The first day of the intended three-week 'vacation' had yet to end and Kai wanted to try something his clone had finally completed. Special 'partners' were needed for this task. So, after Kushina decided to take an early nap after all the training since the Uzumaki Princess really had nothing else to do, Kai prepared himself and walked up to the Senju Manor.

Konan was visiting Shizune again, Kai noted, that the dark-haired relative of comatose Dan Kato had received personal attention from the village as the Kato family was only allowed to stay in the village after their Spirit Transformation Jutsu was deemed a kinjutsu and could no longer be spread to others. And even if it had nothing to do with the dark-haired girl who also happened to be a victim, her situation was more similar to Kushina's when she became a Jinchuriki.

The girl was an orphan and her cousins now made sure to make her life hell due to their parent's 'annoyance' at both Dan and Shizune.

And even if she only felt obligatory at first, Konan had started to keep the dark-haired girl more company during Academy and find time to train basic jutsus with her, slowly spreading the influence of the grind.

Nagato was in the hospital, apprenticing under one of the lead surgeons.

Yahiko was with Mikoto and her team.

Nawaki was training in one of the Senju Grounds, too.

But all this mattered little to Kai. He was just excited at this moment. The point was... the partners he wanted to share THIS success with happened to be alone.

---

*Puff*

As much as Tsunade would have wanted to berate her rude guardian for barging into her office when he could have just teleported to the couch he had marked, her and Nono's attention was fully focused on a small plume of smoke over a miniature storage scroll that soon revealed a normal porcelain wine flask corked shut. 'Tamer' was written over the surface of the flask facing Tsunade as she raised her brows curiously.

If this interested Kai, then it certainly must be a curious item but not anything better given his tendencies.

"And? What is this tamer?"

"Yours," Kai grinned, making Tsunade narrow her gaze and Nono shake her head for a good reason. As much as she enjoyed his pranks being his bro and all... they were currently—

"I have to sanction the combat-related exercises for many iryo-nins. I have to daily keep up with the various transactions of the clan AND have to go through their reports. So, I am busy and I do not appreciate being disturbed until it's actually the time to drink."

Now, if Kai was an ordinary asshole, he would have been long stretched out by all kinds of arguments he entered with Tsunade daily based on his own actions most of the time. But he was no ordinary asshole. He was a size king—

'Maybe comparing myself to anus isn't the best... damn Sakumo. But Size King... now I understand why no Akimichi Clan member used this moniker.'

Unfazed by her impatient tone, Kai spoke with a smile, "If it was something ordinary, I would've waited. But this cannot wait. I've named this concoction— Tamer. And I promise you, Matriarch, a drop of it will not only tame you but make you BEG for more!"

Leaving a lot left to be desired in his phrasing knowingly, Kai tapped the corked wine flask with an eager grin, "If, of course, you want to pussy out of it like everything else, say, that training..."

With her amber irides revealing more and more surprise until it all devolved into a cold rage, Tsunade cracked her knuckles, "Fine, I'll drink this poison. And then, I'll crack your head—"

"I'd prefer the mode of weapon your thighs then," Kai shrugged.

Seeing Tsunade even more riled up since she did tolerate Kai a whole lot more than Jiraiya but also never appreciated his cultured retorts, Nono hummed, "I'll bring out the cups..."

"Oh, and we'll need to dilute it..." Kai added, "Not water. Bring Sensei's Blue Rice Sake."

"Don't you dare!" Tsunade's nostrils flared but Kai interjected, "Sensei... believe me. In matters of getting you out of your clothes, I never joke. This WILL be worth it."

'For me,' Kai and Nono added in their hearts while Tsunade frowned and ignored the lurid pass at her once again while focusing on the jar-tagged Tamer.

"Really?" She inquired as if deciding on a mission that was more valuable than an A-rank.

Kai emphasized each word, "You will beg more of it."

Snorting, Tsunade gazed at him calmly, "We'll see. But I see the most valuable potential of gambling right here. Should I not beg, then what?"

"Tsunade-sama, you could tame Kai instead. Ever since the thought of Orochimaru-san and Kai got in my head, I want a part of it made a reality..." Nono chimed as Tsunade and Kai frowned.

The Senju Matriarch's gaze focused on Kai as she muttered, "I do love the tables turned but if I win, I'll push that moment until you're a bit older."

When Nono and Tsunade expected Kai to avoid the bet entirely lest he truly adopts the moniker of Size King, he grinned, "Fine by me. Should you beg, I'll mark your ass as I did with Nono, Mikoto, and Kushina. While I'll still be your guardian, that ass will be my property."

