One year later, in a luxurious house.
"AHHHHH!!!!" A woman's screams could be heard, and three people stood by her side. The one looking between her legs said with a calm face, "Lady Tatyana, breathe and push. Little by little, the head can already be seen."
The woman, Tatyana, couldn't help but scream, "WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH WITH MY LEVEL OF CULTIVATION!!!"
The doctor in charge, Dr. Ava, answered calmly "I already told you that when a woman gives birth her body loses all of its cultivation until the baby or babies are born. If not, don't you think the baby would die because of your muscle strength that can flatten mountains? "
In truth, what Tatyana asked made sense. Even if she became a mortal, her countless years of experience should let her lightly resist the pain of childbirth. She didn't expect that because of the method she used to get pregnant, the world's laws were trying to kill her while giving birth because this kind of pregnancy went against the Heavenly order since it uses the natural Yin and Yang energies to create life.
Of course, she didn't tell the doctor about it. She didn't want anybody to know that her baby was born that way. Many high-level cultivators would flock to her and ask how to make it possible if they knew.
To avoid being killed by the heavens, Tatyana reached into her spatial ring, and while the doctor and the other two nurses looked at her, she pulled out a pill that she concocted, which is used for hiding her when the heavenly tribulations came, and ate it. Eating this pill will hide her from the main Heaven Will. The one that she will have to bear with will be just the will of the Heavens in her World.
After that, it was a battle of wills.
Tatyana continued fighting for three hours straight, feeling excruciating pain. Knowing that she was in the last stretch, she made the final push, and with the doctor's and nurses' help, the little baby came out!
Tatyana was overjoyed. Not only did she survive, her little meatbun came out safely! Feeling her cultivation returning little by little and healing her body, she felt satisfaction like no other. 'I won against the heavens! I managed to deliver her.'
She asked the nurse to give her the baby, and she looked at her with boundless love and satisfaction. The baby was already a little more developed than usual. With midnight black hair and closed eyes, she had pearly white skin with slight rosiness. Her cheeks were full, making one want to take a bite, her facial features were very delicate, and one knew that she would be a devastatingly beautiful woman when she grew up.
She nestled her little meatbun in her arms, on the child's lower back, and felt something against her hand. She took out her breasts and let her baby drink from them.
While the child was drinking, she carefully rotated her to look at her back, and to her surprise, she had something protruding above her little butt! Not only that, it was growing at a speed visible to the naked eye!
The four looked at the extra limb growing from her back speechlessly. First, it was black with small scales around it. However, at some point, it started turning golden. When it finished growing, all that was left was a half-black, half-golden scaled tail…
"… "
"… "
"… "
"… "
Tatyana looked at the doctor and asked with a small smile. "Dr. Ava, is it normal for the child to grow a tail when born? "
Dr. Ava looked at her with her ever-serious expression and answered, "No."
Tatyana slowly returned her meatbun to the normal position and looked out the window. She wondered why her future wife- *COUGH* her little daughter had a tail… a bicolor one at that. The first half was black, and the other half golden.
She analyzed her up and down to ensure no more abnormalities suddenly grew on her daughter. Tatyana's sight froze at a certain point in the middle. This time she was utterly dumbfounded! She looked up to the ever-serious Dr. Ava and decided not to ask her.
Instead, she looked at the two nurses on the other side, who had their eyes and mouths open widely while looking at a particular part of her daughter. "Is it normal for my DAUGHTER to have that little peanut attached above her privates?"
One of the nurses, with long blonde hair, stuttered an answer, "L-L-Lady Tatyana, t-that is a p-p-penis."
Her sister, the other nurse with short blonde hair, looked at the strange yet, extremely fantastic work of art before her with a stupefied expression.
Tatyana looked out of the window again to reflect on her life choices. Meanwhile, the little meatbun stopped her meal, looked at her mother, and tapped her shoulder twice as if to give support. This action made even the ever-serious Dr. Ava's facial expression crack.
Tatyana looked down after her daughter's taps. What greeted her was a stunning pair of eyes. They had golden irises that glowed with the radiance of the sun. Moreover, around the slit pupils, there was a little bit of red color. The red color was like growing roots reaching a quarter of the iris, making her gaze extremely exotic yet captivating.
When the nurse sisters looked into the little meatbun eyes, they couldn't help exclaiming, "So beautiful!"
Tatyana looked at the three of them and spoke imposingly, "All of you, I don't care if you speak around the house about her, but I don't want the fact of her having the two sexes and a tail getting out. Until she grows up, this will have to get concealed. If it gets leaked, I will kill every one of you personally. I know it will surface sooner or later, but I want her to have as normal a childhood as possible."
