Excerpt from Archmage Vildius’s lecture on swarms - Luckily for the humanoid races of the world, swarm type monsters tend to be weak and stupid. This is because they are controlled by a hive mind whose intelligence is determined by the collective intelligence of its consituent members. For the sake of this lecture, I will give an analogy. The intelligence of a hive mind is akin to a bunch of pimply, nerdy students working together. They can put simple things together and correct their mistakes, but their chances of discovering a natural law is about as likely as that of finding a date. But like the geniuses that grace our world, we are cursed with aberrants that form by circumstance in swarms. These aberrants have a level of thought above the swarm’s collective one, and often develop their swarm beyond predictable levels. Though the chance is small, due to the extreme amounts of offspring swarms produce, it is best to eliminate them before an aberrant is born.

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I wobble as I try to stand up. Who knew that scary monsters from nightmares still get hurt from falling, and unlike the seemingly invincible monsters from horror stories, my entire being is filled with pain. I am aware of the others doing the same. A few look hurt, and have some greenish fluid leaking from their abdomen (The big-body-but of a spider, but on us spiders with crab claws and ant habits). I remember reading somewhere that pet tarantulas can die when dropped from a table due to their abs rupturing, and it looks like that exact thing happened to a few of my mining companions. In addition to those wounded creatures, I also see some of us squished under rocks. Guess I did get lucky. Looking around, there’s probably about half of us that are just shaken and uninjured. 

“DEFEND!” The Voice commands.

Only now with my attention forcibly directed do I notice an iconic group of seven monsters coming at us. With wart covered, puke green skin, sharp teeth, and wielding crude spears that look suspiciously like bones, these goblins are slowly advancing towards the shattered remains of our magic rock. Finally having a comparison to judge our size by, I come to a terrifying realization. Assuming goblins on average throughout different universes is about 3 feet tall, then us spider crab things are about a foot tall and probably 4 feet wide. Yup, we are definitely monsters. If I ever saw one of these in my old home, I would just burn the whole house down. Despite being one myself, I feel myself shivering. How ironic, a spider crab monster being afraid of spiders. Lost in thought to myself, I feel the pull to defend this stupid piece of rock from the goblins growing stronger.

With a horrifying screech that I didn’t know we could make, my fellow spider monsters rush the goblins. With all my willpower, I manage not to join them in their charge. Sure we have claw things, giant teeth, and maybe a double jaw thing going on, but considering I was just born after all, and I am not to sure how well we can fair in a fight. Even though it looks like we outnumber the goblins about three to one, everything I know points to the fact that we are newborn, probably weak given how many of us there are, and 100% disposable. 

My exercise in restraint pays off as the first spiders to charge get speared and killed immediately. Those poor spiders didn’t have a chance, as the goblins were able to ready their spears and simply hold them in front of themselves. The stupid spiders practically jumped on the spears voluntarily. Unfortunately for the goblins, the second wave of spiders jumps almost as soon as the first wave got impaled. With their spears trapped by the first wave, the second wave pounces onto the heads of the goblins, finishing them. With the combat over, the urge to rush and fight disappears, and I am able to tear my eyes away from the disgusting feast the others are having. Looking past the feasting monsters, I see a faint shape growing distant in the tunnel they came from.

That's not good. I know what that shape was. Apparently one goblin was too scared of the spiders and stayed back, not that I can blame it. Now that fleeing goblin is going to go back home to tell some big stupid goblin what happened. There are only about 14 spiders left, and we are guarding 40 spiders worth of shiny blue rock. If that goblin has friends, they are probably going to come and take our rock for themselves, and this time there won’t only be seven of them. 

I need to get out of here. I look up at the hole I fell through and decide to try and climb my way up. Good news, there is nothing hard about climbing vertically up a wall. It just kind of works. Bad news, once I reached about halfway up the stupid Voice commands me again.

“DEFEND.”

This mental shout physically stops me in my tracks. Trying again, I crawl forward, but now each step feels like wading through thick liquid.

“GO BACK, DEFEND.” I am commanded.

This makes me stutter, and I back up a bit unintentionally. Damn it, I won’t be able to get out. I have to figure out a way to survive and defend this stupid piece of rock. Looking back to the tunnel the goblin escaped down, I roughly measure it to be able to fit two goblins side by side. If I can stack the corpses, I might be able to make the passageway only fit 1 goblin at a time. That way, it won’t matter how many come, our little band of spiders should be able to hold them off until reinforcements arrive. I hope anyways. If that damned voice is ordering me to defend this stupid rock, it better be sending more monster spiders to help. 

Sadly, I think I must wall off the passage on my own. I approach the fallen spiders, untouched as of yet by the feasting others. I really hope we aren’t cannibals, cause I don’t want to get eaten if I am injured. Distractions aside, I use my claws to pick up a dead spider. But as per anything I do, the Voice tells me otherwise. 

“Eat.”

Damn, we are cannibals. I unconsciously start to lower my forearms but this time I catch myself.

“EAT.”  I am commanded.

Shaking, trying to resist the order, I scream back “I am not eating these things but am going to block of the stupid tunnel to protect your stupid rock!!!” 

Amazingly, the compulsion to eat stops. Not just for me though, but for the others as well. Dumbfounded, I watch as they transition straight from eating to carrying the remains of the fallen, both goblin and spider, to the passage and start blocking it off. But they are doing it wrong! They are just stacking to block it all! If there is no opening, the goblins won’t trickle through, they will just smash their way through, destroying the barricade and ruining the whole point of my plan! I go to rearrange corpses to make a small opening and once again am stopped and questioned by the voice.

“Block?” The Voice Questions.

Huh. This time I am not commanded. I wonder if I can talk to my mysterious overlord Voice. I attempt to explain, but am met with a sense of confusion. Oh boy, time to figure out how to explain to whatever very stupid consciousness holds control over me on how tactics work.