Why do I let people talk me into things? All I wanted to do was just sit at home and browse Reddit, while listening to the same songs and bands that I’ve played on repeat since the seventh grade. But since I’m so starved for any kind of social interaction that isn't random people yelling slurs at me in a game, here I am. When my friend Brett picked me up and said we were going out to a bar, I assumed it was the regular sports bar where everyone shouted at people playing a game. It was a lot like playing video games, now that I think about it. But tonight we were going to the local goth club.

“What do you mean, we’re going to Night Hollow?” I asked dumbfounded from the passenger seat.

“Yeah, bro, the guys were talking about how there’s like a bunch of really hot girls there. Plus, they have buy one, get one free domestic drafts on Fridays.”

“Yeah no, I got that part. But like, aren't we all gonna, I don't know, stick out? I’m not exactly dressed for goth night and you’re literally in a football jersey.”

Brett looked at me, then back at the road. Then back to me, and once more at the road. I could tell by the deer in the headlights look on his face, he clearly hadn’t thought this through and neither had any of my other friends.

“Dude, okay, listen. We gotta separate ourselves from the rest of the guys there. I mean, what kind of guy would you wanna take home? One that wears makeup and mesh shirts, or one that knows how to be a man and change a tire?”

I pondered the thought for a moment. I wouldn't wanna take any guy home, but like, mesh shirts and makeup sounded fun. For other people, definitely not me. There’s no way I could ever pull anything like that off. 

Shoot, I shouldn't think about this too much or Brett might suspect something. “I guess. Just tell me that poggers guy isn't gonna be there. The last thing we need is more cringe.”

Brett stared at the road for a moment, “That’s um, a long story. But nah, It’s gonna be me, you, Justin, Lance, and Joey. All the bros, just broing it out and getting chicks.”

Ugh, why does everything always have to be about the bros? I like sports enough, the video games at least. The football ones they put out are fun, even if it’s only updated rosters each year. But I always felt like I just hung out with them because I didn’t really know anyone else. I met Brett back in high school and we’ve just kinda hung around each other. But the bros were always kind of...shitty? The way they talked about people and some of the things they said just didn’t really vibe with me. But I had to participate because that was what I was supposed to do. I usually tried to keep them at a bit of a distance; if they ever really knew me, I’d probably have to find new friends. 

Twenty minutes of dissociating later, we arrived at Night Hollow. The club was fairly plain-looking on the outside, except for the purple neon sign and banner advertising vampire night being “A bloody good time” coming up in a couple of weeks. My chest felt like it was cast in Stomp the Yard, it was pounding so fast as we entered. I looked around; this place was so much cooler than the pictures online made it seem. I of course had looked this place up several times before, but never had the courage to actually come here. The goth aesthetic always resonated with me, but I could never participate. Between judgment by family and friends, I always felt like I needed to make fun of it, so people wouldn’t figure out I was very much into the “Scene”, pun intended.

There was a mixture of early 00’s techno and rock playing, and the faint smell of sage and alcohol permeating the room. I was fully taken aback by the decor. Booths lined with blood red seats, a dance floor lit up with blacklights, cages that people could dance in, and even an outdoor patio where you could get some fresh air. We showed our IDs to the bouncer and made our way to the bar. Holy shit, everyone in this place was so cool! Everywhere I looked there were people wearing fishnets, knee-length boots, cute skirts, lace dresses, and corsets. Not to mention the sea of eyeliner and piercings. Something inside of me sank lower than my math scores in high school. I suddenly felt the lyrics of the song that was playing about sending pain below; it felt much like suffocating. I was snapped out of my spiral as the most intimidating yet beautiful girl I had ever seen bumped into me. 

“Oh, sorry about that. You okay?” Her voice, though full of concern, cut right through me.

I instinctively looked down as I always do, then looked up at her. Her shoes were black combat boots, and she was wearing black jeans with rips at the knees and thighs showing fencenet tights underneath, followed by her burgundy tank top and black denim vest covered in various patches, some I recognized, and some I didn’t. She was so intentionally put together; the color coordination was spot on, with just enough color to pop, but no one thing took away from the other. You know, stuff everyone notices. I barely had a chance to look her in the eyes before I felt a tug on my shirt.

“I--uh, yeah I’m okay,” I managed to stammer out before Brett pulled me away towards the table where the rest of our friends were sitting.

I regained my composure as I was led to the table. All the bros were there, Joey, Lance, Justin, and...Connor. I don’t have many rules to live by, but I’ve always been of the strong belief that anything bad that ever happens, can be traced back to some asshole named Connor. The rest of the group was okay in small doses, but Connor always made me uncomfortable. He was the one guy that kept hanging around even though no one really liked him. 

“Dudes! You made it!” Justin got up and gave Brett a hug. You know, the kind where the other guy squeezes you as hard as he can while picking you up because apparently, you need to hurt people in order to greet them.

We took our seats and trudged through the usual greeting and small talk of “Hey, how’s it going?” and the usual responses of “Oh, you know, same ol’ same ol’. Living the dream.” I swear, I could have more interesting conversations with a rando on a niche forum about what you would do if you woke up in a different body one day.