They knew that Tatyana wanted time to educate the little miss, so the three answered solemnly, "As the Lady says!"
The long-haired nurse called Anna thought to herself, 'If someone dares to look down on our little miss in the future, I will kill without mercy.'
Tatyana continued her order, "Dr. Ava, prepare the nourishing resources I brought back for her. I want her to start strengthening herself as soon as possible."
Dr. Ava nodded and left to get the supplements for the baby. 'Lady Tatyana truly put effort into these. Not only will they aid in conditioning her body for cultivation, but they will also make her almost immune to any kind of disease. '
Tatyana turned toward the nurses and ordered, "Both of you will be her personal maids from now on. If anything tries to hurt her with malicious intentions, kill without mercy, then report it to me. I don't want a single mishap to happen because of indecision!"
Anna and Eve answered with ferocious smiles, "Understood! We won't let anything befall the little miss."
Tatyana looked down at her baby, and a beautiful smile appeared on her face. Then she spoke her name for the first time, "From now on, you will be called… Yasenia."
Yasenia's eyes curved into crescents, and replied with a bubbly "Aye!" making their hearts melt into a puddle.
The fact that women lose their cultivation during childbirth is interesting. But I wonder whether it was said just so the doctor could justify her pain, or if it will be mentionned again in the story.
Because then, getting pregnant would represent a great risk for any cultivator, as her enemies would attempt to strike while she is weakened.
Also, rather than hurting the baby, on the contrary, wouldn't a strong cultivator be able to control their body so well that the childbirth would be effortless and painless? I mean, I understand this is a special case, but...
...
Also, since you asked a couple of writing suggestions.
I will use one paragraphe to illustrate the two main "issues" I feel are in your writing in these first two chapters. Which are punctuation, and sometimes, an over-reliance on passive sentences.
"AHHHHH!!!!" The screams of a woman could be heard, by her side there were three people, the one looking between her legs said with a calm face "Lady Tatyana, breathe and push, little by little the head can already be seen"
1) Punctuation.
You're using comma where there should be periods. It doesn't actually hurts the understanding much, but it can be a little confusing.
"AHHHHH!!!!" The screams of a woman could be heard. By her side there were three people. The one looking between her legs said with a calm face "Lady Tatyana, breathe and push. Little by little the head can already be seen."
(Also, period at the end, even if the sentence is in quotation marks.)
That's actually the main remark I have right now. What comes below are more nitpicks.
...
2) Punctuation again.
When referring to speech, a comma is needed before the quotation to introduce it. Like this:
Danny said, “Let’s go to the pool.”
The comma simply separates the quoted speech from the rest of the narration, and it helps to present the quotation in a clear way.
So :
The one looking between her legs said with a calm face, "Lady Tatyana [...]"
3) Punctuation the third.
If you use an introductory phrase at the start of a new sentence such, it often requires a comma.
Ex:
“Although he was hot, he refused to take off his coat.”
“First and foremost, we need to address its origins.”
“Sadly, my grandpa couldn’t come.”
Although, if the introduction is short enough, the comma can be removed. However, if it causes any ambiguity, it’s best to keep the comma in.
So,
By her side there were three people
could be
By her side, there were three people.
But that's not entirely necessary here.
Same with "Little by little, the head can be seen."
4) a little too many passive sentences.
As far as I understand it, passive sentences tend to make a text more cumbersome to read. (English is not my first language either, which is maybe why I obsess over little details so much.)
"[...] Little by little, the head can already be seen."
would probably sound better as an active sentence:
"[...] Little by little, I can already see the head."
Another exemple,
"AHHHHH!!!!" The screams of a woman could be heard.
Could be changed to:
"AHHHHH!!!!" The screams of a woman echoed inside the room.
...
So, the way I would have written it, the paragraphe would come out something like this:
"AHHHHH!!!!" The screams of a woman echoed inside the room. By her side, there were three people. The one looking between her legs said with a calm face, "Lady Tatyana, breathe and push. Little by little, I can already see the head."
I want to be clear. Aside from maybe the first point about using more periods instead of commas, the rest of these are just suggestions. I have no trouble at all understanding your writing. The grammar is overal correct, and I blame the slight strangeness on the way sentences might be structured in your first language. And lastly, the ortographe is very good overal.
Just this one typo: "when a woman gives birth her body losses all of its cultivation" >> loses
Whoa! Thanks a ton!
Also, rather than hurting the baby, on the contrary, wouldn't a strong cultivator be able to control their body so well that the childbirth would be effortless and painless?
