"Ugh this is such bullshit!" Storming out of the bathroom I threw the shorts at my feet. Get out of my way and get out of my life, terrible strips of fabric. Be gone with you!!

"What's wrong with it Jay?" This was the fourth pair of shorts that I rejected. Each time I hadn't answered why it was a no-go but I had had it. These clothes. They were just, ugh so frustrating. So wrong. 

"They feel like shit! They're all so rough and there's nowhere for my tail. I'm trying my best but I'm either just straight up showing off my ass or my tail is just jammed down my pants. It all sucks and looks so bulky and I hate it and it just makes me want to burn them." These really had been the worst pair yet. Sure they were like any other pair of shorts out there, even having the big baggy pockets that I was used to before my accident. But something just felt so wrong about them. Compared to the shorts that came with my doll it just felt like so much, like I was swimming in cloth. 

Kass leaned over and gently folded the shorts and placed them back in their original bag with the receipt. "Well we definitely aren't doing that. I wanna get that money back. No clothing burning, mmkay. At least not on my watch. No, not even the cargo shorts. Look you said go extreme and I remember you had like, a pair freshman year."

"Some things best remain in the past." I sighed. "I don't get it. All of these clothes were basically serviceable but now it's like chewing on tinfoil but without the fun buzz. I can't do it. It freaks me out way too much. I don’t get it, these new shirts you gave me fit my body just fine. Well at least after the first two, those were trash garbage. But I love the really nice thin tank top that you found, it makes my chest feel fine and it’s great worn as an undershirt. And yeah, one of the shirts you have to button up the wrong way but at least it still works, you know!" I was pacing flailing my arms around, if I wasn’t still so small I would be stamping my feet but I lacked the power to really make any impact.

It wasn’t Kass’s fault, obviously. Maybe pants just weren’t made for KTs, or me anymore. Or just cats in general. Maybe I would just have to become really good at sewing in, oh, 24 hours and make something that would work well for my tail. I mean that was an option, but I lacked any of the supplies and that would just stress me out even more. 

“Wait,” Kass said, “why can you wear your old KT shorts but not these, is there a hole in that or something?”

“Apparently there was, but when I took it off it was gone. I guess the clothes adapt to my body. Maybe it’s part of the KT spell. But you were right, I wanted to wear something new and nicer for my sister, not some ratty pair of magical shorts that I’ve been wearing for almost three weeks now. I’d take anything, I’m genuinely kind of desperate for something to work.”

"Well… extreme times call for extreme measures. What if I told you, maybe, that there was a way to fit your tail and for you to be comfortable, at least physically." Kass ruffled through a bag that was hidden beneath a few others and my mood swung from forlorn back to the original excitement. 

"Really! You mean it? You found something for me." My ears perked up and I had to use all of my brain power to keep from jumping on the couch and snatching the bag away from Kass. 

"You have to promise you'll keep an open mind, okay? Promise you'll give it a shot?"

I nodded enthusiastically, bouncing around the room to burn off a little extra energy, "yeah yeah totally! What is it"

My heart sunk and my stomach was filled with anxious flutters when zie pulled a cream pleated skirt out if the bag. I mean it looked cute, plain sure but the color would go well with my hair and ears and oh my God why was I even giving this serious thought? I couldn't wear that, right? 

Well I mean I could, it would be easy enough. All you have to do is put both legs into the hole and pull up, not that different from wearing a pair of pants. And besides, who hasn’t thought about wearing a skirt every now and then. Kass had offered it to me in the past but I always declined, usually I would just tell hir that I knew I was going to look silly so there was no point in trying. It was easier to say that than “it would break my heart if I put it on and looked bad.”

But now I had a chance. And I was cute. And what’s the harm in putting it on once, right? Clothes are just clothes, at least that’s what everyone else says. And I bet I would look nice in it, and it would be so much better than all of those pants. Okay fine. Blushing I snatched the skirt out of Kass’s hands and ran off to the bathroom. This was ridiculous, but I had to give it a shot right? The whole point of being a KT was experimenting, and well, no time like the present to take a leap of faith. 

