I Get to Love You

by Heart

 

Tags: Slice of Life, First Love, Friendship, Tragedy, Angst, Psychological

Content warnings:

 

---

 

Author's Note (1):

Songs for this story are:

I Get to Love You - Ruelle (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1mkYWkoXyo)

Blue Bird - Ikimono Gakari (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpsJWFuVTdI)

 

---

 

A warmer day in a town in perpetual winter.

Calix stared blankly at the statue in front of him. It was of a man on one knee gazing longingly to the sky, with his left hand laid gently on his heart and his right hand reaching for the clouds.

The statue remained still in the middle of Saljuku’s town square with a plaque that described the simplified version of the fairytale, The Snow Princess’ Lover. 

Nobody paid too much mind to the man standing lonesome by the statue because today, the whole town was busily preparing for the Founder’s Day celebration that would be occurring that evening. Everyone was looking forward to a whole night of feasting and festivity alongside various performances done by several volunteers.

“Calix.”

A familiar, cheerful yet gentle voice broke Calix out of his stupor, which made him turn slowly and automatically to the direction of the sound without thought.

The sunlight had broken through the clouded sky and beamed on the approaching man, the one that Calix referred to as his beloved. This scene caught Calix off-guard as time began to slow with every step his beloved approached him, glowing beautifully. The signature wide smile seemed to have melted the snow and brought warmth to Calix’s heart.

“You dressed thickly today despite the warm weather.” Fern’s black glove reached out towards Calix but stopped just a short centimetres away. He was probably thinking that the glove might be too cold to the touch, so he lowered it back to his side.

Calix noticed Fern wore only two layers of clothing, which made him shiver, knowing that the man had no fear of the cold like him. Despite all of that, Calix still gave up his comfort for warmth and lowered the blue scarf that was half covering his face, as Fern had always told him how lovely it was to see his red nose and pale lips despite knowing how he felt about the town’s weather. 

However, if it was for Fern, he was willing...

“It’s too cold,” Calix complained, only to be interrupted by a loud shout that broke their quiet bubble.

“Do we have enough wood?!” The young town chief shouted at someone across the town square while carrying something which seemed to be a part of a makeshift staging platform.

The number of townsfolk in the square had begun to increase as the time for the festival grew closer. Almost all the men could be seen carrying some kind of heavy equipment to set up around the town square, whilst the women could be seen setting up torches for warmth and light when night fell.

It dawned upon Calix that staying idle in the middle would cause them to end up blocking the way for the busy people around them. He decided that he did not want to stay any longer and gave Fern a look then said, “Let’s go,” before hurrying away.

Calix gave the Founder’s statue one last glance, then checked to see if Fern was walking behind him. He began to pick up his pace when he confirmed that Fern was following him.

Out of concern, Fern called out to him, “Slow down. You’ll slip and fall if you walk too fast in the snow.” Fern’s worry and nervousness overflowed to a point that it made Calix consciously slow down.

Fern often fussed and nagged at him, but Calix never minded that because he knew it was done out of love and care for him. Calix let out a subtle sigh that was barely audible, which made him shiver slightly. He curled his neck down wanting to bury his face into the scarf, which was a gift from Fern years ago.

 

They continued walking at a steady pace until they reached the empty field in which the children had created their own playground made of snow. Calix knew that Fern loved to surround himself with the children, so he decided to find a corner nearby to join in and make a snowman.

Calix managed to find a random empty corner which was neither too far nor too near from the playful children. Those children were laughing and playing amongst themselves without caring that there were two additional people among them. Some of them were building a snowman or making a snow fort, while others were chasing each other for a snowball fight.

Calix crouched down and started to gather snow in the hope of gradually growing a snowman. Fern followed suit and crouched down next to him as he watched Calix focused and insistent on his task as if life depended on it. Fern did not bother him but helplessly smiled instead.

Calix hated touching the snow because, despite the thickness of his gloves, he could feel the cold upon touching it. In his heart, a small amount of frustration appeared, but he persisted and continued trying his best.

Fern, on the other hand, had chosen to stare at the snow-coated lashes which cast a small shadow on those pale cheeks rather than helping.

Calix was able to feel the intense gaze coming from the man next to him. He turned with pouty lips to ask his lover to stop doing that but instead, he stumbled upon a pair of emerald eyes staring deep into his soul, and the words remained lodged in his throat. It felt like it had been years since he had seen them as sounds began to disappear, and time became irrelevant once more.

