.

That hurt the most, actually.

Nekohiko slowly untangled himself from his arms -- not that Abihiko held him down that tightly anyway -- and sat up on the bed in the utterly destroyed room.

"Neko?"

...

The anger, the resentment, the hatred. They came back, all at once. Nekohiko trembled from their onslaught, only wishing to get as far away from Abihiko as possible to keep himself in check.

It was good that he wouldn't be able to kill Abihiko no matter how he tried. But he still didn't want to be reigned by his hatred and overuse his powers once again, and so early in the morning.

In an attempt to distract himself from the resentment inside him, he lifted his wrist. The one that had been Bonded to Abihiko during the marriage ceremony yesterday.

"The reason why I can't harm you is the marriage Bond, right?"

"Mn. When you kept flinging all those incredibly potent spells at me yesterday, none of them harmed me even if I was caught in the blasts." Abihiko sat up too, leaning forward on his knees heavily. "Worry. I wonder if it's up for a long time, or if it will dissipate after a while. Or if it only works like this with some arbitrary rules to prevent the Emperor from being taken advantage of by a new spouse on the wedding night--"

"Arbitrary rules like what?"

Please don't tell me it's some form of a "marriage consummation" thing. That the Imperial marriages only counted as real after the pair consummated their Bond on the marital bed, and all that other primeval nonsense. Nekohiko had no patience for any at the moment.

"I don't know. We can check in the library." Abihiko nodded toward the hallways of their chambers. "There are some religious and state-related manuscripts in there."

"I sure hope it's not forever," Nekohiko said after a moment of both of them staring at each other with nothing nudging them into any direction for a new topic. "I do not like being tied down. To anyone. But especially to... unworthy people."

People like you.

Abihiko sighed, studying his own wrist thoughtfully, then rose to his feet from the bed. "I hope your wish comes true soon, Neko. Trust me, I'll help you achieve it once the time comes. Even the soulmate and friendship Bonds erode away with time. Let alone such empty formalities as marriage Bonds..."

Nekohiko watched him walk away to the bathing pool for a preliminary dip before breakfast. And all he thought about was that one single moment yesterday when his and Abihiko's marriage Bond had faded into their wrists and merged with their bodies.

How simple it had seemed.

How familiar, too.

Once, a long time ago, he and Abihiko had lain together in bed just like today and twined their fingers together, gazing at sunlight through their fingers that had almost seemed to glow pink in the direct hit of the sun.

And Abihiko then had asked him:

Neko, that Bond that Suminoe had Bound us with, remember? The Fox Thread? How it was invisible to everyone except for us?

What if it had never disappeared even after you and I befriended each other?

What if it... simply became invisible to us too?

Have you ever wondered about it?

Have you ever imagined that it's still right there -- between you and me -- and that nothing in the world can ever make it go away?

...

Argh!

The memory was so painful, Nekohiko shooed it away like just another nightmare.

When Abihiko returned, Nekohiko was already on his feet, pulling his disarrayed clothes straight on his wooden body, still raw after last night.

"The Imperial kitchen dummies brought us breakfast," Abihiko told him, trying to sound cheery. "We could eat together and talk and you could get used to my presence like that. What do you think?"

 

 

 

---

***

 

 

Nekohiko assumed his place opposite Abihiko by their small table in the center of the sunlit garden. The ritual seclusion array spread out in a sort of a dome all around the Imperial quarters, not allowing even birds or insects to get in past the spell barrier.

Nekohiko reveled in the idea. So warm in the sun, amidst so many garden herbs and flowers, caressed by a crisp autumn breeze coming in through the rustling maple leaves. Yet so safe, too. Right in the heart of the Emerald Palace -- and without a single threat coming for him.

Not from Morokata, not from Suminoe, or Okinaga -- even Kataji. Hells, even from Abihiko if the wretch suddenly changed his mind and would attack Nekohiko from the back. The marriage Bond would stop him.

For the first time ever, Nekohiko was completely safe.

And very well-catered to.

