When was the last time you had to wake up, while exhausted, without an alarm clock? Exactly. I tried my best to so, after taking a short nap to recover my mind, and failed. I woke up late, at most an hour before the sunset. Shit!
I ran outside. My brothers, the only two siblings still remaining were still sunbathing (“How nice to not have any worries”). One of them decided to climb on the holy site of drunken snout, due to low sun casting shade on his usual spot (“Preposterous!”)(“Blasphemous!”)(“I mean yeah, good for him, we are busy”)
Mercy, up! |
(“The day of my wraith will come! He doesn’t know the difference between heaven and earth!”)
Mercy, down! |
My siblings being there made it more difficult… as I had no time to waste getting stuck in someone else's mind, and it was the best place to pretend being an unimportant snake. It’s dangerous to get too close though, as they might water bullet me again…
(“Night is coming”)
I can’t risk waiting for tomorrow, they might leave by then! I have to do it now.
I slithered in a wide arc around the usual stone spot, and got in between my siblings and the reeds, searching for the best signal spot. It reminded me of the time my friend was trying to steal their neighbors wifi.
***
Guerorp was on the edge of the sea shelf. He could see the reef of blood, the seat of the greatest school of martial arts on the Selun, the Reflective Fin! There were those who disputed their position, but after he defeated the old geezer in the duel and became the rightful successor, all that doubted them were dealt with. Now, no one dares to challenge him.
“Honorable master! Honorable master! A wandering finmaster came, and took down the sign of our school! He demands a duel, claiming you are not the true successor of the sect!”
SsssSSssSsssss
“Master?”
“... It’s nothing. I see… another fool that doesn’t know their place. I shall show them my might, and crush them, like the shrimp they are!”
I went to the seagrass field at the front of the reef, half of it red, giving the whole reef its name. Over a thousand years of this place's history, and tens of thousands of duels of many powerful practitioners, the seaweeds started thirsting for blood. And my reign kept them well fed.
“So it was you.. you traitorous fool. How dare you show your face here?” - who else, but Bloplilob, my sworn enemy standing at the center of the field.
“You don’t deserve the spot of the grandmaster! It should be MINE! After all it was me who inherited the secret mana whisker technique!”
“I earned my position in an honorable duel! Something you never had the gonads to do!”
“Is that the way you talk to your fellow student? You never defeated me during sparing before, this time shall be no different, old friend!”
Many memories of our younger days resurfaced. Of training together under the old fart. Of fighting and bickering over foolish stuff. The shared laughter, the late night talks about our dreams and insecurities, of practicing until we floated belly up in exhaustion… I thought they would go on forever. But then the betrayal… for the sake of our knightly duties I had to be cordial to him, but I never forgot.
“After what you did you dare to call yourself my friend?!”
“It was my right!”
“Unrepenting until the end?! So be it! I shall forgive you after I spill as much of your blood as I shed tears! Prepare yourself!!
“You shall become the plankton that the shrimp feed on! DIE!”
The mana raged, raising their whiskers straight up. Water around them boiled, sea anemone retreated back to their trunks, and students cried in sadness watching the scene unfold. Apart from them only an ugly eel jester remained…
...
“An eel?”
“I’m here to write down what I see, and then sing what I wrote down through the Selun, oh great grandmaster!”
“Ah I see” I said, and went back to charging my mana, my whiskers raging up again
But that cowardly, uncultured bastard didn’t wait for the transformation to complete!
“It seems the master hasn't beaten into you hard enough to never take your eyes off your opponent! Now… DIE!”
“Naive!” I said, tail tuckered in a counter attacking stance.
It took only a second. We passed each other, unbearable tension in the water. Too fast for everyone else to understand, they waited for the result.
The red seagrass rejoiced! It shall feast tonight! Another patch of red created on the seafloor.
Two of them. Yes, the two finmasters were equal! No, the Guerorp was slightly better, but Blopliobs honorless sneak attack made up for the difference!
“Noo!” Cried the students! Even the sea seemed to cry, a storm brewing on the surface, the ground seemed to crack…
But Guerorp was smiling. Happy to have avenged his betrayal. Happy to die with his old enemy.. No, his old friend. His only regret, not having lived long enough to see his 500 children hatch.. Fishtanas crying face….
“Oh it would be such a shame if the world didn’t know the story of your life great grandmaster!”
“.. what? Oh, it’s you, the jesteel...”
“The epic of this duel will be sung for generations! But.. it would be an even greater tale, one that could spread even further and wider (possibly even Pyr!), if only I could learn more about the story of your rise, o greatest of all warriors!”
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Rainbow Votes: 25 50.0%
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Yellow-red Votes: 22 44.0%
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The old eyes were better 8< Votes: 7 14.0%
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The new eyes are better :> Votes: 20 40.0%
Man, these mind chapters are so confusing. Our snek will eventually be getting inside the heads of critters that make a little more sense, right? All I'm gathering is some of the... fish? Are having a territorial dispute, and the snek is mentally sitting in on the action, but given their limited intelligence, snek can only interpret the events they're experiencing as best he can. Is that about the gist of it? Or is he sitting in on a critter's dream sequences? Something completely different?
Cover feedback: The angle of the pupil isn't lined up with the angle of the head, the horizontal spokes appear to be slightly misaligned from each other, and the overall radius of the pupil ought to be a bit smaller than the visible radius of the eye. I don't know how much of it is intentional for the sake of the thumbnail, though. As for colors, I prefer the rainbow background, but the color of the eye should be yellow like in the yellow-red one (or simply white like in the original). Should make it stand out, unless you already tried that and it looked horrible.
Looking good, though! Still prefer the original cover, but I like this too
Well, the point is that this is a dream, working on dream logic. But I guess it is a bit crazy from the perspective of a reader.
The idea was that you learn about dreams of the Jealous fish, we learn he has this frenemy, who is now his lieutant, and that in his dreams he isn't the nicest person, we learn part of his history, that he hates his old teacher, but wants peoples respect, and all the stuff that is happening here is what in a way he wants to happen (or his brain just created).
Also about cover, Iris- I tried aligning it better, but I think this version just pops up out more, and is consistent with the previous. Personally I like the old eye more, but I'm fine with this as well. I also think rainbow version just looks better with blue (the yellow with gradient makes the snake look drunk) and I didn't want to create another 100 choice poll
It seemed pretty understandable to me that Guarlop or whatever his name is, is a meathead, who had a crush on a pretty fish but his friend Bulop(?) got together with her. Guar-smth considers this a betrayal. So he dreams of beating up this friend.
In this particular dream it's pretty much a wuxia wetdream where he is a champion of a dojo and defeats his rival in an epic duel.
How much this reflects on reality? Probably it hints at accurate info, like the Guar-whatever being a martial artist relative to other fish, not being really good at magic
@drakensji mostly yep yep (what exactly the betrayal is was not specified yet)
@Reisinling i figured he was just lusting for a certain female fish but she decided to hook up with the friend.
@drakensji I mean he was (is) lusting after Rybliana, but that's not the betrayal part
@Reisinling oh, i found it pretty common for a guy to consider a friend hooking up with their crush as a deep-cutting betrayal.