A stone in you and star

by Namio

Content enticements/warnings:

☀️

To see each other: difficult.

To part: also difficult.

The East Wind lacks force,

A hundred flowers pale.

Li Shangyin

 

---

 

It was the seventh month, and the stars had come down to earth, leaving faint yellow imprints on the streets of Chang’an.

The first watch’s drum beats had long since faded, but even after three dian, the streets were still busy. In the dark, the little glow by the houses was no longer that of offerings burning for the hungry ghosts, but countless residents heading to Buddhist monasteries or onwards to the waterways with a lantern in hand. Flowing down the main street like the Milky Way, the mass of people seemed to have stolen the radiance of the stars above, plucking them to light the candles in their hands. Xu Lin wished he could be high above at this moment, to watch the mirroring of heaven and earth.

As it was, he was down below, standing among them.

The Zhuque avenue stretched almost a third of a li wide¹Zhuque avenue, or Zhuque gate street, is 150 meters wide., and even with so many people coming out of their homes and so many ghosts being freed from the underworld, the streets were not fully packed. Pedestrians stuck to the edges, nearing the deep ditches planted with tall poplars, while several carriages of nobility would pass by every now and then nearer the center of the avenue.

The two of them lingered almost right by the trees, moving slowly.

“So, how did it go?” Peng You asked, glancing at Xu Lin beside him. Xu Lin stared at the crowds making their way south of the city. “The talk with Taotie?”

“What talk is there to have,” Xu Lin said after a while, tearing his gaze away from the people. “He is the same as he always is, and I responded the same way I always have.”

Peng You sighed, but then raised his eyebrow. “The two of you fornicated in broad daylight?”

Xu Lin, “......”

All smiles, Peng You spread out his arms, as if the gesture would stop Xu Lin from giving a good friend a good kick in the rear. “You can’t fault me for this. I walked in on that twice, and we’ve only met nine times in the past few centuries.”

This time, Xu Lin did elbow Peng You, who dodged with all the grace of a prodigal son. Someone glared at them after swerving away from Peng You, but neither of them cared. “You can peek into Heaven’s secrets, and yet you can’t even avoid that?”

Kunpeng, who had for the past few centuries been traveling under the name Peng You, was an enlightened being. Compared to Xu Lin, who did naturally cultivate but ultimately gained power through belief, he was a daoist through and through, and seemed like a breeze that passed across the entirety of the divine land.

“You pin the blame on me? What Heaven’s secrets would involve the copulation between two beasts, huh?” Peng You argued. But then he tilted his head, and continued, "Both kind and shrewd people offer food to the hungry dead to stop them from disturbing the living, the filial Buddhist comforts ancestors in hell realms with donations. Different streams do lead to one same lake of appeasing the ghosts. Bai Ze feeds the hungriest of them all, that is also a way. All in the spirit of the month, I'd say."

Xu Lin felt a vein in his forehead throb. "Kunpeng, I must ask you to shut your mouth."

Peng You just laughed.

All in the spirit of the month.

The ghost month was a month of paying tribute to the dead, and Xu Lin had always felt a special connection to it.

Xu Lin was Bai Ze, born during the late Zhou dynasty, but he had existed before then, too. He was once a guardian spirit born of the Nine Ding, protecting the common folk by imparting knowledge of the deadly beasts that roamed the divine land. With him was another spirit— the one he called his gege, who walked in the waters of the Yellow Springs, who brought to the ancestral spirits and Lord on High the wishes of the living. His gege, who smelled of the transcendental scent of sacrifices, who wore his hair loose and who wore two snakes upon him. His gege, who was now called "taotie" by humans who had long forgotten his name, but was not Taotie.

Xu Lin felt a connection to the festival, because ritual sacrifices to feed the ravenous dead had always been the domain of his ge. And Xu Lin had carried his spirit within his dreams for a thousand years.

So it didn’t feel strange to Xu Lin that he could see and hear the ghosts around them. None of the other divine beasts could, Kunpeng included, but that truly was no loss. The ghosts were tragic sights— neglect and punishment had deformed them, and there seemed to be no end to their suffering. Even as they directly walked among the living, they felt… forsaken.

