Chapter 26 – That Which Lingers.

mogust

Content Warning: Dysphoria

Callie hadn’t given Julia an answer. She couldn’t, because in the end she just wasn’t sure. Of what impact it would have on them. Of what that would mean for her relationship with Uriah. Of how it would shape the relationship of the group overall. Of what the others would think. And of how deep she wanted to take all of this.

The hardest part was that she couldn’t just say no either. Because a part of her was toying with the idea, finding some appeal in it. That perhaps she did want to do so. And she didn’t know what to think of that either. It scared her. She’d been with Uriah for twenty years. Shared her life with him, and then taken that next step, using magic to make that commitment more than real. Julia she’d known for less than two weeks, who had walked into her life at the behest of her parents. And in that time so much had happened, and they’d grown rather close. There really were feelings there, and perhaps a lot more. And that was ignoring the effects of her feeding.

They’d all just fallen asleep like that, too tired to worry about eating or organising a watch. Not the best idea, but nothing disturbed them, and Callie woke up not feeling as sore as she had expected. A small blessing that she would take, given that hunger was dominating her thoughts. Julia drinking her blood drained her somewhat as well. The rations were starting to run low, Callie only eating as much as she normally would as she sat beside Uriah, staring across the plains in front of them. Julia was nearby with Felicia, doing some stretches, and looking very much alive and full of energy.

‘You still have the array?’ The question from Uriah surprised her a bit, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

‘Yeah.’ It was still in her pocket, looking a little worse for the wear now. ‘But... I think that I could probably cast it without the piece of paper.’ The image of it was rather clear in her mind, like it had become a part of her magic. But given that she had used it twice, the bonds rather prominent, she wasn’t really that surprised.

‘What are you going to do? She was serious, you know.’ Uriah looked at her, the after image of his ethereal features still present. They hadn’t completely faded away like every other time before.

Callie leaned in and gave him a kiss, and then just leaned further in and wrapped her arms around him, her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Steady and strong. ‘I don’t know Uri. I just don’t know. It’s not just about me. It’s about all of us now. The bond... it can’t be the same as what we have though. That... that is special to just the two of us.’

‘Bond her as a lover rather than as a spouse?’

‘Perhaps?’ That... that didn’t sound too bad. But would Julia accept and be happy with that? And even then, she didn’t know exactly what form that would take. ‘You know, that she wants it with you too, and Felicia.’

Uriah sighed, arm wrapping around her. ‘I know. And... I don’t know what to feel, Callie. Is it bad, that I find her attractive, that the effect of her feeding is almost addictive? I’ve always loved you, and you alone. And now, she’s a part of our lives. And she’s become rather close, to us all. Have I... betrayed you?’ The sadness and fear attached to that was strong, Callie feeling tears well up in her in response, reflecting part of her emotions as well.

‘I should be the one asking you that, Uri. Have I betrayed you, and your love, by accepting her feeding? By accepting her advances. By even entertaining the thought of her request? Even though you said that you would not deny me, I... I’m the one that should be seeking forgiveness.’ She tried to bury her face deeper in his chest, her tears staining his t-shirt.

They sat like that for a bit, the sun warming them as they ignored the world around them, everything but each other, the warmth of their embrace, and the strength of their feelings. Sometimes things seemed so easy, the choices tantalizing and almost without question, and then all the consequences kicked in, and everything got messy again.

‘No. No you haven’t.’ There was certainty to his voice, reassurance in the way that he held his arms around her, and the feedback through their bond. ‘You took me, loved me back, and bonded me as your husband. This relationship, in whatever form it takes, will be what we want to make it. Not dictated by our families or others, but formed between the four of us, in our own way.”

All she could manage in response was a confirming form of noise as she continued to snuggle him, enjoying the moment and the sliver of peace, wishing that it could last forever.

‘You two really are a cute couple. Even more so now.’

Forever’s were always so fleeting.

Callie smelt it long before it came into view, a subtle change in the air around that steadily got stronger the closer they got, a tinge of dampness that floated around them. She felt a spark of excitement as they realised what it was, all of them picking up the pace, more than a little eager to reach the river. Fresh water, a chance for a wash, and perhaps even something different for their meals.

It had looked large when they had initially seen it, but standing there in person at its edge, the grass of the plains having turned into a strip of glistening mud, it looked truly massive. Crystal clear water tinged in blues and greens, the orange light of the sun shimmering off it, the river easily a mile across. An estimation that she had no way of confirming, but it really was huge.

Taking her shoes and socks off, and almost gagging at the smell, she padded her way up to the water’s edge, and then in a little, the water lapping at her jeans as she stood there, revelling in the coolness of the water and the soothing sensation that it was having on her feet. Some of the riverbed seemed to be mud, other parts a carpet of small pebbles and stones. And there were fish too. She could see their sleek bodies swimming their way through the currents of the water further up, oblivious to the threat that she posed to them. That was a relief. Bending down, she cupped her hands and lowered them into the river, scooping up some water that she raised closer to her. It looked clean, but they were in a foreign realm. Callie grinned slightly to herself, lightning arcing through the water in her hands, before she brought it to her lips and drank. It tasted, well, a little singed, but otherwise just like water should. Cool and refreshing.