“Yo, where’s Williamson at? He’s missing some serious emo hotties tonight.” Connor wasn't even looking at us but gawking at all the pretty girls around. Ugh, what a creep.

“He’s helping a friend move this weekend. It’s on the third floor, so he’ll be out of commission for a few days.” Lance turned his attention away from Joey, causing him to drop two bottles on the table. They were in the middle of one of their stupid bets. This one was about who could juggle the most beer bottles on one hand.

“Poor bastard,” Brett chimed in.

The rest of them started talking about something, probably sports. I was too self-conscious about the fact that my initial fear had come true; we were the most noticeable people in the entire place. Which is really saying something, because I’m pretty sure I saw someone dressed as a dragon. Aside from the occasional pastel goth, our group had the brightest, albeit neutral colors in the building. I really just wanted to be absolutely anywhere else at that moment. I started picking at my beer bottle’s label like I always did when I felt nervous.

“Earth to dumbass! You hear me or what?” Connor started snapping in front of my face which brought me back in the moment.

“What, what do you want?” I figuratively snapped back at him.

I looked around the table to realize everyone was staring at me. Even Lance and Joey had stopped whatever dumb thing they were doing.

“Dude, chill. I just wanna know which one of these chicks you got your eye on. I mean seriously, we’re the manliest guys in this place.”

A strange hush fell over the table. I was beginning to think Connor wasn't actively invited, but more invited himself. 

“Can we just hang out and not be creepy for a bit, I just sat down.”

“Yeah, we haven't hung out in a while! Plus I’m diggin’ this music.” Justin was bobbing his head while trying to drink a beer, which looked really awkward.

We all sat for a bit; Brett talked about his workout routines at the gym. Justin went on about his new job at DoorHash. Lance and Joey were talking about some wager they’d made about who could jump over an entire table; short answer, they both lost, though they never seemed to say what would happen to the winner or loser. It was odd. Then Connor just kept on about whatever. I’d learned how to tune him out a long time ago. 

“Yo, bro, check her out.” Connor nudged me and gestured towards the bar. 

I looked over and saw her, the girl I had bumped into earlier that night. She was leaning against the bar, talking to a couple of other girls. They were laughing, drinking, and seemed to be genuinely having a good time; I didn't know why that made me feel so alone. 

“You should go talk to her, bro.” Connor was already starting to slur his words.

“Her? What, no!”

Justin tried to save me. “I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian, dude. The undercut, dyed hair, and outfit kinda gives it away.” 

Connor waved his hand dismissively. “Nah dude, you could absolutely get at that. Plus even if she tries to say she’s gay, she just needs the right dick. Lots of chicks just haven't been laid properly. You guys know what I’m talking about.” He gestured at the rest of the group.

“Um, I mean, my girlfriend had a bi phase in college. But I don’t think that’s how it works.” Justin seemed really uncomfortable.

“Yeah, bro, just don’t do it. There are better ways to meet girls,” Brett added.

“You guys are a bunch of pussies. Go for it, man.”

Without warning, Connor pulled me up and pushed me in the direction of the bar. I was praying for a hole to rip in the fabric of space and time and warp me to another world where I’d have to fight or seduce some evil ruler. Anything to save me from this nightmare of a night. I awkwardly walked to the bar, looking over my shoulder several times, watching my friends stare in suspense.

Every step was like a death bell ringing in my ears, or maybe it was the song about Hell’s Bells playing throughout the club. Either way, my heart was stopping with every movement as I inched closer. So funny thing, I had never really talked to many girls; shocker, I know. But every time I had made friends with one, there was always some weird feeling I would get. Something that just felt off to me. Like I could never really focus on just them; I always felt like a creep noticing little things like clothes, makeup, and even body language. Needless to say, I had avoided a lot of girls outside of forums or video games. My internal dialogue had helped calm me down, but it was short-lived once I finally reached the bar and stood right behind the girl I had bumped into. Fuck.

I was frozen with fear. Right as I was about to turn around and walk away, one of the girl's friends noticed me and nudged her.

She turned around, still leaning on the bar. “Well, hello there.”

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. “General Kenobi.” Fuck.

The silence between us was deafening. I awaited the awkward response, but after a second, she burst out laughing. 

“Holy shit, was that a fucking prequel reference? Damn, that’s a new one.” 

I released the massive amount of tension I didn't realize I was even holding and started to laugh along. I guess being a bit of a nerd works out sometimes.

“So, um, hi.” I was never good with any kind of recovery.

“Hi, what's up?”

Fuck, a follow up question. None of my friends ever asked any, so I was always grossly unprepared.

“Um, I was wondering if, maybe, I could buy you a drink?” 

“Oh...Ohhhhhhh. Thanks dude, but I’m a massive lesbian. Sorry.” She pointed at one of the patches on her jacket and started to turn back around to her friends. 

I looked back at my friends and shrugged. I didn’t know what to do, I certainly didn't wanna hear more of Connor’s voice. I don’t really know what overcame me at that moment, whether it was all of them staring at me, Connor mouthing say it, or just my brain turning itself off then refusing to reboot.

For some reason my mouth started moving, “M-maybe you just haven't f-found the right…” What was I saying? Why was I repeating what Connor said? I couldn’t say that shit. But I was already too deep to completely change course. “...g-guy?” 