He almost lost himself until a child bumped his back, and ended up pushing him forward. The momentum caught Calix off-guard, causing him to catch himself with both his palms planted into the snow to stop himself from completely burying his face flat.

Luckily, the thick gloves were able to protect his palms from the sharp rocks hidden underneath the snow. He barely felt anything, but still, he let out an unexpected soft grunt as his body was jolted forward.

This scared the child, as he knew he had done something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” his milky voice sounded apologetic as he squirmed in place with his head down.

Calix was not mad as he knew the boy. It was not because everyone knew everyone in this small town, but rather because the child happened to be his next-door neighbour. He was not about to hold a grudge over an unintentional small incident. 

“It’s alright. Be more careful next time. Your mother wouldn’t like it if you get injured when playing,” Calix reminded kindly before allowing the child to go back to his group of friends.

The child nodded quickly to show that he understood before trotting back to his friends as quickly as he could. When his friends saw that he came back without much trouble, they immediately went back to playing in a carefree manner. Children moved on quickly and it did not matter as long as they were able to recognise their wrongdoing when it counted.

“That’s kind of you.” Fern complimented with a light smile.

Calix bit his lip and did not respond to the remark.

“Shall we go somewhere quieter?” Fern rose from the ground and invited Calix to move away from the rowdy playground.

Calix nodded upon rising from the ground. He patted the snow off himself as best he could so that it would not melt on him and make his clothes turn wet later.

This time it was Fern who guided the way by walking ahead of Calix.

 

Soon, a double-arched door with the ‘Community Centre’ lettering placed above it appeared before their eyes. They stopped to look at the two-storey building in its entirety for a moment before Calix went ahead and pushed open its door and they both entered at the same time.

The building remained open to the public and only locked at 10 PM daily, thus allowing them to enter without being impeded. Inside, there was a sparse number of people loitering as the majority were already at the town square preparing for the event. Those that remained were dealing with office work or were gathering props and materials needed to allow the event to flow smoothly when it commenced in the evening.

The two did not stick around the downstairs area for too long and headed to the second floor, which appeared gloomy and quiet as no one was there but them.

This section of the community centre was dedicated to learning and meetings, hence there were many rooms full of tables and chairs with a whiteboard attached on one side of its walls. 

At some point in their lives, they too had studied here. They were the last batch to finish their high school education here before the town decided it was best to send the next batch of older children to study at the boarding school in the neighbouring town.

This was due to the fact that the neighbouring town had a higher population than theirs and had always welcomed children from other smaller towns and villages. It was clear that the best option was to send their children to study there unless the children’s families were willing to send them further away for their education. After all, there were fewer children in Saljuku each year, making it harder to hold a class without combining too many school grades together.

Nevertheless, classes were still held in the town for pre-school and primary school children. Sometimes, special skills classes would be held for a semester or two if they had someone who was able to teach and garnered enough interest from the public to participate.

 

“Hey, they still have your drawings up, Calix,” Fern had stopped and with a tilted head alongside a subtle smirk, stared at one particular drawing that was pasted among the cluster of other children's artwork on the corridor’s walls. 

Calix moved closer as his eyes darted around to pinpoint the exact location that Fern was looking at and was able to smoothly find his childish drawing.

What appeared was a drawing drawn as children, yet the skills of the artist could be seen to be excellent and far beyond the capability a normal child would have at that age. The figures in the artwork were defined and vivid, of an ethereal being in a flowing dress touching a kneeling man’s face on a heavy snow day.

“You have always loved the story of the Founder and the Snow Princess,” Fern remarked.

“They gave me the courage to face you all those years ago,” Calix traced his hands on the art gently as he recalled a fond memory of the day he confessed his feelings.

“I should have been the one to say it first. You surprised me back then,” Fern tenderly looked at Calix.

“Yeah, you should have. You were always the more courageous one.” Calix teased to which Fern chuckled.

Calix's eyes turned thoughtful as he said aloud, “I wonder if they could have been true.”

“The story?” Fern asked.

Calix nodded as his thoughts wandered to the legend that existed since the town was founded. 