Nervously I turned the skirt around trying to figure out which way would face the “front’ when I was just stymied by the lack of, well, any indication. It was a mobius strip of fabric, the front seemingly identical to the back. I realized all I was really doing was postponing the inevitable and taking one leg at a time, I stepped into the skirt. My eyes were clenched, my mind was racing, if I breathed I would be holding my breath. Opening my eyes I looked. . . well, normal. I looked as normal as a catguy in a skirt could be. I steadied myself on the sink and took a moment to really take a good look at myself in the mirror. 

What was reflected back was a scared, slim, catb- well catboy didn’t sound right. How about cat person. His eyes were clouded with doubt and his ears were flat against the back of his head, but he looked… Nice. It was just nice. The fabric sat well on my fur and all in all it didn’t give me the heebie-jeebies like all of the shorts did. It came down a little too low on my legs for my liking, was that weird? I guess, but it looked nice. A little off on me, but still not bad. It was just clothes. 

I turned around and saw the back of my skirt was tented out a bit from my tail, which made me laugh but also seriously remember not to get too excited or else I was going to be showing off my ass. Okay, this was nice. This was fine. And most importantly, this looked good on me. This was something I could see myself wearing, well, at least as long as I was a KT, obviously. It would look kind of silly on my new body. 

Tentatively, I stepped foot back in the main space. I realize I had to have been in the bathroom for about ten minutes, just staring at myself and processing my feelings. I needed that time though. There needed to be a moment where I seriously considered what I was wearing and if I liked it, I owed myself and Kass that. 

“Oh. My. God. Jay.” Kass squealed, wow I never knew that zie could squeal. “You look so cute in that!”

“Y-you mean it,” my face heated up and I knew I was blushing up a storm. Ah well, at least the blush probably looked good against the color of the skirt.

“Yes absolutely, although,” Kass stood up and walked over towards me, circling me like a predator stalking their prey. “You’ve got the skirt a little down. It needs to be on your hips and less on your butt. Can I adjust it?” I blankly nodded as zie rearranged my skirt a little bit, showing off more of my legs in the process. “There, Jay. Now it really works, and tucking the top into it as well will really show off your figure.” 

Figure? I had a figure? I mean I guess everyone had a figure but I just kind of referred to my body as, well my body. Either way I liked it, I liked being referred to in that way. It made my stomach flutter again, but there was a joy to being talked to in this way. Like I was part of a secret club of skirt wearers or something. I should have worn a skirt years ago, Jerrod was a fool! Fuck that guy!

“Jay, could you indulge me real quick and do something?” Kass asked.

“Hmm??” 

“Do you think you could do a twirl for me, it’s kind of a right of passage for gi- new skirt wearers.” 

“A twirl?” My mind processed that for a moment, I think I knew what zie was talking about but I just wanted to make sure. There were so many things that a twirl could mean I guess, I didn’t want to mess this up. Especially if it was essential to the skirt trying process.

“Yeah, you know just spin around in a circle real fast and let it flutter. With how light the fabric is and the cute pleats I thought this would be such a good twirling skirt.”

I nodded. A twirl. That’s easy enough to do. Taking a moment to steady myself, I spun in a circle letting the fabric whir up with the force of my spin. In that moment I felt so graceful, so full of life. My jaw hurt from how big my smile was and a giggle escaped my lips. Not content with a single twirl I spun around one, no two more times. Each time basking in the joy of the skirt’s movement. 

That settled it. I loved skirts. I’d have to get some skirts that fit me when I unraveled, gender roles be damned. “Hey Kass,” I said, settling down after my fifth twirl. “I was just wondering if maybe, just maybe, you happened to get anything else like this, y’know. Just to try it out?”

