Despite some half-hearted suggestions that Theonis take up cooking, he had never actually been to the Polaia’s galley before now. The cook, a jovial man with a thick mustache, was preparing him a snack to take to Satiria. While he waited, Theonis looked around the room. It was cramped with tables and barrels, with occupied shelves all along the walls. It was a marvel that there was even room for the iron stove in this mess.

“Here you are, Theonis,” the cook said, handing him a full paper bag. “Hope she enjoys it.”

“I’m sure she will,” Theonis replied graciously.

He was off the ship as soon as humanly possible, desperate to avoid Myrova and Polithea after what he’d learned the day before. Before long, Theonis was drifting lazily down the canals and watching the city go by. It was a pain to have to get out and walk the remaining way to the academy.

Satiria was still in the library, but this time she was working alone surrounded by her many books. Thankfully, she wasn’t wearing the same clothes as the day before; she probably hadn’t worked straight through the night without a break. Theonis approached the table and sat the bag down in front of her.

“Are you hungry yet?” he asked.

Satiria glanced away and muttered, “Skipped breakfast,” before putting her notes to the side. She reached into the bag and pulled out a sandwich. Unwrapping it, she gestured for Theonis to take a seat. He obliged.

“I should keep working,” she said, “but I really need a break. I’m still missing a few key details that will help me figure out exactly what region we need to look in. I need to hurry. I won’t let Aylmer beat me.”

“Overworking yourself isn’t going to help,” Theonis told her. “He doesn’t know the region as well as we do, remember? We have the advantage.”

She nodded.

Theonis continued, “Things have been a little tough for me, lately. It feels like everyone else has some way of contributing to our goal and I’m just… there.”

Satiria chewed slowly for a bit, then swallowed.

“As much as I don’t want to admit it,” she said, locking eyes with Theonis, “we could not have done any of this without the plans you stole from Aylmer to begin with. I don’t like it, but you did help us a lot. I think that it’s only a matter of time before you figure out what your place on the team really is.”

“Thank you,” Theonis replied, smiling softly. “That helps. I hope that you’re right.”

“Why do you do this?” Satiria asked. “What drives you to go on these expeditions?”

“The fun of it.” Theonis shrugged. “I never had a lot of fantasies growing up, since there weren’t many possibilities for people on Stemini, but if I had then this would be exactly what I dreamed of.”

Satiria smirked and leaned back in her chair before continuing, “I always loved learning about ancient history. When I was young, I would get so upset that Miravia had come in and swept away everything that came before. Nobody else seemed as bothered by it as I was.

“Anyway, I had fully intended to just become an Ancient Apositan scholar and spend the rest of my life observing their history from afar. It seemed like a goal that was within reach. But I was obsessed with the finds that explorers brought in and thinking of the ways that they could be used to help our own technological development. When I heard that someone was searching for an expert on Ancient Apositus, I took a big risk by leaving the academy to beg him for a position.

“And that’s how I got where I am today. Best decision of my life. Now I get to actually be the one uncovering treasures that help us reconstruct our past. It’s why I’m so frustrated at people like Aylmer; all they do is take from other people.”

“I think I understand where you’re coming from,” Theonis said.

Satiria nodded, then stretched.

“I need to get back to work,” she said. “But it was nice talking to you.”

“You too,” Theonis said, standing up.

With his only task for the day finished, Theonis stepped outside and started wandering the campus some more. On a second viewing, though, the seven buildings didn’t look distinct enough to be interesting for very long. Theonis stuffed his hands in his pockets and began the walk back to the Polaia. He’d explore more of the city while he walked. Kosgoris had suggested that he wander around and meet some people, after all.

Instead of taking a boat, Theonis wandered the pathways and bridges around Arelia for a while. He passed by quite a few people, stopping to say hello before continuing on. And as he walked, he examined the architecture more closely. The red stone bricks were smooth to the touch. On the north and south sides of buildings were large open windows that let in air while east and west walls had small windows that let in the light. From what little Theonis could see of the interiors, most buildings seemed to have a very open floor plan with few walls.

In his wandering, Theonis found himself walking up a set of stairs to an open roof where people had gathered. An iron stove had been built onto the roof, where someone was preparing food. Theonis turned to walk away, embarrassed at having intruded where he wasn’t wanted.

“Hey there, young lady,” someone said, grabbing loosely onto his arm. “Where are you going? Grab a bite to eat and stay a while?”

Theonis blushed at being referred to as a “young lady” and nodded. He was directed to the stove, where someone placed a plate of soutzoukakia and rice in his hands. His mouth watered just looking at the meatballs. It took a while for Theonis to find an empty seat, but he didn’t really care. For once, he was part of a crowd and not just passing through it. Finally, he found a seat next to a tall woman who was leaning back and relaxing.

“Having a good day?” she asked him.

“Not the worst I’ve ever had,” he admitted. “I really need a break after yesterday, if I’m being honest.”

“Boy troubles?”

“Girl troubles.”

“Ah. I’ve had plenty of those in my life.” She looked wistfully off into the near distance. “I knew that being an aphrovia was going to be difficult when I started, but it really creates barriers if you want to get anywhere in society.”

“I’m sorry. What’s an aphrovia?” Theonis asked. “I’ve never heard the word before.”

“I wish that surprised me more. Aphrovia date back to Ancient Apositus, where they were priests and priestesses for the goddess Aphrodora. Basically, they’re people who are born looking like one gender, but are spiritually a different gender, and who take medicine to help alter their bodies to match their self-image.” After a few moments of silence from Theonis, she asked, “Are you okay, dear?”

Theonis blinked and started breathing again. He locked eyes with this strange woman. She was like him?! Or he was like her? They both… she’d actually…?

