“Okay,” Polithea said, crossing her legs beneath her on the bed. “Explain this to me again. You want to be a girl, you think you’re supposed to be a girl, but you don’t want us to call you a girl?”

Theonis felt his face burn and he glanced away, muttering, “I’m just not comfortable thinking of myself that way, yet. I need more time.”

Myrova added, “He just needs a bit more time to explore his identity, to try some things out before he’s sure he wants to commit.”

“Uh huh,” Polithea replied, looking unconvinced. “I guess that fancy party dress wasn’t enough?”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Theonis whined, wringing his hands. “I’m just not ready yet.”

“Alright.” Polithea stood up. “Since I’m closest to you in size, I guess we’re using my clothes to dress you up? I only have, like, two dresses, though.”

“That’s fine,” Theonis mumbled, standing awkwardly while Polithea kicked open her chest of clothes.

Polithea didn’t have anything as lavish as the party dress Theonis had ruined, but just the thought of being in a dress again had Theonis’ heart pounding in his chest. She piled a bunch of clothes onto the bed and let Theonis have his pick. Once he’d found a dress he liked, he nervously turned to face the other two.

“I need you to turn around,” he said.

“We’ve seen you get changed before,” Myrova reminded him.

“Oh, right. I’m still nervous, though.”

“Very well.”

When Theonis had finished dressing, he took a deep breath and asked, “Alright, how do I look?”

Polithea and Myrova took a long look at him.

“You still look like a girl,” Polithea said.

“Yeah, a dress looks pretty natural on you,” Myrova agreed.

Theonis blushed and bit his lip.

“I want to try something else,” he said. “Turn back around.”

When he asked them to look this time, Theonis was wearing a simple shirt and pair of trousers. But these were different than any he’d worn before; these were still women’s clothes. He was much more nervous to be seen in these.

“Do I still look like a girl?”

“Yes, Theonis,” Myrova said. “You do.”

“It looks better on you than your normal clothes,” Polithea said. “You may want to look into getting a new wardrobe that complements your figure a bit more.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Theonis replied, all his muscles relaxing. “I was worried I wouldn’t look right.”

“Well, you look fine,” Myrova said, picking up a small mirror from the bedside table. “Now, I’m going to use some violet magic to give you a couple different looks to help us figure out what kind of makeup suits you.”

“Am I going to have to wear makeup a lot?” Theonis asked.

“I don’t ever,” Polithea admitted.

“Only on special occasions,” Myrova said. “We’re probably not going to be invited to any big parties again any time soon, but if we’re ever called to appear at the capital or anything, you’ll need to look presentable.”

Theonis held the mirror up while Myrova went through a couple different looks. They all looked good to Theonis. Some were bold, with reds or greens or golds, and some were a lot more subtle. But all of them were good. Theonis really felt like he was looking at a girl in the mirror. He wanted this to last forever.

“Theonis, you’re crying,” Myrova said, finally dispelling her magic.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Polithea asked, placing her hands on Theonis’ shoulders.

“I just…” He sniffed. “I think it’s starting to hit me that I was supposed to be a girl all along.”

“Aww, come here.” Polithea pulled Theonis into a tight hug and the two sat down on the edge of the bed.

Once Theonis had calmed down a little bit, Myrova said, “We still need to come up with a name for you.”

“How about Selovia?” Polithea asked. “Or Vasikol? Louifia?”

“I was thinking about something with historical significance,” Myrova admitted. “A Smariaki, or Kiviki, or Evelli, or Domula.”

“I really don’t know,” Theonis admitted. “It’s a big decision. I kind of want to do some reading on my own before I reach a conclusion.”

“That’s understandable,” Polithea admitted, Myrova nodding in agreement. “Actually, I think I have to get to work soon. I need you two to get out so I can lock up.”

Theonis quickly changed back into his original clothes so that Polithea could shoo him and Myrova out of her room. They parted in the hallway with a hug. As Polithea ran off to her duties, Myrova and Theonis started walking away.

“Should we continue this in my room?” Myrova asked. “It’s closer than yours.”