Tsunade's frown deepened and she grew hesitant. She only ever won one gamble. But... she only bet because she always remained confident and nothing instilled more confidence in her than drinking. Heaving deeply, Tsunade felt her throat parch slightly and remarked, "Then I'll change your stakes. If you lose, say goodbye to sitting on a chair 'cause your ass will be my property instead, Legacy Guardian."

Kai nodded, "So both our asses are on the line."

"Hmm."

"To be used in any manner," Kai remarked for confirmation's sake.

"Come out of your fantasies runt," Tsunade snorted, "And what part of owning something do you not understand?"

"Nothing," Kai sighed and smiled, "I just wished I had invited the rest of Sannin to immortalize the event but I suppose Nono would do."

"Hey!" Nono scoffed.

With everything settled and put on the line, Nono went out to get cups while smiling happily. Sometimes, even the usually smart Tsunade and Kai would fail to realize her schemes.

She just made two of the strongest shinobi bet their asses with a single statement and would get the first seat view to anything that may happen with her own ass intact.

Sometimes... her own genius terrified her.

---

Kai smirked as the trio sat in the seating area of the office with cups, a sake bottle, and his concoction already set over the table in between then.

Raising her brows, Tsunade questioned, "So? Want to tell us what kind of poison are you going to use to kill us?"

"Poison to kill the second-greatest Iryo-Nin? Now that would be a shame," Kai shook his head.

"Second greatest?" Tsunade narrowed her eyes.

"Haven't you heard? The Dragon Sennin is better than the Legendary Sannin. At everything." Kai smiled and matched her gaze, "But this won't kill you and I assure you, it won't burn our throats just to intoxicate as quickly as possible. You two will love it."

Snorting once again at the cheeky reply, Tsunade focused on the bottle as Kai took this chance to pour it for everyone. The sake 'cup' looked like smaller plates instead that could hold a lot more alcohol since Kai did want to dilute the Tamer.

Once Nono and Tsunade saw their cups filled to the brim, they raised their brows but waited to see how Kai intended to dilute his concoction.

Letting his fingers curl around the head of the porcelain flask, Kai pulled out the cork gently and Tsunade instantly took an audible sniff while closing her eyes. But smelling nothing, she frowned and opened her eyes only to find Kai and Nono looking at her strangely.

"What?" Tsunade pouted.

"The alcohol I brewed comes from Hashirama Senju's legacy, that Shikkotsu Rock Egg Sage Art," Kai chuckled, "Even the scent of the alcohol is converged and only Senjutsu Users can smell it more naturally. So, you get it now? This is the Sake of Sages!"

Tsunade's eyes widened briefly but then they grew more expectant and watched as Kai gently tilted the jar onto the large cup filled with alcohol and let a translucent drop of amber liquid fall into the pool of Blue Rice Sake.

Nono and Tsunade watched with a wondrous gaze as the pale amber droplet suddenly made the cup of blue rice sake boil. Seeing the contents of the cup bubble up, Tsunade was of the mind to wait but Kai continued to let another droplet enter his and Nono's cup, too. Their Sake began to 'boil'.

"Let's drink. Believe it or not, the Tamer is currently purifying one of the purest kicks on your shelves— the Blue Rice Sake. You'll enjoy this."

Not speaking anything more, Tsunade and Nono picked up but only drank once Kai gulped it down entirely. With their lips somewhat dry, the duo finally did the same. Instead of sipping it, they gulped it down.

As they set their cups on the table, Nono and Tsunade looked confused. In fact, they did not even feel the usual Blue Rice Sake at all. It was as if they drank water instead which was just a little bit warmer. But before they could voice their opinion or demand a butt as a price of one's arrogance, their breathing hitched slightly.

A current of warmth bubbled in their stomach but unlike any kind of discomfort in the stomach, this warmth began to spread and caress them. Their spines felt a jolt and their backs straightened as they gripped the handrest of the couch while biting their lower lip and leaning their heads back.

Kai could empathize. Even his clone had the same reaction but... at the moment, due to his clones, his tolerance had already been heightened. Those shadow bastards of his own self really drowned themselves in the pure unadulterated pleasure that thoroughly ravaged the bodies.

The Alcohol was only called Tamer by Kai out of whim.

The unknown creator of this recipe called it one thing— Somarasa.

Under Kai's intense and expectant stare, Tsunade's and Nono's backs continued to arch up slightly and their lips finally parted to issue relieving gasps before they opened their eyes and looked at the empty cups. Sweat began to build over their forms which looked more prominent on Tsunade due to her kimono top that exposed her damp cleavage as the duo then stared at Kai with a somewhat glazed look.

"More..." Nono licked her lips.

"Indeed," Tsunade narrowed her eyes, a natural flush that would only appear after a dozen of cups of sake already began to develop over her cheeks.

"Hmm, then beg," Kai smiled, making Tsunade's expression shift.

