What is God, what are demons, what are angels, what are humans?
The interaction between all of the above has a cause, a consequence and a reason why it is.
Humanity develops under the scrutiny of other beings who seek benefits for themselves, and humans themselves with the greed that characterizes them use everything to their advantage to get more.
What if religion is not only what we think it is, if it is not only the primitive form of philosophy, if it is not only a collective thought that is imposed on the masses to obtain their control and submission?
I invite you to immerse yourself in the search for truth from the perspective of those who live or survive it.
Can you continue to being yourself once you discover that everything around you is no longer the same?
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The cover was created by me, generated by artbreeder.
This work is not, nor intends to be a religious criticism or anything like that, I have decided to categorize it as boys love (love between two men), because there are elements of gay love in the story, but the story does not revolve around it, I risk with this that people looking for the theme will not be encouraged to continue reading, and on the other hand I scare those who avoid this category, even so, I do not conceive to develop it in any other way than this so I appreciate the support of those who join. This is the first novel I am publishing and english is not my mother tongue, if there are mistakes please point them out and I will correct them.
The work contains mentions or development of the following themes, suicide, kidnapping, rape, torture, please if you are sensitive to these issues or are not to your liking take note of it.
- 05 New horizonsAug 19, 2021
- 04 A sprout emerging from the sandAug 10, 2021
- Chapter 03 A flower and a dreamAug 5, 2021
- Chapter 02 The sweet shores of DofiasAug 5, 2021
- Chapter 01 The first step of Darse.Aug 4, 2021
- Content Warning
All Rights Reserved-
Hiatus - Updated Aug 19, 2021
Last updated 3 years ago
- 6 reading
- 3 plan to read
- 0 completed
- 0 paused
- 2 dropped
Ah, where to even start. This story is a mess - and that is putting it mildly.
Firstly, on a surface level: This story would benefit greatly from improved punctuation. It not only uses but abuses commas, leaving the reader to parse paragraph after paragraph consisting of one or two extremely long run-on sentences. I by no means bothered to count each and every one of them, but I did find examples of sentences that stretched to 193, 247, and 281 words in total.
Furthermore, the markers for dialogue are atypical. Citation marks "" are not in use, and instead, statements are encapsulated with - -
Secondly, also on a surface level: The use of pronouns and verb tenses is wildly inconsistent. Starting off with the pronouns, there is nothing wrong with having atypical pronouns for beings such as angels - but it certainly helps if said pronouns are consistent throughout the same sentences and paragraphs, because if not, then it causes definite confusion as to who is doing or thinking what, like in this paragraph from chapter 1:
Lori opened her eyes and finds the sight of her beloved Darse sleeping in her arms, the warmth of this scene stuns him for a few moments until she decides to get closer to his face to appreciate her beloved breathing slowly while he continues sleeping, she moves her hand closer to Darse's face, he takes his chin with her big hands and gently caresses his lips, her angel frowns.
The above example also illustrates a persistent problem in this story: Verb tense inconsistency. Some parts are in the present tense, some are in the past tense and sometimes, past and present tense are mixed in the same sentence or paragraph for no discernible reason.
Thirdly, there is the story itself and the pacing, which is a mess, honestly. There are too many things happening in quick succession, especially in chapter 1, and any existing flow of the story is instantly disrupted whenever there is a massive paragraph of exposition, and the perspective shifts in-between different storylines without giving the reader adequate time to become properly immersed in either one.
By and large, my advice is as follows: Show, don't tell, if at all possible, and feed the reader more slowly. Because while the reader needs to be introduced to the setting and the characters, the reader does not require all this information all at once. Information and characters should be introduced more gradually, and in my opinion, preferably organically through the perspective of another character. Furthermore, switches in POV should make more sense from a narrative standpoint, because if the shift is ill-timed, it gives the readers a figurative whiplash.
Another final note: Reading the synopsis again after reading the story, I find the former quite puzzling. It is not a summary of what the story is, but rather a series of semi-philosophical questions about divinity, morals and whatnot. Thus, it does not really serve much of a purpose for a reader trying to figure out whether the story will be worth reading or not.
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