DetectiveRed

So, compared to the Wattpad version, this should be an improvement. I didn't realise how much of this chapter was just straight-up word vomiting in the original version. I did a bunch of pacing updates. Fiddled around with making Nick's insecurities more obvious and better expressed. I might come back again and do another once over. I also wanted to give more of an idea of who James used to be before his assholery became overwhelming. Also, it's the big gay! So hopefully that's okay. Lots of confusing things.
As always, thanks to Trismegistus Shandy for editing. There were a lot of issues in this chapter relating to pronouns and my ongoing struggle with commas and semicolons. Shandy's can be found here and here are the links to their other places TGstorytime and Big Closet.

When James and Nick had first met, Nick had had no idea what was going to happen. This handsome guy, with a friendly smile, approached him out of nowhere. At the time, the library was where Nick came to survive recess. It was a place where he could avoid the frustration that came with never being able to hold on to friendships, and where his inability to shut up wouldn't annoy everyone around him. That's why it was a surprise when a guy like James asked to play with him. 

His initial interactions with James were struggling to set up multiplayer games. It was good that way, if they were trying to set things up together Nick couldn't ruin things by being too loud or too quiet.  Getting into the game was the biggest problem. He figured he would stay quiet while they played. Studying people probably wasn't normal, but it was the best way to figure out how to avoid annoying someone. Fortunately, there was a lot of information to go off; James wasn't the type to keep his mouth shut while playing. Little jabs and Nick's lack of skill, told him that James was a bit of an ass. The constant pointers indicated that he was patient despite that. Still, he must have been bored out of his mind, playing against someone who sucked so bad.

"Wanna play together at lunch?" James had asked. Nick's eyes must have lit up at the offer. 

"Sure."

As lunch came around, he wondered why a guy like James had been alone in the library in the first place. There was something about him that just said, 'if you hang out with me, you'll have a good time,' he wasn't sure what it was, but that smile certainly helped. 

Nick remembered the days that followed well. The library became less of a hiding place and instead became a place where he would wait for his friend. They'd play a couple of matches and Nick would struggle to keep with James, who would kick his ass in every round. Yet, after every round, there was encouragement, a smile or a laugh that didn't leave Nick feeling defeated. He just wanted to play again. He wanted to give his friend a challenge. He wanted to spend more time around James.

The first time James sat next to him in English, James'd tried to start up conversations about work that he was struggling with. It was slow at first; their conversations in the library were mostly James talking while Nick occasionally asked a question. Nick struggled to figure out what James' goal was by asking him questions. It wasn't liked he had anything interesting to say, and if he tried to talk about his hobbies or interests it would turn into an hour-long spiel that would kill the friendship before it started. But James was persistent, he gave his Discord tag so they could play after school and after a couple of games, Nick forgot to shut himself up. 

Nick's feelings for James had probably started around then. A night where he was too tired to gag himself and went on a twenty-minute ramble about his favourite books.

"I'm sorry, for rambling." He'd felt like wrapping himself in a cocoon of blankets. Hoping that he would metamorphose into a person whose interests and lack of filter wasn't a burden on those around him.

"Dude, it's fine. That's the most I've gotten out of you!" His voice was full of excitement. 

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine, Nick. It reminds me of a friend of mine." 

He hadn't realised it then, but that was when his feelings for James started. 

The 'Feelings That Nick Can't Deal With Box' had been busted open over the last week and the first realisation was that he was gay. The second was that he was likely head-over-heels for James. The third was he couldn't let anyone find out. Especially not James. People that could put up with Nick were rare, people that enjoyed his company were more so. It wasn't something he could risk if he didn't want to fall back into the cycle of, befriend-annoy-alone. If James found out now, there was no chance of them ever being friends.

It would have been easy to hide if James wasn't in so much pain. Trying to calm down a crying friend was hard. No one had ever relied on him like this before. The best he could do was try reassuring him that things would be okay and before he could think twice, he was hugging the sobbing mess that was James. He seemed to calm down quickly after that. Nick just hoped his heartbeat wasn't loud enough to hear.

"Go back to class. I'll be back soon," James had said. His voice was quiet, but he could have sworn he'd heard James change his tone. It made Nick want to wag the rest of class and stay with him.

