There wasn’t much to say about the star system of Draxis. Officially labeled in the old star charts as SC-102221/B, its identification was ancient, preceding the Great War. Rise assumed it was discovered by rogue traders, or perhaps bounty hunters, before the conflict over the garden worlds began.
Draxis was an old name, one that harbored ominous tidings. It once belonged to a feared pirate in the earliest days of mankind’s ascendancy to the stars. He was perhaps the most feared pirate to ever live. Naming a star system after him didn’t make much sense to Rise, unless of course you were luring malcontents on purpose.
Draxis was a messy collection of gas giants, asteroid fields, and broken rocks. All of which surrounded a red giant slowly being eaten alive by a small black hole. The gravity well of the black hole was dragging a long chain of fire as it circled the star, creating a halo effect. Even from hundreds of light years away, Rise looked towards the sun of Draxis, and couldn’t help but think of it as a vibrant ring studded with a dark black pearl.
Radiation was severe, causing most of the celestial objects to be barren, and lifeless. What few outposts existed, did so hidden in orbits of gas giants towards the very edge of the habitation zone. The gas giants magnetic field shielded its closest moons from the worst of the radiation, but that didn’t prevent the necessary construction of iron domed cities that looked like bumps from high orbit.
Rise was glad they weren’t stopping here. The captain had to spend a small fortune, a factor priced into the passengers ticket sales, to the colonial magistrate for safe passage. There were precious few known star systems the Star of Argon could traverse through in between the occasional short gravity jump. This one just barely made the list.
In a way, the system was beautiful. It would be another million and a half years before the black hole ate the sun completely. Until then, the colonists of Draxis had a spectacular view.
“Could you imagine living out here?” Dithy’s voice snuck up behind him. She wore a new lipstick, and even applied some makeup to cover her freckled cheeks.
Rise knew why she was excited. “There are three colony moons here. Each are bastions for rogue traders, and pirate gangs. Only one is able to grow food, while the other two siphon rare elements from the gas giants, or mine the countless ore supplies of the astroid belts. There’s even a daring scientific outpost farther into the system, capturing readings from the black hole itself. However they managed to pay the local magistrate to set up camp without being bothered, I could only guess.”
Dithy nudged him with her shoulder, “So…you could imagine living here?”
“I think…” he paused. “If I had the opportunity to build my own private home somewhere, and be left alone, this would be an interesting place.”
“And that’s the problem, there are way too many disgusting people out here.” Dithy strolled in front of him and leaned up against the giant viewport on the wall. The zipper of her jumpsuit was down all the way to her groin, exposing a healthy dose of her cleavage. Rise couldn’t help but notice the small stubble of pubic hair also showing.
“So…are you ready for tonight?” Dithy asked with a grin. Her voice was sultry as ever.
“About that,” Rise sighed. He attached the data pad to his belt, and checked the time. He had another six hours before the next shift break. There were a mountain of tasks still on his docket for review, and he feared he may be working through the night.
Noticing his hesitation, Dithy shot him a confused glance.
“You realize,” Rise began. “After everything you did, my comfort liaison will need at least a day or two to recover. I talked to Stimy just now. The old doctor railed at me for over an hour about how he was never notified about his patients procedural changes before hibernation. He found her half conscious, and suffering from hibernation withdrawal in his clinic this morning.”
“Poor thing.” Rise was surprised to hear a tinge of genuine concern in Dithy’s voice. It wasn’t guilt, but she did seem disturbed by the news.
Rise could feel his heart beating in his chest. After hours of toil, seeing Dithy like this gave him a rush. “He told me she was lactating profusely, and her new…appendage strained her physiology.”
That caught Dithy’s attention. She stood up straight, causing her girls to bounce, and shot him a glare. “How big is it?” Dithy’s mouth was watering.
“I didn’t ask, but he seemed worried about her bodies recovery. He told me that she was on medical leave for at least 48 hours.” In truth the physician had only given Rise’s comfort liaison 24 hours of medical leave, but Rise felt like offering her some mercy. His comfort liaison could use a break after growing new organs from scratch. Besides, her hormones were probably so out of whack, it would take days for them to settle.
