Chapter Sixty-Six - Peanut Butter and Lesbian Time

"Channel 69 Nice News Now will be running a mini-doc series on the style and function of the modern-day samurai. From the most common gear choices to the strange and bizarre ways the vanguard of humanity chose to fight the good fight!

Available now to all subscribers!"

--Channel 69 Nice News Now, 2046

***

I clapped my hands together, and they made a strange cracking sound as my armoured palms met each other. It kind of surprised me, though to be honest, it had been a few years since I had the ability to clap.

"Alright!" I said. "Gomorrah here has the plan for our deployment. Feel free to follow it, or not. Right Gom?"

Gomorrah glanced my way, then back to the samurai. "I do," she said. "Hedgehog, Crackshot Cowboy. Would you mind riding above the main mobile base? There's a platform at the top that should afford you some decent visibility."

"Can do," Hedgehog replied.

"No prob," Crackshot said. He grunted as he stood up, then stretched his back out before grabbing his rifle. "We can make a game of it, huh?"

"That wouldn't be very professional," Hedgehog said.

"Oh, we don't need to gamble on it, just a friendly one-up. I don't like gambling. My uncle lost it all to the slots, you know?"

"Right," Hedgehog said.

Gomorrah glanced between the two, then refocused on the others. "Tankette, we have some light armour at the front of the formation already. Do you think you could join them?"

"I think so," Tankette replied with a nod.

"I'll send my mech with you," I replied. "It won't steal your kills, but it'll be around if you need the added oomph."

"Oh, I'd appreciate that," she said with a kindly smile.

"What about Knight and I?" Princess asked. "Can we work with you?"

I glanced at Gomorrah, then shrugged. "Sure. If someone wants to do the logistics shit for me, I'm very much more than willing to give it all up."

"As long as we get to work with you," Princess said with a dainty little clap. She seemed... a little fangirl-ish. At least Knight, next to her, didn't start jumping around and squeeing.

"Um," Tankette said. It was a slight thing, but it still caught everyone's attention. She noticed that we were all looking her way, and straightened herself, then tugged her blouse on straight. "I brought lunch boxes," she said with a perfectly straight face.

"Lunch... boxes, ma'am?" Hedgehog asked.

"Ah, hell yeah," Crackshot replied. "Man, I haven't had lunchboxes since my grandmamma passed."

Tankette seemed encouraged by Crackshot's enthusiasm. She turned to her mini-tank and opened a case on the side. I thought it would be for ammo stowage, but instead it was filled with a half-dozen little tin boxes with thermos containers stuck to the sides. "It's nothing too special. I don't know what everyone likes. If there are allergies, then please let me know. Ah, the boxes aren't labelled."

She pulled out the little lunchboxes, then started passing them around. "Uh, thanks," I said when I got mine. Then I blinked and lifted it up. The box was actually shaped in the rough outline of a tank, instead of being a normal rectangle.

"Thank you," Gomorrah said. "This wasn't necessary."

"Oh, I know," Tankette said with a grin. "But I woke up at five, as usual, realized that I had nothing to do until I got here, and I'd be driven crazy if I just sat back and did nothing all morning."

"Holy shit, is this PB and J?" Crackshot asked, his box was already cracked open. "Ma'am, are you married?"

Tankette tittered. "Yes, I'm happily married. Sorry." She wiggled her hand, flashing a little band around a finger.

"Damn," Crackshot said. Then he stuffed half a sandwich into his mouth.

Hedgehog slipped the box into a small satchel by his hip, and the others put theirs away too. I was left holding my lunchbox kind of awkwardly before I tucked it under my right arm. "Anyway, I think that's it for now. The convoy will be moving out in...."

"Ten minutes," Gomorrah filled in.

"So we have plenty of time to get to our places! The army was attacked this morning already, so keep an eye open for trouble and aliens. Gomorrah, we've got a private channel for chatting, yeah?"

"I'll have Atyacus send everyone an invite," she replied.

I got a small ping on my augs for just that a fraction of a second later. There was now a little chatroom, with all of the samurai listed to the left with their status below. Interestingly, Knight was missing from the group. I blinked the chatroom away for the moment. It would probably flash or something when there was a new message to read.

"Okay. Any questions?" I asked.

Hedgehog raised a hand. "Where are we heading to today, and what are our rules of engagement?"

"I think... Saint-Jérome. Rules are, uh, if you see an alien, kill it. We'll probably split the points we make between the lot of us, as long as everyone's participating at least a little. Otherwise, don't die. This is an escort mission. Honestly, if it's boring, then that's probably for the best. We don't have to listen to the army, but they generally know what they're doing, so maybe pay attention, at least," I said. Hedgehog nodded at that last bit. Figured he'd appreciate that kind of thing.

With all that said and done, we kind of just... split off. Tankette packed up her things, then squeezed herself into her mini-tank. I was surprised that she wasn't wearing anything more armoured in there. Hedgehog and Crackshot went ahead a little, the two boys already deep in a conversation about guns, which left Princess and Knight to walk alongside Gomorrah and I.

"So, uh, Knight," I started.

"Yeah?" she asked. Her helmeted head turned my way, and I could just make out an eye through her visor.

"You're not a samurai, right?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No?" I tried. "Just wondering. Sorry if I stepped on a landmine or something."

She stared for a moment more, then looked away. "It's fine."

"Aww, Knight, don't be that way!" Princess said before she skirted around Knight and came to stand next to me. "I saw you shoot the mayor! And that big fight with your mecha against those PMCs! That was so cool!"

"Oh, uh, thanks," I said.

"And Gomorrah too! You got to fly in her car, the God's Righteous Fury! That car is so sexy! What was that like?"

"You're asking me what it was like to ride in Gomorrah's car?" I asked.

Gomorrah was literally right there. She could probably go on about the car for an hour or two. It might not be safe for anyone under age to hear (because that kind of passion should really be reserved for the bedroom) but still.

"Uh, it's nice? Seats are comfortable enough, there's a mini-fridge. Uh, the viewscreen is pretty nice? It flies fast. Gomorrah's a pretty sick pilot, though her car did complain about aubergines the last time we flew together."

"What?" Gomorrah asked.

"Aubergines? They're like.. A fruit? Vegetables? The purple ones," I explained.

"Cat, I have literally no idea what you're talking about," Gomorrah said.

"You remember, you did those twisty flying manoeuvres, and then the Fury was like 'Aubergines, Aubergines!'"

Gomorrah's expressionless mask stared at me some more before she looked away. "It was saying 'Overgee," she replied. "You're a moron."

"Is that what it was saying?" I asked. "Actually, yeah, that makes a lot more sense."

You have... you have ears that are significantly better than any baseline human's. But I suppose that hearing and comprehending aren't the same thing.

Princess laughed and tapped my arm with her hand. "You're so funny, Miss Stray Cat," she said. "Funny and cool."

"Uh, yeah, thanks," I replied. I was getting the uncomfortable feeling that Princess thought we were a lot closer than we were. Emotionally, that was. She was pretty much in my bubble already. I couldn't think of a nice way to shove her back though, not short of saying 'I have a girlfriend' and possibly embarrassing the shit out of her.

This wasn't the kind of problem I came here expecting to have to manage.

"Anyway, you'll be staying with us on the command rig?"

"If that's allowed," Princess said.

"Yeah, sure. You know what, I'll ask the general to explain our logistical chain. That should be real useful for you to know. It should only take a few days."

"Huh?"

"It's good for you," I insisted.

Anything that would get me out of an awkward situation was definitely good, as far as I was concerned.

***