Intoxication

 

Chapter 17: Boiling Point

 

Jeremy held the door open and looked in, at me for a moment, then through the kitchen for anybody else. He was dressed, but in a different suit than the one he had on this morning. ’I wondered if he thought I looked ridiculous in this outfit? It was designed for men, right? Did that really matter?’A suit was a suit. ’How different were the outfitted genders between these sets?’ A pair of pants versus a skirt. That summed it up.

He had a poker face. ’What was he thinking coming here? Seeing me? Did he think that I'd be waiting for him with open arms for him to take me? Why did he agree to take me after knowing how much I hated him? Did he know that?’ Maybe I should’ve made sure he got the message before he left us today.

With a choked back sob, I told him. "I hate you." ’There, that should do it, right?’

I flinched when I could hear Brittany voice carry all the way out to the kitchen. ’Guess Greg couldn't wait any longer before getting rough?’ For the moment, I laid a hand over top of one ear, then both ears to muffle the noise.

Jeremy, he was looking in the general direction of the living room. He probably heard them too. After he figured that out, he dropped his gaze back down to me. I watched and kept still as he approached.

He crouched down by me. "You want to stay or go?"

"I want to go home." That was the first time I've seen him confused. Oops. I guessed I would be confused too. Probably best if I’d shut up.

"Do you consider this your home?" The way he looked at me was a bit like last night. He inspected, observed, a look that told me he was reading whether or not I told the truth or lied.

My eyes shut and I buried my face into my arm. I didn't want him looking at me and I certainly didn't want to see him anymore. His hand, I felt it run over the back of my shoulders.

"You don't, do you. You're a stranger still... Or rather, this world is a stranger to you." I couldn't help it, I laughed and nodded into my arm. "Must be hard. You are lucky not to be alone."

"I am." I didn't mean to speak. My lips tightened, then trembled, and I decided to bite down on my bottom lip to keep my lips sealed and still. This guy was a living lie-detector. Anything I said could be taken the wrong way without knowing the crazy part of my story.

"Where is Shelly?" I could tell him that.

Releasing my lip, I told him. "Left to go see Dad."

"Would you look at me?" Rubbing and wiping my teary eyes onto my arm, I shook my head in rejection. "Please? It will help."

"How? You just want to make sure I am not some lying bitch." I felt my eyes water right back up again. I pressed my face hard into my sleeve to dam myself.

"Yes, for now. Honesty is very valuable. When in a world like this, who can you trust? How can you trust your family when they are strangers to you?" Without really thinking about it all that hard, I had to concede he had a point. I lifted my face, but didn't face him yet.

"They care about Kim. That's who I was and that love has transferred to me. Whether I wanted it or not, I am thankful for them being there." I finally looked back at him. "I would do anything for them to be my family."

"Yet, you don't consider this your home." I clenched my teeth as I heard that. I was conflicted. I missed Mom and hated how twisted this world was compared to mine, but I truly wished to keep what good I've been gifted with here.

"I can't explain it. I don't belong here." After thinking about how my life was before becoming the Ondine family's daughter, I knew I wasn't deserving. That was one reason why I tried to become someone better. "I want to belong here. To earn my stay and keep."

"Yes you do." He rose a little, leaning in, and took a hold of me by the waist. I was pulled to stand on shaky legs. "You're not going to walk." ’Was that a question or statement?’

"I can wal-- Hey!" He lifted me and once again I was cradled in this man's arms. Right up against his incredible chest too. "I can walk. Also, I never said I'd go with you."

"I never asked. My question was, did you want to stay or go." That was the same damn question! ’Wasn't it?’ I shook my head to clear that question in my thoughts and reviewed it.

"Stay. I want to stay here."

"They might get loud." ’They weren’t already? How much louder could they get?’ ...I didn’t want to find out, but at the moment, I didn't really care about what my brother or sister did anymore.

"I can deal with it." His lip curled into a little smile.

"Very well." I sensed the motion of us walking… him walking. Taking a look around, I made sure he wasn't taking me out of the house. No. We went straight for the basement's door. "They'll be muted, but the house won't. I've heard the floor cry with their joy many times down here." He must have been in this house often. ’Did he use to stay in the basement? Why would he when he had a house? ...Mansion? Palace thingy? Anyways, perhaps he didn't own one yet and stayed in the meantime?’

