The bartender blinked, "Wait... you a healer?"

 

 

 

 

"Support includes healing, FRIEND." Andrew rolled his eyes, "Wow. You guys have some screwed-up values around here."

 

Miriam landed on the bar, "Hey." She looked at Andrew, "Buy me a drink."

 

Andrew blinked, "Uhh... okay." He paused to use a cantrip to dry himself and Miriam off before sitting down at the bar, "Beer for the little lady."

 

"Uh, try Whiskey." Miriam glared at Andrew.

 

Andrew let out a long breath before nodding, "Fine." He looked to the bartender, "Just one."

 

The Bartender nodded, "You got some change coming back. What do you want?"

 

"I don't drink." Andrew shook his head, "Conjured water and Everlasting Rations for me, thank you very much. Lot less likely to get poisoned that way. And while the extra hit point bonus is worth it in-" He paused, "Actually, you just reminded me. I need four bottles of the strongest rotgut you have. I don't care about flavor. I want whatever will put you on your ass the fastest."

 

The bartender squinted, "Uh... I'll need another... two silver, but yeah. I got something like that." He reached under the counter and pulled out four bottles labeled Troll's Choke.

 

Andrew picked one up, "Troll's Choke?"

 

The bartender nodded, "Because it's so nasty, Trolls have a hard time keeping it down, but the dwarves love it. Most Dwarven brews seem to brag about how bad they taste. It's just how they like it."

 

Andrew picked each one up and vanished it into his extra-dimensional storage, one after the other. The bartender blinked, "You a noble or something?"

 

Andrew froze. He looked at the bartender with wide eyes, "Why the fudge would you say something like that?"

 

The bartender shrugged, "I don't care, but you got equipment like a noble. You talk with big words like a noble. You got your faerie friend here. You hold yourself differently. Like you are better than everyone."

 

Andrew laughed out loud for a second, "WHAT???" He shook his head and sputtered a bit, "Uh... one... NO. Not a noble. TWO, I act like I'm better than everyone? What the heck? I'm just trying to mind my own business!"

 

The bartender narrowed his eyes, followed by a chuckle and a nonchalant shrug. "Buddy, I don't know where you're from, but you've got this way of looking people straight in the eye. You scan the room and check out everyone walking through the door. There's no bowing of the head when someone higher up passes by. Your demeanor just doesn't quite match up. It gives off the vibe like you think you're above everyone else." He jogged his head toward the exit, "It's why Dank picked a fight with you."

 

Andrew blinked, "Well, back where I come from, that'd be rude. To turn your eyes away is an insult. You show respect by looking someone in the eye. If you look away, you are saying, 'You aren't worthy of notice'."

 

The bartender looked surprised, "Really? Well... where are you from?" He asked as he set up Miriam's drink.

 

Andrew sighed, "Bridge. The problem is, I'm not a noble, so I didn't get much of an education except from the church. There are no other kingdoms around us, just monsters. There's the river, the flood plain, the mountains, and the capital, but I never went there. I was just starting as an adventurer. It was just... the Kingdom. I never knew there were any others, so I never learned the name."

 

"How'd you wind up here?"

 

"Teleport trap." Andrew shrugged, "And... I fear my companions are either dead or lost as well. I tried to message them and... nothing. Wheezy, Vortail, Jacynth. The new guys... I never learned their names. You don't bother to do that until they last more than a week. We had no idea the craggy dungeon was so deadly. Nobody talked about teleport traps." Andrew paused, "Then again, maybe it's rare and nobody survives so nobody ever reports back about the trap, and the dead just get written off."

 

"Message?"

 

Andrew nodded, "Yeah. Bit difficult to pull off at my level, but I can circle break the spell if I need to. Hurts to pull it off. VERY COSTLY. But, I figured if they weren't getting back to me, I should risk it, but... nothing." He crossed his arms and leaned into the bar, "Looks like I'm stuck here, and help ain't coming."

 

The bartender nodded and looked at Miriam who was enjoying a shot of Whiskey that was the size of her head. She just shrugged, "I'm just here to look after him until he dies. A deal is a deal. One human lifetime in exchange for what he did is a bargain at twice the price."

 

"What'd he do?"

 

She paused as she lifted the shot glass to her lips, "Ask the Faerie Queen. If she doesn't want to tell you, mind your own business." She glared at him in a way that indicated this was no longer up for discussion.

 

The bartender held up his hands defensively, "Whoa! Just trying to make small talk."

 

She abruptly put the shot glass down causing some of the whiskey to slosh out, "Is that a short joke?"

 

"Uhh..." The bartender froze, apparently not knowing how to respond. Andrew rescued him, "Relax. It's just a turn of phrase. He didn't mean anything by it."

 

"I hope not..." She kept glaring as she took her drink back in her hands. Before she took another sip, she made an off-handed comment, "You know we're gonna have to kill those assholes, right?"

 

The bartender sat up, "What?"

 

She took a long pull at her drink then wiped her mouth, "They're still pissed. They're gonna jump us at some point when we are alone. We're gonna have to defend ourselves, and next time, I'm gonna start slitting throats after they drop. I don't give second chances."