Her head turned around before her body even had time to adjust, it was like watching an old movie about an exorcism. Though I felt like I was about to be exorcised from the bar right then and there.

“The fuck are you on about?”

“Um, a phase in...college?” Yup, my brain was malfunctioning. I was just repeating random things I’d been told.

She stood up at full attention and loomed over me. In reality, she was only a few inches taller, but beneath her gaze, I felt microscopic.

“Listen, asshole…” One of her friends nudged her and she stopped.

She stared directly at my face, which I could barely feel anymore, then turned to her friend. She looked behind me, then back to me, then behind me, and finally back at me and glared through what I’m assuming was my very soul.

Her eyes narrowed, “Those your friends at the table over there?”

I had no clue what was going on. I just nodded, surprised that she wasn't berating me for being such a complete dumbass.

“Was it your idea to come and talk to me?”

I shook my head. I didn't trust my mouth at that point.

“Mhmm, do you want to go back over to them?”

No, the last thing I wanted to do was deal with Connor or the complicity that everyone seemed to have with him.

I finally found my voice and managed to formulate a reply. “Not really. I don’t exactly get along with most of them.” Why was I even admitting that? It had to have been the beer messing with my head.

She turned to her friends and they whispered to each other. I felt awkward just standing there, knowing my friends were still staring and now most likely having my fate in the hands of three random girls I’d just met.

She turned back to me, “Alright, you can hang around up here for a bit if you’d prefer. But on two conditions. One, apologize, and two, don’t try and regurgitate any more stupid shit. Understand?”

I nodded profusely, “I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to talk to people sometimes. I’ll try to do better.”

She smiled, “Good boy.”

The pit in my stomach was back. I didn’t like being tossed in with the other guys; granted, I had just made a complete ass of myself. I was overthinking again; I turned to face the bar and grabbed a seat, hoping she didn’t notice my reaction.

“So, what’s your name?” I asked, trying to change the conversation as fast as I could. 

“I’m Kimberly, but my friends call me Kim. These are my friends.” She stepped aside and the two girls sitting next to her smiled and waved. 

The girl closest to Kim was wearing black stiletto heels, a black dress with lace sleeves, a red corset, and a cute lace choker. She brushed her half blonde and half black hair out of her face, “Hi, I’m Alice. This is Chloe.”

Chloe gave a small smile and waved. She seemed really nervous considering she was wearing such bright pastel pink and blue...fuck. There I go again only looking at their outfits. Why was I such a creep? These girls were stunningly beautiful and all I could fixate on was their clothes. I should just leave. I could call a cab or something; did cabs even exist anymore? Or was it all rideshare apps now? Shit, it’s been way too long of me staring, they’re gonna think I’m an even bigger asshole.

I waved back and managed a meek “Hi.” Ugh, I could do better than that, at least say something normal. "Alice is a really nice name." 

"Thanks! I picked it out myself!" She smiled and took a sip of her drink.

For some reason, Chloe and Kim just started giggling. But whatever the joke was, it was completely lost on me. What did she mean by that? I hate when people don't tell me what's going on.

Kim leaned in, "Oh don't make that face, it's funny, trust me. You'll get it eventually." 

What look on my face? How could she tell I was upset? I’d spent years making my expression as unreadable as possible. Who were these girls, and what kind of magical power were they wielding? 

"So what are you drinking tonight?" Kim interrupted my inner ramblings once again.

"Um, beer?" 

Her eyes seemed to penetrate my soul once again. "Is that what you want to drink?" 

Wait, what did she mean? Of course that's what I was going to drink. I was supposed to drink beer. Right?

"Well, yeah? What else is there?" 

"Oh honey, there's lots of things." She grabbed a drink menu off the bar and handed it to me.

"My personal favorites are the Jolly Slime Rancher and the Edgar Allan Poe-tion." 

"B-but these are all fruity and stuff. I can't order that." 

She couldn't be serious. I'd be mocked relentlessly for years if I was caught having anything on this list.

"Why not?" 

"Because! I'm not...supposed to drink g-girly drinks." 

"Oh my god," I heard Chloe mutter.

Alice looked over with a grin just as smug as Kim's. "Hey, guess what? Drinks are genderless."

"Yeah, why waste all that time and money on something you don't even like? Plus it's not like anyone's gonna walk up and strip away your manhood. Unless you're into that sort of thing." 

"I…"

My face felt like it was on fire; I nearly fell off the barstool. I needed to hide. My stomach was knotting up and I knew I couldn't just turn away to cover up the growing redness in my face.

"I think you broke them." Alice giggled.

Kim smirked. "Not yet I haven't. We haven't even gotten to reading theory." 

Chloe spit out her drink and started coughing; her face was as red as mine must've been. I was relieved I wasn't the only one being awkward, but I was still confused at how things were panning out. I certainly did not expect this turn of events.

"I take it this is your first time here at Night Hollow? How are you liking it so far?" Alice turned to me while patting Chloe on the back. 

Thanks to whatever deity was watching over me for the subject change.

"It's awesome. Way better than the pictures online made it seem. Plus everyone is wearing really cool outfits and stuff." 