The legend spoke of a man who travelled far beyond the usual path and had fallen into despair when he found that his rations were not enough to bring him home. As the weather grew harsher, his body became exhausted. He knew he was about to fall into a deep slumber as Death beckoned him closer, but… before his eyes shut forever, his breath was taken away by a goddess that descended among the falling snow. She asked for the man’s devotion in exchange for his life, and with that, his fate was sealed. He later founded a town, and the spot of their exchange became the town square.

It was a story that Fern had memorised. With his soothing voice, he often retold the story to Calix whenever he was asked to do so.

Calix turned to Fern only to discover that he was no longer by his side. Calix looked around and could not find him. He began to cross the empty corridor and reached the end. When he looked out of the windows, he saw Fern waving his arm at him from below.

Calix let out a subtle sigh. Knowing that Fern had always been the energetic type, he could not find it in him to be mad for being left here without being told. The man was the exact opposite of him, like day to his night, but still, Calix could not stop himself from falling hard. Fern had always been the warmer, kinder and cheerful type of person. Calix on the other hand was often distant, quiet and reserved to the point people would often joke that he was the reincarnation of the Snow Princess. 

Only the two of them knew that Fern was the one who loved the snow the most, while he always longed for the hot embrace of the summer breeze.

 

Calix walked out of the building with his gaze turned up at the sunny but cloudy sky.

“Calix,” Fern appeared out of nowhere by his side as they trekked through the snow.

Calix expressionlessly turned to Fern with pursed lips and let out his grievance, “You left me.” 

Fern seemed to be startled by that and slowed down unconsciously, but Calix did not match his speed and continued forward, leaving Fern behind.

Fern did speed up to catch up with Calix but remained quiet the whole journey. It was not until they had reached an empty snow meadow near the community centre hidden by the Boreal forest that they stopped walking further.

This was often their secret spot to rendezvous.

Calix easily found the wooden bench that was crudely made by Fern years ago, hidden underneath piles of snow. He brushed off the snow in one rough motion, which was something that was unlike himself. He then placed his butt after patting all the snow off the bench and himself, before his vision began to slowly float up as he blankly stared ahead at the darkening sky.

"We haven't come here in ages, have we?" Fern opened the moment he stood in front of the seated Calix, gazing lovingly.

Calix's mind immediately answered that there was not any reason to do so anymore, but those things remained unspoken.

"You have always loved this town more than I do," Calix muttered under his breath.

At some point in their high school years, Calix was given the opportunity to visit another town that was located in a much warmer climate than theirs. He had wanted to bring Fern along but his invitation was declined. Calix knew he could not force the man, but his heart had longed for the warm weather where the forest was painted in warm green and the animals were lively, so he decided to go even without his partner. It was then he had fallen in love with the sunny weather and the world somehow felt right, as if telling him that he had found a place he belonged.

"It's true. The tranquillity and the vast white snow are familiar to me. I don't think I could survive out there, but here? Here is home." Fern's answer had always remained the same.

"Why couldn't I be your home? Why wasn't it enough for it to be just me?" Calix's voice was shaky, but he tried his best to keep steady.

The cold air did nothing to help.

Fern did not answer and Calix did not push for one.

Fern’s love for this town was something he could never compete with, not since they were children. He, who had always wished to soar the sky and leave this place, was clinging onto the man who instead became the chain to this town. He had stayed for years, for he had believed that the love of his life was here, and so here he was willing to remain.

He knew that he hated the cold. He hated the quiet. He hated the silence that the wind carried.

It often felt as if there was no life here, as the snow often drowned the noise with it.

Just as he thought so, the wind blew in his direction and made him shiver. He buried his face into the scarf.

“I love you, no matter what choices you have made.” Fern’s voice seemed to echo in the serene field.

Calix lifted his head and his eyes met with Fern’s.

The sky was darkening but in his gaze, Fern remained glowing. The man lowered his face and Calix subconsciously closed his eyes as he had always done. He felt the cold touch on his lips and a tear fell.

 

—

It was bright and early.

A steaming hot chocolate was placed in front of Calix, who nodded at the waitress as a form of acknowledgement and appreciation, before turning to stare blankly at the cup that was filled to the brim.

His fingers were tapping on the table, showing a hint of his anxiety. His heartbeat went faster as time ticked by. The music had long ended, and he knew he had to take a bow and let the curtain fall. It was time to face the truth.

His mind went everywhere as a way to escape his discomfort until a gentle knock on the table pulled him back to the present. He turned to see the newly arrived man, who still had his signature soft, kind smile, moving forward and taking a seat across from him.