The breakfast table was brimming with food. Nekohiko half-wondered if it was weird, to receive so many meals from the Imperial kitchens when Morokata and the Imperial Bodyguards wanted nothing more than to bait Abihiko to come out of seclusion. Because if Morokata had simply cut off all their food sources, Abihiko would have to exit these rooms sooner or later.

Yet Morokata didn't do that. Why?

The answer was quite simple, Nekohiko would bet.

Morokata wouldn't want anyone to know what a terrible mistake had happened with the Imperial wedding yesterday. His powers over the Empire now lay solely in being Abihiko's Brother-in-law. Which, if he chose to leak the information by refusing to let Abihiko and his new spouse get food in their rooms -- would destroy any of his claims to the Emerald Throne in a flash.

Morokata wasn't a dramatic person.

He wouldn't descend into hysteria if he could wait it out and strike when Abihiko or Nekohiko were at their weakest. And waiting it out would seem to be so simple to do.

The longer Nekohiko and Abihiko kept their seclusion, the longer Morokata was in power outside.

Why would he let such a sweet opportunity go?

Nekohiko sat down, putting his elbows on the table and giving Abihiko a sour look. It took a lot of his will not to flip this stupid table with all its fancy delicacies, right this second, and to attack Abihiko with chopsticks just for the sake of it.

Calm down, calm down, he told himself, imagining he was meditating back in the library all over again.

The library meditations helped soothe his soul. But now he needed to be able to do that right next to Abihiko. Once that happened, he would be able to let Abihiko help cleanse him with his Binding.

Then all of this Dark Sisterhood nightmare would be over.

He could not let his own pettiness get in the way of that.

"Hey," Nekohiko grumbled.

"Hey," Abihiko echoed back, joyous.

He'd refreshed himself in the bath and had changed into his classic robes of beautiful vermillion. The long red ribbon in his hair shone in the sun dapples, bringing his entire countenance into harmony.

Red dress, red lips, red ribbon. Red maples behind him.

Nekohiko found himself transfixed in observing him and had to force his eyes away. Stubborn, he distracted himself by flinging small gravel stones into the koi pond nearby.

Abihiko did not bother him. He puttered around the table, peeking into the bowls and teapots and set out the cups for both him and Nekohiko. His busy-ness irked Nekohiko even more than usual.

"I don't eat or drink, so you don't need to set up the table for me," he said, peeking at Abihiko from beneath his lashes.

"You can just take my food absorption aspect for while you eat," Abihiko said. "I don't mind as long as we both enjoy our breakfast together."

"Who said I won't enjoy this breakfast even without the ability to digest things?"

Easy and free, Abihiko snickered, still busy with setting up the table. "I bet I can seduce you into wanting to try at least something here."

Oooooh.

...what was this? Why this playfulness?

They weren't friends. They were enemies, or at least temporary begrudging allies.

Why pretend like everything was all right between them?

Nekohiko's mighty glare must have been so loud that Abihiko deflated after a while of silence.

"I am just trying to make you feel comfortable with me," he explained, seeming guilty. "So that we can get used to one another faster and so that the spells inside you stop reacting so strongly to me.

"After all, it's not the spells that react strongly to me," Abihiko went on, pensive. "It's you. The spells merely exaggerate your emotions to an unhealthy degree. So if we remove most of your negative reactions to me... the spells would lose their power."

Nekohiko cocked his head to the side.

Remove my negative reactions toward you? How convenient, isn't it?

But Abihiko could predict his direction of thinking. "Neko, I told you several times by now. If you want vengeance, you will have it." His tone shifted to a much darker, colder one. "Even if you forget, I'll make sure you remember."

Fine.

Whatever.

Nekohiko wasn't a monster and he definitely wasn't a rube. He could be civil. Especially since, at the back of his mind, he was relieved the two of them could just hang out a bit before settling their scores once and for all.

A worry had clawed at his heart every single day after he'd awoken in the tree. That he would have no choice but to kill Abihiko to solve their issue. And really, he didn't want to do that. Ever.

But then again, he didn't know what he wanted to do to Abihiko.

He conceded that his entire plan of getting himself here was a bit undercooked because he had never realized what would his next step be after this.