Kim perked up. “So if you knew what kind of place this was and like everyone's outfits, why not dress up a bit instead of going with…” She gestured vaguely at my clothes.

“I…”

Luckily the bartender came to my rescue. “Hey there, can I get y’all anything?”

“I’ll take Jinn and Tonic, and I think Chloe needs another Draculatte.” Alice ordered for them both since Chloe was still in a coughing fit.

“Sounds good, and how about you, sweetie? A beer?” She looked at me.

Damn it, I had no clue what I wanted. How do you explain to someone that you’ve never tried anything other than what people expect you to get, which leaves you massively unprepared, and you now lack any kind of preferences?

“Um...I’ve never really tried anything like this. I guess...a Poe-tion?”

“Good choice, that’s our specialty. My name’s Tabitha, just shout if you need anything else, alright?” 

I nodded and set the menu down. My chest finally stopped pounding from the sheer act of ordering a drink. I didn't know why all of this was so nerve-wracking. 

Kim raised her hand to get the bartender's attention. “Hey, Tabi, you can put that one on my tab.”

Tabitha looked at her, then at me, then back to her, and once more at me. “Another one, huh? If you say so.” Then went to start on making the drinks.

Why would she pay for my drink? It wasn't like I had done anything other than repeatedly stick my foot in my mouth. There was definitely something different about this girl. 

“T-thank you, you really didn't have to do that, though.”

Kim had that smug grin on her face again. “I know, but I wanted to. Also, your friends over there haven't been able to take their eyes off of us the entire time you’ve been over here. How about you join me at a booth? Less crowded, and fewer...wandering eyes.”

 Oh shit, I had forgotten about my friends. I had to take her up on her offer so they wouldn't see me with the drink I ordered. Also, had she just offered to go to a booth alone? After paying for my drink? I was as confused as someone trying to decipher the lyrics to the song about teen spirit that was now playing.

“Um…” If my brain could stop blue screening every five minutes, that'd be great. “Just... the two of us?”

“Don’t worry. I don’t bite...much.”

I didn’t know how to read the situation. Alice and Chloe were smiling and giggling, which led me to believe there was still something I wasn't getting. But, with how often my face was heating up and how fast my heart was beating, I needed privacy.

“I think I'd like, less crowded.”

“Good girl. Follow me.”

Kim took my hand and led me to a U-shaped booth on the other side of the club. As we were walking away from the bar I heard Chloe say “Geez, was I ever that bad?”

I would’ve been interested as to why Chloe said that, but I was far more concerned with the fact that Kim was holding my hand and had just called me a girl?! The walk to the booth felt like an eternity. I tried my best not to look in the direction of my friends. I couldn't bear the thought of them seeing the mixture of confusion, terror, and embarrassment on my face. Time finally unfroze as we reached the booth and took our seats opposite of each other. Kim looked so cool and relaxed. Meanwhile, I was a sack of anxiety trying my best not to make eye contact or stare at her for too long. 

I didn't really know what to say, but I needed to not sit and stare like a weirdo. “So, why did you invite me over here alone?” I was just as curious as I was anxious.

“Let’s just say I have a hunch. Plus you seemed a little nervous so I thought a one on one setting would be better to get to know you.”

Weird, of all people, why would she want to get to know me? What hunch did she have? I certainly wasn't all that interesting. At least, not like half the people in this place. The most interesting thing about me was the fact that...well that’s not something anyone needed to know.

“I am curious though, you never answered my question. Why dress so...plain, if you’re coming to a club like this?”

“Plain? But--I wore my fancy cargo khakis.” I was in my second nicest outfit. I never really felt super fashionable, but I at least tried with my limited options. My button up shirt was even in a checkered pattern.

“Oh honey, I hate to break it to you. But there’s no such thing as fancy cargo khakis. There’s no such thing as fancy cargo anything.”

“I...okay, first of all, in my defense I didn't know we were coming to Night Hollow tonight. Secondly, my options are limited. I can do a T-shirt, polo, or button up. Then, shorts, jeans, or khakis, all with cargo options. That’s it. You get to wear all kinds of fun stuff cause you’re a girl. Everyone knows girls get all the cool clothes, pretty colors, and can wear whatever they want. Guys are forced into a plain box from the start. At least I didn't come here in a football jersey like my friend Brett.”

Kim looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Well, you do have a point. Sounds like you’re a little jealous though. I mean, you could always dress pretty like a girl if you wanted. It is an option.”

What...what was she implying? Was she saying I should dress like a girl? Even if I’m a g-guy? There’s no way this was actually real. Of course, I’ve read lots of stories on forums about that kind of thing. But that doesn't happen in real life, does it? My mind was lost in itself. I desperately tried to search for anything else to focus on. I ended up just staring awkwardly at the table for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts while letting the comment linger with every passing second.

“You don’t talk to people all that much do you?” Kim finally broke the silence. I’d say it was an awkward silence but I seemed to be the only one being awkward.

“I talk to people. I’m just...not used to making actual conversation.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Lemme guess, a bunch of one word answers, or people only talking about work or sports right? You’ve known your friends for years, but don’t really know anything about them other than surface level interactions, and they don’t know you. Not the real you anyway.”