 

The bartender shook his head as if not believing what he was hearing, "Uh... look. Let's start over. I'm Max. I've been here a long time. Those are good guys. They won't jump you in-"

 

Andrew sighed and pulled out a large, bland cracker to munch on, "No. She's right. They're gonna try and kill me. They'll wait until I'm in a dungeon then try and murder me and steal all my stuff. I bet what happened is they killed the new guy and stole his equipment. The guy who died? They were planning on killing him for a while and when they killed the new guy, they had a chance to backstab their friend, so they took it."

 

Max looked shocked, "And what makes you say that?"

 

Andrew shrugged, "Seen it before. They move around a lot, I assume. I bet if you check back at any other adventurer guild halls they have been at, there is a trail of corpses from new members..." Andrew paused to make finger quotes in the air, "'Accidentally'..." He dropped his hands as he continued, "Dying."

 

Max frowned deeply, "So you are planning on getting them first?"

 

Andrew shook his head, "Oh HELL NO. Do I LOOK like the town guard? Ain't my job to go fightin' crime! Someone else will figure it out eventually. People like them always push things too far and eventually get exposed." He hooked a thumb at his chest, "Me? I plan on finding someone to train me in a class I want to learn then getting the fudge outta town! I wouldn't touch the nearby dungeon if you paid me ten thousand gold. It's suicide with those freaks after me." He rolled a hand in the air in a dismissive gesture, "BUT... I doubt they'll try to murder me in town." He shrugged, "So I'm just going to find training then move on. No sense getting in a pissing match over a face full of water."

 

"They aren't like that." Max looked offended as he defended the recently departed adventurers, "Maybe people are like that where you come from, but not here. We have honor. We have a CODE. We take pride in our work and we look out for each other."

 

Miriam burst out laughing and shook her head, "Oh Gods Above. You are so cute!" She finished off the rest of her drink then wiped her mouth with her sleeve, "Friend, ALL MORTALS ARE LIKE THAT." She spoke loud enough to catch everyone in the room's attention. A few turned to stare.

 

"I've met so many of you. Always saying, 'Not my fault! I was tricked! I just took a little money! I just looked the other way! She was asking for it! He wasn't anyone people would miss!'" She shook her head, "If I had a copper for every sorry excuse I heard over the centuries..." She blinked her blurry eyes then stabbed a finger at the bartender, "You people will straight up stab each other in the back over the slightest excuse! Teamwork? As long as your bellies are full, everyone is one big happy family, but get a little hungry..." She hooked a thumb at Andrew, "This guy has been honorable so far. He talks a big game, but we'll see how long that lasts."

 

Andrew glared at her, "I think your opinion is a victim of selection bias." He paused before adding, "But you do have a point. People tend to slide towards evil. It takes effort to remain good." He scratched the back of his neck, "We didn't start on the best footing, either. I'm sorry about-"

 

Miriam tossed her shot glass at Andrew, bouncing it off the side of his head. He let out an 'OW!' as he rubbed his temple. She waggled a finger at him as she staggered a little, "Stop Apologizing! What's done is done. Alright? I hate guys who mope all the time." She turned around and crossed her arms with a humph, "And I hate those big eyes of yours. Your smile never reaches your eyes."

 

Andrew rubbed his head for a bit before he shrugged, "Oh... kay? Letting it go." He looked up at Max with a shrug, then snapped his fingers, "Oh! Hey. Maybe you can help. I'm looking for an Artificer."

 

"A what-a-ficer?"

 

"Most likely a dwarf? It's a guy who crafts magical stuff. Strictly a crafter class, they are specialists in crafting, nothing else; Swords, shields, armor, weapons, but also all sorts of crazy knickknacks. I need to find one. You got one in town?"

 

Max took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. He picked up a glass to polish as he thought, "Artificer... Well... never heard of that class, but I know a few dwarven craftsmen. None of them make magic items besides one. He just makes magic swords. I dunno if he makes anything else."

 

Andrew nodded, "How about someone who crafts crazy stuff? Like, magic toe rings or bracers of force?" He snapped his fingers, "How about a grafter? Do you have any grafters in town?"

 

"What's a grafter?"

 

"You know, someone who can take a golem's arm and use it to replace your arm if you lose one by grafting the new arm onto you."

 

Max froze, "You talking about chimera?"

 

Andrew sat up, "Whoa. NO. This is GRAFTING. Chimera is something entirely different. You can't make a human into a chimera, they stop being human. This is grafting. You can do it with a bunch of stuff, but I read golem arms are the most common."

 

Max suddenly turned cold, "No. I have no idea what you are talking about." He paused then said, "If you aren't ordering anything else, move on so someone else can belly up to the bar."

 

Andrew glanced around the half-empty room then nodded, "Right. Gotcha." He lifted his hat, "C'mon. Time we should be heading back to our room." Miriam looked like she was going to protest, but noticed they seemed to have attracted quite a bit of attention, so she just nodded and gave Max a salute before jumping into Andrew's hat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Andrew dropped three silver on the counter, "The extra is for your trouble." Then got up and walked out.