“Um, Zoey… Can I talk to you about something?”

As the four of us walked out to Grace’s car, having packed everything I needed for the move inside it, I tugged on Zoey’s sleeve.

“Hmm? What’s up?”

Her green hair fluttered outwards as she spun around to face me.

“Uhh–” I awkwardly glanced around at everyone– “not here.”

She turned around briefly, following my gaze. Emily tilted her head sideways, her ears twitching back and forth slightly as she stared back. Grace had a worried look on her face as she looked at me, and I quickly averted eye contact, recalling the conversation we had just earlier.

 

“Do you want to go back to being a guy?”

 

It should have been a no-brainer, but when Grace posed that question to me, I had completely frozen up.

I… don’t know.

I thought that the answer would have simply been “yes”, since my life after the transformation had not been easy.

I don’t know.

But… I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t reply to her. Everything had happened way too fast for me to keep up.

I don’t know!

 

Apparently, I had gone completely unresponsive just after Grace asked me that question, and she had to grab my wrist and drag me out of the bathroom herself. I only snapped out of it when I bumped into a corner, thanks to her pulling me a little too fast.

 

Zoey looked back and forth between Grace and I, seemingly pondering the reason behind my sudden mood change. I couldn’t maintain eye contact with her, instead staring at the floor as I gripped her sleeve. 

After a few moments of agonizing silence, she tapped her foot, startling me out of my daze.

“Emily,” she began, tilting her head towards the person in question, “your bike is still here, isn’t it? Were you planning on riding it back?”

“I was going to put it in the back of Grace’s car, if that’s okay.” Emily glanced towards Grace, who shook her head in response.

“There’s probably not enough room for it in the boot,” she replied, to which Emily sighed and slouched her shoulders.

“In that case…” Zoey glanced back towards me briefly, “We’ll walk your bike back to your house. Is that okay?”

She turned around to look at me, crouching down so that she could see my face.

I weakly nodded my head in response.

“Cool. We’ll just unload your stuff into your room, then,” Emily said, waving her hand. “You can unpack it when you get there.”

“Do you want me to take your backpack?” Grace asked, taking a few steps towards me.

I shook my head, mumbling, “I’ll take it with me.”

“Alright,” she glanced around at everyone, “I think we’re ready to head off.”

“We’ll see you in a bit,” Emily called out, quickly hopping outside to stand next to Grace’s car. Grace soon followed suit, swiping her keys out of her pocket and unlocking her car.

 

Zoey and I stood in silence for a few moments, listening to the rumble of the engine. A few seconds later, Grace’s car pulled out of the driveway, leaving the house completely quiet.

 

“Now, shall we head out?”

Zoey held her hand out, beckoning me towards her.

 

*****

 

“Um, you’re… still in pyjamas…” I tugged on Zoey’s hand as she lightly pulled me towards the door, stopping her just before she went outside. She glanced around at herself, her eyes shooting wide open.

“Have I been in pyjamas this whole time?” she asked, turning back towards me with a slightly red face.

I nodded, causing her to cover her face with her hands.

“I didn’t even realise…”

Did she forget because she flew here in her fairy form?

She closed her eyes for a moment, pulling her hands away from her face to clench them into fists. A few moments and a bright flash of light later, and her pyjamas had shifted into a soft grassy green dress. She quickly inspected it, rummaging around inside the pockets to make sure her belongings were still there.

“I still don’t get how this whole… fairy magic thing works. I think I’m switching out whatever I’m wearing for this dress, but… what happens to my old clothes?”

She pulled her phone out of the pocket, and began swiping around on the touchscreen as she continued talking.

“And the contents of my pockets stay the same too. It’s such a… strange thing to wrap my head around. Like… the physics of how it all works, and all that.”

Her wings lightly waved back and forth as she fiddled with her clothes.

“Sorry for babbling a bit, I’m just… still trying to wrap my head around it all. A-anyway... we should probably get going. I don’t want to keep them waiting for too long.”

She turned back towards the door, standing resolutely, and walked outside. I quickly followed behind her, pulling the door shut behind me.

 

“She’s probably the best resource you have, when it comes to learning how to be a girl.”

 

As I turned towards Zoey, seeing her standing next to the bicycle leaning against the side of the house, I hesitated, as Emily’s words from Monday flashed through my mind.

 

How do I even begin?! I just… called out to her with no real plan!

 

Zoey tilted her head sideways as she looked up at me, standing stock still just outside the doorway.