Ahead, a young girl trailed behind her siblings as their parents led them south of the city; judging from what the parents brought, Xu Lin would guess they were heading to the monasteries. She was still being led by hand by one of her older brothers, but he could also see that she was getting distracted— by the ghosts calling out her name.

"En?" Her head turned, but Xu Lin crossed the gap with a few long strides, and the back of his hand pressed against her cheek, stopping her movement.

"Don't look back," he warned gently. "Keep your gaze ahead. Be careful, lest you lose sight of your family."

"Umm, en!" There was no natural resistance towards strangers from her; as a protector spirit, he had a reassuring divine aura.

There were already people starting to come between the child and her family, so Xu Lin walked beside her. Some men opened their mouths when they felt him bump against their shoulders, but closed it again seeing his light red official robes. Once she was back among her brothers, the oldest of whom grabbed her wrist, Xu Lin moved back out to where Peng You was.

"Where were we?"

"Is Zhong Kui not around?" Peng You asked, looking about. Xu Lin raised his eyebrows.

"It's been especially busy for him, and he's new. I can still pull my weight." Saying that, Xu Lin gazed at the sea of people, the people he protected. "Handling ghosts might not be within my capabilities, but I'm still able to keep people from doing something foolish."

Peng You laughed. "Once a guardian always a guardian, I suppose. Still, you should take care of yourself. Lord Director Xu is already such a busy man."

____

It was the fifth year of Dazhong, and the summer was sweltering hot. Though it was still morning, the sun had been staring down at them with such intensity the ground below seemed blinding. Being that it was the last day of the seventh month, perhaps the weather would cool soon; if at tonight’s festival it wouldn’t be hot and humid, that would be great, too.

It had been a busy period for a Director of the Department of Sacrifices, but doubly so for Xu Lin. With the autumn sacrifices approaching, he had to prepare for everything, and had been taking trips out of the city to ensure everything was in order at the Western Altar and the Round Mound to the south. After all that, at night he helped Zhong Kui keep people safe during the entire Ghost month.

And yet here he was, still handling matters of the Ministry of Rites at home, as he met with his deputy in one of the shaded garden pavilions. The ponds at this time of day were a searing sea of sunlight glints and so they had settled near the tree groves instead, drinking cooled tea.

“Lord Xu,” his deputy said. “Everything has been handled for tonight’s festivities. The Department of Exorcisms has also confirmed that they are ready to monitor the situation, and ensure that nobody gets hurt.”

Laid out on the table was a scrap of paper with a rough sketch of the city map, and several points were marked in bold ink. There were arrows, too, and comments on patrol routes.

“Very good,” Xu Lin said with a nod. “I’ll spend some time at Zhuque avenue from Jingshang ward to Anyi ward, if anyone needs help. Tell the Department of Exorcisms to report to me by tomorrow evening the latest.”

His deputy was a mortal, but he came from a long line of exorcist families; he knew of Xu Lin’s real identity as Bai Ze. With solemn respect he said, “Understood. I will deliver all your messages. This subordinate will now retreat.”

Just as his deputy stood up, though, a servant came over. Bowing to Xu Lin, she passed over the writ of visitation. As he skimmed over the name, his eyebrow already rose. Peng You? That Kunpeng was a carefree creature and his stays were as ephemeral as the seasons. Last they met up, it had been back before Li Bai was exiled. "That big fish still knows to visit old friends?"

There was a shadow of ink that peered through the paper, and Xu Lin flipped the writ over to see what was on the other side.

Thinking of that lord makes me sigh

And afflicts my heart with grievous longing.²Songs of Chu, ‘The Lord within the Clouds’ (Yun-zhong jun). Translation by David Hawkes.

Xu Lin, "......"

Below it, in smaller script, Peng You wrote, "Your devotee has returned from afar."

Even on my writ of visitation you write bullshit? But just as Xu Lin wondered if he wanted to meet up with his old friend as the scrawled invitation mentioned, yet another servant rushed over, this time more harried.

"Master. Lieutenant Huang requests your presence. He… This is his writ of visitation."