If he didn't kill Abihiko and obviously didn't befriend him all over again -- what... exactly would he do with him, then?

The minutes passed by and Abihiko only waited for the conversation to go on. But Nekohiko bade his time.

He even enjoyed this -- in a dark, gleeful way that was probably also enhanced by the Dark Sisterhood's magic. He savored the silence, the anxiety, the tension.

He enjoyed making Abihiko face wash up with excitement when his gaze clung to him for too long. He enjoyed it when Abihiko couldn't meet his eye and had to divert his attention to the bean paste buns in the basket beside the table.

Abihiko propped a bun in his fingers, a trace of a timid smile in his eyes. "So how about that digestion aspect sharing, mmm, Neko? This is azuki-bean paste. Would you not care for one small bite?"

...

Definitely the same Abihiko as always.

He hadn't even forgotten that azuki-bean paste was Nekohiko's favorite food.

Nekohiko squinted, mischievous. "Yeah, why not?"

However, the moment Abihiko passed him the bun, Nekohiko grabbed it. Then, without a single doubt, flung the bun right into Abihiko's face.

Pathetically, the bun bounced off him and plopped to the ground behind.

Nekohiko wasn't a wasteful person. But he really wanted to indulge in his anger at Abihiko, even in such a childish manner.

A flash of quick frustration flashed across Abihiko's features, but he hid it almost immediately behind a raised brow.

"Was something wrong with that bun, husband?"

"No, I just wanted to remind myself about that fun day when you and I met the first time. When you offered me a bun, and I threw it to the ground, then slapped you across the face. Ah, such sweet memories. Remember?"

...

Forcedly, Abihiko hummed in understanding. He went on with picking the fruit and berries from the beautifully-arranged bowl. "This kind of behavior does remind me of something from my childhood, you know..."

Yes, yes.

Tell me about it.

"When I was little, I had a cat," Abihiko suddenly said, casual. "As all cats, it was badly-behaved, irrational, deadly, spiteful -- but at the same time just so adorably cute. It would smack me across my face, scratch me, bite me, come over in the middle of the night and sprawl all across me in my bed as though it was actually its own bed all along. It would push things off my desk, it would spit its food back at me and -- all of a sudden -- attack me, then skitter away as though nothing happened. And overall, it was just such a moody, sullen kitty. Do not you dare touch it, or it'll get angry at you. Do not you dare hug it, or it will mewl at you for hours -- do not you dare pet it or risk having cat piss all over your shoes later!" With displeasure, Abihiko shook his head, then bit off half of the juicy red apple in his hand. "A nasty furry asshole, not a cat. Its only good quality -- it purred so sweetly on my lap during the day and over my chest at night."

...

What did all this intend to mean?

"Oh no," Nekohiko tutted. "I bet you did not deserve such treatment whatsoever."

"It's a cat." Abihiko smiled at him, razor-thin. "We cannot expect any better of it. It is just a silly animal, after all. That said, you do remind me of it so, so much. Probably that was the reason I wanted to call you Kitten the very first day I met you. You gave me that exact mood that my sullen kitty had always given me. Or did you forget? The day you threw my bun to the ground and slapped me across my face was the second day we met. Not the first one."

Nekohiko's eye twitched.

He did remember. He had intentionally switched it over to trick Abihiko. He had not expected Abihiko to remember such a minor thing so well.

"I think I might just go back to calling you 'Kitten' again," Abihiko decided, amused. "It fits you. Though you are not quite as badly-behaved as that cat--"

"Ahh, don't worry -- your shoes are safe from me," Nekohiko said.

"-- but you are so small and short and adorable. Kitten suits you much better than Neko, don't you think?"

...I am. Not. Short.

Only maybe compared to you, you stupid tree!

"I am not a fan of Kitten," Nekohiko warned him, feeling the usual itch of murder surging through his limbs. "I thought you knew that. Or maybe you forgot?"

But Abihiko did not look like he would listen.

He was enjoying this breakfast and their small interactions so, so much.

"Meow," he said, leaning over the plates and bowls over to Nekohiko.

And smiled. Just as meanly and eagerly as the last time Nekohiko had heard him say this.

