The moon illuminated the trees, the plants and glistened across the gentle river flow.
Sitting by the rocks were two naked individuals. Enjoying the night-time glow. A few curious squirrels ran on over, climbing all over Robin in search of nuts. When Asai noticed it sneaking towards his family jewels. He quickly shooed it away. "Not these nuts you little shite."
Currently, the two were sitting side by side with Robin resting her head against his arm.
"Asai."
"Mmm?"
"When... When you first killed someone. A human. How did you feel? Did you also puke all over?" Robin's fingers traced along his hand. Tickling him.
Asai fell silent. Falling into deep thought. "Actually... Now that I think about it, I don't even remember my first kill in this life. Actually... Even now, I'm guilty of viewing this world as a game. The monsters I'm sure I definitely didn't feel any remorse for killing them. They're just experience points right? And that they're evil." Asai plucked her hand, and pulled her in-between his lap. Now embracing her from behind, hugging her tight.
"When it came to killing humans. Was that baron fucker my first human kill? I definitely didn't feel anything. He was evil. Or so, that's what I believed and told myself. Sure, I was shocked that it was so easy for me to kill another human. I didn't puke or feel remorse like others." "And if I did start vomiting all over the place, I'm sure I would've died already. In a world where I nearly died so many times already. I can't afford to hesitate. I can't afford to be idealistic, to believe everything would be in black and white and perfect."
[Asai Trichia: Lvl 66]
[HP: 115 MP:115]
[Title: Monster]
"Who am I kidding. I'm really not some hero. I really am a monster..."
Asai gave Robin a quick peck on the cheek, before stuffing his face into her neck, enjoying her scent.
...
"Was it because of the system? Or is it because even now, I still treat this world like a game? That monsters, beasts, humans and Elves. They're all just numbers, experience points and that they're evil? Was I in denial? I've seen enough movies and read enough books. The main characters always feel great remorse and start vomiting. Hating themselves for being a murderer right? Why am I different..."
"Asai. You're strong. I remember, after killing those knights... I felt horrible."
"But you did it for a good cause. You did it under my orders, and to protect Trichia right?" "Am I trying to convince her, or am I saying this just to convince myself?"
"Mhmm. Correct."
"Then don't worry about it. You can become numb to killing, but don't ever get comfortable with it and never ever enjoy it. That's when you begin to tread over the already thin line of good and bad." "Jheez, I'm such a hypocrite. Here I am preaching to Robin, when I know for a fact, I get excited about levelling up and getting more experience points..."
Noticing the discord within his gaze. Robin snuggled up closer to him.
"Asai. No matter what you do, where you go or who you decide to become. I will be there with you. I promise." She sealed the deal by shoving his torso down, before kissing him.
...
In the morning, when they returned to the campsite. No one would know why Count Asai Trichia appeared to be so tired. The man was usually brimming full of energy and vitality.
When they looked towards Robin for answers. They only saw all smiles and nothing else. Believing themselves to be overthinking, the men continued on with their duties.
As for the new skill. Asai forced himself to shove the idea towards the back of his mind. He didn't want to view Robin as just another NPC that he fucked to gain a skill. He deigned himself to respect her, and to truly treat her as a human.
The puking thing is bullshit. After the first kill, it's empty. All emotion turns off. There might be the barest hint of disgust, but it barely even registers. The biggest reason people overreact to their first murder, is a territory issue.
I remember the first time my friend saw a dead body, he was just retching non-stop, he couldn't control himself due to how 'dirty' it was. Yet after he joined the military and killed thirty people, he didn't feel anything. Murder isn't some great traumatizer, it's the things that happen alongside murder that f*ck with people.
TRUE. I've read so many other webnovels, and they always include the same puking after first kill.
The only reason someone should puke is because of all the insides, gore and blood that makes one feel sick just from the sight of it. Like, when you watch those cannibalism movies. It's just so disturbing that it makes one feel sick.
@kophzi ...I've never watched a cannibalism movie, but now I'm interested. Do tell.
@DiscoDream
It's mostly about when people go traveling on planes, and they somehow crash onto some random unknown island. And all the tribal people are still performing human sacrificial rituals whilst also eating them alive for food.
Sigh... same old stupid dilema... no not being affected about it doesn't make you a monster and no getting excited about a new skill doesn't mean you are treating people as NPC's.
People have used each other for various reasons since the dawn of time does not mean they don't care or value each other... quite the opposite actually.
Nobody except your mother maybe will love you for your soul everyone else wants more than that and preferably some tangible benefits.
Weather it is psychological support, protection or wealth... preferably all of the above.
Wait, I think MCs first kill were bandits and he actually pukes in the first one. Did he forgot about it? Memory loss due brain self safe mechanism?