"Lieutenant Huang?" Xu Lin was an official in the Ministry of Rites, and rarely met with any military men. He tried to recall all the yaoguai he knew who entered the military, but most of them were either stationed outside of the capital, or were not surnamed Huang. Perhaps this was someone he knew who only now reentered society? If it was an official matter, most people would seek him out at the office.

A nod, this time with fidgeting. Xu Lin frowned. This servant was yaoguai, and this reaction was… strange, when the visitor in question wasn’t a minister or high nobility. “He said he’ll…”

“Xu Lin!” Followed by startled servants and several guards who were both stumped and aggravated, a man in military clothing and a sword strapped to his hip stalked over, looking like a thug seeking debt repayment. His deputy, sensing that this was something not meant for his eyes, excused himself and left.

"Oh."

The writ of visitation of Lieutenant Huang crumpled in his hand.

A devotee. It's goddamn Taotie.

____

"I’ve gotten used to it so long ago I can’t tell when," Xu Lin replied absently. "Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's nature or habit."

"What difference does it make for people like us?" Peng You asked, amused. "A fish swims in a river, whether it is born to do so or swam well because it knows nothing else, does it change the fact that it excels at swimming? We are not cultivators who go against the Heavens. The river is our guide."

"You're right." Then, with a chuckle, "Maybe I spent too much time among humans. After this I ought to retreat for a while."

He had been quite deeply entrenched in the imperial city since the days of Li Shimin. Over two centuries had passed since then— even for a creature who had lived for over two millennia like himself, that wasn't a short time.

“How did you know that Taotie was there, anyway?” Xu Lin asked.

Peng You pursed his lips. “Chance, for the most part. I’d been traveling to the far west these past years, just to see how it was doing. Imagine my surprise when I saw a familiar face among the ambassadors sent by Zhang Yichao to Chang’an. I inquired around, and it turned out he went by Huang Jie this time.”

These envoys were the second wave sent by Zhang Yichao to the court of Chang'an, apparently. After the An Lushan rebellion, large swathes of land had been lost to the Tibetan Empire that took advantage of the weakened Tang dynasty. The state of the country remained shaky for almost a century since; only recently did it recover its power, and destroyed the Uyghur Khaganate a mere three years ago. Then, taking advantage of internal unrest within the Tibetan-controlled Shazhou, Zhang Yichao rebelled and took over more and more of the lost territory, eventually regaining eleven prefectures and seven mountain passes. That they were able to recover these lands was a step worth celebrating— after so many years, it felt like the Great Tang might restore some of its lost greatness.

"How did you not know about this, Lord Director?" Peng You asked, eyebrows raised.

"Do I look like I lack work so much that I'd scrutinize the list of ambassadors? That’s not even my ministry.”

“Neither are the ghosts, yet here you are.”

Xu Lin gazed ahead, avoiding his glance. “Heh. Yet here I am.” Again, and again.

____

"Lieutenant Huang, is it?" Xu Lin greeted. He studied the man before him. Tall, rugged, with a face darkened by sun and roughened by sand, he looked a bit more wild than last time they met. It had been the Sui dynasty then, and Taotie ended up fighting on Li Yuan's side. If he could choose, Taotie liked being on the toppling side of a dynasty rather than the defending side. The rebels always promised riches and rewards. Xu Lin wondered how this one trip fared for him. He hoped it was terrible. “How may I help you?”

After ordering a fresh new set of tea, the servants came over with refreshments, then left the two in the quiet.

"Your place isn't as big as I expected it to be," Huang Jie said, looking around. "I heard you're a fifth rank official this time. Isn't it a bit low?" Then, as he scrutinized Xu Lin and his official uniform, he added, “Light red doesn’t suit you. You looked better in purple.”

Xu Lin rolled his eyes. "I don't want to advance to Minister, it's too much work. How'd you end up in Chang'an as an ambassador rather than staying in Shazhou, fighting?"

Huang Jie was straightforward. "It was getting boring, and there wasn't much to eat. I heard you were here. It's been a while. Might as well hit two birds with one stone."

"For the record, I refuse to serve you food. Go to the emperor for that."

