"My sister is going to die."

 

Ryan smacked Reed in the back of the head, "What the fuck? You aren't even going to try?"

 

Reed looked back at him, "I don't even know where to start!"

 

"Confession is good for the soul, as they say." Ryan slowly backed off and the mental landscape shifted and changed, "I'll go first, and hopefully you'll figure something out."

 

They were both standing outside a destroyed gas station. Reed was looking around, "I've... seen this place."

 

Ryan nodded, "In my nightmares, I imagine." He was dressed like he was back in the army. His men were filing into the APC, "Do you have the gist of it?"

 

Reed walked around in the surrealistic landscape. His steps echoed with the crunch of dusty gravel under his feet. He nodded, "I think so. You failed to kill someone who carried multiple one-use fireball wands. She blew herself up next to your fellow warriors while you were outside the magic moving metal box."

 

A smile briefly flickered on Ryan's face, "Something like that." He knelt behind the outcropping of a fallen building. The rest of the building wasn't there in this hallucinatory terrain. A young girl stepped out of nowhere to appear in front of them. Ryan took aim with his rifle. She started running for the APC.

 

Ryan called out, "Reed. Eyes on me." Reed turned from the running girl to look at Ryan.

 

Ryan aimed. He tracked her as she ran. And then...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ryan took his finger off the trigger.

 

 

 

Reed stared at Ryan and seemed to figure out what was going on, "Wait a moment."

 

The APC blew up. The explosion froze. Ryan turned away, "This is the part I can't admit."

 

Reed walked up, "Wait... I only got what was happening from you in bits and pieces. Your memory would sometimes bleed down to where.... ever I was." Reed frowned, "I thought you froze?"

 

Ryan put the rifle down and slowly stood up, "No. As much as I want to make it anything else than what happened...' He looked over at the explosion, "I made a choice not to shoot."

 

Reed looked over at the explosion, "But... wasn't she going to die anyways?" Reed walked over and pointed at the frozen sphere of expanding flame, "I mean... she isn't walking away from this... right?"

 

"Yup." Ryan sat down on the outcropping, "She was going to die either way, but I still couldn't kill that girl." He hung his head.

 

Reed stepped over to look down at him, "Why?"

 

Ryan flailed his arms in the air, "Damned if I KNOW!" He pressed the heels his hands into his eyes, "I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. It was a line I couldn't cross. Not because she reminded me of my daughter or any excuse I came up with. I just... couldn't kill a little girl. I..."

 

Reed sat down next to him, "If you could change things, would you kill her?"

 

Ryan thought for a while, "No." then shook his head, "Stupid, huh?"

 

Reed thought for a bit, "Your men died because you couldn't do this immoral act, yes?" Ryan nodded in agreement, his head hanging lower and lower by the second. Reed looked at the explosion, "When you died in that other world, you were reincarnated, yes?"

 

Ryan paused, then lifted his head, "I... yes."

 

Reed nodded slowly as he tried to think it through, "So... the choice to not burden your soul with the sin of murdering a little girl, resulted in their death, but who's to say if their next life was terrible?" He turned to put a hand on Ryan's shoulder, "We know that the soul goes on. Are we not proof of this? Perhaps... this wasn't as bad for them as you thought."

 

Ryan straightened up, "I... didn't think of that."

 

Reed looked at the explosion, "I wouldn't have made the same choice. I would have just killed her. But I think, given what we both know now, I don't think the outcome was as horrible as you thought. Yes, they died. Yes, their loved ones suffered, but you were in an impossible situation. There was no right answer." He pointed at the detonation, "Your men passed on to their judgment." Then turned back to Ryan, "They were punished or rewarded based on their choices. That girl was punished for her actions as well, of that, I have no doubt" He pointed at Ryan's heart, "Just like you were judged."

 

Ryan looked over his shoulder, the static detonation reflected in his eyes, "I... was judged... wasn't I? Or... I wouldn't be here."

