I slowly floated back to consciousness, and before even moving I could tell.

It was done. The change was complete.

I was lying on my side in my bed, and I could feel it without having to confirm it: there was a… Gap, between my legs, where something else should have been.

I was probably supposed to get up and go about my day as I always I’d done ever since Verdun got his hands on me, but I just couldn’t; the enormity of what had been done to me was just too much. It felt insane. It felt unreal.

Instead I stayed in bed, without moving, without even bothering to open my eyes, for I don’t know how long. I felt like I was completely detached from my body, like I was seeing the scene from far away; I don’t even know what I thought, I don’t even know what I felt at that moment.

In the end, I was brought back to reality by a small noise, just noticeable: it was my stomach grumbling. That was enough: my eyes snapped open, and I had full control of my body once again – and I realised I was really hungry. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t ignore the signals my belly was sending me.

I grudgingly stirred, and pushed myself to a sitting position in the bed. Judging by the way the light was coming through the window, it was almost evening; I’d probably been asleep since the previous day, when I’d been dragged to Verdun’s laboratory for the final change. I got up from my bed, while wondering why Sylvie had let me sleep for so long, and was about to change into my maid’s dress to go to the mess hall to have dinner when I noticed an object, covered by cloth, on the room’s table. I approached and pulled the cover off, and my mouth immediately started watering: I was staring at a plate heaping with salted meat and bread and pickled cabbage, with a bottle of ale sitting beside it.

Screw going to the mess hall. I sat down in the chair, and tucked into the meal; the meat was too salty, the bread was dry and tough, and the cabbage was sour, but I didn’t mind – everything tasted like heaven.

I was halfway done polishing my plate when I heard the door open behind me, and a gasp; I turned my head to look at the source of the noise and saw Sylvie, hand to her mouth, staring at me wide-eyed. It was only a moment, though, before she covered the distance that separated us, and wrapped me into an embrace that almost tackled me out of my chair. She hugged me tight, squeezing so hard I almost found it difficult to breathe.

“Erica, thank the gods,” she whispered, and started sobbing.

“Sylvie, what happened? Why…?” I asked, before realising there was likely only one reason she would be acting like this. I extricated myself from her arms, grabbed her shoulders, and looked her in the eyes – which were moist with tears.

“Sylvie,” I carefully asked. “How long was I out?”

She sniffled a bit before answering, but then her reply floored me: “Almost two weeks.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yes, it’s been twelve days since Founding Day. I…” she paused, sniffled again. “We were afraid you wouldn’t wake up again.”

She looked really distraught; I felt compelled to apologise. “I’m sorry,” I said.

Sylvie shook her head and smiled weakly. “Don’t be. I’m just glad you’re okay.” She looked at me critically. “You are okay, aren’t you?”

“I am,” I reassured her, returning the smile. “What happened while I was asleep?”

“Nothing much,” she shrugged. “Everything went on as normal, except Commander Andrej and I checked on you a few times per day, to see if you’d woken up. Otherwise life here in the palace didn’t change.”

“And outside the palace?” I asked.

She hesitated. “Outside… Well. You do remember what happened on the balcony, don’t you?”

I nodded. How could I forget? I smirked at the memory of Izaak, his clothes soiled, screaming obscenities at the crowd.

“Well, the Prince Regent took revenge for that. He had the city guard round up about a dozen people, who were then beheaded in front of the royal palace.”

“Damn,” I muttered, and the smile left my lips as quick as it had appeared. I hoped it hadn’t been anyone I knew, and it was still a terrible thing to learn about.

“And he didn’t even manage to get his hands on the ones who organised the attack,” Sylvie continued. “In fact, word is--”

She was interrupted by a knock at the door, and her eyes widened in surprise, mixed with another expression I’d never seen on her face: pure, undiluted fear.

“One moment!” she called, then urgently whispered to me, “Quick, get back in bed and pretend you’re sleeping!”

“What—” I began to say.

“There’s no time, just do it!” she whispered again, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

Puzzled, I complied, and stuffed myself back under the covers – thankfully I hadn’t taken my nightdress off yet. I turned towards the wall and closed my eyes.

There was a moment’s pause, then I heard the door open. “Commander,” Sylvie said. “I apologise, I was getting dressed.”

“Sylvie,” came Andrej’s voice. “How is she?”

“Still no sign of waking up,” she replied. “I’m sorry, I know it’s frustrating that you keep coming over and she’s always asleep.”

“Don’t worry,” Andrej replied, and I imagined him shaking his head. “I’m just concerned the prince will get fed up with waiting.”

Sylvie’s voice was harsh when she replied. “Even if he does, what of it? What’s he going to do about it?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to find out.” A pause. “You should have seen him on that balcony, Sylvie. There was something in his eyes… For the first time, he truly scared me.”

“I know.”

“At this point…” Andrej sighed. “I don’t know if I even want Erica to wake up. This way, at least, she’s out of his reach.”

