In a stereotypical poverty stricken city filled with garbage, raw sewage, and suffering, a tiny malnourished puppy is born. The mewing pup crawls out of it’s dead mother’s uterus and plops straight into the gutter.

“The fuck is this!?” yips Karen as she tries to blink away the gunk in her eyes. She lifts her stubby paws to rub away the afterbirth and filth splashed onto her from the gutter.

Paws! I got paws now?! Finally seeing blurry images, she looks down onto her new body in disbelief. If that was a normal city sized curb, then she had become a hairy rat sized pup with matted down white fur. She crawls out of the gutter and onto the sidewalk. Then she looks over at the mom dog that she came out of.

She’d seen worse. Her new and empty doggie stomach growled. Living in redneck country, she would regularly eat roadkill when her welfare check ran out. Little bit of roadkill never hurt no one. As her mom before her used to say, a roadkill a day keeps the doctors away.

But that cooling critter was also kinda her mom too! This here was a moral dilemma. So she looked up into the night sky and howled: “Oh Jesus give me a sign! Should I eat my roadkill ma? God, should I eat this dog?”

Them Catholics do that bread and wine thing, pretending to eat God all the time. Oh well, as her 2-legged mom used to say, when in Rome eat dogs. She was 101% sure them asian countries like Grease and Italy eat dog. This is her being multicultural, not no one goina call her racist after this.

Karen jumped off the curb and onto the cooling corpse of her mother and opened her maw to take a bite. She is interrupted by the telltale chittering of rats crawling up from the sewers, attracted by the smell of blood in the air.

“Git! Get out of here! This here is my ma and my kill!” She screams as dozens then hundreds of rats stream out to surround her and her mother’s corpse. Like the queen of the hill, Karen climbs on top of her dead dog mom. With the high ground, she looks over the entire street covered by rats.

“Fuck all ya rat bastards! You ain’t goina get what’s mine! I am literally standing over her dead body, you thieving vermin!”

SKILL UNLOCKED: Intimidation. In your past life, you used facebook to brigade and intimidate liberals and everyone else who disagreed with you to great effect. +100 to skill level.

ABILITY UNLOCKED: Racist. In your previous life, you said and did many terrible things against people based only on their ethnicity and skin color. +100 damage & skill check rolls against all creatures not of your species, breed, and coloration.

TRAIT UNLOCKED: Translated. Your racist tweets have been translated in over 100 languages by dictators to show how bad; democracy, freedom of speech, and racist America is.

SYNERGY DETECTED: Racist, Intimidation, and Translated have combined into the new skill: INSURRECTION INSTIGATOR. You have the ability to control groups of people, animals, or monsters even if you have said bad things about them in the past.

The chittering instantly stopped and thousands of little furry faces looked at Karen for direction. Seizing the moment, she yipped “Take me to your leader! And bring my mom along.” She jumped down and crowd surfed the rats towards the sewer grate.

She looked back to see that teams of rats had tugged out the intestines and were using them like ropes to drag the corpse of her mom behind them. One look at the sewer hole and she knew that her mom was not going to fit.

“Chop her up! Butcher that bitch into small enough pieces to fit down the sewer holes you pea brains.”

With the gruesome sounds of meat being rendered behind her, she rode her new army of rats like a Khaleesi into the sewers. In her last life they called her the Queen of Qanon and for good reason too. With her crazy skills, she had turned a situation of certain death into glorious victory. As she disappeared into the gloom she said to herself “I'm gonna beat the devil at his own game!”