 

Reed nodded, "Isn't it arrogance to keep punishing yourself? That you know better than the gods? You want to be forgiven for what you did, but that isn't going to happen. However, you were judged, so just accept it your judgment and move on." He smiled with sad eyes and spoke with a voice tainted with irony, "If you want justice, isn't your current situation punishment enough?"

 

Ryan snorted a little, "You know, Kid. You're pretty smart."

 

Reed shrugged and turned to look down at his own hands, "I had a lot of time to contemplate this very topic." He paused to think before continuing, "Do you think you can let this go and... well... not forgive yourself, per se but... but at least accept you were judged and let this go?"

 

Ryan thought of Lily, his wife, his daughter, and so many others, "All the pain I've caused others has been because I thought I knew better, isn't it? Maybe it isn't my place to pass judgment, especially on myself." He stared for a few seconds longer into the distance before nodding once, as if to affirm his choice.

 

The explosion finished expanding.

 

Everything vanished in a bright, white light.

 

---

 

They were back in the mental space watching events unfold. Their body staggered as Ryan had his revelation. This gave Lily and Pricilla a few precious moments of respite. Pricilla paused to toss back the vial of mana. Lily took a moment to fish out a healing potion and swallowed it. Her face was almost fully restored when The demonic entity recovered and returned to pounding Lily into pulp.

 

However, his blows were noticeably weaker.

 

Ryan blinked, "Well damn. I can't believe that worked." He glanced at Reed, "Okay. Your turn."

 

Reed froze. He stood stock still and trembled, "I... I don't think-"

 

Ryan grabbed Reed by the cheek and turned him so they could look eye to eye, "I'm right here with you. No matter what. We'll get through this together, kid. You said you wanted a family?" He grabbed Reed's hand in a thumb-locking grip, as arm wrestlers do. He looked intently into Reed's eyes, "No matter what happens, we end this as blood brothers. Bonds forged in Hell."

 

Reed nodded weakly, then swallowed as he tried to steel his resolve, "Brothers."

 

Ryan nodded as he smiled with encouragement, "C'mon. You can do this."

 

The mindscape vanished and everything went black, only Ryan and Reed were visible in the void.

 

A cone of light appeared highlighting a bed. Reed's face was a mask of horror. Ryan slowly led Reed closer. There was a short, stocky person in the bed. it took Ryan a moment to realize it was a woman. Her face was covered with sores. Her hair had fallen out in clumps. She looked like she had once been much more plump, but now her skin hung loose on her bones as if she was wasting away.

 

Ryan commented softly, "Your mother." Reed nodded once. Ryan cleared his throat, "My... mom got a disease in my world called cancer. She took a long time to die."

 

Reed snorted, "Did she die like this?" Ryan eyed Reed for a second, before shaking his head. A much younger Reed came running into the cone of light. This Reed had to be no more than seven, maybe eight. However, being a half-dwarf made him look even more childlike.

 

Child Reed ran over to the bedside, "I'm sorry Mommy. I couldn't get enough money. I..."

 

The woman mumbled, "Please... I need medication... the pain..."

 

The child ran about, trying his best to make her more comfortable. Nothing worked. Finally, he ran off to the side and took a roll of bread. He tore out the soft part and rolled it up into a pill-sized ball in his hand. He came back. He forced a smile, "I just got back. I found some medication for the pain."

 

The woman weakly turned her head to look at the child, "Give them all to me."

 

Reed's grip on Ryan's hand tightened.

 

The child looked confused, "What? All? I-"

 

The woman seemed to be on the verge of tears, but couldn't cry anymore. She let out a shuttering sigh, "I'm sorry. I can't. I just... can't. Anymore. I want all the pills... so I can sleep." She tilted her head to look at the ceiling, "...and never wake up."

 

The child looked at the fake pill he made.

 

Ryan covered his mouth with his free hand.

 

The child put down the fake pill and walked out of the light. He returned with a pillow. The child walked up to the bed, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'll help." The child climbed up on the bed, knelt on her chest, and put the pillow over her face.