 

~~~

“Are you sure, are you sure that I don’t look ridiculous.” I looked down at the sleeveless raspberry a-line dress that I was wearing. Sure, it really showed off how amazing my arms were, and since it was cut right above my knee it also drew attention to my awesome legs, but it still didn’t feel fully comfortable. Something was wrong. A nagging voice in the back of my brain told me that I needed to change back into my basic outfit. That people shouldn’t be able to see me like this. The ever present voice of my dad in the back of my head fired off a few choice slurs, which made my mind up for me. Sure, it might be stepping out of my comfort zone, but if it was something that might piss off my parents, then maybe I was doing something right. The one corner where it really helped with my anxiety, however, was my tail. I felt so free, no longer constrained or shoved into a pant leg or awkwardly popping out of shorts. Learning sewing was now #1 on my list, but until then I had to settle for this dress. This. Beautiful… scary…. Comfortable.. Absolutely no-comfort-zone scrap of fabric that clung to me in ways that fabric was not supposed to cling. 

“If this is too much, you can always change into something else. They won’t be here for a few more minutes,” Kass looked up from hir book and glanced at my outfit. This was the fifth time zie answered my question, each time giving me the same response. “And of course you look adorable. That color is fantastic on you, and it really shows off your ears. And you blush every single time I tell you that it shows off your ears so I feel like you’re just waiting for me to give you an excuse not to wear something you really want to wear.”

Goddammit Kass you saw through my master plan. I sighed, “you’re right. . . again. This dress is just, it’s so cute. But I’m just worried.”

“Worried that your sister is going to judge you?”

“Yeah.”

“From everything you have told me about Audrey she seems like the absolute sweetest person. And she’s pretty dang LGBT friendly, being a lesbian. And we’re not brits which means there’s not a one in two chance that she’s a rabid terf. So we’re fine on that angle as well. If this is how you want to dress and present for her, go for it. And if you want to change at any point in the night, that’s fine. Nobody is going to judge you.” Fuckin’ Kass. How could zie be so good at this, I guess zie had more experience with, well, changing up presentation than I did. I just wish I had an ounce of hir confidence, in hir ability to be true to hirself. I wanted to wear this dress so badly, at the same time it scared me to death. 

I was trying to ignore what it meant, what it said about me. My intense desire to wear this very feminine outfit clashed with my brain’s ‘bury it and don’t worry about it’ protocol. There was going to have to be some serious soul-searching soon, but it could wait until Audrey was gone. I was giving my identity a moment of reprieve. Some time to rest before I did any real introspection. 

But it would have to wait, as at that very moment there was a knock on the door. Like we planned, I went off to the side to wait in the kitchen while Kass took care of Audrey and Stace. 

“Hey!” Kass said, “I haven’t met you in person but you must be Audrey, you look a lot like Ja-Jerrod. And you must be Stace.” 

“Hiiiiiiii! Oh my Gosh are you Kass!! I’m a bit of a hugger, would you like a hug?” Yeah that definitely was Audrey. Physical touch was 100% her love language, but to be fair she gave the best hugs. It felt like she was just wrapping up every little bit of you and wouldn’t let go until both of you felt better. I’d know, I was on the receiving end of those hugs so many times until she moved out. That’s a polite way of putting her departure, but it’s one of those things that are best not dwelled upon. 

“Hey, I’m Stace,” I guess the big hug had come to a close. Whenever I asked Audrey about Stace she told me they balanced her out. While Audrey seemed to be this endless font of energy, Stace was calm, chill. They had met at a Black Lives Matter protest when they shared the same water bottle to wash the tear gas out of their eyes and as Audrey put it “when I could see again it was love at first sight.” After that the two of them were pretty much inseparable. 

Stace, I was told, skated for a derby team, so she was constantly busy with practice and work. Meanwhile Audrey backed her up and managed a lot of the logistic end of their graphic design company. A regular power couple. 