“Sure. It’ll give me a chance to pick out some books to skim through for names, too.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

Once they were in Myrova’s room, Theonis picked a few books at random from the shelves and set them aside. He sat down on the bed and crossed his legs so he could face Myrova, who was leaning up against the headboard. She was sipping from a bottle of cheap wine, and offered it to Theonis.

“Thank you,” he said, taking the drink. “There is something I was thinking about that I didn’t really want to bring up in front of Polithea.”

“What is it?”

Theonis took a long sip and admitted, “I’m worried about the ipseity pendant. It feels like it doesn’t really belong to me. I just… took it from the ruins. And everyone let me keep it. Am I really any different from Aylmer in that case? I should have just turned it over. I basically stole it.”

“Theonis, you can’t compare yourself to that imperialist. It’s not the same at all.” Myrova shook her head. “Both the pendant and the ring are in better hands with you than anyone at the academy. If you turn them over, both of them will just be locked up for at least another hundred years before anybody takes them out to study them. That’s just what the academy does.

“It hurts so much finding really interesting things on our adventures and knowing that they’re going to be hidden away until the academy is sure that they won’t completely overturn the way magic is used. And the ring, at least, definitely would; I’d be surprised if it hadn’t been locked up for generations before the archmage gave it to you. It’s definitely never going to be studied for mass production.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Theonis replied, handing the bottle back. “They could both be used to do a lot of good. Imagine the aphrovia who could be helped if there were more ipseity pendants. Why would the academy hide that from the world?”

“Power,” Myrova said simply, taking another swig. Seeing the confusion on Theonis’ face, she elaborated, “The academy has a stranglehold on all magic in Pelakevi, to the point where any foreign magic users have to have their presence registered so their magic can be monitored. Imagine mass producing the mendacious ring so that anyone who wanted it could cast illusions or give people hallucinations. The academy would lose prestige, and the capital wouldn’t have any way of effectively regulating the use of magic anymore. The ring would probably have been destroyed if it weren’t useful as a high-value object.”

“The academy isn’t as glamorous as I thought it was, then,” Theonis realized. “I can kind of see why you hate it.”

“Oh, you don’t know anything yet,” Myrova said. “I was, I think, eight years old when I was brought to the academy. It was immediately a competition: only the top third in the class ever got to progress, and the best of the best got special perks. I had rivals who hated my guts and would go out of their way to hit me for opposing them because they needed to be the best, and my age was still in the single digits.

“Teachers turned a blind eye to it, too. I couldn’t leave, I never got to see my family again, and I had to work my ass off just to avoid corporal punishment, because the teachers hit you for being a poor student. I cried almost every night until my tenth birthday. After that—” She shrugged. “—I was just kind of burned out. You get tougher skin after a while. I still got hit if I messed up too bad, but they phase out stuff like that as you get older and they can punish you more abstractly.”

Theonis had covered his mouth in horror.

“I… I had no idea,” he whispered.

Myrova took a long drink from the bottle and passed it back to Theonis, continuing, “That’s why you’re so lucky to be able to do magic without going through all that. Believe me, I wish that everyone could use magic so the academy could finally fall, but I suppose it is really dangerous and probably better if there’s some kind of system in place to train people. Just… you know, a better one than what we have.”

“Why would anyone agree to put their children through that?” Theonis asked. “Why weren’t you allowed to leave?”

Myrova replied with a hollow laugh.

“That’s right, I never told you the best part,” she said. “The academy sends recruiters to poor families who can’t afford to take care of the children they have and pays them to turn a child over. Then the mages at the academy have to enchant the kid’s body in a way that allows them to channel magic. It hurts, Theonis. I have never felt any pain that bad in my entire life. And it took months to recover from.

“Before you ask, the reason why it has to be young kids is because it takes a few years to get the basics down. That’s the given reason, anyway. I think it’s really because children are easier to control, especially if you emotionally neglect them and leave them desperate for any kind of affection.”

Theonis didn’t have anything to say. Myrova didn’t add anything else, either. After a while, Theonis handed the bottle back to Myrova and she tipped it all the way back.