His lips tightened but he managed to muster a greeting in a quiet voice.

“You look exhausted,” Fern commented with a tinge of worry. A tone Calix was familiar with, as it was not uncommon for Fern to feel distressed over him.

Calix did not reply but turned to look at their friend, Rose, who was currently behind the counter. She was able to notice his gaze and without missing a beat, nodded in understanding as she moved to grab a mug and a pitcher of hot coffee. She did not dawdle too long, arriving at their table right after the series of actions. 

She lightly placed the mug in front of Fern with her customer service smile hanging on her lips as Fern thanked her. She did not linger either after she skillfully poured the hot coffee into the mug, and went back to her original position behind the counter, no longer giving them another glance.

“You have something to tell me,” Fern’s tone remained light and pleasant as he always had, having neither question nor doubt in his statement.

Calix clutched his mug while biting his lips, feeling the subtle heat rising from his drink. He closed his eyes as the steam warmed his face, and took a deep breath of the subtle scent of the bittersweet cocoa. His eyes fluttered open and they were met with the gaze of his beloved sitting across from him.

It took all of his courage, but when he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out. He slowly closed it before letting out a defeated sigh, as he had yet to find the courage to say it.

Fern was patient. He did not touch his coffee, and he also did not press nor urge Calix to speak up. He continued to look at his lover, who appeared troubled and needed more time to say the words he had been holding back for so long.

It was, after all, the last day.

Both of them knew that, but neither was willing to address the elephant in the room. 

That was the case until Calix, who had been staring into the dark chocolate drink, muttered the words that took all of his force. “I’m leaving.”

Those words seemed to have stopped time as the silence enveloped the two of them.

When Calix lifted his head, he was met with a look of understanding as if Fern had known from the very beginning.

“I knew.”

Those were the only words that were needed to break Calix. It was as if someone had turned on the faucet as tears began to fall uncontrollably, but he did not look away and continued to look at the man who had been his whole world.

“I might not come back,” He spoke in a quiet sniffle.

Fern’s smile never broke as he responded with, “I know.”

Calix wanted to say more but none of the words felt right. There were so many things he had wished to say, but saying them now probably would not get the answer he wanted since it was already too late. He had been lying to himself all these times but he was not willing to accept it.

“I was so hurt,” between the sobs he mumbled in anguish.

“I wish I could say sorry.” The man was apologetic but it was not enough.

It could not undo anything. Time would not go back to the past and he had to keep going ahead into the future.

“You knew I’d stay for you… I wanted to stay.” At this point, Calix's tears were gushing, but he could no longer stop the grievances and pain he had felt all these times.

“I didn’t want to hold you back.”

These words startled Calix, as he had never heard Fern say such words to him before. His brows began to furrow as he tried to focus his eyes to see the figure of the blurred man through his tears.

The man continued in his soothing voice, “My world is inside of yours, but your world extends further than mine. I don’t want to hold you back. Don’t let me hold you back. I would never be able to accept that if you did.”

“But…” Calix wanted to say that he was willing.

“I knew, but I didn’t want you to. It’s time for the bluebird to migrate out of winter and find a warmer home.”

Calix’s tears refused to stop, so he covered his face with his palms as he tried to make sense of the words that were spoken. The warm air blasting through the cafe could not help him soothe his heart as the sadness tore deep into his core.

Through his sobbing, he truthfully said the words that always remained true in his heart. “I love you…”

There was no response, but before he could put down his hands, Calix felt a cold but gentle kiss on his ears, followed by the words, “For as long as the snow here remains cold, forever I’m yours. Goodbye, my love…”

The cool touch slowly dissipated, which led Calix to burst into a sobbing mess as he incoherently bid the man farewell.

He stayed buried in his arms as he cried. No one bothered him for the time he needed to calm down even until he felt strong enough to let go and put down his hands. The man he loved was no longer sitting across from him. All that remained was a glass of coffee that was once hot, still untouched.

Calix finished his lukewarm chocolate drink and placed enough money to pay for the two glasses alongside some tips on the table. He immediately put on his beanie, tightened his scarf, and then left the cafe without a word.

The time to leave town was growing nearer, and he had said all the goodbyes he wanted. He grabbed a ball of snow and two leaves that were outside of the cafe, then proceeded to head to the Goddess’ altar. He glanced at a stone nearby before turning to face the altar with a reverent gaze unbeknown to himself.

