Chapter Twenty-Three - Gonna Be

“There’s this pervasive idea, especially from those old-ass zoomer sorts, that one day things will return to normal. The samurai will disappear, the aliens will fuck off, back to whatever hellhole they’re from, and everything will be right as rain.

It’s not gonna happen.

Welcome to the new normal, motherfuckers!”

--Award-winning highschool essay, 2041

***

“So, what’s the sitch?” I asked.

Men and women ran around, carrying sandbags, metal boxes, and other equipment. The only uniform they had was a distinct lack of uniform. They were normal folks, with that kind of desperate energy that said they were happy to be doing something but they weren’t sure if it would be enough.

Jolly Monarch reached up and adjusted the oversized crown atop his head. His whole uniform took the theme thing to another level. He had a thick red cape and was wearing some sort of almost militaristic suit, with medals all over his chest and a sceptre by his side. It didn’t suit his face though. He couldn’t be older than thirty.

“The situation’s looking a little bleak. I have twenty-four pawns here, and four bishops.” He pointed with his sceptre to the nearest of the trashcan-looking drones. I guess they were meant to be shaped like the pawns in a chess set. That didn’t give me much of a clue as to what kind of armament they had.

“And what’ll we be fighting off with those?” I asked.

Jolly Monarch grinned. “A nice proto-wave of everyone’s favourite man-eating plants.” He gestured to the side and one of the pawns came closer. A small opening appeared on its side and a projected hologram started to float between us. The city we were in, and the long stretch of highway heading westward from there. “The wave is mostly following the highway. We’re estimating between one and a half to two thousand models. Mostly on the lower end of the spectrum. Threes, fours, maybe some model sixes.”

“So a whole heap of them,” I said. “Can you take care of the wave on your own?”

“My projections say... mostly?” Jolly Monarch said. His smile twisted a bit. “I have enough pawns here to blunt the front of the wave. I might even be able to stop its advance entirely. But that’s only if I’m lucky. The more likely situation is that I’ll be overrun if all I use are my current forces. Then the locals also defending this section will suffer for it.”

“Can’t you use the points to buy even more pawns or whatever?” I asked.

Jolly Monarch nodded. “Oh yes. But these pawns are about a thousand points each. They don’t come cheap.”

I frowned at the drone. It didn’t look like a thousand-point investment to me.

“Right. How long do we have?”

“Forty-two minutes and change,” Jolly Monarch said.

I glanced at the projection again. That was plenty of time. “Okay then. I’ll be back in forty minutes.” I started out towards the road.

“What will you do?” Jolly Monarch asked.

“Does it matter if I blow up a few buildings on that side of the barricade?” I asked.

“Not really, no,” he said.

“In that case, I’m going to turn this entire stretch of highway into a nightmare for those plant fucks.”

“Oh, well, good luck!” Jolly Monarch said with a happy wave.

I had to wonder why someone that had clearly been a samurai for much longer than I, had felt like he wasn’t able to take care of a wave all on his own. The cost of his drones didn’t make sense either. My cat mecha looked way cooler and was a fraction of the cost.

“Are those things really worth a thousand points?” I asked as I vaulted over the cement barrier and into the little noplant’s zone just beyond.

I see what you’re thinking. And yes. The drones are. I suspect that Jolly Monarch’s focus is not mainly a combat one. The cost of his drones mostly comes from their inherent versatility.

“Huh, alright,” I said. I paused at the end of the intersection. The road stretched out ahead of me, almost entirely clear except for a couple of abandoned cars shoved to the edges. I nodded. It was a blank canvas, basically.

“Myalis, first thing’s first. I need a new main weapon. Also, what’s my current point total?”

Current Point Total:
2205

Did you want to purchase a shotgun-like weapon? You’ve been mentioning something of the sort for a while.

“Something like that would be nice, yeah,” I said.

In that case, I would suggest the Mark Two Bullcat. It’s a fully-automatic drum-fed shotgun, with aim assist systems, the capability to accept a wide range of ammunition, and it can be reloaded directly through the expenditure of a few points. It also has a decent stealth coating and comes with an adjustable sling!

That would be handy. No need to pause to reload seemed like it would be great on an automatic gun, as long as the point cost of each round wasn’t too high. “Does it have like, an underbarrel grenade launcher?”

You could just fire the grenades directly. As I said, it accepts a wide range of ammunition types.

“Oh, nice,” I said. “How much?”

One hundred and fifty points.

Not bad. “I’ll take it. If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll at least try to make more points than I spent with it.”

New Purchase: Mark Two Bullcat
Points Reduced to... 2055

A box appeared by my side. I kicked it open, then picked the Bullcat out from in it. The gun was matte black, about as long as my arm from fingertip to elbow, and had a large drum just before the shoulder pad. So it was a bullpup of sorts. The end of the barrel was shaped to look like the face of a hissing cat.

I picked it up, tucked it against my shoulder, then leaned my head down to look through the large reflex scope that unfolded on the top of it. “Neat,” I said.

My free hand came up and rested on the slide on the front. Which begged the question. “Okay, so if it’s fully automatic, why does it have a pump?”

It makes a satisfying and threatening sound when you pump it.

I frowned down at the sleek gun, then, with a hand gripping around the fore end, I pumped the gun.

It made a crunchy ‘crack-chunk’ noise. The sort of noise that says “I’m here to fuck shit up.” Then the gun started to hum even as little lights on the sides and within the barrel glowed an ominous red.

“Oh fuck yeah,” I muttered.

I didn’t have all day to cuddle my new gun though, no matter how cool it was. I had something of a plan.

“Alright Myalis. I want to cover this street with things that will make the xeno’s day worse. I was thinking we set things up with timers, let them get funnelled in enough that when we set things off, it will be too late to pull the majority of the wave out. It should blunt the front of their assault. Maybe a mix of those resonators to begin with, then something with a bit more kick to it? Uh, maybe some of those fuel-air explosives.”

You’re in an open space, the fuel will spread further, but its damage will be more limited. There are other non-conventional weapon choices that could slow down an advance. Perhaps zero-kelvin bombs? Those would freeze large areas. Garrote grenades could create pockets of unpassable space as well, perhaps slowing the antithesis enough to allow your resonators to act.

“I like it,” I said. “There’s a lot of houses on the edges. We could break some windows, place turrets in there and have an overlapping field of fire down the middle of the road.”

That’s a wonderful idea!

I grinned. “Damn right. Look, I’m not super clever, think you can figure out the ideal location for the bombs so that they overlap correctly?”

How many points do you intend to spend on this?

I shrugged. I didn’t have many to work with. “All of them.”

In that case, please move over to the drainage pipe to your left. Pull the cover off and place this within it.

I dropped to one knee next to a sewer pipe, pulled it open with surprising ease, then found a box appearing by my side. A resonator with a cord tied around its middle. I nodded as I figured it out. The cord I tied to the bars in the grate, then I let the grenade fall down so that it hovered a foot into the pipe. “Alright, next?”

Next, a Zero-Kelvin explosive under the wheel-well of the vehicle abandoned to your right, followed by a diagonal row of garrote grenades across the street. We will also be placing a fuel-air explosive into the dirt next to the ditch on the left with the spray nozzle pointed downwards.

Myalis’ tone was fairly flat, but I couldn’t help but get the impression that she was having a lot of fun with all of this.

To be fair, I was looking forward to blowing shit up too.

It was going to be a blast.

***