What the fuck? Okay, I was starting to get really suspicious there was actual magic being used. How could she just break down my entire social life in a few sentences? She was saying it like she knew from first hand experience. Maybe she was a witch? It was a goth club after all, there were bound to be members of the occult. Ugh, what was I saying? This is exactly why I don’t have actual conversations. My mind starts to ramble and wander in the weirdest of places. Like wondering where Alice got her outfit fro…

“Or maybe that’s not the case for you. Maybe I’ve read you all wrong. I just know it was that way for me before I realized I was trans.” Kim finished off her drink but kept eye contact with me. 

My mind slammed on its brakes. Did she just say what I thought she did? There was another moment of silence before the bartender, as servers always do, came by at the worst possible moment and gave us our drinks. 

“Thanks Tabi-Cat.” Kim winked as she handed Tabitha her now empty glass. 

I managed a nod but was still unable to formulate words. I tried to focus, but just grabbed the bright red drink sitting in front of me and took a long swig, doing my best to keep the plastic raven it came with from poking my eye. The drink was amazing, it was like fruit punch but it had an odd spicy kick to it, I couldn't even taste the alcohol. I tried my best to focus on the fruit punching of my taste buds, but Kim hadn’t broken her stare. What was I supposed to say? What do you say? No one had ever outed themselves to me before.

“I-I’m confused.” I managed to stammer out. I was always such a linguist.

She giggled, “That’s certainly an understatement. But I think I can help with that.”

My cheeks had to have been as red as my drink. “Um, ok...but why tell me though? I’m no expert on LGBT things but, don’t people usually keep gender stuff a secret? Not like, I have a problem with it or anything, I think trans people are really awesome, and you’re like, the hottest girl here.”

She made that damned smirk again. Not even a full drink in and I was spouting out my thoughts like an idiot. Not to mention I said she was hot, she’s gonna think I’m a creep again. If I wasn't careful I was going to end up saying something I’d really regret. I never thought I’d miss talking with my friends. Plus she kept interrupting my thoughts, I’d grown accustomed to staying in my head. It was safe there, mostly. I really didn’t wanna think about how she had just essentially told me how similar our experiences were and that she had a hunch about me. I definitely didn't want to think about how she said I should dress like a girl and the implications of what she was saying.

“Everyone’s different. Some people are a lot more open about it than others. I don’t really try to hide it all that much.” She pointed to a pink white and blue pin on her jacket. “ But I generally don’t talk about it openly around new people unless I think it’s safe, or they seem cool. Or…if I think someone might need to know it's an option.”

I paused, taking another long sip of my drink, thinking very hard about the possible answers to my next question. "Which one am I?"

Kim stared deep into my soul once more. “That brings me back to my hunch. But, I'm not entirely sure yet. See, you’re not the first “Bro” to randomly hit on me.” 

Internally I winced at the notion of being tossed in with the bros. But I was a master of deceit and repression of emotions. No matter how small or large.

“You realize you’re terrible at hiding your reactions right? Like, you’re not subtle at all.” 

Fuck, how could she read me so well? No one had ever once called me out on this? Was I really so out of tune with my friends they couldn't tell what I was feeling, but this girl I just met could? 

“Listen, it’s ok. Like I said, this isn't the first time this has happened. I kind of have a reputation for helping people realize they’re...not cis.”

I didn’t really know where the conversation was going. Or maybe I didn’t want to think about where it was going. “What are you trying to say?”

Kim rubbed her temples, “I think you know what I’m trying to say.” She sighed, “Ok, let me spell it out for you. Correct me if I’m wrong here. You don’t really get along with any of your guy friends. They’re just around, people to keep you company. You seem like you’re not used to any type of deep conversation, at least in person, which means you probably spend a lot of time in your own head. Overthinking and constantly anxious about feeling weird or different. You’ve spent so much time trying to mask your emotions you think you’re good at it, but anyone actually paying attention can see just how sad you get at being called a boy, dude, or bro. But your face lit up like a bonfire at being called a girl.”

“Okay, I think see what you’re implying. But even if everything you said is true, it doesn’t mean anything. I guarantee you most guys would get flustered at being called a girl. It’s just a thing. And if it did mean anything, which it doesn’t, I couldn’t be a girl even if I wanted to.” I all but downed my drink right then and there. I just need a moment to collect my thoughts.

Kim just continued to stare. “Why couldn’t you be a girl?”

Fuck, why does she keep doing this? I’m not prepared for any of these questions. I don’t have enough rehearsed answers on hand.

“Well, I...um. I wouldn’t be able to explain it to my friends and family. What if they rejected me? Doing something like that would be, really scary.”

“You’re right, it is scary. Coming out was probably the scariest thing I ever did. But it sounds like that’s the only reason you have to not be a girl.”

“I...no, that’s not the only one. I mean I couldn’t...I just like to read the stories and forums. It’s not like I have a secret stash of girl clothes or anything.”

Her eyebrows raised. I wanted to look anywhere else but at her. What was I saying? Why was I admitting this?

“I-wait, no. Why did I say that? This drink is too strong, yeah that’s it. I’m drunk, that’s why I’m just babbling nonsense.”