"Did you use to live here?" After opening the door, he was careful on descending each step down to the basement floor.

"For a few years until my trial was concluded." ’A trial?’ After last night, I wouldn't be surprised he got into some trouble.

"What did you do?" This might amuse me to hear what he was accused of.

"Treason." That wasn't expected. It made me wonder for a moment.

"Was it because of my -- this family?" He nodded. "What caused them to be kicked out of the family? What did you do?" On the basement floor, he kicked something and the lights flashed on before he walked further. “Jeremy?” He didn’t look at me until I felt the world spin and sensation like I’d jumped in the air. I had to scan around us to figure out all he did was spin quick and sit heavily into a seat. I looked down and saw we sat on a recliner.

While he laid me down in his lap, he answered me. "First, know that my father is King. He would be your first cousin." He did a little uncertainly nod/shake, "Twice removed?" That made me wonder what Jeremy would be to me. ’How did that family tree work again? What relative did we share? I think, if it was twice removed, that would be a Great Great Grandparent?’

"Ha," I laughed, "At least what we did wasn't incest." I was caught by surprise when he showed me a genuine smile. Not that straight lipped nonsense, but one that showed a happy expression on his face.

"We couldn't marry if we were related that way. Having children like that -- it would cause an issue." I rolled my eyes and pointed at the groaning ceiling above us. "Brittany can't get pregnant."

That was a sobering revelation. "Why not?"

"Not my place to tell anyone." ’Did he actually care about privacy?’ I supposed he did. I remembered how he didn't want me looking at the conversations between him and Kim. "Speaking of children, have you decided on a name for yourself?"

I shook my head. "No. Kim won't work."

"What about Beryl?" My brow rose in confusion why he’d chosen that name. "It comes from Kimberly. It fits you." ’Beryl?’

"Whatever. I'll take it." I closed my eyes for a moment to envision being called that name by everyone. It felt strange, but that was because the names I’d become familiar with were no longer me. I'd have to get used to it just like everything else in this world.

Leaning my head against his arm, I got a whiff of a rich scent coming off of him. It was very different from the sweet perfume I had become accustomed from the women I’ve met so far, but this was good too. It wasn't what I remembered he’d smelled like last night. I knew his masculine scent. This just covered it up.

Recollecting his scent reminded me who he was and where I am. I shouldn't be laying in my rapist's lap. I tried to do get off, but all I managed was a curl up.

"Want to get up?" I kept silent as I felt incredibly dizzy sitting up on his lap. I wanted to stand and move away from him, but I felt like I was about to blackout. "Where do you want to go?" He lifted me up to stand, but he stood too and had an escortive arm around my narrow waist to keep me steady.

I wanted to tell him to get away from me, but if he did, I would absolutely fall. "I drank too much… whatever that was. I want to lay down."

"You could have remained where you were. I didn't mind." I shook my head and then regretted shaking it as the world spun out of control.

"No. I --" I remained silent as I knew I had fucked up big time drinking that without knowing what it was. I really was out of my mind now as the basement kept rotating. At least I accomplished getting my mind to be somewhere else, but I didn't expect the experience to be anything like this. My head was light, as if I didn't push it down someplace, it'd float away. I lowered my head, wanting to find some ground to plant it and keep anchored.

Jeremy held me back from lowering myself and pulled me against him. I didn't know what he was doing until I felt his chest support my cheek and forehead. ’How should I react?’ For me, I felt so much better when he held me against him, but at the same time I didn’t want him touching me. He was the reason for my suffering... and, yet, at the same time he's trying to help me.

Slowly, he assisted me with walking towards what I think was either a couch or futon. Maybe both. For a moment, I thought he was going to lay me down, but nopr. He laid down, pulling me down with him. Correction, on him, where I could feel the entire outline of his rock hard body beneath me.

That missing sensation I tried so hard to find in women, I found here.

Breathing hard and harder, I broke out of his hold and pushed up just enough to look down at him. "I'm not attracted to men. I don't like you."

He stared at me and slowly rose a grin at me. "Liar."

"I hate you." After a second, he nodded.

"Yes, you do, but you also like me." I needed to get off of him and now.

"I'm not fag." Even if it hurt my head, I shook it, rejecting the idea I was into men.