“Don’t say that, Commander,” Sylvie replied. “Erica is a resourceful girl. I’m sure she’ll find a way to stay safe.”

“I hope so,” Andrej said. Then, after a brief pause, he continued: “Well, I have to get back to work. Have a good evening, Sylvie, and please send for me if anything changes.”

“Will do, Commander.”

I heard the door open, then close again. After a moment, Sylvie slowly exhaled.

I turned over in bed and looked at her. “Sylvie, what’s wrong? Why did you have me hide from Commander Andrej?” I asked.

“Get dressed,” she ordered. “The timing is ideal, if we hurry we can manage to sneak you out of the palace before nightfall, and then leave the city under cover of darkness.”

“You mean… Run away?” I said. “Sylvie, I’m not going to--”

“Erica, listen to me,” she said, grabbing me by the shoulders and looking at me in the eyes. “Last time the Prince Regent got his hands on you, he almost killed you. We don’t know what he has planned for you. We have to get you out of here.”

I hesitated. “But the Commander…”

“He’s been ordered by the Prince Regent to report to him as soon as you woke up, and you know perfectly well he will do it.”

Yes, Andrej would, wouldn’t he. After all, the fact that he had to obey his liege’s orders had been drilled into him. I had drilled it into him.

“Alright,” I said, starting to get out of bed. “We’ll--”

“Sorry, Sylvie, I almost forgot, I’ve--” Andrej said, opening the door again, a small cloth bundle in his hand; he froze, staring at me, and the bundle dropped to the floor, unfurling and spilling bread all around.

Andrej swore.

Sylvie sprung forward, grabbed him by his shirt, dragged him inside the room, and slammed the door shut.

“Wha-- Whoa, Sylvie, hold on!” I said, while Sylvie doubled his grip on Andrej, grabbing his shirt with her free hand, and pushing him hard against the wall; it was almost a comical sight, watching Andrej being manhandled by a girl a full foot shorter than he was.

“Commander, you cannot tell the Prince Regent Erica has awoken. You can’t,” she said. “Gods only know what he’s going to do to her this time, we have to get her away from here.”

Andrej didn’t speak, he just stared at Sylvie, at her face, inches from him, wearing a pleading expression.

“For once, just this once, think about the people you care about instead of your duty,” Sylvie continued. “How many people have to be hurt, how many times does Erica have to be hurt, because of that stupid oath?”

I just stared at them; I’d never known Sylvie to be so… Strong-willed. I was almost moved to tears, seeing her stand up for me like that. Still, I had to intervene.

“Sylvie, please,” I said. “Let him go.”

She turned her head to look at me, then looked back at Andrej; she paused for a moment, then sighed, and released him.

Andrej rubbed the front of his shirt a few times, trying to smooth it down, and then looked at me. “How are you doing, Erica?” he asked.

I made a face. “Could be better.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Well, no, actually I don’t get it. I have no hope of understanding what you’re going through.”

“Right,” I said. “Has Gallowan told the prince? About how my transformation is going?”

“He has,” Andrej replied. “I… We were all here, in this very room; Gallowan, Izaak, Verdun, and I. He said…” He hesitated. “He said that it’s done. The change is complete.”

Sylvie’s eyes widened as she looked at me. “Is that true?” she asked.

I gulped. “It is,” I said.

Silence filled the room; none of us knew what to say. Finally, Andrej spoke up. “There’s more,” he said.

“Oh?” I queried. “What is it?”

“I… Have been told to relay an order to you. By the Prince Regent.” His face was sour, as if the words he was speaking were like poison to him. “When you wake up, you’re allowed to rest until the evening… And then you have to go to him. In his bedchambers. With me escorting you.”

I felt a chill run down my spine; there was no misinterpreting Izaak’s order.

“What? No!” Sylvie shouted. “He can’t do this! He can’t do this!”

I sighed. “He can, and he will. None of us have any say in that,” I said, resignedly. I glanced out of the window: there was still a bit of light, but the sun had set, and the stars were beginning to shine.

Evening already.

“Give me some time to get changed, Commander, and then I’ll come with you,” I finished. Andrej nodded solemnly, opened the door, marched out, and shut it behind him.

Sylvie had been staring at me, bewildered, at a loss of word. But then she shook herself. “No!” she shouted again. “You can’t do this, Erica! I’m not going to let you!” She launched herself at me and once again wrapped me in her arms and started sobbing.

I let her vent her emotions for a couple minutes, reciprocating the hug, and then broke the embrace. I stared at her deep in the eyes.

“Sylvie. My friend. I love you, you’re like a sister to me… No. You are a sister to me,” I said. “I will forever be grateful for everything you’ve done for me, for everything you’ve shown me, for everything you’ve taught me.”

I touched my forehead to hers, and my voice lowered to a whisper.

“That’s why I need you to understand. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have no way out. My honour won’t allow me to do otherwise.” I paused, then added: “I’m sorry.”