“You can do that?” he whispered.

There was a spark of recognition in the woman’s eyes and she smiled sadly.

“Yes, dear, you can. If you feel like you’re not happy with your body and the way people treat you, there’s medicine that you can take to change your appearance. There’s a doctor at the academy who can give you what you need to look more like the man you were meant to be?”

“What?” Theonis asked, before shaking his head. “No! I mean—” He pulled the pendant out from beneath his shirt. “I don’t need to rely on this to look like a girl? I can just take medicine instead?”

The woman leaned in and took the pendant in her hands, examining it.

“This… Did you say this makes you look like a girl?”

Theonis nodded. He thought that he could see the gears turning in the woman’s head. Finally, she let go of the pendant.

“That’s remarkable,” she breathed.

“Yeah, amazing. What medicine would I need to take?”

“I… don’t think you need medicine at all. I think you can pass for a girl just fine.”

Theonis put the pendant away and leaned back in his chair. His head was spinning. All this time and he could just be a girl if he wanted. He could just be a girl. He wanted to be a girl. He wanted to be a girl.

A pang of guilt rippled through Theonis. Myrova, as smart as she was, probably already knew all about aphrovia. That must have been what she was trying to tell him all this time. Now he felt kind of terrible for how he’d reacted.

“Are you okay?” the woman asked. “How do you feel about all of this?”

“I’m not sure,” Theonis admitted. “I need some time to sort through this.”

“That’s normal. This is something that requires a lot of thought before you’re sure of what you want. Although, in your case, I imagine that you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you didn’t really want it.”

“You might be right,” Theonis said, standing up.

“Wait, before you go, I want to give you something.” She reached around her neck and pulled out a small necklace with a symbol of two interlocking arrows. “This symbol was often worn by aphrovia priests. I’d like you to have it.”

“Thank you,” Theonis replied, putting the necklace on.

Thankfully, Theonis didn’t run into anybody once he was back on the Polaia. He made it back to his room and locked the door behind him, still clutching the necklace. Curling up in bed, Theonis let the events of the past couple of hours replay themselves in his head over and over again.

He had a name for what he was. All his life, Theonis had felt a little out of place, but couldn’t explain why. Would he have been happy if he’d just been born a girl? Or if everyone had recognized that he was a girl? Did Theonis have to start thinking of himself as “she” now?

His heart ached at the memory of his mother looking at him after they were reunited. She definitely hadn’t seen Theonis as a girl. If he had been able to put his feelings into words then, would she have accepted him? What would their relationship have been like if she'd known what he really was?

How was this going to change things with his team? Myrova already knew, of course. Everyone else seemed okay with his appearance. Nobody had taken an issue with him in a dress. Maybe they would react well.

Getting a flash of inspiration, Theonis leapt from the bed and picked his Mendacity Ring off of the bedside table. Energy started to emanate from the ring and Theonis felt his arm buzz slightly. In his mind, he pictured himself in a simple dress like the women on Stemini wore.

Glancing down, he was definitely wearing a dress. It even felt real. Pushing himself a little, Theonis conjured up a mirror as well. His arm was buzzing and shaking ferociously, but he strained himself to hold onto the illusion as he stepped up to the mirror.

He really did look like a girl. It was no wonder everyone already thought that he was. It almost pained him to see. It wasn’t real. He wasn’t really a girl, right?

But he could be. The thought brought a little flutter of hope to his chest. He could actually be a girl, now that he wanted to. Myrova would help, right? She was his friend. She’d know what he needed to do.

“I want to be a girl,” he said, letting the illusions dissipate before massaging his sore arm. “I really do. No doubt in my mind. Don’t even need magic to do it. But I do need to talk to someone about it.”

Theonis took off the necklace that the woman had given him and opened the drawer to his bedside table. He placed it in there with the rest of his collection, then ran his fingers over the envelope that Aylmer had given him. After a moment, Theonis pulled the envelope out and sat back down on the bed.

In all the excitement of the past few days, Theonis had completely forgotten about the envelope. His hands were shaking. There was something small and hard in the envelope along with a piece of parchment.

What was this letter going to say? Theonis wasn’t sure if he was ready to know what Aylmer had wanted to tell him. Maybe he should just throw the whole letter into the ocean and forget about it. His feelings for Aylmer were very complicated and only getting more so, and he didn’t have any idea what those feelings meant.

Theonis put the letter back and closed the drawer. He was in a very vulnerable position right now and didn’t want this making things even worse. For now, he was just going to focus on whatever was going on with his gender. Which meant that he needed to find someone to talk to.

QuillRabbit

Oh, you thought I was going to make you wait a lot longer for this, did you? :p

Gentle reminder, dear readers: I have a Patreon. If you want a say in what kind of future stories I write, this is the best way to participate: patrons get to vote on the new stories that I work on. At the moment, I'm working on a story about an egg who becomes a magical girl with the help of a magical pixie, and I'm adoring every moment I get to write it, all thanks to my patrons who voted for the idea. You'll also get early access to new chapters by at least a week, and higher-level contributors get access to Patreon-exclusive stories every month. You can find my page here if you're interested.

If you want to read the exclusive short stories but don't want to make a monthly contribution, you can find a few of them available for sale here instead.  If you want to make a one-time contribution or commission a micro fic/short story from me, you can do so at my ko-fi here. Also be sure to follow me on Twitter for new chapter updates as well as whatever else comes to mind.

Other ways to show support are to leave comments, rate the story, read my other works, and share this story with friends who might be interested. Every little bit helps, and thank you in advance.

Special thanks to my patrons of honor: Grymmette, Alex, Zoey, Chloe, Elsie,  and Victoria.