Which was also the very first time they'd met.

Needless to say, this breakfast ended up very reminiscent of some of their past times together as well. Like those where Nekohiko had ignored Abihiko for the majority of the meal and then had flipped the table just because he annoyed him too much.

...

Fun times.

Getting used to each other all over again was a bizarrely efficient plan.

 

 

---

***

 

Nekohiko wanted to spend the rest of the day away from Abihiko, meditating in his fancy new library and devouring books about the advances in the Empire maintenance. If he couldn't force his body to have a normal conversation with Abihiko about the assassination, he could at least get straight back to ruling or learning how to rule better.

It would lift his moods. It would put him at peace and relieve him from having to gnash his teeth at Abihiko's proximity and the Dark Sisterhood's hatred of that.

His body constantly twitched and broke into a cold sweat, wanting to jump back into attacking Abihiko. Nekohiko shook with bone-aches and aggravation just from having to constantly be aware of his own lack of self-control.

It took a toll on him. It made him miserable. Only when the distance between him and Abihiko increased, did his body stop reacting to him so strongly. He could even ignore it altogether if they were several rooms apart.

But at the same time, he also noted that he had been able to sleep next to Abihiko just fine. Which meant that it wasn't Nekohiko's body that had a reaction. It was Nekohiko's mind. The body just amplified it.

And if the problem was mental and emotional -- hells, Nekohiko had to learn to live with it. Had to train himself, whatever it cost him. Why?

Because, one day, after all this training, he would be able to control himself fully when talking to Abihiko. He would become free of his anger and free of his resentment. These emotions would no longer hold him hostage.

If he could hasten this day coming, then he should.

Which meant that -- nope, no matter how much he wanted to ignore Abihiko's existence and stay away from him, he couldn't. That would be weak-willed and immature.

He has to spend time with Abihiko. As often as possible.

And as close to each other as his decency could bear.

After breakfast, the two of them went to the library since that was where Nekohiko found most comfortable. And then, silently and quietly, they each assumed their spots in the light-filled, warm room and began... peeking at each other.

Nekohiko wasn't peeking much. He could control himself. He mainly spent his time going through the manuals he'd dug out, and taking notes. But every once in a while, he couldn't help himself.

He flickered his gaze across the floor and found Abihiko nearby -- mere three steps away, sitting on the floor like Nekohiko was -- and reading something as well.

His back straight and his face perfectly composed, he looked every bit as imposing as the Emperor should -- unlike Nekohiko, who was crouching and hugging his knees to his chest as he read. The comparison evoked in Nekohiko another murderous urge but he suppressed it.

Because apart from sitting there next to him so prettily, Abihiko was also... blushing. Each and every time Nekohiko's gaze clung to him, as though Abihiko was always aware and always on alert about Nekohiko's actions and thoughts.

His cheeks heated up and his lips pressed into a tight thin line as though Abihiko was struggling against his own obvious reactions. And that diminished any majestic effect he might have had.

It made Nekohiko feel slightly better. At least, out of the two of them, he was the more mature and solemn one.

Good. He hoped Abihiko knew that, too.

The pages rustled, and hours went by -- with nary a word passed between them.

Yet sometimes, Nekohiko's thoughts wandered back to the pain of Abihiko's betrayal. And no matter how well-composed he was through the hours -- he still could fling a destructive spell at Abihiko at any moment.

Abihiko was always prepared, though.

The first time Nekohiko almost lost control, slumping over the floor, heaving and trembling violently -- Abihiko lunged forward and grabbed Nekohiko's hand. He uncurled Nekohiko from within his low crouch and held him by the shoulders, firm yet softly. Nekohiko didn't even get to cast anything yet. Gently, Abihiko blew air in his face.

The air tickled Nekohiko and he shuddered in disturbance over such a touch. But his anger was still spiking and he already felt his mind blanking out before the Dark Sisterhood's curse would overtake him.

"More," he growled at Abihiko through teeth, shaking all through. The only word he could muster at the height of his rage.

He wanted more from Abihiko. Something far more distracting than the mere blowing into his face. Something far more jolting.