Even right now Huang Jie had already eaten all the snacks on the table. If left to his own devices, Taotie could easily eat a banquet for ten, and Xu Lin had no interest in serving such a guest. He was barely even welcome.

“Stingy,” Huang Jie said, clicking his tongue. “Take me around. I want to see what your house looks like.”

“I’ve seen literal rats with better manners than you,” Xu Lin said with a roll of his eyes. Still, he stood up. “Make it quick. I’m busy today.”

When Huang Jie said that Xu Lin's current residence was small, it was in comparison to Xu Lin's vast mansion during the era of Tang Taizong. Back then, he was a third rank official. Furthermore, he had half a dozen other yaoguai court officials registered in his household, along with around 200 yaoguai joining in as servants. These days, he only had a pair of young fox cubs sent over by their heavenly fox mother, here to take the imperial examinations next year. Many yaoguai had perished during the An Lushan rebellion. Not only were there fewer of them interested in rejoining the court, there were fewer of them overall.

Xu Lin offhandedly showed the bamboo garden, the small pond and its pavilion, the peach and plum grove. The deeper into the compound they went, the fewer people there were; after a while, Huang Jie looked around and grabbed Xu Lin’s wrist. And with enough force to make him stumble, he dragged him to the nearest building.

Xu Lin, scowling, tried to tug his hand free, but Huang Jie’s grip was stronger than chains.

“What do you want?”

As soon as they were inside, Huang Jie pushed him up against the nearest wall and crushed their lips together.

Xu Lin pushed him away, gripping him by the jaw to tilt his head to the side. “Blind dog. Heavens gave you eyes for you to use. See where you are before you make a move.”

Huang Jie growled in annoyance, but he did. The room was relatively bare, with no furniture other than a table with some things atop it— a simple altar. Grabbing and lifting Xu Lin by the ass, he hauled them both over to the table. Xu Lin, realizing that Huang Jie’s brain was not normal, started kicking him and boxing him round the ears.

“That’s not what I meant, you dumb piece of—! Not here! The damn bedrooms are next door!”

“What are you so noisy for?” Huang Jie clicked his tongue. His right hand grabbed onto Xu Lin’s ankle, thick and rough fingers overlapping in a firm grip, while his other hand swatted those swinging arms away. He pinned Xu Lin down on the admittedly rather limited surface with his weight, not minding the hiss that came as the edge of the table dug into Xu Lin’s lower back. Xu Lin shifted his waist from discomfort, cursing under his breath as he broke away for a second, and lodged his unrestrained leg between them, stopping any further movements down there. Huang Jie peered at him. “Are you trying to call servants over? Such a fuss… It’s just the altar room. It’s not like these sacrifices mean anything to us. Who are these for, anyway? Who’s the old lady, some human who let you reenter society this time? You guys still do that, huh… What’s even the point…”

As he nonchalantly looked at the tablets like he was browsing wares, his hands didn’t neglect the man under him. Even as Xu Lin struggled, looking more and more annoyed, Huang Jie simply leaned down for distracted kisses, before finally pulling himself together and focusing on a long, deep kiss.

“Control your damn rut for five seconds, won’t you?” Xu Lin gasped out after their lips parted, kneeing Huang Jie’s breastbone. Too bad the man barely felt it. So instead he concentrated his divine power to his ankle— Huang Jie immediately let go as if burnt, hissing, but then turned back and grabbed his thigh instead, fingers digging in hard enough to leave a ring of bruises. Xu Lin wanted to just set this bastard on fire to save himself the energy.

“The hell was that for?”

“You’re too deaf to hear. Didn’t they teach you not to put anything you wouldn’t sacrifice on the sacrificial altar? If ghosts swarm me it’ll be your fault. On the ghost month, too.”

At first he rolled his eyes, but at the second half Huang Jie nuzzled Xu Lin’s neck, inhaling his scent deeply. “Mm, I’ll fight those hungry ghosts. If I say I’m second in being ravenous, they won’t dare claim to be the first.”

“How is that something to be proud of?”

"Why wouldn't it be? I get to monopolize you."

Xu Lin rolled his eyes. "Truth be told, it just makes you sound pathetic."