 

The scene froze.

 

Ryan just stared at Reed, "I thought your mom overdosed on painkillers."

 

Reed shook his head as he turned away, "Now you know. You know why my sister is going to die because how could anyone ever forgive themselves for this?"

 

Ryan walked over to stare at the stillness, "This... was a mercy. This is the same situation as me."

 

Reed snorted, "Same Situation???" He stabbed a finger at Ryan, "You didn't kill your men. You spared someone's life and THEY killed your men. You might have felt like you killed them, but you didn't!" He pointed at the bed, "I couldn't give her what she needed, so instead I murdered my MOTHER!"

 

Ryan put a hand on Reed's shoulder, but he yanked himself away, "I deserve to suffer. I deserve every horrible thing that happens to me! My Family was right to hate me! I deserved everything that ever happened to me!" He clawed at his hair, trying to pull it out as he fought to keep himself under control, "But I'm the only one! Nobody else should suffer because of me! How? HOW?"

 

Ryan stared at Reed, then over at the bed. He thought for a moment before speaking, "Let it finish."

 

Reed looked confused, "What?"

 

Ryan looked back at Reed, "Finish it. You paused it. Keep going. I stopped it after my men died. You stop after SHE dies." Reed started to shake. Ryan grabbed him by the shoulders and shouted an order into his face, "Do IT!"

 

Reed winced as the scene continued. The child pressed the pillow down. The women reached up. Reed looked away.

 

"Little thing I learned about the blessing of the All-father. You remember things as they happened, not as you want to remember them." Ryan grabbed Reed and forced him to turn around. Ryan pointed, "Look."

 

The woman reached up, not to resist, not to struggle, but to gently caress Ryan's face.

 

Reed looked puzzled. Ryan leaned down to whisper in his ear, "She was in an amazing amount of pain. She held out as long as she could and then begged you for help. You did the only thing a loving son could do. You released her." He pointed at her hand as it cupped the child's cheek, "And she thanked you for it."

 

Reed's shoulders started to shake as his eyes welled up with tears. Ryan continued, "In the end, she was ashamed she gave up. I don't believe for one instant that woman wants you to suffer. I don't think she blames you for anything. If she could have done it herself, she would have, just to take the burden off you. But she couldn't, and you did what you had to do." He took a deep breath, "You made a choice on a day there were no right choices."

 

The woman's hand fell. The child yanked the pillow away. The woman didn't move. He collapsed on top of her sobbing uncontrollably. Ryan dragged Reed around to the other side of the bed. He pointed at the woman's face. Her eyes were wide open and staring into the distance, but she was at peace, "She's smiling." He pushed Reed closer, "I'm sorry she left you. I'm sorry you wanted her to stay longer. She stayed far longer than anyone should be forced to."

 

Reed's face was a storm of emotions as he reached out to touch the image. Ryan grabbed Reed from behind by the shoulders, "This is a woman who gave everything for her son. This woman wants you to be happy. The investigator I hired mentioned that your mother made several attempts to contact your father but it was thwarted somehow."

 

Ryan spun Reed around, "She was trying to find you a FAMILY, Reed!" He shook Reed, "Like your SISTER." He squeezed Reed's shoulders tightly, "Who right now we are beating to death with our bare hands because YOU. CANNOT. FORGIVE. YOURSELF." He stabbed a finger at the now-dead woman, "She forgave you. She'd wanted you to forgive yourself. So Honor your mother's final wish and LET. GO."

 

Reed's eyes darted around. He had a thousand-yard stare. He pushed away Ryan and walked around to the other side of the bed. He tapped his younger version on the shoulder. The child looked up at Reed, his eyes red and his nose running with snot as if he had been crying for years.

 

In a way, the child had never stopped.

 

Reed forced himself to smile, "It's okay."

 

Reed gave himself a hug.

 

 

 

Everything went white.