Abihiko knew exactly the method.

Quickly overpowering all of Nekohiko's attempts to assemble an offensive spell, Abihiko crushed Nekohiko's wrists in between their chests and pressed him to himself. Feverish-hot, his lips brushed against Nekohiko's forehead, planting a chaste kiss.

That worked. Nekohiko froze inside Abihiko's embrace, afraid to move and intensify the sensation of being kissed.

But Abihiko didn't stop.

He kissed him over Nekohiko's closed, fluttering eyelids, over his temples, over his cheeks.

And Nekohiko allowed him because that... oddly, helped him focus. Or at least he told himself that. He stiffened under Abihiko's caresses and waited the inner tempest out. Slowly yet gradually, it subsided. His breathing didn't need to be so fast and his heart didn't need to be so fervent because his resentment had dissipated.

Yet somehow, neither his breathing nor his heart could calm down completely. They were no longer speeding up in anger, but they were agitated nonetheless.

Timid and hushed, he let Abihiko hug him and waited for what Abihiko would do next.

But usually, at this point, Abihiko would stop harassing him with his touches and would still against him as though waiting for Nekohiko's actions, too.

"Neko?" he usually asked. "Are you all right? Did the turmoil pass?"

Yes.

But then, why am I still lying in your arms as though I'm in trouble and I need you?

I don't. I'm perfectly fine.

And Nekohiko would immediately push himself away from Abihiko, too self-conscious not to fumble in his hurry.

"Disgusting," he would say, sweeping his face with his hands as though the rub even the traces of Abihiko's touch over his skin.

Then they would sit together some more, going through these same motions every once in a while.

That was their first day together.

And the second.

And strangely -- even the third. And Nekohiko did not even question the fact that after each time that Abihiko helped him soothe down his turmoil, Nekohiko's emotions calmed down... a bit faster than before. A bit easier.

As though at last, both the meditations and him and Abihiko staying around each other -- finally helped them wear the Dark Sisterhood's mechanics down. And cancel it out.

For Nekohiko, these past few days had gone by in a bizarre haze and bliss.

He kept the memories of his murder so far away so as not to cause himself further damage, and with time, it almost began feeling natural to ignore them.

But of course he couldn't ignore them forever.

 

 

---

***

 

Abihiko was so childishly happy most of the time that it made Nekohiko cranky.

If at first, they were both mostly concerned about helping Nekohiko push through his blinding fury moments, nowadays, after Nekohiko had become used to suppressing most of his generally negative reactions to Abihiko, the two of them began exploring what else they could do to combat the Dark Sisterhood's influence.

Abihiko had stopped kissing him or caressing him to rip him out of his rage. By now, they had defined that Abihiko just licking his hand and then sticking it into Nekohiko's face was enough to counter his temper explosions.

A drool-glazed hand, ugh.

It wasn't... pleasant. It was downright aggravating!

"This is the most disgusting way to do it," Nekohiko told him frequently right after being smeared with Abihiko's drool again.

Abihiko usually arched his eyebrow and gave Nekohiko such an impish, smug look.

"Are you sure about that? I bet I can do many more terribly disgusting and obnoxious things to you if you think that was the most disgusting of all."

...

Nekohiko could only scoff and pretend he didn't hear that. He honestly would prefer being kissed to being licked. At least, during kissing he could retaliate and bite Abihiko back, thus satisfying his inner bloodthirst for vengeance. Somewhat, at least.

With licking, it was much, much less fulfilling.

Luckily, this wasn't the only advance they had made during the first days together.

"Switch, switch," Abihiko commanded him, helping Nekohiko shift his consciousness between the human dummy affected by Dark Sisterhood's curse to the seashell that was free of it.

They experimented a lot, with this.

Nekohiko still couldn't efficiently switch his mind whenever he was at the peak of his rage, but he could switch right after -- to cool down there. It helped him tremendously.

Being too angry in the human body clouded his emotions so much, he couldn't decide whether he was actually this angry, or solely impacted by the insidious magic. Being inside the seashell sorted out all such feelings in a flash.

