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Horizon Dawn
Horizon Dawn
21.9k Views 424 Favorites 111 Chapters 2 Chapters/Week 165 Readers
3.6 (18 ratings)
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A story of an Order of Justice and Hope in the world where strength rules all.

In the world where gods have maturities of kindergarten. Where nations rule by political backstabbing and power supremacy. In a multiverse where power is the symbol of fear.

In that world, the Queen of Good played her reverse card.

That day marks the resurrection of an old fashion ideal. It is the gathering of naïve fools who believe the Right makes Might. But these, like many fools before them, will change the world.

"Only the weak succumb to brutality."
Superman, Kingdom Come

Artifact Crafting Beastkin Bookworm Calm Protagonist Clever Protagonist Demi-Humans Demons Elves Enemies Become Lovers Fantasy World Heroes Magic Magical Technology Modern Day Multiple Transported Individuals Overpowered Protagonist Politics Romantic Subplot Secret Organizations Strong Love Interests Teamwork Weak to Strong
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      Status: c5
      Jan 22, 2019

      I read the first five chapters, and here is my impression. Overall, the story is okay. The plot is good, unique, has room to develop, and is interesting. However, one glaring mistake makes this story so much worse in my eyes. The grammar. A few mistakes are okay here and there, but there should not be multiple mistakes in every paragraph. What I recommend working on the most is verb tenses. To sum it up, "Read this story makes me want to jumped into a hole." This kind of grammar need to be fixed. Grammarly is a great tool to help with this, and you can also look up info about how to properly use verb tenses to help with your current issue. Also, you can always ask readers to help. I often point out mistakes I notice in the comments, so authors can fix them and improve. In fact, I was going to do that for this story, but there are simply too many mistakes to fix. However, I am still able to point out broader issues, such as improper tense usage. To sum it up, grammar makes the story so much less enjoyable than it should be. Many authors underestimate the importance of grammar, but I never see stories with bad grammar able to consistently stay at the top rankings. IF you want to improve as an English speaker and writer, fixing this should be your top priority.

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