Chapter 33 – Eeevil! Spelled With Three E’s
414 19 8
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

"Nope."

 

Charity looked around very nervously, "You should not be doing this! This is wrong!"

 

Ryan continued to keep his forehead firmly pressed against the ground, "Not until you accept my apology."

 

The people walking in and out of the dining hall stared at the two. You would think a noble doing the dogza to a maid was something that would draw a bigger crowd, but upon noticing it was Ryan, they all just turned and moved on. Of course he'd do something embarrassing and foolish. This was nothing new.

 

Charity eventually relented, "FINE! I accept your apology! Now stand up!" Ryan bounced to his feet, "So... dinner?" She sighed, "Milord I-" Ryan grabbed her elbow and dragged her inside, "One, I could not give a flying Fuuuu-" Charity eyed Ryan, "-uuudge" She nodded in approval, "What anyone else thinks. Your opinion is the only one that matters to me." She sighed, "You should."

 

Ryan kicked open the door as he led Charity inside causing it to swing wide, "Really? Maybe you have not truly come to the full realization of exactly what position I am in." Ryan led Charity over to a table and pulled out a chair for her, "Please." Charity sat down and Ryan pushed her chair in before he pulled out another chair and put a foot up on it. He started counting off on his fingers while leaning on his knee, "I was chosen by the gods. I have been trained to be a demon killing machine. I have the backing of the king. The headmaster loves me as long I keep feeding him ground breaking discoveries. I have two mana cores with a combined mana pool the size of my ego. ANNNNNNND..." He spread his hands wide, "I am the last of the red hot clog dancers."

 

Charity blinked as if she had no idea how to even process that final statement.

 

Ryan tossed a hand into the air as if throwing something away over his shoulder, "FINE! I lied about that last one!" He hopped off the chair and leaned forward to cup her face in his hands, "If anyone has a problem with you being here, I'll beat them like a baby seal, skin them, and make a coat for you!" He smiled, shrugged, then walked away to go to the serving area, "So what you want anyways?" He called over his shoulder causing the scattering of people still in the dining hall at this hour to glare and comment about his rudeness.

 

Charity looked around, then slipped out of her chair to catch up to him. She spoke in a subdued tone, "Milord, Please keep your voice down." Ryan rolled his eyes and waved off Charity's worries as he stepped up to the serving area. A well dressed servant stood behind the counter. He stared off into the distance, as if he had checked out quite a while ago and his body was still doing the job without him.

 

Ryan looked at the food beneath the glass, grabbed two trays, then reached into a pocket. He held out a hand and said, "Hey Buddy! Think fast!" The servant blinked as Ryan flipped a silver coin towards him. He caught it awkwardly then looked at Ryan, boggled, "Uh... sir? The food is paid for with your tuition."

 

Ryan rolled his eyes, "Ain't no one ever heard about a tip before?" He leaned towards the servant, "Buddy. That's just my way of saying, 'Hey, thanks for putting up with a jerk like me.'" The man looked at the coin, and started to slip it into his pocket when the manager came over, "What is going on here?" He grabbed the servant by the shoulder, "What are you doing charging the-" Ryan held up a hand, "Whoa whoa WHOA! Hold your horses pal!" Ryan held up a finger and motioned for the manager to come closer, "How many people working tonight?" Ryan gestured around, "Staff, I mean."

 

The manager looked suspicious as he said, "Including me? Six." Ryan reached out and pressed a gold coin into the manager's hand with a wink, "Make sure everyone gets a silver, you keep the change." The manager opened his mouth to protest, but Ryan cut him off, "I want SPECIAL treatment. The kind of special treatment that only comes about because you got paid extra."

 

The manager eyed Ryan, "And what special treatment is THAT?" Ryan looked mock-offended, "Why... I want my food made with love, of course." The manager looked at Ryan, the coin, then back at Ryan, "Love?" Ryan nodded, "Made with love." He looked at the servant who finished pocketing his silver, "You'll make my food with love, right?"