“I guess my upbringing doesn’t compare at all,” he muttered.

“There’s no point in trying to compare miseries,” Myrova said. “The things that hurt you still did damage even if it seems minor compared to what someone else went through.”

“I guess so. I just… I never fit in where I grew up. I had a mother, I even had a nanny which was… nice, I guess. Most people didn’t get that. I always used to think that I was unlucky because I didn’t have a father. I was named after him, by the way. Oh… I guess if I change my name I’m going to lose the only connection I have to him…”

“Do you want to change your name?” Myrova asked.

“I do, I really do,” he insisted. “I just… it’s sinking in that I’m never going to see my mother again, either.”

“Oh, I did eventually find my parents again,” Myrova admitted. “I imagined that meeting so often in my worst times at the academy, how I’d tear into them for sending me to that place for a sliver of money, for all the pain I went through because of their decision. In the end, I decided not to confront them. They still have no idea what happened to me. I just didn’t want to hurt them with the knowledge.” She paused. “I’m sorry! You were talking about yourself and I just… I think the wine is working.”

“It’s okay. I guess I’ve been ignoring what I gave up to be here. But I’d make the same decision again, if given the chance.”

He collapsed onto the bed, curling up in a little ball. After a moment, Myrova set the bottle aside and stretched out to lay next to him. They were close enough that Theonis could smell her breath. Her eyes still shifted with every color of the rainbow.

Then Myrova closed her eyes and grabbed onto Theonis’ head, pulling him close and planting her lips firmly on his. Theonis blinked in surprise, then closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. After just a moment, though, Myrova pulled away and stood up.

“Shit!” she cried. “Shit! Shit! Shit! I—I’m sorry, Theonis. I just… I was drinking and then… Fuck! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Myrova, it’s okay,” Theonis insisted, sitting up. “I’m not angry. A little embarrassed, maybe, but not angry.”

“No, no, it doesn’t matter,” Myrova said, shaking her head and pulling at her hair. “You were being all vulnerable, and I was feeling vulnerable, and I just… I made a mistake. I took advantage of what you were feeling and I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Myrova!” Theonis cried, getting to his feet and grabbing her by the arms. “It’s okay, I promise. I like you, too.”

“That’s not the point,” Myrova whimpered. “I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re in a very vulnerable situation and I should have waited until you’d figured things out and I’m sorry, alright?!”

Theonis let go of Myrova and asked, “Do you really think that I don’t know what I want?”

“That’s not… I should have had more self control.” She stepped away from Theonis. “We need to put some space between us.”

“Myrova—”

“I’m serious, Theonis. No more alone time until this whole mess is over and you’ve had time to figure out for sure what you want.”

“Myrova!”

“Please, just go.”

She pointed at the door. Theonis just stared at her dumbly. Myrova wouldn’t look at him. Seeing that she wasn’t going to change her mind, Theonis made for the door.

“I just want you to know,” he said softly, “that I’m not angry at you.”

“Don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” she pleaded.

Theonis made his way to the canteen. Thankfully, it was nearly empty at this time of day. He sat down at a table and just stared off into nothing for a while. She’d rejected him. She’d kissed him, then rejected him. There was a gash in his heart and it was growing.

“Are you busy?” someone asked.

Theonis glanced over to see Kosgoris sitting down across from him.

“I’m not really in the mood to work right now, sorry.”

“I can see that. What’s wrong?”

Theonis chewed the question for a while before asking, “How am I supposed to understand women and what they want? Because every time I think I’ve got gender and women and romance all figured out, something completely unexpected happens.”

“That’s difficult to answer, Theonis,” Kosgoris replied. “But I can tell you that, regardless of the circumstances, patience and honesty are the key to a good relationship.”

Theonis nodded glumly.

“So I have no choice but to give her the space she asked for,” he concluded.

“If that’s the case, then yes, I think you’re right.”

“Alright. Thank you, Kosgoris. I think that helped a little.”

“Always glad to be of service.”