He placed the snow bunny that he made on the altar and whispered his wish. “Take care of him for me.”

With heavy footsteps he began to walk away, leaving footprints on the snow and the town that had always been his home, which he both had loved and hated.

 

***

The new part-time waitress, Delie was watching everything unfold and had wanted to ask questions, but upon meeting Rose’s eyes, she swallowed them back.

The clock passed by as they greeted one or two customers, but mostly it was empty save for the occasional delivery requests that were handled by Rose. When the clock signalled that the shop's operational hours were over, Delie helped Rose close the store out of politeness, as she was still new in town and had nothing better to do other than wait for her wife to come home.

Rose took a single flower from the shop’s vase and then began to lock up. When the last lock clicked, Rose turned to Delie and asked her, “Would you like to join me for a walk?”

Delie was happy to accept, and the two of them began to trudge forward in the snow on a pathway that Rose seemed to be familiar with by heart.

“Where are we going?” Delie could not help but ask, as the sky was dark with only the street lamps as their source of illumination.

Rose gave her a rueful smile and answered with her gaze turned ahead into the distance, “To visit an old friend.”

Delie did not feel as if she could ask more, so she followed along quietly as they walked closer to a place that Delie had not yet reached. It was the Saljuku’s cemetery, located slightly outskirts of town.

Fairy lights hung upon the many poles surrounding the place, allowing it to have enough illumination to visit even if the sun had gone down. The cemetery was neatly arranged, giving it a poignant beauty as the lights reflected on the white surfaces. 

Rose stopped in front of one of the gravestones, and despite her noticeable sorrow, she put out a smile as she brushed off the snow to reveal the name on the stone.

 

Fern.

 

“Is this your friend?” Delie could not help but break the silence as she wanted to alleviate the gloomy atmosphere a little.

Rose nodded and in turn asked, “Have you heard the stories about him?”

Delie paused for a moment in an attempt to recall if anyone had mentioned the name to her, but ended up shaking her head when she could not.

“It all happened so quickly last year. Nobody had known that it would be the last time he’d be with us…”

“Was it an accident?” Delie tried to ask as gently as she could.

Rose shook her head as her eyes trailed on the words etched on the stone.

“It was only discovered later that he was sick but didn’t tell anyone. Maybe he also didn’t know. 

Nobody knew why. Everyone was shocked but Calix was the one that ended up being greatly affected by it. He couldn’t accept the news and became a wreck. I tried to help him but I guess, nobody could. All I could do was watch him shrink into his shell and refuse to leave his home. When he finally showed his face around town again, we all realised he…”

Delie understood Rose’s words when she put two and two together.

Rose continued to say, “I didn’t want you to hear from the others as they couldn’t understand, but I did… We had grown up together. I had seen how they looked at each other and the way they had spent their days together, as if nobody could disturb their world. 

So I knew… it wasn’t that he didn’t know, but he just wanted to escape the reality where Fern… is gone.”

The cold wind blew, as if it understood Rose’s emotions and wanted to comfort her.

Rose did not even flinch at the cold air and started to share her story, “He pretended for so long that Fern was still alive. We all let him, because the last time someone tried to explain to him that it was not real, Calix went mad and broke down. Nobody dared to try anymore.

The doctor said it was best to leave him alone but give him options, and let him reopen his world… so I recommended he join this art institution that is far far away from here. I told him to chase his dream. Even helped him sign up and everything. It was only then he began to show signs of letting go.

Today will be the day he leaves town. I hope he heals out there, where it is no longer as cold and sorrowful.” 

“So, today…” When Delie saw Rose’s face, she did not finish her words.

Rose understood and responded after taking a deep breath, “He was saying goodbye to both his imagination and the man he had loved so deeply.”

Delie was not able to find words to respond with, so instead she nodded her head in understanding.

Rose then wiped her tears with a napkin before inviting Delie to leave, “Let’s go back.”

“Okay.”

Before leaving, Rose turned to walk to the Goddess’ altar. Delie watched as she placed a single winter rose in front of the two snow bunnies on top of the altar.

 

[The End]

 

 

---

 

Author's Account:

Heart

Author’s Note (2):

Heart’s Mini Theatre

Heart: *crawls to #writing-room* Please… helpp… I need a beta reader cause I need feedback T-T

Red: *puts down their novel and picks up Heart off the ground* I can help when I have the time.