She was fighting back another smirk. “Oh honey, I hate to break it to you. But that drink is non-alcoholic. Did you not read the menu when I handed it to you? Nothing on that page has alcohol in it. If you would’ve flipped it over, then you would’ve seen the options with booze.”

I froze, I had in fact been too nervous and preoccupied in my own head to actually read the full menu. That’s why the drink tasted so good. I felt my cheeks getting even warmer. I just wanted time to stop and give me a chance to collect my thoughts and calm down. Usually, I could just dissociate, pass it off on being drunk, or blend into whatever idle chatter was going on and drown out my mind. But she just kept pushing, no one had ever kept me this engaged before. Of course, there’s what I wanted, but that wasn’t something I could have. Was it?  

 The music was pounding and I felt all my anxiety trying burst through the wall I had built up around it. Contrary to what the song in the club was saying, sweet dreams were not made of these. Kim slid over in the booth, reached her hand out, and put it on mine.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know this can be a lot. Why don’t I cash out really quick, then we go out and get some fresh air?”

I nodded, my brain was unable to make words go and I needed a moment.

She slid back around and made her way to the bar. I pulled my phone out for a much needed distraction but saw I had been bombarded with texts from Brett apologizing for everything that happened, saying he didn’t know Connor was coming out, and asking if I was okay. I didn’t have the energy to read everything but I responded saying I was okay and that I’d just grab a cab home. The last thing I needed right now was an awkward car ride with one of the bros. 

I just didn’t understand. Isn’t it normal for people to think about being another gender all the time, and to be jealous of the clothes and getting to be all cute? Like, we all think about it, but never actually address it because then it makes it real and how could we explain it? Well for trans people like Kim it makes sense, cause she is a girl. But I’m not, I’m just a guy who pays way too much attention to girl’s outfits, and reads stories on forums about guys turning into girls. Totally not a thing trans people do. They just know, it’s not like they spend years lying awake at night hoping they’ll wake up the next morning as a different gen...

“Hey pretty girl.” Kim leaned over the side of the booth. Ripping me from my inner ramblings and causing me to produce a noise that I didn’t know could come from my mouth.

Her voice, damn it, how could she just cut through me like that?

“I-um...hi?”

She reached out and grabbed my hand, “C’mon let’s get some fresh air.”

Kim led me out to the patio area. We took the long way around the bar so I wouldn’t have to see if any of my friends were still watching. Outside was definitely what I needed. The music was muffled and it was a little chilly out, but the crisp autumn air was soothing. We sat down on an outdoor couch in the back corner of the patio. Luckily since it was cooler there weren’t as many people outside. I was honestly trying to focus on anything other than Kim sitting next to me, staring at me, menacingly! Okay, not menacingly, but that look someone gives you when they know, that you know something, and they’re just waiting for you to say it. That look. 

“I have no clue what to say right now.” My chest was feeling disturbed and the sound of silence between us needed to be broken.

Kim looked up at the sky, “I think sometimes not knowing what to say is a good thing. It means you have to really think about what comes next. No rehearsed responses, no witty comebacks, you can either choose to address the topic at hand or walk away from it. It’s a real red pill vs blue pill moment.” She looked back at me, there was something about her. Something that just exuded the aura of will kick your ass but is also kind. “This is it, you can either think for a moment and we can talk about what’s obviously going on. Or, you can head back inside and continue to deny the things you’re feeling until you’re ready.” 

I thought about what she was saying. First off, by thinking about how the red and blue pill scenario could be an example for someone coming out, and wow, I needed to rewatch that movie now. Secondly, I knew she was right, I had to do something, I needed to change. Anything different would be better than what I had been doing, just going through the motions, trying to be who people expected me to be.

I sat for a minute, trying to build up the nerve to say it. “I...want to be different. Different than how I am now. I don’t know who I am, not really. I’ve always just been who I thought I was supposed to be.”

Kim listened, like actually listened, she wasn’t waiting for her turn to speak, or spacing out. She paused for a moment before she replied. “Who do you wanna be?”

That was the question of the night, wasn’t it? My entire midsection felt like it was floating. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe I could try being not...a boy. Could I be a girl? At least for tonight?”

“Of course you can. You can take things as slowly as you need to.” Kim put her hand on my cheek, “Besides, I think you’ll make a beautiful girl.”

I made a noise, there was a feeling in my chest I had never felt before. Like a rush of anxiety, but not anxiety. I wasn’t sure what the feeling was, it was like, a good nervous. I could get used to it. 

“What do we do now?” I had just finally admitted my biggest secret out loud and had no idea where to go.

Kim giggled, “Well I could think of a few things, but, why don’t we start with what you wanna be called?” 

Fuck, I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d get this far. What should I go by? I feel like this is a huge decision to make. I don’t want to pick something I’ll end up regretting later. I could pick something from a game or a character I like, but I feel like if I chose Samus I’d get made fun of. I want to be original, but like, what feels right?

“Hey, you don’t have to settle on the first thing that comes to mind. It’s ok to play with a bunch of names. Trust me it’s totally fine to switch names if you like something better.” 

“But, what if people think it’s weird?” The last thing I wanted was for people to judge me even more for having a weird name.