“Sooooo,” Audrey bubbled, “where’s Jerrod? I haven’t seen him in so long and I need to give him big congrats on graduating. Wait, Kass you graduated too right? Oh my gosh I totally forgot, well I’m going to have to get you a gift later, I feel so dumb. What kind of wine do you like? Or are you more of a liquor girl? You look like a liquor girl, look at her Stace. Couldn’t you see her sitting on a front porch at the end of the day enjoying a nice glass of whiskey. Totally could, well I’ll have to plan something nice-”

Kass cut her off, “Yeah you’re definitely a Lane, you word avalanche just like Jerrod. Oh, and actually real quick, I’m non-binary and use zie/hir pronouns, if you don’t mind. I forgot to let Jerrod know to tell you.” We didn’t actually. This was a test. A temperature check for the rest of the night if you will. Kass suggested it and even if I wasn’t too down for it, I went along with hir idea. 

“Aw dope,” Stace said and I let out a quick sigh of relief. “Let us know if we fuck it up or if we can do anything to make you more comfortable, okay? Right Rey?”

“Oh totally! I’m so so sorry I fucked that up!”

Kass laughed, “Hey it’s okay, you didn’t know! Uh but there’s something you do need to know before you meet Jerrod. He’s going to look a little different than you last saw him.”

“Well thank God! He’s been rocking that straight-forward boyscout look ever since mom started picking out clothes for him. Ooh, what did he do. Did he dye his hair, or maybe get a tattoo? Oh my god the bitch is gonna flip when she facebook stalks him and finds that out.” Audrey’s voice was giddy with excitement. I didn’t used to look that boring right? I fiddled with the edge of my dress, I thought I could clean up alright. Maybe. It’s not my fault that whenever I went shopping I couldn’t find anything that I really liked wearing. That was the clothes' fault! So I just went with what I knew because it was so much easier than trying and failing to find something new. 

“It’s a little, uh, a little more serious than that.”

“He’s not hurt is he?” Stace chimed in.

“Oh my Godddd Stacey Jameson-Lane! You can’t just immediately go to worst case scenario! If sibby was hurt then he totally would have told me that. And he wouldn’t be making us dinner, silly. But seriously, Kass what’s the deal?” As much as she tried to hide it, I could hear a glimmer of fear in Audrey’s voice. I wanted to shout out “it’s okay, I’m cool just a bit different” but I realize that she wouldn’t even recognize my voice. I just had to trust the plan. 

“No he’s not hurt. Uh, God it’s easy to plan this but it’s hard to actually say it out loud. Um. So magic is real.” Wow, we had planned so many different things for hir to say in this moment but I didn’t expect that Kass would go straight for the band-aid rip. “Yeah I know it sounds crazy but trust me here. I wouldn’t be telling you unless it was really important. Jerrod was, well he was in a really bad accident.”

“Oh my God, the Jerrod luck struck again. He was paired with a certifiable mental patient.” Audrey mumbled. 

“Woah, Audrey you can’t say that. If you forgot, I’m a certifiable mental patient. C’mon, your ableism is showing.” Stace snapped.

“Sorry Stace. Sorry. I just, so you’re telling me Jerrod is both hurt and also magic is real?”

“He’s okay now, he’s just. Well he was hurt really, really badly. The only solution that I had was to transfer his soul into basically a backup vessel. Something that would take time and restore him to a state that’s, well, pretty much similar to what he was before. I think, not so sure now but that was at least the idea. He’s fine, he’s the same old Jerrod except waayyyy more energy. It’s just, a lot.”

“This is so much,” Audrey said. “I don’t know if you’re rehearsing for a play or something, but this is too much. I need to see my brother. I haven’t talked to him since the start of this school year and you decide to pull this on us? Does he know you’re doing this? Jerrod!?” 

Obviously things were going about as downhill as they could, so I took that moment to step around the corner. My ears were flat, betraying my nerves, tail dragging on the ground.

“H-hey sis, Stace. Um. . . So uh, my life’s been kind of weird recently.”

Audrey’s jaw dropped. Stace’s whole body dropped on the floor. Kass looked absolutely heartbroken that zie had fucked this up so badly but I gave hir an encouraging smile. “Uh, I just uncorked a bottle of chardonnay. How about we go to the kitchen, have a drink, and I’ll tell you all about, uh, me. Sound good?” Without waiting for response I tip-toed to the kitchen trying not to outwardly show how terrified I was that the night would go downhill from here.