Maybe he should have waited. Maybe then he wouldn't be feeling so awful. Things felt off in English once James came back. It was quiet, James only opened his mouth to tell Nick he'd be going to the library at recess before he jumped headfirst into staring at his page. It reminded him of the first days of silence from James. Still, it couldn't have been too bad if James was confident enough to go to the library.  Things seemed like they were returning to normal, even if normal did mean hanging out with Ben and Lachie, he could deal with it as long as James was there. Gosh, he felt hopeless. Maybe his heart would go back to normal when everyone was together at recess.

"Didn't think you'd come here after running off crying, James," Ben teased. The pride he took in hurting others made Nick feel sick. It wasn't a good sign when Nick had been in the library for two minutes and already wanted to slap someone.

"Oh fuck off, I just had to take a piss." A lie; Nick had seen how badly James was hurt. How did he lie so convincingly, though? No fumbling or awkwardness in his words.

"Sure." Nick rolled his eyes.  "Your puppy followed as well. Why am I not surprised?" Why couldn't Ben just shut up?  Nick wanted to crawl into a corner and die. Hiding this was hard enough without an asshole calling attention to it. 

"Haha, yeah," James laughed. James from a week ago wouldn't have stood for something like that. Why was he just taking that? Because it wasn't directed at him? 

"Oi, lay off them, Ben. No need to scare 'em off just as they come back." A defence from Lachlan was the last thing Nick expected.

They jumped into a game together, but Nick couldn't help but be distracted by James' behaviour. He wasn't quite back to his old levels of chattiness, but he was shooting the shit with the others as if nothing had happened. The only indication that something had changed was him almost ignoring Nick.

James left the group chat with Katie and Adam. Maybe it was naive to hope James was just taking a break from everyone. A lot was going on, right? And Adams reminders of his previous behaviours weren't exactly helping with that. Even if he was going to ignore him and Adam, he hoped Katie was still getting through to him. From experience, he knew how good her advice tended to be. Maybe he would tell her about what he'd realised. She had known James longer than he had, maybe she could give him some advice on how to get over him.

The experience at the library was similar to what happened at recess; the others talked about nothing in particular while they played the game. Most of their dialogue was childish insults, but one word stood out:

"Faggot"

It was weird; over the last week, he'd been so quiet and friendly, like he was trying to be a better person. He'd used Katie's name, he'd stood up to Ben and he'd even cried in front of someone; he never would have done any of that before. Now it looked like he was falling back into bad habits. Ones that hurt to see, Nick had hoped the days of hearing those things from him were over, especially when Nick was starting to realise that word probably applied to him.

He decided to check up on him after school, where the others weren't around. Where he hopefully wouldn't act.

Nick: Are you okay? You're acting weird.

He'd only started responding to private messages on Friday. It wouldn't be too weird if he was just sleeping, right? That's what he'd been doing before and the day had been pretty intense. He checked the group chat with Ben and Lachie just to see if they were talking about today or James. Instead, he saw James. He'd started talking in there again, it made sense since they'd been hanging out at lunch but it didn't make him feel better. James had chosen to not respond. Maybe he'd figure out Nick's secret, maybe that's why James was ignoring him. James had gotten over his fear of the other two and in doing so, he must have realised that Ben and Lachie, who called him gay before he had even figured it out, were right. He shouldn't have hugged him. How could he have been so dumb? Of course, that would make it obvious. Of course, that would make a dude like him uncomfortable. Why did he have to be such an idiot?

If there was one thing he was grateful for, it was that James hadn't gone back to trying to hurt Katie. There was always this noticeable absence of him in the chat when Ben brought her up. Hopefully, that was a sign that he wasn't going to be trying to hurt her again.

On Wednesday when Nick wondered if James had gotten his old body back. He had been so worried about how Ben and Lachie would react; maybe without that fear, he'd gone back to his old self. Maybe he wanted to forget anything to do with his time in that body, including Nick. It would explain why he didn't seem to be worrying about his Monday deadline. His mum must have backed off about him needing to be a girl and the only way that stubborn woman would have done that is if he was back in a guy's body.