So he and Abihiko trained his mind, to switch and remain in the body that was most convenient for him at the moment. Which begged one peculiar question to solve, first.

"Can you not order me? 'Switch', 'switch', 'switch'!" Nekohiko snapped at Abihiko one time when they were training. "You sound like you're taming a wild animal. I despise that."

"Hah? Sorry, I just wanted to test how you would react to me being pushy or bossy," Abihiko said, sounding stung.

"Well, I hate it, thanks for asking."

"Mmm. Are you sure you hate it or if the Dark Sisterhood curse makes you hate it?" Abihiko asked him, narrowing his eyes with a coy smirk.

Nekohiko could only gape back, speechless.

This person was getting entirely too comfortable with Nekohiko recently, huh. Enough for mocking him and trying to tease him, like in their childhood?

What was this -- a game for him?

Then again, Nekohiko could understand Abihiko's behavior. Abihiko was being restless and too giddy to contain his excitement.

Today, the two of them sat in one of the study rooms before the gaming table. Lately, Abihiko had become a bit too bored of staying with Nekohiko in the library. After all, Abihiko had never had a taste for studiousness or any truly... intellectual pasttime. Even when he read books alongside Nekohiko, he preferred reading legends and stories. Something entertaining and un-educational, for the silly people.

Yet even that could not contain his interest for long. He was becoming fidgety the longer they stayed in the Imperial rooms and wanted to do... something.

Nekohiko guessed he either wanted to go outside so that the two of them could forget the tensions between them, trapped in these empty, oppressive rooms. Or that Abihiko wanted to interact with Nekohiko in some manner different from what they could afford right now.

But what manner would that be?

Even Nekohiko was slightly disappointed with the fact that -- apart from sleeping next to each other -- they seldom touched or leaned close to one another. Abihiko's drool-smeared hand was the closest physical interaction they'd had lately. And yep. Nekohiko hated it. Hated how disgusting, yet also oddly distant and neutral it was. As though they were strangers.

Yet he was so reluctant to say this out loud.

The only thing he could do to ease down Abihiko's restlessness and his odd happiness was to move along the Imperial quarters. No more library. They would spend their days in the garden, resting under the trees as Nekohiko read the documentation on the latest Imperial matters to get himself acquainted with the state of the government. Abihiko beside him was busy fixing up the walls of their quarters their first night had destroyed.

Then, they would creep through all the other rooms. The study where the governmental records were kept for the Emperor's ease, the sunroom in which plants and exotic Spirits lived to keep the Emperor's dwelling a Spiritual place, the lounging rooms where there were games and musical instruments and arts to keep the Emperor's concubines and favorites happy.

But there were no concubines and favorites here, so all the lounging rooms looked like trash, in Nekohiko's opinion.

They were all filled with Abihiko's weaponry and Bound toys -- that he had always liked to experiment with. The small Bound animals he had made out of crystals, his tiny soldier army to help visualize the battlefield tactics, fighting dummies to train maneuvers on, even the small map of the Empire where all the elements of weather and natural catastrophes moved mimicking the real ones. Even in childhood, Abihiko had loved toys and games. Now, he desperately tried to make them seem more mature or crucial to his Imperial duties.

But deep down, Nekohiko suspected he was just the same boy as he had always been. Easily bored and constantly looking for something to distract his eager mind with.

Except that, all the previous times Nekohiko had witnessed him here, in his quarters -- Abihiko had always been too busy with paperwork and minutiae and so had no chance to grow truly bored. He'd had barely enough time to sleep.

Not so now.

Now, Abihiko used every chance he had to drag Nekohiko into one of these lounging rooms and spend time there. As though he wanted to relive their childhood in this way, too.

Doing the same things as they had always done, together. Playing, and talking, and just being near each other. Perfectly in tune.

"Do you know that most newlyweds go on journeys together? Through the Empire?" Abihiko asked him from over his battlefield table on which hundreds of small Bound soldiers were fighting some unsettling tentacle monster. He jerked his chin over to the other table where the mini-map of the Empire was, currently covered by a foggy layer of clouds like the overcast day outside.