"Dressed and fashioned as you are, we could fool plenty." I stopped sliding off of him to simply glare down at this infuriating man. What I wanted to do now would be stupid. Really fucking stupid, but I had not shared an ounce of the pain he delivered to me yet. I balled up my fist, thankful for the drink I had at least numbing it.

Then I socked him in between the legs. I flinched at feeling that and even more glad to have my hand numbed. ’Still, if I felt that, what must it have been like for him?’ I took a moment to watch.

A delayed grunt, a wheezed groan, and a hissed breath left him. His eyes closed, huffing out his breathes harder through his clenched teeth. He had a great deal of tension in his jaw muscles, enough for me to hear a crick. When he showed me his green eyes again, I felt a shiver run up my spine. He was angry at me. I figured he would be, but the thing was I now had a regret that I could relish for just one moment.

Without ever breaking away from glaring at each other, I resumed slipping off him. When I touched the floor, I discovered I couldn't stand up. At least I was finally off of him.

"You try to hurt me and I'll scream." Once I said that, he shook his head at me while making a funny face from the pain he was in.

"I've told you, I'm done. I won't." He took a moment to breathe slow and steadily. "I may regret that, but I will not hurt you ever again."

"Does that mean I can keep this up?" I rose a fist in the air to hover above him.

Instantly, he sat up and grabbed my wrist. In that moment, I thought he was going to go back on his word. That he would retaliate and hurt me. I opened my mouth to scream, but his other hand shot up to silence me. My mouth was in his grip and that triggered me to began fighting back. In a rush, he pulled me back up, scooting and laying me back down on the furniture with him.

I didn't lay on him this time. He turned me around on the bed so Ilaid on my side and he on his behind me. His hand on my mouth remained while he was busy pulling my fist back down. We remained like this until I stopped struggling and trying to make my voice be heard. He let go of my mouth, but he kept a hold of my arm. When I tried to resist him again, I felt my arm be tugged back behind me.

“Stop. I know how this will feel and I don’t want to lock your arm up.” My elbow was gradually bending, which gave me the impression I knew what he was about to do. I’d seen plenty of police officers do it before.

I asked him, "What are you doing?"

"Keeping you from hurting yourself." That made me laugh.

"How am I doing that?" I squirmed a bit to get away and he let go of my arm. I flexed and inspected my arm in front of myself before he pulled me against tightly against him. I started squirming again to get out of his grasp. "Let go."

"You test me. I can tolerate a lot, but that is not boundless. You push me too far and I will have enough of an excuse that Greg or Brittany would look the other way." Halting my squirming, I took that into consideration. I did just hit him and threatened him with more violence.

’I was out of my mind, wasn’t I?’

"I'm sorry." This night was getting out of control. Before that, last night was chaos. No... Maybe when I first woke up in the hospital was when everything had begun spiraling out of my grasp. Not understanding what had happened, who I was, what family I had, where I lived now, and all the many unknowns that continued to pop out at me without warning. I was lost.

The both of us were quiet for a few minutes. That silence lasted a little longer until I relaxed by laying my head down on the cushion. His arm pulled and squeezed me. I breathed out a soft sighing sound from being constricted in his restraining arm.

I asked him, "What?"

"I would like to have you tonight." ’Was he being serious?’

"No." I had my eyes shut again and softly shook my head no. After feeling how wrong of an idea that was to shake my head again, I laid my head back down on the softness we laid on and hoped the spinning would stop. In a groan, I said, "Never."

"Would you permit us to sleep together?" ’How was that any different?’ "It is getting late and I've been busy all day." ’Oh, he really meant sleep?’Us, together being asleep...

I sighed and felt I might regret this. "If you don't touch me --"

"I won't hurt you."

"No touching." I had to make that perfectly clear with him.

He was quiet for a little bit before speaking again. "If you accept Beryl as your given name, I won't touch you." That didn't sound bad. I was already resigned to accept that name anyways.

"I'll accept."

"Good. Now then," his arm was removed from around me. "I'll let you down again so I can unload the bed." I sighed again, but this time in relief of the freedom he gave me.

"You mean futon?" I rolled gently off the cushions to stand up… and remembered that wasn’t possible by falling onto the floor. Picking myself up onto all fours, I looked and carefully crawled to the recliner. While I leaned against the foot of it, I inspected myself to be certain I hadn’t damaged this suit.

He replied with a, "Yes," and stood up. The couch was opened up and he began making the bed. While I sat there and watched, I took note that Jeremy removed his coat. ’When did he do that?’ Then his shirt came off… no, it vanished. ’...Huh?’