“Everything okay?” she called out.

“Y-yeah.”

I quickly hopped down next to the bicycle, grabbing the handlebars and lifting it off the wall. Zoey jumped back as I barely missed running into her while turning it around.

“Oh, um, sorry,” I mumbled.

“It’s okay.”

Focus! Focus…

 

“H-hey, Zoey?”

“Hmm?”

Zoey had a slight smile on her face as she walked beside me, her green dress fluttering around in the gentle breeze. I quickly averted eye contact as my anxiety rose, and my breath caught in my throat as I tried to speak.

“Uh, i-isn’t… walking around like that… embarrassing?”

No, that isn’t what I wanted to ask!

“Like what?”

“W-with your wings showing…”

“Oh, that.” She turned her head slightly, looking behind herself at her wings.

 

“I… don’t think anyone but us can see them, actually.”

“Huh?!” I suddenly stopped walking, surprised.

“Do you remember what Aeriel said about greater fairies?”

“Vaguely. I was… a bit distracted at the time, to be honest.”

“That’s fair, given the situation.” Zoey began walking again as she spoke, and I quickly sped up to follow behind her.

“She talked about how greater fairies ‘blended in’ to human society, disguising themselves as humans. So… it makes sense that–” she stopped for a moment, a shudder running along her body– “normal humans wouldn’t be able to see them.”

As I caught up, wheeling the bicycle alongside, I looked up at her. Her eyes were downcast, and her face had paled slightly.

“Plus,” she continued, “back when we were at your house, I don’t think your parents reacted to my wings at all. There was one point where your mother walked completely through them, as if they weren't even there. So…”

She turned towards me, showing me a smile that betrayed sadness, and loneliness.

“I don’t think other people can see them.”

I looked away, staring at the road as we walked along.

We’re not… normal humans, anymore, if we’re even still human at all. That’s a tough pill to swallow…

 

“A-anyway, enough about me.” Zoey jumped forward, turning around and bending down slightly, such that she could peer into my face as she walked backwards along the road. “You said that you had something to talk about, right?”

 

O-okay, here goes.

I took a deep breath. And then another. And another, as I slowly built up the courage to begin opening up to her.

 

“Um, i-if it’s alright for me to ask, how did you… figure out that you were transgender?”

Maybe, if I listen to what she went through… it’ll help me work things out.

“Oh, um,” she stood back upright, slowing down slightly to walk next to me as she spoke, “there wasn’t too much to it, to be honest.”

She brushed her fingers along her hair, tucking it just behind her ears.

“I just… never quite felt comfortable with myself, when I was growing up. You know that feeling of, like,” she spun around again to face me, “everything… not quite being real?”

I shook my head.

“Really?” she asked. “You’ve never dissociated before?” 

“Dissociated?”

“Nevermind. It was just this, like, background feeling of… ‘everything not quite being real’ is probably the best way to put it. I went through life like that, until a bunch of different things just kinda all happened at once.”

I leaned forward as we walked along, listening intently.

“First off, I met someone else who was trans, and had this huge… epiphany of like, ‘wait, that’s a thing? People can just… be like that?’. The second thing was, um…” Her voice trailed off as she looked away, her face beginning to turn red.

“I… kinda got hooked on Gender Bender comics.”

She flailed her arms around slightly as I stared at her.

“I-it was a form of escapism, okay? Anyway, the other thing was, um…”

Pausing for a moment to compose herself, she took a deep breath.

“I started growing my hair out when I was 12,” she reached her hand up, playing with her hair as she continued, “and at one point, someone mistook me for a girl, and… everything just kinda hit me all at once.”

She turned around again, looking at me with a big smile on her face.

“A lot of internet browsing and doctors’ visits later, and… here I am.”

 

I stopped walking, staring down at the ground as I became lost in my thoughts.

That’s… I’m not like her. Our experiences are different, so… does that mean I shouldn’t think of myself as a-

Zoey hopped forward towards me, breaking me out of my daze as she spoke up.

“If you don’t mind me asking, did something happen earlier?”

I flinched, and my entire body tensed up as I stood there, holding the bicycle.

There’s no getting out of this, is there?

“U-um.” I tried to speak, but couldn’t form the words I needed. Zoey, noticing my distress, took a step back.

“It’s okay, take your time.”

 

Deep breaths. You can do this.

 

“S-so, um, earlier, when Grace and I were in the bathroom grabbing things, she asked me a question...”

“Oh?”