She looked like she was trying not to laugh again, “So here’s a fun secret.” She leaned in and whispered, “You can pick any name you want. That’s the best part. Do you want to know how I came up with Kim?”

I leaned in, expecting something super rare and specific, or a meaningful story. 

“Power Rangers.”

“Wait, what?” She couldn’t have been serious.

Kim leaned back, nodding in confirmation. “Yup, I always wanted to be the pink ranger when I was a kid. Not to mention I had a massive crush on her. It was really confusing for a long time until I figured out my gender stuff. But I always liked the name, so I made it mine.”

“That...makes a lot of sense actually.” I started thinking about all the names I liked over the years. All the characters and people I knew. “Um, I kind of like Luna.”

“Ok then, Luna.” 

I felt my cheeks practically glowing at the way she said that name. My name. 

She flashed her signature grin, “It’s a nice name. I know a few Lunas, and they’re all adorable, just like you.” 

I didn’t even try to hide my reaction, she’d see through it anyways. I just blushed harder than I ever had before. 

“See, it’s nice not trying to hide it anymore isn't it?”

I still wasn’t ruling out the use of magic with how well she could read me. I shivered slightly, we had been outside for a little bit now and I hadn’t worn a jacket. For some stupid reason, I thought it made me seem cool to look like I could stand the cold without one.  Kim motioned for me to move closer. As I did and my entire body tensed up as felt her arm wrap around me and pull me close to her.  

“Aw, are you cold?” Fuck, her voice. It was like she had some special setting that was set to stun.

“I-um, a little.” I felt like I could do better than just stammer but, I kind of liked feeling small compared to her. 

She cupped my chin in her fingers and turned my face to hers. “I think I know a way to warm up. May I?” She asked as she slowly brought our faces closer together. 

I had never met anyone like this girl before. She was beautiful, kind, and strong. Like really strong, I spaced out for a moment thinking about how she could probably lift me and what that would lead to. I nodded, again unable to words good.

I closed my eyes, leaning into the kiss. What I didn’t expect is to feel her teeth sinking into my neck as I let out an involuntary moan. A sharp wave of electricity permeated my entire body as I felt her hold me tight, and run her hand through my hair, taking a handful and pulling my head back as she released me from her bite. This better not awaken anything in me. 

“Sorry about that pretty girl, I lied earlier. I do bite...a lot.”

Too late. The fact that I was frozen, barely able to even think meant that it had definitely awoken something in me. Kim gave me a moment and let me regain my thoughts. 

“W-wow. That was, um. Wow.” 

“You know, it’s getting colder out, and a bit late. Would you like to come back to my place? We can get you into something more comfortable.” Her hand was stroking the back of my head. 

Oh...her place? What did she mean by that? Surely she just wanted to talk more and get out of the cold right? Right?

“Um, I think I’d like that. But I didn’t drive myself here, I’ll have to get a cab or something.” 

“I think that’ll work out just fine, I usually grab a rideshare here anyways. We can split one if you’re okay with that?”

She kept asking if I was okay with things and asking permission. No one had ever done that before. Usually, people just did what they wanted with no regard for my boundaries. I wasn’t sure how to react to it. But I felt confident enough to agree. 

Several minutes later we were in a car, leaning on each other in the backseat, headed to Kim’s apartment. The ride was quiet, but I had a question burning in the back of my mind. I had to know.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

I felt her body stiffen, her eyes widened as she turned to me. “This could go one of two ways. But sure go ahead.”

I wondered what she meant by that. I just needed an answer, “Why would you go to a bar and not get alcohol? Isn’t that the whole point?”

Her entire body relaxed as she started laughing. “Oh gosh, you had me there for a second. I personally don’t like the taste of alcohol, I never have. So I go to a place that has plenty of other options. Plus, I like to know the girl I take home is fully consenting.” Her eyes locked with mine, that nervous feeling was back.

She let the moment between us, like the song playing on the car radio, linger. After another bout of silence, we reach Kim’s apartment and made our way upstairs. Her place was gorgeous. She had posters hanging of various shows and artists, purple string lights running along the top of her window, and a large rainbow flag hanging over the couch. Well, it was impressive to me, the most I had done to decorate my place was get a small succulent, which I hid on the rare occasion people came over. 

“Make yourself at home Luna, I’m gonna grab some stuff.” Kim made her way down the hallway.

I sat on the couch and did what anyone would do if they were in the apartment of the most beautiful girl they had ever met. I pulled out my phone. I was still blushing from her calling me Luna, but I knew I’d have more messages. My friends didn’t see me leave with Kim, and apparently, Connor pissed everyone off so much they all ended up ditching him. Brett meant well, but I was gonna have to seriously rethink my friend group going forward. 

“I think these should fit you, they’re a little old and I’m a bit taller than you but I think you’ll like it.” Kim walked back in with a handful of clothes.

I looked at Kim, then at the clothes, then back to Kim, and again at the clothes. “You, want me to put them on?” I hadn’t worn girls’ clothes since I purged the stash I had a few months ago. 

“Only if you want. You did say you wanted to be a girl for the night.” She held them out in front of me. 