And yet here we are, Huang Jie thought wryly. On top of an altar, one incense stick away from doing something that would make even Qiongqi gape from the sheer audacity. Xu Lin was always noisy whenever they started… their meet-ups, regardless of where it was. Of course, they often met up at less than ideal places. But this wasn’t the first time, and this wasn’t even the first time Huang Jie had been struck by divine lightning over it, so he continued on.

For a quiet moment, the air was filled only with faint wet sounds and labored breathing. Huang Jie relished in that, happy to shut the person below him up with his tongue, and threw himself into it. As he relaxed his grip on Xu Lin’s thigh and freed his hand, though, he knocked over something, and Xu Lin startled. Displeased, Huang Jie turned his head too. What he glimpsed made him still.

There was a piece of rusted bronze on the table, an incense stick holder by it. From most angles, it was hard to spot the metal piece; it was dark and hardly the size of one’s palm, and was not propped vertically.

“Bai Ze.”

Xu Lin, still a bit dazed, glanced to see what he was staring at and stilled as well. His expression sobered.

“Bai Ze,” Huang Jie repeated.

Xu Lin didn’t answer.

“Bai Ze.” Huang Jie grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet. “That is your name.”

____

As they walked, many people took a turn left as they headed instead for the Great Wild Goose Pagoda. The two of them walked straight ahead, sticking to the now half-empty Zhuque avenue.

Peng You, without saying a word, turned to a stall in a nearby ward and bought a river lantern. He handed it over to Xu Lin. “I’ll be off to meet up with Xiezhi soon. I’ll visit you tomorrow?”

Xu Lin’s eyebrows slowly rose as he took the lantern. “Don’t let me keep you. Try not to drink and drown.”

With a smile his friend left, disappearing into the streets leading to the Apricot Grove. Xu Lin’s finger traced the bones of the lantern, the back of his knuckles grazing over the oiled paper.

After a small eternity, he finally moved once more, heading towards the stream.

____

Xu Lin promptly punched him with spiritual energy, but Huang Jie had been ready, and caught his fist with his own inner power. They tumbled down from the altar, landing on unsteady feet. Like a desert, the heat that felt all-consuming just a moment ago plunged into the ice cold of night, and they were back on opposing sides. Even as they exchanged blows, Xu Lin still spared thought to the altar and protected it, and Huang Jie felt that bitterness in his mouth darken tenfold.

“You’re Bai Ze. Not a ding spirit.”

The piece of rusted bronze was a remnant of an old cauldron from the Shang dynasty. The bronze dings that once must have been Xu Lin’s physical embodiment were lost back during the Warring States, and not even Qin Shi Huang’s thousand men nor Emperor Wen of Han could find them. Though Wu Zetian had attempted to recast the Nine Ding 150 years ago, it could not live up to the original. Xu Lin was born a spirit to the bronze cauldron of the Xia and Shang because the people had truly believed in the power of the ding to protect them. Now, they only believed that it legitimized their claim to rule.

That chapter of history had been permanently closed.

Xu Lin was silent, his expression hard to read.

“That you cling to him though he’s been long dead is moronic,” Huang Jie bit out, “but the fact that you’d throw your life away for a useless gesture of sentimentality is downright disgraceful.”

"Oh?" Xu Lin drawled out suddenly, halfway a snarl. There was only icy disdain in his eyes now, encasing all other emotions in a cold shell. "At least my ge is loved and remembered. Someone would die for him. Despite your delusions that you're his incarnation, nobody would carry you in their hearts millennia after. And you're jealous of that, aren't you?

"You are not my ge, nor are you his incarnation, nor reincarnation. You are Taotie, he is not, regardless of what name they slap on him now that his true name has been long lost."

"But a name is everything," Huang Jie snarled. "You would know that most of all. Your entire existence as Bai Ze is based on the fact that a name is the essence of all creatures.

"Your 'taotie' is still Taotie, Bai Ze. It is who he is now."

A slap resounded in the still air.