Dithy clearly wasn’t happy about that. “Medical leave?” She asked. Her expression was grave, her lips were pursed, and there was outrage behind her eyes.
“That’s what he told me.” Rise ignored her childish anger, “You really did a number on her, choosing all the optional procedures at once! You do realize she’s probably more horny than you right now by the way?”
Dithy didn’t respond, she merely started to grow more fidgety against the wall.
The seconds counted by silently. Eventually, Rise felt like he had to say something more, “Give her some time to re-calibrate, it’s the least you could do.” He wanted to appeal to her better nature, and instantly regretted it.
Dithy bit her lip. Her legs were shaking as she yanked her zipper up. The woman swore before brushing him aside, and stroll away. “F-ck, you could’ve told me before I got ready! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a proper color of lip stick for my face? Or how much I spent on lingerie!”
“Where did you get lingerie?” Rise spat in confusion.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to!” Dithy slammed her fist against the glass wall.
“Calm down,” In truth, Rise wasn’t sure why Dithy was so upset. It wasn’t like his comfort liaison wouldn’t be available for the next six months!
“You calm down,” She gave him a soft jab, and started walking away. In her outrage, her bangs had grown disheveled, yet somehow that only made her even more attractive to him.
“Where are you going?” Rise turned around, watching her leave.
“To rub one out! You coming?” Her voice carried as she turned the corner.
Rise rubbed his temple, not sure how he could enjoy some time with Dithy while technically on duty. Just before he took a step forward in pursuit, his data pad chimed. Quickly, he scanned through the received message, and noticed an emergency request from the bridge.
He shoved his lust deep down before rushing down the hall. Dithy could wait, he only hoped she didn’t lose her temper and try to do something reckless.
The suspense is killing me.
Draxis was a messy collection of gas giants, astroid fields, and broken rocks.
Asteroids is misspelled.
The gravity well of the black hole was dragging a long chain of fire as it circled the star, creating a halo affect.
Either ditch the word affect or change it to effect.
The captain had to spend a small fortune, a factor priced into the passengers ticket sales, to the colonial magistrate for safely travel through.
For safely should be to safely. Or for safe passage.
He attached the data pad to his belt, and checked his watched for the time.
Watch has unneeded add-on.
talked to Stimy just just.
Instead of a second just put when he talked to Stimy.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers too!
It should be answers to.
thanks :)
Not a fan of Dithy's treatment, though i understand our MC wasn't being smart and checked every box. Hope Dithy gets her comeuppance by a horny and testosterone fueled MC
Thanks for chappy ~~
Honestly I don’t really know what to say about this series as of yet…
Sure I like it and think it got potential but in general I don’t really form proper opinions about stories before the end of the first or second arc when it got lots of chapters under it’s belt (or is finished…)…
The reason for this is that sometimes stories are not that well written but is still enjoyable for what it is (I think this story has been well written so far with no obvious grammatical errors…)
Other times they have more subtle hints that is not always apparent at first…
In the end I could write about my personal preferences but those are subjective just like anything else and no matter what you do one cannot please everyone…
It is also a question of wether any suggestions would actually be helpful since I don’t really write stories myself and can only offer opinions as a reader…
When something is good (or average) it can be hard to pinpoint something specifically that could be done better until one get’s a larger sample pool…
Which is why I think some authors chooses to rewrite their stories after they grow past a certain size (along with the fact that they simply grew as authors from experiences…)…
If there is something that really sticks out i’m sure that someone will comment on it.
Your task then is to figure out if such comments is actually helpful (it could be that some opinions don’t clash all that well with your own vision) or if the individual in question is a hater…
Sorry about this rant many things I wrote is probably obvious but it’s natural that one can’t always have complete confidence in one’s work…
during those times it can be good to reflect and consider other peoples opinion but don’t just blindly follow other peoples advice…
As long as you keep at it you will naturally grow as an author (as in anything really in regards to experience in a subject…).
Hope this was at least a little helpful and I wish you a good day …….