Nekohiko shut his book with a sigh. He still had trouble keeping his thoughts quiet in Abihiko's presence, so his sigh had a very frustrated quality to it.

"Do you suggest we go out and go on a trip? I thought we were mostly devoted here to helping me meditate and lift the Dark Sisterhood's curse--"

"But just imagine how faster your meditations would advance if we went on a pilgrimage to the Spiritway places of holy." Abihiko suddenly abandoned his place by the battlefield and shifted over to the map of the Empire.

Nekohiko followed his movements out of the corner of his eye, tense.

Everything Abihiko did set him on edge. Especially the way he walked around in his usual day robes of thin red silk. Abihiko was lean, tall, his movements were easy and smooth. Oddly mesmerizing. With his feverish blush, he looked slightly unhealthy which instantly made Nekohiko yearn to help him somehow or take care of him. Of course he never forgot that Abihiko was sick, even if he hid it from everyone else.

A couple of times Nekohiko had tried to ask him about his Binder's exhaustion issues, but Abihiko had invariably told him it was related to the murder of five years ago. And just hearing that caused Nekohiko to go into his usual resentment rage.

Thus, changing the topic dramatically.

Nekohiko half-wondered if Abihiko lied solely to not answer the question, but oh well.

Seeing him so near, in the same clothes as five years ago... It just summoned so many memories of their last two years together.

So many achingly-sweet memories...

Damn it, he would prefer Abihiko covered himself up with a blanket, at least! Or maybe even didn't speak to Nekohiko. Because everything about him -- his looks, the sound of his voice, his presence, his scent -- made Nekohiko miserable, and Nekohiko felt it was very rude on Abihiko's part to not realize that.

"This is the Grand Ise Shrine¹The main Shinto Shrine in Japan, mentioned before by Mikawa, but you probably forgot by now ^^.," Abihiko told him from beside the mini-map of the Empire. "It's only one day away from Nara. We could journey there together and pray to the Spirits of the Land and cleanse your body."

Ise was the greatest Spiritway Shrine in all of the Empire, so of course praying there and getting help from their Binding priests could relieve most people's ailments and curses. Yet Nekohiko could only scowl at the idea.

"If we leave here, I won't have a way to keep my eye on you," he grumbled into his book.

Here, you are trapped with me. Here, I can know where you are at all times.

Abihiko stilled, half-leaning over the map table, an amused mien on his face. "Mmm?"

Nekohiko exploded. Lately, he was always only a sliver away from snapping due to his turbulent, suppressed emotions. "Why do you think I married you?! Do you think I trust you not to trick me or--"

Stab me in the back.

Wait, no. Don't recall that.

Keep your emotions under control.

"I went through all of that -- being a cat, being a log, being Sakami -- solely to get to here, with you!" Nekohiko ground out, setting his burning gaze on Abihiko. "Solely to ask you... things! And before I do that -- I will not go anywhere with you! What do you think? That I would actually trust you and let you out of my sight?!"

Yeah right.

Gods, how easily angry he became if he talked to Abihiko about anything of real substance! Even with all his meditative training, it was still impossible for him not to go off at any moment.

Abihiko turned, his head tilted to the side. "And I thought it was the other way around, and that it was you who are trapped here under my sight. Under my care."

He smiled at him, breathing even more fire into Nekohiko's already-smoldering fuel of aggravation.

"As I have always wanted you to be," Abihiko said. "I have waited five years for that."

...

You.

Do not have.

The right. To mock me or torment me like this.

You are the last person in the world with that right!

How dare you!

Nekohiko didn't notice how the book left his hand. Whooshing, it shot an arc through the air, aiming at Abihiko. Abihiko moved out of the way at the last moment, but he didn't look at all shocked by Nekohiko's behavior.

If anything, he looked like he was enjoying this kind of a throwback to their years together as children -- poking innocent fun at each other and throwing books into one another's faces. As usual, Abihiko seemed joyous just because they were together, at last.

Of course, he had no idea that Nekohiko was losing it.

That Nekohiko was at the very edge of his patience and sanity.

...

