Gwenn insisted that I take the time to change my Minecraft skin. I still didn't fully understand why. No need to change, Alex was already a girl. Oh boy, yes, there were signs... And Alex already looked pretty much like me in general. Ooooh, so many signs...

But she told me to try it out, just to see how it felt, to experiment. And well... she got me, I like experimenting, screw the status quo!

We went through a few pages of Minecraft skins for a while. I kept thinking that I wasn’t allowed, that I would be judged negatively.

But having Gwenn by my side helped me to shake off these irrational thoughts. She had given me all the pieces of the puzzle, it just made more sense for me to be trans, in light of the evidence. And doing things to affirm myself would be the best way to improve my well-being, especially in an accepting environment like this. It was an opportunity that shouldn't be missed.

One skin caught my eye, a magnificent light blue dress with small hints of pink and white. The same colour combination as Gwenn's new flag and the interior design of our potion factory. I wondered... "That-that one's nice."

"Ooooh, straight to the trans one. I see." She looked at me and grinned. "Very good choice!"

I made a little shocked squeak. "Is that what those colours stand for?" Gwenn nodded. "Ah, well, I'm dumb..." I added, faintly.

"A little," she said matter-of-factly. "But it's a-do-rable."

Aaa. Adorable? I’m puddle.

"Right then, sold? Do you take this one? We can always change it later."

"Okay yes, let's give it a go." I picked up the mouse and applied the skin to my account. Then I logged on to the server. Gwenn did the same from her computer.

And then we spent the rest of the day playing. I have to say, I've never pressed F5 and F2 so much in one day. Of course, that's also because we've been exploring the world with our newfound pairs of elytras and there's been a lot of stunning landscapes. But this time I put my cute little Minecraft character into them. It was more... pleasant? Does it make any sense? I don't know, I don't want to know, brain's on strike today, I told myself.

"You know... I've got a dress that looks just like that if you want... Do you want to try it on, Marie?"

Hearing my name, my real name, felt like swimming in a pool of happy juice.

Wait a minute, I thought, gradually realising the implications of what Gwenn had just said. "Try it on? Like, IRL? Right now?"

I didn't know whether I felt excited or terrified.

She nodded "Hm-hmm. Don't worry, you're going to look gorgeous. If you want I can do your makeup with that, oh and then do your hair too!" At least she hadn't seemed to find it terrifying.

"Okay. I'll be your test subject for today." I think I just pouted.

And I knew she'd do a good job, she was very talented. But I would also take the opportunity to see how she handles it all. After all, it's better to learn any kind of skill to move forward in life. Yes, good plan.

Gwenn had stuck her tongue in the corner of her mouth. Concentration had reached its peak. She took care of every little detail. I wanted to watch exactly how she proceeded but she told me I was 'not allowed to look in the mirror until it's finished'. I didn't know why.

Oh.

Now, I knew why. 

A girl looked at me in the mirror, she was so beautiful. Who was she? There was no other mirror in the room and I was careful to touch this mirror to make sure there was no trickery. It wasn't a screen and Gwenn hadn't made me wear a VR headset without me noticing. I tested every hypothesis to explain who was looking at me.

She started to cry and I felt tears on my cheeks. Good tears. 

The simplest hypothesis - Ockham's Razor! - is that that pretty girl in the mirror... that's me.

I heard a squeak of amazement behind me. "I'm going to be so jealous. No scratch that, I'm jealous! Marie you're... You're ma-RIE-ficent!!!" I could hear the three exclamation marks!

I turned to Gwenn. "Oh, gwennough of your silly puns! And, mar- erm... Magnificent... Me?"

She gently grabbed my shoulders and snapped me to face the mirror once more. Oh wow. I guess she was right.

My heart grew warm and I felt happy shivers. If I were a cat, I'd be purring. I didn't think it was remotely possible to feel so much joy at the mere sight of my reflection.

"I-I suppose that's an hypothesis that shouldn't be ruled out," I added with a giggle.

 

---

 

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" Gwenn was staring at me. I could see she was unsure about this.

I'd decided to spend the night at Gwenn's because I was still too overwhelmed by all the recent changes, and too exhausted too. But today's a new day and I had decided to talk to my parents.

"You don't have to, you can take your time, and wait for the moment when you're best prepared," she added.

I rolled my eyes "Gwenn, my mums are literally queer activists. Where do you expect this to go wrong?"

“I knoooow. But it’s not about them, it’s about you.”

I sighed. "Yeah, okay, I get it. But I just can't wait. Plus... I think they already suspect something's wrong. I asked them what they would have called me if I was a girl yesterday morning and then I just ran off.” She gasped. “I think it's the best thing to do, there's hardly any risk."

