DetectiveRed

Usual stuff time. Thanks to  Trismegistus Shandy .for editing there was a lot of dumb stuff I missed while trying to do this edit.  Check out their work on TGstorytime here and Big Closet here

Other author stuff at the end. I kinda messed up a lot with this chapter and focused on some of the wrong parts. I'm still kinda happy with it though.

They spent an hour having lunch before Katie called her mum to pick them up. The atmosphere in the car seemed lighter now that the girl sitting next to him was smiling. Her mum looked less worried about him being there. It felt good to no longer be seen as a threat. Katie assured him that she'd be available at school if he needed her.

It was lonely, yet comforting being alone in his empty house. No one could find out like that. He didn't know how he would cope when his mum came back tomorrow. How would he survive school? He spent a couple of hours watching TV before getting hungry enough to get up and make something to eat. It seemed like the intense pangs of hunger from before had stopped, but that didn’t stop regular hunger from gnawing at his brain. Sleepiness came shortly after eating.

James’ mum still wasn’t home when he woke up. She’d said it would be a weekend trip and no longer. Maybe she was in bed. He didn’t want to risk waking her up if that was the case. He’d have to take the bus to school. Which was fine by him, he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone that way. The clothes Katie had picked out for him went a long way in concealing these changes to his body, but he couldn't shake the feeling that someone would notice something else. His voice being higher, or his facial hair going missing, or the new softness in his face; it was all so obvious to him. He decided staying quiet was probably his best option. If he didn’t talk, he wouldn’t draw attention to himself. It would be perfect.

Homeroom was the first struggle of the day as he would have to deal with Ben, the loud edgelord, constantly trying to engage him in conversation about games or whatever he had on his mind. James tried to tune him out and let Ben fall into his rant, listening only enough to notice if Ben brought up something about his appearance. Katie was on the other side of the room, where she usually sat alone. He had been tempted to try and talk to her when she had first stopped talking to him. Maybe, if he had just done it, she wouldn't have been scared of him. They might not have lost their friendship, but he hadn’t tried; instead, he’d avoided her and then treated her like shit. As much as he wanted to talk to her, it was probably best to leave her alone. Having to explain to Ben why he was talking to her would draw too much attention. She didn't deserve it, not when Ben was ignoring her.

The first class was easy. The teacher called roll and surprisingly, no one laughed at his squeaky voice. The teacher then enforced quiet over the room. Maybe he was overthinking things. Knowing that didn’t stop the tightness in his chest though. He quietly did his work; Lachlan was the only one in his maths class who he talked to anyway, and unless James started the conversation, Lachie was happy to just silently work. After maths was recess. He parted ways with Lachie and headed to his locker. He briefly considered trying to hang out with Katie. He didn’t know much about her friends aside from Adam, who from what he had heard, wasn't his biggest fan.  He figured it was best to leave them alone. He had to act normal even if he wanted to talk to her again. 

He began following his normal route to the library. He wanted to have a plan. Ben was reliably self-obsessed; he would happily talk to a brick wall as long as he gave him an occasional disinterested "uh-huh." Lachlan wouldn't start to talk to him outside of the library. Nick was probably the most dangerous; that guy actually seemed to care about his friends. Of them, Nick was the only one that would likely look at him properly. If he could get to the library, they would all be too busy on their laptops to pay attention. He just had to get there.

"Hey, James, wait!" 

Hearing Nick's voice made him pick up the pace. He needed to get there before Nick did. Nick's height allowed him to catch up. Half panicking, he began running to the library. He was so close. He couldn't wait for Nick; he couldn’t let him see his new face. Behind him, there was a thud and he could hear Nick cursing.

“Shit.”

Nick was a clumsy dude. It was like he’d never gotten used to his height. There was something kind of endearing about it if James was honest. It was a hard choice between helping him or getting to safety faster. Begrudgingly James chose the former.

"Gosh darn it, James. Why did you run?" Nick asked. James offered his hand to help him up. "I asked you to wait?"

"Yeah, sorry. I wanted to save us a spot," James lied. Hearing his voice convinced him he was going to be found out. The shakiness didn't help. The library never had a shortage of seats. 

"Whatever." James pulled Nick to his feet. Nick was cute. There wasn’t another way to say it. His curly brown hair, his warm brown eyes and the way he got excited about things. It was all pretty cute. If James liked guys, he was sure he would like Nick. If he hadn’t tripped, James would already be sitting safely at his computer by now. Instead, he was now walking with Nick. He hoped that Nick wouldn’t bring up his appearance. 

“How was your weekend? You weren’t online. I tried messaging you, but I didn’t get a response.” James had forgotten about the message from him. He had been too worried about everything else.

"Oh, sorry man. I wasn't able to play, some stuff came up." They were almost at their spot. Blocking out the rest of the world was only a seat away. 

"What kind of stuff?" Nick asked, raising his eyebrow. They sat down and James got out his laptop. It had been a while since he had gone that long without using it. 

"Just, you know, sick stuff; I was sick. My throat hurt." His excuse was weak, but it could hopefully explain why he wasn't acting like his usual self.

"Well, if you need anything, let me know." James was glad he had someone he could count on. Even though he knew he wouldn’t take Nick up on that.

The smell of a fresh layer of deodorant hanging in the air was a dead giveaway that Ben would be joining them shortly, and if he was there, Lachlan would not be too far behind. Despite the urge to check where they were, he kept his eyes glued to the screen until they sat down next to him.