"Why are you undressing like...?"

"Do you enjoy being tangled in your clothes in the morning?" That did make me smile and I shook my head… and once again regretted drinking.

’Oh, I think maybe I figured it out?’ I watched him very carefully, holding my eyelids open to not blink, and discovered the mystery of the vanishing clothes. I was dozing off without realizing it! Reflecting back on his funny question about tangled clothing, I answered. "I guess not?"

He removed all, but a pair of boxers. I shut my eyes and tried dozing off on purpose so I wouldn't have to see the marvel of his body. It sickened me that I would feel that tempting allure to his physique. Unfortunately, when I didn't look, it only made things worse by envisioning him in my imagination and adding the remembered warmth, scent, and touch I experienced last night.

For a moment, I was confused when I felt something on my coat move around. I opened my eyes and caught him fully opening my coat. In a sharp tone, asked him, "What are you doing?"

"You told me. Tangled clothes, remember?" Once he said that, I shook my head, got angry at myself for shaking my head again, and sighed in frustration. He pulled me forward by the opening of my coat enough to slip it the rest of the way off of me.

"I meant to agree with you, not to condone being undressed like you are." In response, he looked and gave me his genuine smile.

"You won't be undressed like me." ’What did he mean by that?’

I didn't feel anything at first, just stared obliviously up at him in wonder on what he had meant by what he stated. I tried straightening back up against the recliner, and that was when I felt his hands down around my waist. I shot my hand down, but he had already yanked my pants down my legs. I curled down after my pants, but he just tugged my pants the rest of the way off. I reached down to try grabbing them back up, but he swiftly tossed them aside and out of my reach.

I balled up my fast, digging my nails into the palm of my hand like claws, and jabbed a finger at him. "You said you wouldn't touch me."

"I haven't. Your clothes are all I handled." Clenching my fist tighter, I so wanted to punch him right there and now, but I dropped it. No amount of drinking would ever curb the frustration he gave me, let alone any violence.

"Leave my shirt alone." I tugged down on the tail of it to cover my bare ass and hips. I needed to get Brittany or Shelly to find me underwear.

"Very well. I would caution you, one slight turn in your sleep could lose a button or two." When he said that, I thought about how much these suits might’ve cost. Those recordings that were in the buttons and what kind of expense it would be for Brittany. I felt like cursing, knowing that it would be better to just deal with the risk of losing a button or two. ’She'd understand, right?’

That wasn't what I wanted. No burdening others was my new motto and I was sticking to it. I didn't want to trouble her or anyone with anything, especially expenses. I took a deep breath and glared up at him more sternly as I began to fumble with slipping the buttons off.

"Changed your mind?"

"Shut up." My voice trembled.

Jeremy raised a hand for my attention and I gave him a look, knowing he was offering to help me, but I silently refused him by continuing to do it myself. It took me a minute to find my way out of the shirt.

"Beryl. I will have to touch you." He nodded towards the bed he had prepared. Cringing, I nodded. His hands slipped under me and lifted. My bare skin against him had begun to burn with the memory of last night. When I was pulled against his great chest again, I felt the impression of his body heat and unintentionally savored the warmth seeping into me.

This was foolish. I felt so damn stupid for accepting any of this. ’He might promise not to do anything, but why couldn't I sleep someplace else? Why did I chose to default being in bed with him?’ I should’ve protested and explained that I had a change of plans or that he could pull out another futon or let me sleep on the floor or… something, but I didn't.

When he had laid me down and under the covers, I watched him as he slipped in underneath the covers with me, and I was pulled and held against him once again. This should have been a part of the 'No Touching' agreement, but I curled down against him, rested my head on his chest, and closed my eyes. A memory of what Brittany told me a while ago about falling asleep with a pillow held in my arms and between my legs would somehow ease the burning in me. I didn't have a pillow and I wasn't about to try it with this man. At least, maybe not while he was awake.

I could stay awake longer than he could, I believed. He mentioned being tired. I was just drunk. Really fucking out of my mind too… with my head against his chest, I heard the pounding of his heart, but I was trying to listen to his breathing, waiting for it until it came out slow and calm. Waiting and listening for when he’d fall asleep. Then I would feel more comfortable about finding my own rest.

Laid with him, I waited for his excited heart to settle...