"Hardly any?" She narrowed her eyes.

I raised my finger in the air and exclaimed: "There's no such thing as zero risk!"

Victory, I managed to get a laugh out of her.

We were on our way to my house and to my great dismay I had to put my 'pragmatic clothes' back on. Honestly, I'd have to change my definition of pragmatic clothes to include 'feeling good and pretty in them' because right now my clothes seemed anything but pragmatic. But for the moment, I didn't want to attract the attention of the neighbours. Though I hardly knew anyone, I was pretty sure that everyone knew me, seeing that I went to Gwenn's very often.

Gwenn didn't care one bit, she was in her finest dress. Looks like we're going to come out to my parents together.

We arrived back at my place and I quickly put my things down, then took a deep breath.

I was about to do it, to tell them what I'd been struggling with all week, the reason for my absences and the bags under my eyes. Being afraid of their reaction was completely irrational. But my body hadn't been following reason for the last few days, and now I was shaking.

"Hey," Gwenn put her hand on my shoulder, "you can do this. I know you. You're really good at putting your stress aside to say super embarrassing stuff."

Ah yes, the dress incident.

She looked to the side with a puzzled expression. She seemed to mentally add 'oops, I didn't mean it like that'. That made me smile.

"Is this supposed to be a pep talk or a destruction of my character?" I added, letting out a small giggle.

"I don't know, sorry." She stuck her tongue out. "But at whatever it is, it seems to be working." It's true, I had relaxed a little.

She became serious again. "But remember: you're allowed to take your time, you don't have to do this now."

Yes, but no. "Thanks Gwenn, but I made my decision." I was going to do it now and I was going to do it well. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing to knock on my door. This is it, this is now.

The door swung open by itself before I could do anything.

"Oooh, you're back sweetheart. And hello Gwenn, gorgeous dress, looks great on you!" Mum stood in front of us. "Oh. Gwenn you..." Her gaze darted back and forth between Gwenn and me a few times. She made a few gestures with her hand, pointing at her then me then mimicking someone talking.

Gwenn sighed and put her hand on my shoulder. "Yes yes, I told everything. Everyone here knows."

I... what? Did my parents already knew about Gwenn? When? How?

...

But of course they already knew, they're literally part of the town's queer association. Dumb girl. 

So that means I'll be the only one coming out today. This news raised my anxiety level by a few notches.

"Yes, she told me a few days ago," I added. "Is-is Mom here?" I took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you both."

My Mum looked surprised for a few seconds then her face softened immediately. "Yes sweetheart, she's here." She smiled.

"Yup yup. Right here." Mom's voice repeated. I saw her hand sticking out and waving weirdly, she must have been on the sofa, hidden by the living room door. "Come on, come on, don't just stand there doing nothing," she added.

We sat down in the living room, with me in the armchair, Gwenn on a stool next to me, holding my hand, and my parents in the sofa opposite to us. Mum had served us some tea she'd made earlier.

Mom took a sip and then said, "So are you two an item now? Is that what you wanted to tell us?"

An item, us? I froze. My heart somersaulted, my face was as red as a tomato. It's not like I wouldn't have been interested, you know, new things, new experiences. Gotta try it out. But I... No, Gwenn wasn't interested, she likes girls and I... Shut up brain! I shook my head. Besides, there would have been signs anyway!

As evidence of this: Gwenn quickly withdrew her hand, though, I think she blushed too?

"Hey, you can't say things like that! This seems important, let's hear them!" Mum glared at her partner, she definitely had a bit more tact. Then she turned back to us. "That said, I can see what she means, you'd look great together!" she added with a smirk. Okay, no, she was only very marginally more tactful.

"Muuuum, this is embarrassing," I grumbled.

"Oops sorry sweetie. Go ahead." And then she fell silent.

They looked at me as if everything was going to be fine. And everything should be fine, shouldn't it? But there's no such thing as zero risk, is there? Oh brain, shut it! Now's not the time!

I looked down at the ground and took a deep breath. 

Okay. I knew I could do it. Their teasing wasn't out of the ordinary, I knew they were listening. They're cool, Gwenn's by my side. I took her hand in mine again. She squeezed it. That reassured me.

I swallowed. "I'm trans. I'm a girl."

 

I've done it. I finally looked at them, eyes wet. I said it. I swallowed again, this time it was much louder.

"Ooooh sweeetie..." Mum said. She turned to Mom. They gave each other a knowing look, nodding then turned to me.