The thing is that even if high-level cultivators have perfect body control, and they would be able to pop it out, there is one problem. How is the baby able to even survive pregnancy? Their abdominal muscles would just squish them before even completely developing. The method of protection is the placenta.
The placenta of a cultivator is the one that expands the belly for the baby to break it when they are ready. The mother must become a mortal for the placenta to become "breakable" for the child. This is also another reason that pregnancy s*x is actually quite safe. The shock and impact absorption is insanely high.
If a cultivator could make one armor made of the placenta, they would become almost untouchable in the same level. But placenta loses its qualities when it leaves the woman's body, thus they are unusable. Demonic cultivators have tried working this out quite some time, but they stopped trying after some time.
Thanks for the comment on the grammar issues, I will try to become better!
@Mortrexo Placenta armour... I didn't need that mental image.
@DocteurNS *cough* Sorry.
The Demonic Flesh Cloak of the Unborn or something... Why I am still thinking about it?!
@Mortrexo placenta training armor for disciples. I can think of a few reasons the demonic cultivators are hated now.
@DiscoDream Yea, the demonic cultivators are not like the "Demonic" Cultivators of other cultivation novels, they have 0 boundaries if it means the outcome is getting stronger.
@Mortrexo Doesn't sound that different from the average cultivator in these types of novels.
@DiscoDream Well, you are not wrong hahaha.
@Mortrexo While high level cultivators having perfect control over their body makes sense, wouldn't this also mean they would have to control their body during s*x with lower level cultivators? A single wrong push or press could explode their partners body if they are not as durable and strong as they are. Hell, women would even need to control the convulsions inside so that they won't just squeeze a sausage into mush. Wouldn't doing it with a cultivator who has lower cultivation take away from the experience then? Always having to be in complete control and clarity even as they are doing the deed so as to not hurt the weaker party? That would also mean they would have to carefully fake all the bodily reactions they would have from the stimuli, or be like a dead fish during the deed no? They can't afford to let go of control to fully enjoy the moment, so everything has to be faked. Or well, maybe they could lock away their cultivation or something, but i doubt that could affect the natural strength of their tempered body, so it would always be a problem to do it with low level cultivators.
I read another story where the girl basically pulverizes the hand bones of the guy with her thighs unintentionally as she is in the moment lol. Her muscles are just too strong and she can't control herself that well as she is cumming. The guy can heal that bit of damage so it's not a big deal at least, other than the pain being a mood killer. Good thing he didn't stick his head in there first lol, exploding the head of your lover with your thighs sure would be traumatic i bet. Hazards of being with strong cultivators eh?
@N0xiety You are correct and incorrect. If this wasn't a cultivator world and just a fantasy, what you said would be true. However, we are in a cultivation world. The world's laws dictate a lot of things, making the illogical stuff real.
For example, the land and worlds in cultivation are gianormous. Wouldn't that make the gravity absurdly high?
Following the same giant planet size theme, how can the day only last only for 24hours?
Now, when a high-level cultivator has s*x with a lower-level cultivator, they match the other body's outer strength, and their nerves will be stimulated in the same way, making s*x enjoyable.
That is why Tatyana's body is soft, making Yasenia able to be breastfed, yet if someone tried to damage it, they wouldn't be able to unless they have similar strength.
If someone wrote a 100% realistic cultivation world... To be honest, I don't think it would be a very enjoyable read.
This is how I see things. I know it Is a very convenient explanation, but my advice is to read, and sometimes leave some details without discovering.
@Mortrexo Yup i know we gotta just let some stuff be and not dig too hard into details for fantasy to be enjoyable, i just wanted to join in on the hypotheticals of the xianxia world workings.
Btw, i would say xianxia world gravity could make sense if everything is basically amplified thanks to qi. From the mundane rocks to grass, trees to animals, monsters to humans, everything has qi in them even if they are not actively putting an effort to cultivate. So, qi could be the energy that amplifies the bonds between atoms in all aspects like an additional force over the existing laws. There are also specific world laws exerted on each plane/planet that encompass this qi to work in certain ways. Which would in theory allow for massive worlds that does not collapse in on itself even if there are still the underlying basic physics laws that we are familiar with. Or well, the world may not even be a planet, it could just be a flat plane of confined reality.
@N0xiety O.O I've been enlightened! Hahaha.
@DocteurNS @Mortrexo @N0xiety
Hmm… If I were setting up a cultivation world, and needed to determine if sex/birth would be an issue… I might make it so males and females are weakened at different times?
To Cultivate is to defy The Heavens, so there ought to be a natural consequence somewhere, right? In my cultivation world, perhaps males and females would temporarily lose their cultivation for 9 minutes after an orgasm. Women would also be weakened for 9 days after birth. No threat to the baby during birth, just afterwards for the mother. 9 being an auspicious number in this case, with an occult cultivation origin.