Red appears glowing and shining like an immortal descending from the sky bestowing her a helping hand. Tears stream down Heart's eyes and she quickly responds before Red regrets it.

Heart: *clings tightly* YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU TT-TT

LATER

Red reads the pile of clutter Heart called her draft.

Red: This part… *points at one of the clumps* the tenses are funky.

Heart: *sweats* err… ignore that bit and just give me plot feedback for now.

Red: *incomprehensible gaze* ok. But I can still help with the grammar if needed.

Heart: *thinks to herself* but first I need to finish this vague pile I call plot… *pretends to be poised* Ok, definitely will show it to you when ready.

Heart sends Red the almost completed version of the mess again. Heart sweats nervously. Red tries their hardest to ignore the grammar mistakes and give constructive feedback. Heart submits the mess officially after completing the plot and crawls back to Red.

Heart: *carefully hands over the mess* Now that it’s official, could you uhhh… check the grammar… *sweats*

Red: *picks up the bundle and looks at it without expression* OK.

Changes were made.

Heart: *on her knees* THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FIXING MY MESS EVEN TO THE LAST MINUTE TT-TT

 

Author’s Note:

Hello everyone.

First and foremost, I’d like to thank RedEmber who took the time out of their busy life to clean up the mess I bundled together. So I dedicated a mini theatre to us. XD  Also, probably more grammar mistakes in the theatre and A/N but just ignore it~ >w<

 

Next is the process of my writing. It was really hard because it’s something I have not done before. I have been looking forward to Winter Antho in particular because I wanted to write ANGST. Not just any angst but the kind of sadness, poetic and heart wrenching angst. I’m not sure if I succeeded. This plot has always been my favourite but I rarely wrote it. The last one I did was around 15 years ago on a notebook that was completed, which someone threw away along with all my other idea books. I know for a fact I’m a straightforward messy but Happy Ending writer. So this type of vague story was hard for me to execute. I was struggling but because Red was willing to sit through my mess, I was able to finish it.

The idea for this type of plot was vaguely in my head since the BL Palace Summer Anthology which was 2021(?), so about 2 years ago. Then Owl had started talking about detective stories which required the ability to drop hints… I was like hmm, insightful, let’s try it. Oh, how naive I was because I didn’t know how much it would torture me… TT-TT but thanks Owlie cause I had fun talking about that~ 

Anyway, the reason this thing I called an organised mess exists is mostly due to the support of everyone in BL Palace who kept giving me positive feedback and helpful ideas. Thank you especially to Zaiakuma and Moonpearl mainly for trying their best to keep giving me tips or just encouragement. Also, thank you tiaf for sharing that beautiful picture of the reflecting light on the snow on a random day which helped me add some details to the story. Thank you Nahrenne for being a great cheerleader to everyone.

Basically, this story is a homage to BL Palace who gave me my ideas and supported me through the journey of writing this. Without BL Palace, I might not even write any short stories and continue my hiatus forever not completing another book. All of you made me constantly get reminded that ahh, I really do love writing. Here, I know that when I’m in doubt or a block, there will always be someone here to come out and give me encouragement and positive reinforcement.

Also, by using an angsty plot and changing the way I wrote my stories has been insightful and probably showed me that my old style was no longer suitable for me as I find it harder to write them now. I don’t know if I will continue to write this type of plot cause I do love my happy endings. However, I do know for sure that I will continue to break away from my usual cliche style and explore more.

*bows* Thank you everyone. Sorry I could not name everyone but know that I cherish all of our interactions in Discord very much! Thank you for the amazing years I’ve been with BL Palace and hope that we can continue to grow as a community for years to come! ~

 

To readers, I hope you enjoyed this. I hope at least someone cried reading this. There are some hints here and there that I left unexplained so do share your theory. Tho, I would probably keep some of it unexplained as an author for the sake of it being fun and open-ended that way.

Also, to readers who wish to find me… don’t. My finished novel is nothing like this. I have nothing new for you but if you insist on reading my works, you can read the BL Palace Summer and Autumn anthology I participated in. I do hope I have something to publish in future but for now, there is nothing for you here from me as of this anthology release.

Whoever reads this A/N to its entirety, thanks!

 

Still in Haitus but lots of love to give,

Heart ♥