"What? That wasn't part of the— son of a bitch!" Tsunade instantly scowled in the middle of the sentence and glared at Kai despite the haze covering her amber hues, "You tricked me!" She growled.

Smirking in reply, Kai nodded. Now... why wouldn't he trick her?

"If you really like it, just beg for it. Oh, by the way, I won't ever share this if you don't beg and we never did have an explicit time limit to the bet," Kai grinned, "But I remember you saying you had work, right? I won't disturb you anymore."

Kai specifically barged in when she was working just to annoy her into something stupid. Like many of his plans, Kai didn't know what to gain this time but the spirits of asses blessed him with Tsunade's butt this time around.

Truly... sometimes, his genius terrified him.

Staring at her roguish Legacy Guardian who had yet to even fully grow, Tsunade's gaze gained unbridled bloodlust as she stomped on the table and latched her hand onto his collar to pull him up, "I've had enough of your nonsense!" she hissed, "I'm not some hussy you can constantly screw around with, understand?!"

Blinking innocently and again, barely fazed, Kai muttered, "If you think you can pull back from the bet, be my guest. I'll still never share this treat until I finally get what I want, too."

Annoyed at his brazen words since he never really skipped a chance to try and lay the 'pipeworks' for his harem, Tsunade growled in front of him with her other fist clenching.

"And just like a fucking kid, you believe that you can get everything you want?" She scowled.

"Hell, no. You taught me better," Kai shrugged, "if this doesn't work either, I'll think of something else. Anyway, unlike Jiraiya-san, I happen to be more... moral. Let's just say that for now. And the only way I'd NOT want you is if you decide to marry someone else."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes, "Fine, I'll find a man soon enough."

"Great," Kai smiled, "I'll be sure to share this toast with a few special guests at your wedding," he waved the Somarasa in his hands.

Tsunade's lips twitched, "Just because I'll find a man later... doesn't mean I will not drink this today..."

Letting Kai go and under Nono's amazed stare, Tsunade knelt against the table and lowered her head, "P-please... let me continue drinking this beverage... I beg of you. And... I'll pay with a part of my body indefinitely..."

Kai looked at Nono and she looked back at him.

It... worked?

'IT WORKED!!' Kai had to use every bit of his willpower to not burst into an excited squeal of joy as he looked at Tsunade who finally raised her head sourly.

"So?" She barked.

"Let's have a toast for your ass!" Kai chimed.

---

Drenched in her own sweat but failing to feel the least bit uncomfortable with the pool of warmth that constantly kept her spirits high even when she felt quite drunk— a strange combination where she just wanted to get even drunker, Tsunade lay on her bead with her buttcheeks officially 'marked.'

Kai may have considered Tsunade to be annoyed by the day's events but with everyone gone, she finally rolled onto her bed and pressed her face into her pillow. Her muffled chuckle began to ring soon after.

Annoyed?

Far from it.

Kai, the fool, handed her the golden chance.

You don't get to be as influential in every aspect of life as Tsunade and not learn a few things after having relationship crashes where the ex-boyfriend colludes with the enemy shinobi village.

Tsunade didn't have a 'choice.' Everyone knew that she loved alcohol— one of her most known 'weaknesses.' Now... even if there may be a political shitstorm later on despite eventually leaving the position of the matriarch, Tsunade would just be fulfilling her part of the deal.

'Heh...' She sat up, 'Refuse a stubborn guy enough time and even he'll forget his own value... but I suppose I did lower my own value by begging. Worth it. What would I even do with my sorry ass alone? Now I have the best alcohol, shinobi, and possibly a chance at family... Sucker!'

She smirked while looking idle. Indeed.

She lost nothing.

She may have lost the bet, but she won the war that has been going on in their relationship for years now.

Sometimes... her genius terrified her!

"Hmm..." pushing her hand into the back of her mattress against the wall, Tsunade finally pulled out a tiny bundle of black fabric that unraveled to be somewhat crumbled lace panties with a slit on the underside.

The fabled crotchless panties that Kai and Nono never found... it was simply hidden in plain sight.

"He does own my ass and now holds the right to dress it in any manner, right?" She smirked. She did reveal an annoyed expression when Kai 'ordered' her to wear this tomorrow but... if she was averse to men, she wouldn't have dated Dan. But a shinobi's life rarely presents opportunities as great as Kai and now that he'd hooked himself in, Tsunade intended to reel hard... even if it meant risking her 'poor' body which couldn't wait to see what he had in mind.

'And our training starts tomorrow... of us three Sannin, only I never got the chance to master Senjutsu... I hope I don't get snake eyes or a toad's nose...'

***

Alternate Title— Tsunade-Same: Love is War; Kai vs Nono vs Tsunade: Whose Genius is the Most Terrifying?

***

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