“She wanted to know… if I wanted to go back to being a guy.”

I bent down, resting my chin against the handlebars.

“And… I didn’t know how to answer her. I realised, after she asked me…”

I slid my hands together, pressing my face into them as they gripped the bicycle.

“I… don’t know how I see myself now. I don’t know who… or what I am anymore.”

Aeriel and Mira both say that I’m the Spirit Queen, and this body and its… features are proof of that, but… 

“Who or what you are? What do you mean, specifically?”

I lifted my face up suddenly, as Zoey’s voice took on the same tone as Elena, when she had shifted into work mode. Her expression was similar too, not one of confusion, but one of empathy and calmness.

 

“I’m clearly… a girl now. Like, you can clearly tell that with just one look at me, but… what happened to ‘Felix’? What happened to the ‘me’ I was before?”

A few tears began forming as I unloaded all of my worries onto Zoey, and I closed my eyes as I wailed.

“Did the transformation only change my body? Or did it change my mind as well? Am I… a completely different person now?”

 

I flinched suddenly as I felt something soft touch my head. Opening my eyes, I saw Zoey reaching her hand out, lightly patting my head with a gentle smile on her face.

“I guess… it’s normal to be confused, in a situation like this,” she began, standing back upright.

 

“Emily told me something interesting, a few days ago. We were talking about her worries, with her own transformation, and she told me that you said something that saved her.”

“W-what was it?”

“She said that she was panicking, thinking that she was possessed, and you said ‘You’re still you, I promise.’”

What does that have to do with this?

“And having watched her, these past few days, I think you were right. She’s still the same impulsive, hyperactive girl as always, just with ears and a tail.”

“But, she didn’t transform into someone else, like I did! She still looks the same. She’s still… the same person…”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there.” Zoey held her left hand out in front of me, gesturing for me to stop, her other hand on her hip.

 

“First off, your idea of you being a ‘completely different person’ is most likely false. Having seen you and Grace side-by-side, there is a very strong family resemblance between you two. I’d wager that what you look like now is just ‘what you would look like as a girl’.”

She placed her left hand down on her hip as she continued.

“Additionally, I noticed something when I first met you. It was part of the reason that I believed Emily’s story immediately, or… at least treated it as if it was true. I don’t think I’ve met you before your transformation, but having watched you, I’m pretty sure your body language hasn’t changed at all.”

I quickly looked around at my body, confused.

“The way you sit, or the way you walk, and so on… you still move like a boy. If you had changed into a completely different person, then your muscle memory would have changed as well.”

“But that doesn’t explain everything!” I screamed. “I noticed it a while ago… I’m not in control of my emotions. A-and I react to things differently, too.”

“I was told the same thing, too. People said that I had turned into a completely different person."

Zoey smirked slightly, fiddling with her hair.

“I wasn’t, of course. I still liked and disliked the same things, I still had the same personality, and so on. People just thought I was different because I wasn’t hiding anything anymore.”

She leant forward, fidgeting with her dress a little.

“Plus– and I think this is more relevant for you– hormones are very powerful. Did you suddenly find yourself crying a whole bunch, after your change?”

I nodded my head, causing her to laugh a little in response.

“Yep, thought so. The same thing happened to me. It’s quite an experience, isn’t it?”

 

“Anyway,” she continued, spinning around gracefully, which caused her dress to flutter outwards, “in my opinion… all the stuff you’re going through, like the emotions, your different reactions, and even all the doubts… they’re all normal, given the situation.”

“Really?”

“However, there is one big question you’re forgetting about.”

She quickly stopped, turning back towards me.

“Think about your life for a moment, both before and after the change.”

 

Before all of this happened, my life was… 

 

“I… before I turned into a girl, I… went to school, studied, went home, and studied some more.”

...Was that really my whole life? Just... school, and studying?

“So here’s the important question. Are you happier now, compared to before?”

...Am I?

I closed my eyes, thinking back to everything that had happened after my transformation on Monday.

So much has happened since then. I turned into a girl, met Zoey, Elena, Mira, and Aeriel, got kicked out of home, found out that I have some kind of magic power… it’s just been so hectic. It was scary at times, and really embarrassing, but… 

 

“I… think I might be.”

 

“Regardless of whether you think you’ve completely changed, or if you’re having doubts about what you should do...”

Zoey smiled, the most gentle smile I had ever seen.

“The most important thing is how you feel. If you’re happier with your life now, then isn’t it okay?”