 

The servant fingered the silver in his pocket, "Of..." He nodded to himself as he thought more about it, "Of course, Sir!" No longer looking dead inside, the servant put on a happy face. Ryan turned to the manager, "I believe that's five silver for you. IF... you too are going to make sure my food is made with love. Yes?"

 

The manager seemed to think about it then shrugged, "If you want to... pay for that. I suppose that's fine." Ryan nodded, "Thanks, buddy!" He then jogged a head towards Charity, "I'm gonna get her some food too. Any problem with that?" The manager thought for a second, balanced the gold coin on his thumb and flipped it into the air. He caught it, then looked at Charity, "Not at all. Your guest, is our guest." He smiled and lightly hit the server in the shoulder with the back of his hand, "Go on. With extra love."

 

The servant laughed, "All the love." The manager turned to leave, paused and looked at Ryan, "Ask for Felix if you have any problems, sir." then walked away. The servant looked at Charity and Ryan, "What would you like?" Ryan replied, "What do you recommend?" The servant was taken aback having never been asked that before, "Well, I suppose I would..."

 


 

A short time later Charity and Ryan had returned to their table with food trays full of tasty foods. Some people were glaring at the duo and muttering about broken social taboos, but nobody seemed willing to instigate a direct confrontation. Charity looked more than a little uncomfortable, "Look-" Ryan cut her off, "We are going to eat and have a nice meal and if anyone interrupts us-" Ryan spoke to project his voice so it would carry, "I'm Gonna Have To CUT SOMEBODY." Charity cringed but forced a smile, "Milord, you need to stop being so violent."

 

Ryan glanced about the room as he replied "It's the only language these barbarians know." He took his napkin and placed it in his lap. Charity gave Ryan a double take, "What Barbarians?"

 

Ryan gestured around the room with his fork, "It's people like this who sacked Rome and brought about a thousand years of darkness."

 

"Rome?" Charity looked at Ryan like he was insane, "These people are the children of this kingdom's elite! The cream of the crop! The best of the best!" Ryan started to cut into his pork chop, "And yet they don't know how to make a decent salisbury steak." He stabbed a piece of meat and held it up at eye level, "Have they not heard of breading? The concept of Kentucky Fried? Steak Sauce? Soy Sauce? Worcestershire Sauce? Barbecue Sauce? Bloody HOT Sauce?

 

Ryan gestured all about, "You got Trees Don't You? How about simple, ordinary Maple Syrup?" He rolled his eyes, "You have honey and brown sugar, at least, but the diversity of dipping condiments is shot." He snapped his fingers, "Coco beans. I need to order coco beans. Like... a metric ton."

 

"And what, pray tell, is a coco bean?" She held up her hands and waved them, "Forget that. You think the civility of a nation is based on the quality of its food?"

 

"It is an indicator." He bit down, chewed thoughtful, then continued, "Quality of life is important, but also how many people enjoy that quality of life. I see the food here as a metric by which to measure the success of this society. If this is the best the elite have to offer, then how utterly miserable must the common rabble be?"

 

He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "Back in heck? Among the poor we had an obesity epidemic. That's right. The most poor in the land were too fat." Charity squinted with one eye as her head listed to one side, "That makes no sense." Ryan nodded, "Yeah. That's heck for you."

 

Ryan noticed Charity go pale and look at something past him. He turned around to see a tall, thin student looming in his blind spot. The student had a pencil thin mustache, long, spindly fingers, and a gaunt face framed by hair that resembled blackened, dying sea weed. Ryan jumped, "Holy Keanu Christ! It's Satan's undertaker!" The student blinked and tilted his head to the side, "I'm sorry. You must be confused. I am not Keanu Christ. Do you not remember me? I am Iago Machiavelli."

 

Ryan stared at Iago, then looked at Charity, "Is this guy serious?" But Charity was already diverting her eyes and trying not to be noticed. She was visibly scared by Iago's presence. Iago ignored Charity and started to address Ryan, "It has been-"

 

"NOPE."

 

Iago blinked at being cut off, "Excuse me?"