"If I offer you as much as an inch, you always grab for a mile, Taotie," Xu Lin enunciated slowly. His eyes were narrowed, but worse than any fury of war and fire, in them were the cold distaste of the westward spring. "If you want a fuck, fine. If you want a relationship, I might consider. But you always, always ask for what you can never have. Your greed has no bounds, whereas your memory lasts only an incense stick's time. Do you know? Even Qiongqi is better company than you, and he's a compulsive liar. Do you want to play the comparison game some more? I can do that. I know every creature on this earth, and I can find good points in them not found in you."

Huang Jie roared, a monstrous sound that could not have come from a human throat.

"Watch your manners in my household," Xu Lin said coldly. But then, he scoffed, "Or maybe it is my fault. In this month, the greediest of all hungry ghosts is the one in front of me."

The contemptuous grin Huang Jie gave him was all teeth. "Indeed. I'll devour all of you, and it still won't be enough.

"Even if you still think of him, I'll force my way into your thoughts. We have centuries yet to walk this earth. You think you're the only one who understands the word longing, Bai Ze, but I will show you how deep it can truly go. You’ll find that dogged, utterly foolish obsession isn’t a game only you can play. Even if you die before I do, I will drag you from the jaws of death, because I'm the only one who can devour you whole. Do you understand?"

"I will die before you do, Taotie, and I will disperse my core in front of your face, just so that you know you'll never have what you want," Xu Lin spat out. "Heaven wills that you are forever left dissatisfied, and I am but a messenger of heavenly law. Now get out of my house."

Growling, Huang Jie grabbed the front of his robes. But Xu Lin’s hand gripped his wrist with an iron hold, palm radiating divine light.

"Get out. Of. My. House!"

And Huang Jie felt something within him burn like heaven’s judgment— Xu Lin was using his true powers. Thunder rumbled. Nailed to the doorway, an unassuming portrait of Bai Ze now glowed with white light, active in its banishment of nefarious creatures that attempted to enter the home. Huang Jie hissed, backing out of the room with jerky footsteps. Outside, the midday sun beat down on the ground, only a shade less intense than the ward that attacked him.

He backed away. With a swing of his sleeves, he marched out of the residence. As he walked out the front door, he could feel one last Bai Ze portrait try to crush him, a farewell that truly matched its namesake.

There were times Huang Jie wished he was a creature who could let go first. He couldn’t even remember why he was so obsessed with Bai Ze— it happened unto him more than anything, as if Heaven had always wanted him to suffer. If he tried hard enough, he might recall the image of a somewhat lost man, who was powerful and protective and yet melancholic, stuck in place in the ever-flowing stream of time. He had seemed so distant then, like an untouchable immortal among the chaos of the eternally-warring states.

Xu Lin always had an allure to him from being unattainable.

But what by nature is gracefully remote, transforms into bitterness with distant gazing.³Li Shangyin, ‘Hibiscus: Two Poems’. Translation by Chloe Garcia Roberts.

____

How could Xu Lin not understand the meaning behind Peng You’s gesture?

Kunpeng was not someone who would meddle, but there always were exceptions to everything. Xu Lin back then was more of a spirit. Bai Ze, however, was a divine beast, and divine beasts subsisted off of heavenly qi that blanketed the earth.

Bai Ze was a divine beast. And yet, Xu Lin still clung on to parts of himself from the far past— parts of himself that were still attached to human worship and spirits. He was, in a sense, straddling the line between.

Peng You was simply showing the concern of an old friend: if Xu Lin did not let go, he might slowly fade away as humans inevitably stop worshiping him. He would not die as fast as deities, but his cultivation would not last him as long as other divine beasts. This was something even Taotie could guess, nevermind the Kunpeng.

“Kunpeng,” he sighed. “Who among us fears death?”

Around him, filling the gaps between the river of people, were ghosts returning to the gates of the underworld. Bai Ze was not supposed to be able to see them. It was only his thin relation to his long-gone ge that granted him this small power.

If the price of this relationship was a shorter lifespan, so be it. Xu Lin had existed for so long, only the dragons and tigers and divine birds could call him a "young one". Having seen the changing religions across the ages, Xu Lin knew that perhaps one day, humanity might not need his presence anymore either.

But still, Xu Lin existed now. And he would exist for quite some time. And he deeply missed his other half.