“It’s good?” Uriah asked, standing there at the edge of the grass, his boots and socks tidily placed beside the pack, his t-shirt and spidersilk chain laying on top of it.

“Yup,” Callie replied with a smile, making her way back out. “We can replenish the bottles, and I will try fishing later. First though...” She left the words hanging as she removed her jacket and top as she walked up to Uriah, stopping in front of him, and running her hand down his bare chest. “I’m going to bathe, and if you’re going to join me, you’re going to need to strip off more than that.” Her smile was more than a little seductive, Callie not bothering to hide her feelings. Uriah’s grin back said it all.

They also smelled from the days of waking, and their clothes were in desperate need of a wash. Not that they could do a proper job, but a soak at least would be a good start, and the day was warm enough with enough of it left that it would be worthwhile.

“You joining us?” Callie asked, looking over at Julia. She needn’t have asked, Julia already stripped down to her underwear layer.

“Of course,” Julia declared, as she released her hair from its ponytail, letting it fall around her shoulders. Her eyes and her mind, however, were very much somewhere else, her gaze fixed on them.

Julia’s body, though, was something else. Callie hadn’t really seen her naked body before, always giving her privacy, but she was certain that it hadn’t been as toned and defined as what she was seeing now. That power that she had taken as hers was definitely manifesting itself. Becoming a vampire had done things to her. Lots of things. And it was making Callie blush.

‘Felicia?’ she asked, tearing her own gaze away as she started stripping her own layers off, and laying them beside Uriah’s. She was missing not having any spares, but they hadn’t been given the opportunity to prepare at all.

‘Fox. Water. Don’t mix so well,’ Felicia answered, shaking her head, as she sat there beside Julia.

‘You could take your human form, you know,’ Callie said with amusement. And she knew for a fact that foxes were good swimmers. She’d done her research after all.

‘I’m saving that for later,’ Felicia replied with a laugh.

Callie just shook her head as she finished up taking her clothes off. Her body was still changing too. Her breasts were a lot bigger now, comparable to Julia’s, and her body shape could not be mistaken for anything other than a woman’s. She liked the progress, where she was at. Except for that one area down there, that still starkly reminded her, and anyone that looked at her, of what she had been forced to be for so long. Her mood darkened, the desires just vanishing. She sighed and turned, sprinting back to the water’s edge and all but throwing herself in, just wanting to hide.

“Callie?” Uriah was there beside her as her head popped back up to the surface, the water flowing around her, Julia not too far away, looking at her with mirrored concern.

“I’m sorry, Uri,” she said, the water hiding her tears as she let herself float into him. She’d been in such a good mood, even though they were stuck here in this realm, and all it had taken to shatter that was to be reminded of something that she had otherwise been able to ignore. It hadn’t been important, she knew that it would change eventually. But... she had been wanting, desperately, to do things with Uriah. As he to her. Looking forward to it even, the feeling just continually building up as she’d become more confident in herself. Of who she was. The real her. But even though she knew that it wouldn’t bother him, it was affecting her. In a big way. She just couldn’t do it. Not like this. And that was hurting her. She was letting him down. She was his wife, dammit. But... no, she just couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

Standing there beside him, looking at his wet and glistening body, and then at Julia’s, she felt a sharp stab of jealousy, the pain that she wasn’t fully her slamming hard into her again. Everyone here, apart from her, was fully confident in themselves, who they wanted to be. Even Felicia, able to act upon their impulses and desires. But she... she couldn’t.

“You know that I love you just the way you are.” Uriah ran a hand along her face, shifting her wet hair out of the way, running a gentle line down her cheek.

Callie looked up at him, the tears still there as she made sure that she was positioned in such a way that things didn’t touch. “I know. And I know that what I have or don’t have doesn’t matter to you, but...” She sighed, and looked down at the water, as it continued to flow past her. Past them. Slow and steady. Almost eternal. “I was shown what I would be Uri, and now that I have that knowledge, and am part way there, that I am not fully her, not fully me, it hurts. I wanted you so badly. To be yours, to be together in a way that we’ve never been before. But I can’t do it. Not like this.” She let out a sob, wrapping her arms across her chest, like that helped at all. “I didn’t think it would bother me, I thought I’d be okay with it. After all, you are perfect in every way, and you...” She couldn’t bring herself to say more on that, embarrassment washing over her. She liked all of him after all. Loved all of him. “But... in that moment... it just hurt so much.”

“Callie,” Uriah gave her a serious, yet caring look, a soft smile, just for her. It seemed like he was about to say something, but instead he just reached out and held her. ‘This is a journey, for the both of us, and we’ll take it at the pace that works for us both.’