Sylvie smiled a bitter smile; tears were still pouring from her eyes. “Men,” she said. “You never change. No, sorry,” she added after a moment, “Not just men, it’s Royal Knights. Big dumb idiots putting honour and duty before everything else.” She looked away. “Promise me you’ll be back, at least.”

I hesitated, but then nodded. “I promise I’ll come back. I give you my word.”

There was an awkward moment, then she said, “You better get dressed.”

I nodded again, got up from my bed, and changed my clothes in silence; I put on my fancy dress – the same one I’d been wearing on the balcony, it had evidently been carefully washed by someone, likely Sylvie, to remove any trace of the stains left by the cabbages. I took a few minutes to slowly and deliberately tie my hair into my usual bun, and to make sure every inch of myself was as perfect as it could be.

“I’m ready, Commander,” I said, opening the door. “Lead the way.”

Andrej looked at me for a moment, and a guilty expression appeared on his face; he looked away, nodded, and we were off, marching through corridors from the servants’ wing to the nobles’ wing, him walking in front of me, without speaking, without even looking at me.

I followed Andrej in silence until we arrived at the door leading to the Prince Regent’s chambers, which was guarded by another Royal Knight, who saluted when we approached.

“I’m relieving you for tonight,” Andrej said. “You may go back to the barracks.”

The Knight glanced at me, but didn’t object. “By your command,” he said, saluted again, and walked away.

There was a moment of silence before Andrej spoke up again: “You’ll have to continue on your own from here,” he said sullenly. He was still not looking at me.

“I know,” I replied, nodding. I remembered how the rooms were laid out: a large antechamber, which functioned as a living room but would likely be empty at this time of night, with a door that led to the prince’s inner sanctum, where his private study and bedroom were located. We were in front of the door to the antechamber, but by law no one could go in without being invited by a member of the royal family – and Andrej clearly hadn’t been, so he had to leave me there.

I hesitated for a moment, gulped, and raised my arm to push the door open.

And flinched as Andrej’s hand shot out, catching my wrist in a vice-like grip.

“Don’t,” he said, so quietly I almost didn’t hear his words.

I stared at him. “Commander, what--”

“Don’t do it,” he repeated, louder this time. “Don’t go in there.”

“Commander, let go of me!” I said, trying to wrest my arm free; but it was no use, he was holding it fast.

Andrej shook his head. “You know what he’s going to do to you if you go in there. We both know it. And I can’t stand it.”

He looked up at me. “You don’t deserve this, Herik.”

“Erica,” I replied flatly.

He seemed startled. “What?”

“You forget yourself, commander: my name is Erica. Now, unhand me,” I said.

He shook his head again, and looked at me straight in the eyes. “Herik, Erica, whatever. It doesn’t matter. I can’t let you do this. I can’t let him do this to you.” He hesitated, bit his lip. “Run. Just… Go away. Leave. I’ll tell him I couldn’t find you in your quarters, that you must have run away, and just face whatever punishment he will dole out to me. Escape this damn city, this wretched kingdom, and go somewhere else. Live out your life in peace, forget all about Izaak, and--”

He’d started rambling; I could see his eyes were moist, darting around wildly. I placed my free hand on his chest, and leaned my head against his shoulder. I closed my eyes.

“Andrej,” I whispered. It was the first time I’d called him by his name since my change.

He stopped mid rant, and I could feel him stiffen up.

“Andrej,” I repeated. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about what you’re proposing. How many times I’ve thought about running away.” I took a deep breath. “But I can’t.”

I straightened myself, looked into his eyes, and put my hand on his cheek; our faces were inches apart.

“I swore an oath, Andrej. We both did. And I’m not going to forget that oath, nor break it,” I said. “What kind of person would I be if I discarded my honour when things are difficult? When upholding my promise is not convenient for me any more? You understand that, don’t you?”

I could see in his eyes that he did.

“Izaak gave me an order, and I have to obey it, as much as I wish I didn’t.” I paused, then asked, “Let go of my arm.”

He just looked at me; his eyes betrayed an incredible sadness in his soul.

“Please,” I added, in a pleading voice.

He gulped. Slowly, almost unwillingly, he opened his hand and released my arm.

“Thank you, Andrej,” I said. I lifted myself up on the balls of my feet and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then put my arms around him and hugged him; he returned the hug. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, too,” he replied.

We hugged for what felt like forever, but was probably just a minute or two; then we broke the embrace, and he turned away from me without saying another word. From the way his shoulders were shaking, I could tell he was crying, barely suppressing his sobbing.

I turned back to the door and opened it; then I gulped, dried my eyes, and slowly, deliberately, I started making my way across the room.

I looked around the antechamber as I walked; it was dimly lit by candles, and a few embers were smouldering in the fireplace. Still, I could see the velvet and gold gilding all around the room, and my feet almost sank in the plush carpet that covered the floor. Soon I reached the door opposite to me; I raised my hand to knock, and hesitated. I gulped, shook my head to clear it, and knocked.