 

Ryan put an arm on the back of his chair as he turned around to look at Iago, "Let me explain. Your name is pure evil. I have not heard a more evil name before in my life. If someone introduced themselves as 'Evil-Evil McEvil of the Evilburg McEvils' and told me they were here to attend a convention of Disney Villains as the Keynote speaker at the HOW TO BE EVIL CONVENTION... I would STILL not think they were half as evil as someone named Iago Machiavelli." Ryan raised a single finger, "I do not talk to evil." He pointed to the exit, "Buh-Bye!"

 

Iago just stared, "I'm sorry but-" Ryan cut him off by shoving a hand in Iago's face, "Talk to the hand, because I'm not listening." Iago looked around the hand, "What are-" Ryan yanked back his hand then thrust an elbow in Iago's face, "Talk to the elbow because not even the HAND is listening to your Bullshit!"

 

Iago's face started to cloud over, "You clearly do not know who you are talking to." Ryan slammed a hand down on the table as he stood up. Frost began to form and spread out in a growing snowflake-like pattern from his fingertips. To the sound of crackling and crystalizing snow, Ryan locked eyes with Iago, "And you do not know WHAT you are talking to."

 

Iago did not seem impressed, "Oh... but I do. Think you are special because you have the king's favor?"

 

Ryan rolled his eyes, "Let me guess! Kings Come and Kings Go but one thing remains the same! And that..." He tapped Iago on the chest, "Is you!" Iago stagger back a step looking at where he was touched, then up at Ryan. He was having a hard time finding his mental footing in this bizarre conversation, "Well, yes."

 

"Well. I'm nobody's fool." Ryan pointed straight up, "I'm the gods' tool." He pointed at his face, "I murder. I murder very well. I'm not working for the king. I'm helping him out. When my job here is done, I'll go where I'm told and go murder something else."

 

Iago just quirked an eyebrow as Ryan continued, "I can't be bought off, scared off, or killed off, because I've already died twice and it ain't stuck yet." Iago licked his dry lips and narrowed his eyes as he tried to figure out how to even respond.

 

Ryan didn't let him.

 

"Now I suggest you beat it, my evil friend, before the gods tell me to smite your ass." Ryan's face remained impassive, but his eyes widened oh-so-slightly at the word 'smite'. Iago got the feeling he was trying to play chess with someone who just flipped over the table.

 

Iago looked Ryan up and down, before spinning on his heels to stalk off in a huff, "You'll regret this!" He tossed off as a parting remark. Ryan yelled after him, "If you mean meeting you, I already DO!" Then sat down. He wiped some of the frost off the table. He noticed Charity was just staring at him, "What?" He furrowed his eyebrows, "It was the cursing, wasn't it?"

 

Charity tilted her head to the side, "Well... yes. You shouldn't curse but... in this case it was okay." Ryan blinked, "Really?" Charity nodded, "I don't know why, but everyone seems to like that guy. Me? He just gives me the creeps." She looked thoughtful as she added, "However... his name isn't that uncommon. Why did you think he sounded evil?" Ryan hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "In heck... there were two really evil people. Iago and Machiavelli. And then I meet someone who's name is both combined? I mean... damn." he looked thoughtful, "Well, maybe Machiavelli was more sinister slash cynical than evil."

 

Charity put a fist up under her nose as she thought about what Ryan said, "So you have no proof he's evil. It is just his name sounds evil." Ryan looked to where Iago had exited, "And he looks evil. I mean. Holy Hopping Hand Grenades. Could you be more evil looking?"

 

Charity turned to look in the same direction, "I thought he looked quite normal." Ryan gave Charity a double take, "Seriously? If he wore a sign around his neck saying, 'I like to barbecue and eat babies while their mothers' watch.' He couldn't look more evil."

 

Charity shrugged, "He gives me a bad feeling, but I do not see what you are talking about. And... You should know, he is not without influence."

 

Ryan shrugged, "Evil usually isn't."

 

Charity nodded, "That all said, I am glad you did not talk to him. I think he is a bad influence over the second prince."

 

Ryan paused, "Didn't you say my family- I mean EX-family was a supporter of the second prince?" Charity nodded. Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, "This is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it?"

 

Charity shrugged.

8