Callie smiled back at him, sending him all the warm feelings that she could, before she pulled away and swam over to Julia, trying her best not to stare at her figure as Julia very deliberately stretched and then let the water just flow between her fingers as she placed them back into the river.

“I...can’t give you a decision yet,” Callie said, failing not to colour. “Can you wait, till I’m in a better frame of mind?”

Julia gave her a grin as she moved right up to her, her body only an inch away. “That’s not a no. I look forward to it.”

Callie blushed as she stared at the water beside Julia, Julia’s body all too clear to see. Julia was right, and she knew it. But, it would have to wait. And then, they would...

Nope, she was still a mess.

“I’m going to fish,” Callie declared, quickly swimming away from Julia and to a deeper section of the river, the current a lot stronger. Words weren’t her strong point right now, Uriah’s amusement at Julia’s boldness very clear to her as he swam over.

A few misplaced bolts, a lot of concentration, and a sharp tinge to the air later, and they had a selection of fish from the river. All breeds that she didn’t recognise, not that she knew of many in the first place. While she knew the theory of what she was doing, and had practised it a few times, more for combat reasons than utility, she had never actually ‘fished’ before. But it had worked out. Water and lightning had a relationship after all, but her lightning being magical in nature meant that she could manipulate it a bit. If she wasn’t careful, she could hurt all of them, and there was a time and place for that style, but with the right focus, it could prove to be very useful. Cooking them was another story.

As was washing their clothes. She may have spent a lot of time just sitting in the grass, letting it obscure her as she waited for clothes to dry, not doing much of anything. Not that the others did either. Julia and Uriah spent a bit longer in the river than she did, a pang of jealousy and wistfulness as she watched them, and more so when they got out. Julia... was not hiding anything. Not herself, nor how she viewed them either. That confidence that she said had been learnt, used as a facade for her family, it seemed so very real now. The gift from Amber had given her a lot. It had given her the chance to be true to herself, and it seemed that she was doing just that. It was almost a relief when Julia and Felicia, in her human form, wandered a bit further away. Not that she was unaware of what they were up to. She had her bond with Felicia after all.

She was about to roll over and probably sob her heart out when Uriah made his way over to her, sitting down beside her, respectfully looking away, over the river.

“I wish there was something that I could do to help you,” he said after a little while, his hands toying with blades of grass. “I... I want to make you happy.”

Callie sat up, snuggling up against his naked back as she wrapped her arms over his chest. His care, his concern, made happy feelings bubble up inside of her. She loved him so much. “You make me happy by just being here, Uri. By just being you.” And she very much meant that too.

The feelings were starting to stir again. But she wouldn’t, couldn’t, act on them. Instead, she just sat there against him, Uriah keeping her company, as the day wore on, and their clothes dried out. The break from walking was nice. They could probably camp somewhere nearby for the night, and start walking again in the morning. They would need to make breaks like this a regular thing, especially if their stay here dragged on.

And more things to do. Even with the company and the foreign landscape, she could feel the boredom starting to creep in. They’d lived their lives thus far being busy, with lots of distractions available. But now they had none. There was always more training with their magic, in fact that was something that they really needed to make a start on, especially for Julia, and they’d be able to help here there. But she missed her books and stories, and was more than a little livid that her parents had destroyed them.

Callie sighed, hugging Uriah tighter. “We’re really here. In this other realm, that we know nothing about. Lost and wandering. Just like so many of the characters that we read about.”

Uriah chuckled at that. “Yeah. A little ironic, isn’t it. We might have an interesting tale to tell at the end of it too.”

She wouldn’t mind that, actually. Trying her hand at a little writing one day. It had a strange appeal to it, especially now that she was living it, and they’d have so many experiences to call on.

It was both with reluctance and relief that she eventually got dressed, and once everyone was ready, they headed up the river a bit and then a slight ways away from it. There wasn’t a lot of variety to the terrain around them, so one spot was as good as another.

Cooking the fish ended up being an interesting affair. For a given definition of interesting. A cooking fire was out for a number of reasons, including the lack of any firewood, so the only option left was to do it with their magic. Uriah’s kitchen expertise seemed to translate over to the fish, though after the fourth attempt it was almost edible. As much as it shamed her, Callie had just as many issues with her magic as well, trying to get the right feel for it, as while in theory it had correlations to techniques she’d used on a regular basis, judging the strength was an entirely different matter. But, in the end, between the two of them, they managed to get something that they could eat, and it wasn’t too bad either. The fish had a nice taste to it, and the fresh water was welcome as well. They just needed to find other sources of food as well.

Hearing the river in the background as they settled in for the night was a pleasant change as well. Julia went to sleep quickly, snuggled up with Felicia in her arms, a smile on her face. She looked happy and content, and Felicia did too. It still felt a little weird, that her ghostly friend had become her familiar, and such a beautiful girl too, but she really appreciated her presence as well.

Perhaps in all of this, for what they had been through, there was some hope.

mogust

Relationships are complicated... Hmm... I said that last time too ^^

The next chapter (27 – A Broken World) will be out within the next week.

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