Nekohiko's fists clenched and his lips dug into his inner cheeks to distract himself from his inner turmoil.

Why are you so sweet to me? he thought, watching Abihiko's smile slowly fade away into a concerned frown.

Why do you make my heart ache all over again?

You -- should know better than to do that to me! You -- have -- hurt me like nobody else ever had!

"I hate you," Nekohiko whispered, broken.

Abihiko froze.

"Neko..."

But Nekohiko already rushed to his feet and darted out of the lounging room, covering his face with his hands. He stumbled through the rooms, feet tangled in the long folds of his green Imperial robes, his breaths irregular and pained. He felt like he was going to break down in tears now.

Like he would give up once and for all.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..."

He wanted to go back to being Abihiko's friend and even lean into him and hug him and let himself ease down in Abihiko's arms, feeling safe and warm in there. These past few days here... it had been like small heaven. A tiny piece of their mutual childhood, repeated and relived.

He could not bear even a second more in Abihiko's presence unless they talked about their issue. About the murder.

This was simply too cruel.

He could not handle being next to him and not fall into comfort and bliss. And falling into comfort and bliss with one's actual murderer was just... too heartbreaking to accept!

"Damn it," he breathed, halting in the middle of one of the huge sunrooms.

His body trembled, every last part of him taut with gathering powers to cast something destructive.

Not at Abihiko, this time. Just at something to lash out on!

Anything!

"Neko! Is something wrong?!"

Behind him, Abihiko's footsteps dashed closer, and Nekohiko couldn't bear it anymore.

"Rrrrraaaagh!"

A powerful Hira spell exploded out of his hands, exhaling fire in waves at the elegant, gilded decorations around him. He had to let his anger out and he didn't care what damage it caused. The curtains and silk screens and fans singed up in flames in an instant. The gold melted and ran, even the crystal walls cracked from the surge of heat he unleashed.

And he enjoyed every last part of it.

...!

From behind him, Abihiko caught him in his embrace.

He caught him and pressed him close, his chin and nose buried into Nekohiko's hair from the above.

All of Nekohiko's fire power fizzled out like flames doused with water. Stiff, he dropped his arms to his sides, letting Abihiko hug him all around.

Tighter, firmer. Harder.

"Neko... what's wrong?" Abihiko murmured, raspy.

"Tell me the truth!" Nekohiko cried. "Tell me the truth, now! I can't bear it anymore!"

"But the Dark sisterhood's--"

"I don't care!" Nekohiko sobbed, finally breaking down because it hurt so much. "Even if it destroys me -- even if I implode with resentment while listening! I don't care -- I need to know!"

I can't live on not knowing if you are my foe or my friend.

It will kill me even without the Dark Sisterhood's meddling.

Abihiko's crushed him to himself. His breath through his nostrils was slow and forceful as though his mind was busy calculating something, trying to solve some impossible problem.

Nekohiko turned in the circle of his arms, lifting his face, streaked with tears, to him. At first scared, he rose on his tiptoe, then put his lips on Abihiko's cheek.

A shy, ethereal brush against Abihiko's hot skin.

Nekohiko disliked the sensation of this kiss because... well, he disliked all personal touches. It jolted him back to sharp awareness, and he could focus on his goals once again.

"Tell me the truth like this," he whispered against Abihiko's skin, gazing into his eyes, grim and defeated. He slowly pointed his finger at his own cheek as if commanding Abihiko to kiss him back.

Abihiko's brows furrowed.

"Neko, no--"

"Do it. Tell me how you killed me." At this mention, the Dark Sisterhood's spells geared up inside him; he felt the peculiar hopelessness of losing control of his mind and his actions. With the last strength to resist at his disposal, he added, "Tell me why you killed me. And then... kiss me."

And tell me again.

And kiss me again. And again.

Until there's nothing left between us but the truth.

Abihiko looked horrified at even the thought.

But Nekohiko's hands already snapped upward to cast an annihilating Utsuro spell, and Abihiko had no choice.

Softly, he pulled Nekohiko up toward him, then closed his eyes and put the gentlest, most innocent kiss on Nekohiko's cold, wet cheek.