Like… all their energy was spent protecting the child, and they are exhausted after giving birth. Same thing in sex, as all that energy rushes out of them during an orgasm, and they lose control, becoming mortal for a brief time. I’d like to think this balances out? Men seem to orgasm a lot quicker than woman, and tend to be more virile. It could also make men more cautious of raping women, as they would be weak for a shot time after the deed, where even a mortal woman could get revenge if they aren’t careful.
There is also the perfect body control thing, as cultivators defy The Heavens by not only being strong, but by being able to control their own bodily functions too. So, if they want to orgasm, they would have to give up that control, as only gods at the very top could possibly, if briefly, defy The Heavens and retain their power for a single orgasm. Also, they would most likely be unable to do it twice in a row, because, all that excess energy was used to defy The Heavens.
Eh… dunno… Chi/Ki/Qi is weird. The Heavens can also be weird. I suppose it all depends on the Author? Whatever. These are just some of my thoughts on the matter.
Thanks for Sharing!
@Ditz That's a dangerous world to live in. Sexual attacks would become an extremely ferocious method to win battles. However, it is interesting in a way. Also, thanks for sharing for you too!
@Mortrexo
Hmm… Battles? I suppose it could change the way people scheme, but change how people battle/fight? I dunno… I find it difficult to believe it would change the cultivation nature of: "I Have Bigger Fist".
Though, there absolutely Would be more more seduction techniques. As, the best assassins would be able to lure their 'prey' into a vulnerable position, and then kill them much easier (without using poison); but, it wouldn't preclude the perfect body control, or the massive amounts of strength given to an average cultivator.
Like, let's say this one guy can hit you over the head with a mountain. A Literal Mountain. This guy isn't just going to orgasm because someone else wants him to. Oh sure, it's possible he'll orgasm from just a look; but, I could only see that happening if the other person tricked him, that person was much stronger than this guy, or, this guy foolishly chose to orgasm from a look. Same for getting him into a position where such a moment of weakness becomes possible. This imaginary guy is likely not an idiot. So, he's not going to just allow a stranger to make him weaker, unless he feels safe, or is poisoned/overwhelmed. As such, fights probably wouldn't change overly much, but, perhaps how people get revenge? Or, perhaps this could change how fights end? Like, get this guy to expend all his energy in regular battle; then, after he's down, make him orgasm so that any potential last minute death curse is ineffective.
—Edit: There is also the fact that temporarily becoming mortal, may make you vulnerable to some form of bondage. For example: All your natural defenses drop after an orgasm; so, if someone were to curse you with obedience when your weak, unless your natural cultivation could shake it off after it returns, you'd be forced to obey. Basically, there might be stronger cultivation slaves in such a world. Though, it would take someone stronger than that cultivator in their un-weakened state, to place such a curse, for it to stick around after they regained their strength. A weak cultivator can't usually beat a stronger one, and as such, doesn't have the power to make such a curse stick. …Then again, you could probably keep them mortal by easily granting them a constant orgasm… at least until you could get them to someone stronger than that cultivator at their best. Cultivation is unfair, and an immortal life of torment/obedience is absolutely possible when you can't really die.—
Eh… I suppose this 9min/9day thing, just made sense to me. See, Cultivation is breaking away from mortality. Immortals aren't really supposed to have kids, and an orgasm is for those mortals who lose control of themselves. Why else would all these cultivators go meditate in small rooms, for years on end? They gave up the pleasures of flesh, for power. To regain that pleasure, would probably make them weak. Like, seriously… at some point, cultivators don't even need to eat or, at a later point, even breath. Cultivators are Rare. Regular Humans are everywhere, but cultivators have moved away from their mortality towards immortality. Only at the end, do they ever really regain their interest in mortal things? The weak willed die, and the strong survive. So, yeah, just a thought.
Also, I still haven't thought about Duel Cultivation. Like, I understand it's an exchange of energy, but how would a cultivator who becomes weaker after an orgasm duel cultivate? Perhaps they don't orgasm? Honestly, I don't know…
Whatever. Anyways… I was amazed at your quick response. Thanks!
@Ditz I often check, so you can comment as you see fit, and I'll probably see it on the same day. The main reason is that I need to log in at least once a day to upload daily, so I check all notifications on the way, hahaha. I hope you like my novel and keep commenting~.
Even a demon cultivator would despise u for attacking a cultivator giving birth to a new life
Nah, the cultivation loss doesn't really make sense, these high-tier cultivators are basically unkillable a cesarean section operation for delivery would be trivial.