"We accept you and love you as our daughter. We are here to support you and love you unconditionally," they said in unison.

Oh…

All the pressure fell off. I'd expected them to react well, but that went beyond my wildest estimates. They prepared their lines in advance, aaaa. I threw myself into their arms and cried.

They were tears, but they were tears of joy and relief. In a way, I'd been waiting for this moment all week - or maybe even all my life.

Between my sobs I let out a 'thank you' and an 'I love you' and probably another 'thank you' but it must have sounded more like a 'thnakywaaaawiiuhhh'.

I cried a lot. But that was fine, it was the rational thing to do given my circumstances. It would allow me to express my emotions in a proper way and remove my excess cortisol to soothe and stabilise myself. Bravo me.

We stayed like that for at least fifteen minutes. Gwenn was playing with her tea bag in a mug. Mum was stroking my head while I kind of took a sobby nap.

Mom broke the silence. "You've already chosen a name, I suppose? Is it the one we talked about yesterday?"

"Yes... Marie...", I mumbled. My voice was hoarse.

"The rational choice." Mum laughed. "It's a very pretty name Marie," she added. "And I'm not just saying that because we chose it! It just... It suits you Marie."

I was very happy.

I moved back to Gwenn's side, as the sofa wasn't very optimised for three people.

"You owe me five quid," Mum had suddenly turned to Mom.

Mom whined. "Fiiine... You win."

Um... "Did yo-", my throat was still sore, I cleared it gently, "d- did you bet on me being trans?" I widened my eyes.

Mum looked at me. "Noooo, we would never do something like that-" 

But Mom cut her off, "Yes. Yes, we would." And she beamed, the betrayal.

"Was it that obvious..." I sighed.

This week I left like everyone knew more about everything than I did. About my emotions, my identity, science and how the world works. Apparently I was just completely out of my depth, everyone was one step ahead.

"Ooh sweetie. Don't put all this weight on your shoulders, it's okay not to know everything. I know you like to have all your bearings but..." She took a deep breath. "We're here. Okay? When things aren't going well, we're here, we will always be".

It wasn't actually true because they would die one day, but I kept the thought to myself.

Apart from this, I guess that kind of made sense, this week I learned to listen more, to ask more questions, to ask for more help, and it was... Okay? Gwenn wasn't angry with me, in fact she seemed to enjoy all the time we spent together, even when I felt uncertain. Maybe it was time for a little break from my old self.

"Yeah well it's not actually true because we will die one day". Mom added.

Gwenn turned to me. "Oooh, that's where you got that silly attitude from!" Betrayal! Again!

 

---

 

 

This time it was Gwenn who stayed for dinner at our house. We had some excellent home-made fries to celebrate: vegetable oil, double-fried — take notes, non-Belgian — accompanied by a magnificent vegan Liège salad.

Then we went up to my room. It was quite the contrast compared to Gwenn's room. My motto was... order! The bookcase was sorted using a complex system that took into account the release date, the author's name and — where possible — the colour of the spine. The walls were sparsely decorated, the floor was empty and the dust was arranged in alphabetical order.

We sat down on my bed. I groaned. "I can't believe it, I'm such an idiot for not seeing all the signs. I really was that oblivious! Hard egg, thick shell!"

Gwenn sighed and smiled. "Yeah... But hey, you had to go at your own pace. You always needed time to consider all the angles, all the hypotheses." She gave me a gentle look.

"Maybe, but I won't get fooled in the same way again! Next time something like this happens I'll be more alert. I don't want to miss any signs for things of this magnitude."

Gwenn looked puzzled. "Hmm... Erm, so... You've already failed at that I think..."

"What?" I left my mouth open.

She took a very careful look at some dust over in the corner of the room. "Well... What I mean is... you've already missed the signs of something big."

What did she mean by that?

She started kicking her feet. "Since quite a while actually..."

Since quite a while? Damn, I really must have missed it.

"I've been trying to give you a few more signs lately but you've got a hard head."

Signs? Oh, no, I'd been so wrapped up in myself these last few days, I hadn't paid any attention.

“So, I might just spell it out to your big dumb pretty face” 

She took a deep breath. She turned to me and her eyes went kitten.

"Marie, I think you're cute, very smart and funny, would you like to go out with me?"

Yes.

“Yes.”

She took my hands. 

And at that time, in this world, the thing I cared the most about was actually the colour of her eyes. They were beautiful, full of life and filled with passion. Tendrils of deep amber and fiery reflections. 

My heart danced. I leaned towards her and she followed.

And we kissed.

 

And we did that a few more times, just for the purposes of scientific enquiry.