In a sea of gentle, flickering lights hinting a pale, petal pink, countless lanterns bore the names of the dead. Yet his own was bare; no words survived with which to call his ge, the eternal inhabitant of the Yellow Springs.

“The candle has a heart; it too hates parting,” Xu Lin recited under his breath as he lit up his candle. “In our place… It sheds a tear at dawn.⁴Du Mu, ‘On Parting’. Translation by chinese-poems.com.”

Do these lanterns reach you? They guide the spirits back to their realm, yet I myself still can’t find my way back to you.

As he neared the banks, he suddenly… froze. People, one after another, released their lanterns on the water and watched them flow down. Afterwards, they left. Following the river lanterns, the wandering ghosts meandered their way down the stream back to the underworld. The moon rose.

He remained. As lantern after lantern grew dim and snuffed out, having shown the way back for countless dead, he finally retreated from the waterfront.

When he turned, he faced the figure that had been staring at him this whole time— the one who had wisely kept his distance, but followed the light of his river lantern as if transfixed. Huang Jie met his eyes.

A part of him hated Taotie, he truly did. Yet he understood that it wasn't all of it. The two of them had been so entangled with each other it almost didn't matter what emotions had spurred it at the start; they hated and made love in equal measure, one leading to the other. And after so many years, Xu Lin had bitterly understood that even to himself, memories of his ge were inextricably linked to that of Taotie: it was Taotie's dogged attempts to replace him that made Xu Lin so nostalgic for those old days. The three of them… probably could never be freed.

There was no point in trying.

At dawn, the sunbird flies westward over the divine land from the branches of Fusang. At night, the sunbird flies eastward through the Yellow Springs from the branches of Ruo. Heavens above and the Yellow Springs, both have pools from which the great mulberry trees rose, and through both the sunbird flew. They were inversions, and mirror images could not exist without each other.

The living and the dead, like day and night, were inevitably, unbearably, unfathomably intertwined. The living feed the dead, and would one day become the dead being fed. If Huang Jie was the hungriest ghost among all, Xu Lin as a living creature was perhaps the fool that kept feeding him his flesh. And his ge, as he always did, bridged the two.

At this point, the same way the living and the dead cannot exist without the other, Xu Lin couldn't extricate himself from both Taotie.

Without a word he returned home, lantern in hand.

Ghosts followed.

---

 

At night we fall into each other with such grace.

When it's light, you throw me back

like you do your hair.

Your eyes now drunk with God,

mine with looking at you,

one drunkard takes care of another.

Rumi

🌑

 

Author's Account:

namio

Author's Note:

I took a lot of creative liberties with this one! First of all, from what limited research I could do given the deadline, I’m not entirely sure how prominent, or likely, the bit with setting off lanterns is. Two reasons, but mainly that of curfew— apparently the only holiday for which the curfew was lifted was the Lantern festival in the first month. I still can’t find the exact hours of the curfew, but it seems like markets have to close by dusk, so it can’t be exactly then, maybe a bit after. The second reason: I can’t, for the life of me, find any map of Tang Chang’an with the streams, which I swear runs through the city. It's also rather hard to find a chronological account of the development of the Ghost festival and how it’s celebrated during which era in which regions. Also, among the creative liberties is the Department of Exorcisms. There’s no such thing as that, though the Department of Sacrifices is indeed part of the Ministry of Rites.

If any of you had any suspicions, yes, it’s me, the person who wrote a previous Taotie/Bai Ze story for the Spring anthology. Now with yet another Taotie/Bai Ze! Somehow. If anyone’s interested, you can read more about the “origins” of this pair of Taotie/Bai Ze here (still unfinished, I’ve been busy sorry); in short, I played around with the relationship between Baize tu and Yu the Great’s nine cauldron myth mentioned by 神梦居士, and leaned on it hard. You can find all my reading material and sources for this story here.

The title, which might seem a bit strange, is actually from a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke. The poems mentioned within the story itself is (finally) era-appropriate; I chose the year of the setting so I can actually quote Li Shangyin and it’d technically make sense timeline wise :’)

Lastly, my thanks go to my friends who have dealt with my rabid brainworms and also proofread this for me <3