"Hey, dickhead, why weren't you on call yesterday?" Ben asked. “You didn’t answer me earlier?” James wasn’t sure whether Ben was talking from a place of concern, or if he was just worried he didn’t have someone to banter with. Either way, he appreciated it.

"Didn’t want to deal with you for a weekend, I guess," he replied. That didn’t sound nearly as snappy as it would have with his old voice; he missed it more than ever now. His earlier decision to stay quiet was probably the right one. He regretted it opening his mouth. It felt like Ben was analysing him. His wish to disappear was back with a vengeance. 

“He was sick. Wasn’t up to playing apparently.”

Hearing Nick take the pressure off him to talk was a relief. He wished he could thank him, but he felt like it would be better if he just stayed quiet.

Being left out of conversation hurt. Nick, Ben and Lachie kept talking about the weekend and about the games they’d played without him. Games he couldn't play because of the changes to his body. It hurt not being able to talk to them, banter with them. He wasn’t even able to tell them what he’d done over the weekend.

"Are you feeling okay? 

James had been trying to tune out everything but the game in front of him. It surprised him when Nick tried to get his attention. He didn’t know why Nick was talking to him instead of Lachie or Ben.

"You look kinda down?" Nick continued.

He didn’t want to show Nick his face again. He hadn’t thought about it earlier when he helped him up; he was more worried about helping Nick up so they could get inside. 

"I'm fine," James replied.

"You seem different. Are you sure?" Nick asked. 

"Yes." James wanted two very different things at that point. On the one hand, he wanted to properly talk to him, on the other he wanted to never talk to anyone again. He had to keep his response short since neither of those things was an option. He missed just being able to talk like he had with Katie. 

"Okay. But if you need anything, don't hesitate to talk to me, okay?"

"I'll keep it in mind, thanks." He knew he couldn't take Nick up on that. What he needed was for his body to go back to normal, and something told him Nick couldn’t do that. 

"By the way, you look good clean-shaven," Nick stated. He clearly didn’t understand the gravity of what he had said.

"What?" James’ voice trembled as he asked.

"You shaved, right? It looks good." Nick smiled at him. That smile was barely able to provide any comfort.

He was reminded of his nightmare from when Katie was over. Of course, Nick was the first one to notice. The worst part of the dream was his kind reaction. The way he had reacted to James’ feminine face. The sick feeling from when he had woken up from that hell returned. It was as if the worst of this weekend was all coming up at once. He knew it didn’t make sense. He shouldn’t have been panicking but that didn’t change the fact that he was. The air around him felt thin like there wasn't enough of it. The urge to leave was overwhelming.

"I have to get some air."

His breathing was becoming rapid, he had to get out. This had happened before, but he wasn’t sure how he escaped it last time. All he remembered was that Katie had helped him. He had to deal with it alone this time. Even remembering that incident made it worse.

The ground was cold outside the library; the noises of the schoolyard were deafening. The air was open, yet he still couldn't breathe. It felt like he was suffocating. He felt someone sit next to him, but he couldn't care; he felt like he was going to die. Panic was overwhelming him. 

"James, I need you to slow down, and take a deep breath in." 

He was barely listening to the voice, but he needed air; he tried to take that deep breath. The advice seemed familiar. 

"Now breathe out."

He was staring at his legs. He felt like if he looked up, he'd die. But he kept following the instructions of the voice. It didn't matter who it was. They were acting so calmly it didn’t matter. He repeated the cycle of breathing in and breathing out until he was able to calm down. 

"Are you feeling better?" 

In his panic, he hadn't noticed it was Nick’s voice guiding him through. He moved away from Nick. He didn’t want his friend to see him like this.

"A little bit," James responded meekly.

"Do you want me to stay with you for a second?"

"I'm fine on my own." He tried to sound confident, but he could hear how badly he failed. 

"Okay, I’ll be in here if you need me," Nick said before going back into the library. He sounded concerned, but James just needed to be alone. Nick had never been like this to him. He had never tried to take care of him before. It was like Nick saw him as fragile. He didn’t want to be taken care of. 

The next classes were a matter of survival. He just had to make it through without talking to others. English meant class with Nick, who asked James if he was feeling better. He shut down that conversation with a simple ‘I’m fine’, as he tried to push the fears he had out of his mind by working. The more he talked, the more likely it was Nick would find out. James couldn't let that happen. 

He didn't feel like he could return to the library again when lunch came around. He was going to be alone.  He wanted to find Katie; she knew about his body and still saw him as a man. He could be comfortable around her. It felt odd walking around the school on his own. Katie and her friends tended to hang around on the opposite side of the school from his last class. 

The walk to that area of the school wasn’t long, but it did make him feel exposed. He was alone, and with his body the way it was, it felt like he was being watched, like he was walking around naked and everyone was staring. He could see the table where Katie and her friends sat. She was there, talking with someone who he could only assume was Adam. He wasn't sure how to approach them. Would Katie even want to talk to him at school?

Adam caught him watching the group and sent a glare his way. The way he looked at James seemed like a warning. He left immediately. It hurt not being able to talk to her. It hurt knowing that he might have deserved that reaction from Adam. He wanted to curl up in the bathroom and hide till lunch ended.

DetectiveRed

I had a couple of goals for this chapter. One was to introduce Nick properly since he's one of my favourite characters, and he will be an occasional POV character. There is some completely new stuff coming up soon, stuff that isn't in the original Wattpad version of the story. This hopefully helps set that up as well. I hope y'all like the story.