Damn it, she had me there. Though I had never dressed up in front of anyone before. I was shaking as I took the clothes from her. My body didn’t know what to feel anymore, I was about to dress up like a girl, as a girl. 

“The bathroom is on the left in the hallway, take as much time as you need okay?” Kim smiled, but not her soul cutting smirk. This was a soft, bright smile that made me feel safe. It was hard to explain.

I made my way to the bathroom, anxiety riddled as I took off my shirt and fancy cargo khakis along with everything else. I took my time, easing into the new, snug bikini cut underwear, thigh high socks, a black skirt, and a white long sleeve crop top. The clothes felt so different, they were tighter fitting, but softer than what I had been used to. Everything felt so good against my skin, and when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to cry. I still saw me, but, I saw what I could be, who I could be. Luna, a girl who likes fruity drinks, and playing video games, and laughing having actual conversations with people. I could be that girl.

I calmed myself down and left the bathroom, making my way back to the couch where Kim was sitting, fiddling on her phone just like I had been earlier. 

“So, how do you feel Luna?” 

I fiddled with the skirt a bit, realizing how much of my midsection was showing with the crop top. “I um, I think I feel good, and a bit nervous. I like it when you call me Luna, and I like these clothes.”

“That’s good. Plus it’s perfectly natural to be nervous. Realizing who you are and accepting it is a pretty big deal. It means you’re taking the right steps. You don’t have to figure everything out right away. But you’ve started, and you’ll have to put in the work, like learning and wanting to be better. And not listening to shitty people who convince you that someone just needs the right guy.” 

“I know. I want to be able to be me, whoever that is. But I’m so tired of putting on the act, the expectations and complacency are awful. I want to be able to actually see a future with me in it, not just other pieces. I’m just scared you know? I don’t want this to cost me my friends and family.” My chest was constricting like a Boa around its prey.

Kim sat there, I could tell she was thinking hard about what to say next. “So, I don’t talk to any of my family anymore, and almost none of my old friends. But, here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t talk about. And this is by no means the universal experience, everyone is different. But, coming out as trans isn't what cost me my friends and family. Growing as a person did. You could argue that they are one and the same but, my family was ok with me transitioning, mostly. But over time, I realized that the person I wanted to be, the person I was trying my hardest to be, wasn’t the kind that hung around shitty people. My friends all made fun of people for no reason and when I tried to say something I just got brushed aside. Same with my family. I was growing and learning how to set boundaries and be a genuine and caring person, they called me selfish and told me I was no fun anymore. So I cut them out over time. I can't say the same thing will happen to you, like I said, everyone is different. But you deserve to be yourself, your genuine self. And all my friends now have been there for me more than my relatives ever have, and I’m there for them.”

That made a lot of sense actually. There’s no way to know what’s going to happen, but, I just had to move forward, and do my best. 

“Thank you, Kim, for everything. I’m sorry about how I acted earlier and what I said. But I’m gonna try to be better, and be me.”

“Good girl. Apology accepted.”

We spent the next hour talking about things, just learning more about each other and I got a list of TV recommendations to watch. It was nice, just having an actual conversation, engaging, and not spending the entire time inside my own head. 

“I know it’s getting late, you’re more than welcome to stay the night Luna, if you want.” Damn it, her voice again. The way she could slide into such a smooth, alluring tone made me think of ways she could slide into other things. 

“I-I think I’d like that.” I stammered, blushing up a storm. 

She leaned in close to me, running her hand up my exposed stomach, inching her face closer, and closer to mine. “You can even sleep in my bed if you're good. You wanna be a good girl right?”

I whimpered, nodding my head. “Yes.”

Her face lit up, bright with excitement, right before she pressed her lips against mine. Her kiss was the greatest thing I had ever tasted. I let myself wash away under her touch and my body was on fire. 

She pulled back, “I guess now it’s time we finally read some theory huh pretty girl?”

It took me a moment to regain actual thought before remembering she had made a comment about that earlier when Chloe spat out her drink. 

“Oh yeah, what does that mean anyway?”

“Stay right here, and I’ll show you.” Kim got up and walked down the hallway into the bedroom. 

Alone again, I started to think about how this entire night unfolded. The bros, Kim, her friends, and the life changing events that ensued. It was weird to think that everything had gone this way. I started playing back the entire evening in my mind, also trying not to focus too hard on what was about to happen with the prettiest girl I had ever seen. That’s when it hit me. I finally understood.

Kim entered the room once more, her pants were gone and she stood in the doorway, wearing her fencenet tights and a pink strapon. “So, you ready to...read some theory?” She gestured with her hips.

“I get it now! What Alice said, thanks I picked it out myself. She was talking about her name!” The joke finally made sense.

I had never seen anyone facepalm while wearing a strapon before. But I had a feeling I was going to be experiencing a lot of firsts tonight. Being a girl was gonna be fun. 

RavenKane

Hi everyone! Thank you for reading, I hope you continue to enjoy the stories I put out. If you want, support me on Patreon to get early access to my stories and looks at works in progress as well as access to a Patreon exclusive story The Densest Egg (Was Me All Along) where I give micro chapters about real life events that should've cracked my egg but didn't. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Raven_Kane