"The trap was the test."

That's the first line of the email from the self-proclaimed Guardians of Free Will.

"You weren't supposed to escape. You were supposed to go hungry for a few days and agree to anything so we'd let you out, proving to both of us that we can take you down whenever, ensuring you won't try to break our rules. But you escaped, so now we need to take off the kid gloves."

Assassins in front of police stations, bombs in hospitals, and ripping folks from reality with the intent to starve them for a few days for a completely one-sided 'negotiation' are 'kid gloves'? Really? Are they trying to sound like cartoon villains?

"So congratulations, you're joining the ranks of about ten others in the last century on whom we've gone the expensive route.  At midnight tonight, Alaska time, you will simply die. Make whatever preparations you desire, it does not matter."

They blew a million in ammo taking down my prophet. What do they consider expensive?

Well… I could use a Contingency… but what to use? Raise Dead and Reincarnate - and anything that inherits from them - won't function in my case, so no Revivify, Revenance, or Last Breath. I can only get my caster level up to 15, so no 6th level spells like Revive Undead or Revive Outsider either.  Well… I have rocking saves, SR, Evasion, Mettle, and Death Ward… should cover most things.  I suppose I just need to hope they're being optimistic. And… I know Resurrection works via Wish. So I really just need to be near Dan. Failing that, we have his Soul Safe and my own Rejuvenation ability.  And I’m meeting up with everyone soon anyway.  So I guess that gives me a plan: ignore it. Yay.

I load everyone's gifts into their respective keyhomes, label them, and head out a little early for the party. I need to set up, after all. I use one of my "apartment" Keyhomes as a power supply, and set up a waterproof sound system, fed by the Bluetooth on my phone.

By the way: being able to command my phone purely mentally rocks. Basic functions I can just tell it to do, and it'll relay the voice assistant for anything more complex.

I also set out some tables and chairs, not bothering with an awning: One of my buffs prevents rain in 20 feet of me, so the weather is a non-issue. And next level, I can simply change it.

Bobbie is the first to arrive; followed by Emily, Dan, and Adam

Once everyone shows up, I toss them their new Keyhome and say, "Salt crafting is cheap, and money is easy now. So I got you some gifts. Can't have my party mates under-equipped, after all."

Emily looks at it quizzically, "What’s this go to?"

Ah, right. She wasn't on the build plans chat, "It's a Keyhome. Pretend there's a locked door in front of you, stick the key into it, and turn. It'll make a ten by ten door appear floating in thin air wherever you used the key. Inside is a small apartment, complete with power and water… no disposal, although it has a tank, so you'll need to empty that occasionally like you would a camper. I also dropped a few magic items in there that should complement your build well.  And just for grins, I set them up so you can use them as portable generators, too," I point at the one I'm using to run the sound system. "Close it from the inside, and the door remains, although it's tough to open. Close it from outside, and it vanishes, ready to reform wherever you want. And… they’re somewhat keyed to you. Most folks won't be able to use them even if they get them."

OK, I can, but I have a really good UMD check, and can summon critters to work with them. I needed to do that anyway to set them up.

"You got us an apartment?!" Emily rushes to open it up, steps inside, and my phone rings. It's Emily’s number, so I answer.

"This is great! I love it! Thank you my goddess!" is what she tells me.

"You’re getting reception?"

"Should I not, my goddess?"

Bobbie gives me the answer: "Keyhomes have some access to the environment around the key or door, including light levels. And cell phones use radio waves, which are a form of light. I'm guessing that's how it's working."

Oh. That's… going to make my Keyhome apartment my favorite off-plane resting place. I just need a cellular access point for my laptop. And I can tether it to my phone in a pinch. Or maybe get a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse, and use the screen broadcast function to just use my phone as my PC. Huh. Maybe a file server for extra storage… but not now. For now: Party!

I cast Heroes' Feast, and we all chow down. That is some good cooking. And… I do believe it's my first solid food since all this started. Huh. I provide drinks as well… but nobody here gets drunk. We pretty much can't anymore. We party late into the night, and sometime after midnight, I hear a heartbeat over the music.

I look around… nobody else seems to hear anything. A few moments later, I feel a knife slit my throat, and I start coughing blood. I feel cold. I try to call for help, but nobody seems to hear me. Why am I bleeding? Why aren't I healing?! My vision fades… and then, there's nothing.