After class, Nick went to the library again. He'd always felt like an outsider among his friends. They were not like him; they didn't like him. He was starting to realise part of the reason why. Without his reason for being there by his side, he felt even more alone. He took his usual seat next to James, who didn't so much as look at him. Why did he feel so far away when he was right there? His face hadn't changed since the weekend, and his facial hair wasn't back; maybe they just hadn't had the chance to grow yet, but Nick was sceptical. He needed answers, he needed James to just talk to him!

"Hey, James, are things okay?" Nick asked.

"They're fine, Nick," James replied coldly. His voice hadn't returned to its original pitch. It figured that this would happen, Nick had managed to ruin things again. That's all he ever seemed to do.  He wanted to believe this was just how James used to be. But then, why couldn't he go a day with James as he used to be? His kinda asshole attitude hadn't bothered him before, but that was because James seemed to care back then. It was time to leave James alone and leave the group. If James didn't want him there, the others didn't either.

He didn't think about where he was going when he left, only knowing that James didn't want him around. There were a couple of options. Katie and Adam hung out in the same place every day; maybe he could hang out with them. Melody's tree was also there, and he definitely would love its calming effect right now, even if it would inevitably remind him of James and why he'd left in the first place. Katie and Adam seemed like a better option. If they could tolerate him.

The table was in plain sight. He had thought about hanging out with them before all this; Katie had said he was welcome, but he'd always felt like he had to refuse the invitation. He was such an idiot when it came to James; he'd put up with so much just to be around him. Somehow he'd even managed to convince himself he was okay with Ben and Lachie. Had he seriously only been around them because James was there? Why was he so hung up about James? Why couldn't he stop thinking about him? Those feelings must have been why James wasn't talking to him, so why couldn't he get rid of them? It hurt. He wanted to tear his heart out and ignore that he'd ever had feelings.

"Nick, over here!" Katie called.

He felt like he was on the brink of crying when he heard her call out to him. It would have been easier to go to Melody's tree. That way he could cry over his dumb gay feelings. Nevertheless, he complied and walked over, trying to hide the massive amounts of emotional turmoil he was feeling.

"What's wrong, Nick?" Adam asked. The most he'd ever talked to Adam was when he was bagging on James, yet he was asking about Nick's well being. Why was that?

"James is hanging out with Lachlan and Ben again."

"I kinda figured that one out when he tried to pull some of his old crap with Ben in homeroom," Katie stated. She sounded surprisingly calm about the guy she had helped suddenly being a dick again. "He had no clue what he was doing; still got hit in the face with a paper ball for his trouble, though."

"Why does that bother you, Nick?" Adam asked through gritted teeth. Had Katie not told him that? He seemed pissed about it. Was he ready to tell them about why he was uncomfortable, though? He'd only just realised it himself, was he ready to tell anyone?

"They are just being themselves again, I can't deal with them anymore. James is using slurs again. Ones he hadn't used in the last week. He's also saying them more than the others." He hoped that was enough to not warrant further questions.

"And? Why does that bother you? You've been hanging out with them for a while?" Adam asked.

"Did they target them at you?" Katie asked calmly. Adam might have been stern, but Katie was being quite sweet. She knew James well, he guessed.

"No. I don't think he meant to anyway."

"What do you mean?" she asked. Was he ready to tell people? It's not like they would hate him for it. They were both trans; if he could tell anyone it would be those two, right? Besides, it wasn't like he could explain any of this without telling them.

"I'm a fag," Nick mumbled out. He hated that word, but that's what he was. He was gay, and exactly what Ben and Lachie said he was.

"You're what?" Adam ordered him to clarify.

"I'm gay. I think. I like guys," Nick said. He'd finally got it out.

"And hearing your crush say those things made a mess of your head?" Why did Katie know? Could she read his mind? It was like she had been there.

"Yeah." Admitting it was hard. He wanted to cry. Badly. He felt Katie wrap her arm around his shoulder and the tears started flowing out.

"You like him as a guy right?" Adam asked. Right, he was trans too. Even if he hated James, Nick didn't think Adam would appreciate Nick misgendering him.

"I realised I liked him before he told me about all this," Nick sobbed out. "I've tried to not like him for so long, but it was hard over the last week. Every time he smiled I'd get butterflies in my stomach, and he's been nicer..."

"Okay, I get the picture," Adam said. "Do you want to hang out with us for a while?"

"Please," Nick replied. He just hoped he could hang out with them without becoming a nuisance.

DetectiveRed

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