A fairly positive comment in an earlier chapter just got me thinking, I think the #1 thing that might be holding this series back quite a bit from doing as well as it could is actually the title and the synopsis. As it is now, it is appealing to the wrong demographic. The demographic this series is actually made for, readers who want a bit more structure and to feel more connected to the characters in their Isekai world, will read the title and synopsis for this series and think this is your typical Isekai trash.
So, I am now trying to think of something that will let the real demographic that this series appeals to most know that they've found what they are looking for, while also letting those actually expecting and WANTING something more along the typical lines know that this is a little different from what they're used to.
Problem is, I am a little dry for ideas on exactly how it should be changed. I am open to some brainstorming and suggestions here on what might work.
EDIT: Also, the medical knowledge I had put in for Aerien's character is not seeing a lot of use, and I no longer have the plans to make use of it in future chapters as I had envisioned when first writing the early chapters. Therefore, I plan to remove that from the early chapters during the revisions as well as the new version of the synopsis.
Re-EDIT: I want to face-palm now. As soon as I said I didn't actually have any plans to utilize Aerien's medical knowledge, it turned out I'd forgotten I had Aerien base her new spell she was making on the human endocrine system.
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hmm ok personally i really love stories with a well developed world so you've managed to keep me interested even in that last stretch but i'll put my input in here. the synopsis ya its... bad it really feels like trying to justify a good at everything MC not to mention its just to long; once in the story itself the MC has stayed at fairly realistic levels (tho some of the medical bits did feel kinda forced) for a MC with a 'cheat' premise.
The title in and of itself isn't bad but going in it had me expecting kinda the opposite of what actually happens I thought the MC would end up in the supporting position to the reborn goddess. basically i was expecting a 'skilled' MC telling the tale of how their new life was balancing out the 'powerful' goddess in a non romance setting. so a title change might be good to give the right impression.
as for the last arc... 'realistically' I can understand why you did it but it felt really unbalanced story wise. ending the way it did was probably for the best but focusing so much of the arc on the trial for the sudden anticlimax to kill it felt abit painful to read. I think a little bit of a stretch could of made the story smoother for example all those high level fey around do none of them have a way to copy a book into the inner world if the old man could of done his reading there it would of given the kid a chance to flesh out more learning about the new place and people with the old man to preoccupied to butt in much. Or really focus on how the different groups are responding with less of a focus on the main characters/trial directly making the trial more of background noise, you did do this a fair bit but the focus was still on the trial honestly the most fulfilling chapters of the arc for me were iron for the insight Gailben provided into the court and Taminarda’s povs for the 'grounded' perspective.
Thank you very much for this. I have been trying to wrack my brain on how the last arc can be improved. (It needs it, but every time I try to say something to the effect the people who enjoy the rest of the story seem to deny the though I could have done something wrong and the haters are equally unhelpful.) It is fantastic to finally get someone who enjoys the story overall to actually give an honest critique of the weak points with an actionable suggestion for improvement.
@Jemini your welcome, I'll pop in occasionally but i take a long time to type out my thoughts so usually I don't have the time to say something but when you ask like this I try to make the effort this is one of the stories I look forward to the most at this point in time.
for something specific I felt was 'missing' was that the arbor committee as a whole didn't really get more then passing screen time despite the 'oddity' building toward unprecedented crisis Dryad represents being their jurisdiction. They would make a good 'voice' to convey the worlds standards and how they're being turned on their head in this case.
@Jemini I have to agree, I particularly felt the oath should of triggered young Aerien to scream immediately after the first part. I also found it a little less than believable the Old Man didn't ask more explicitly what he was getting himself into by agreeing to the oath. He has been portrayed as a man of some honor, that implies he doesn't give his word unless he can live up to it.
@Kawaii1234567 It sounded like a perfectly reasonable oath to him, and he would have even followed it willingly due to his personality as you just pointed out. What he didn't realize was that there was a threat behind the oath, and he doesn't like being threatened, which turned something reasonable into something he would rebel against, just because of the change in dynamic.
That said, I likely should have clarified those inner thoughts better.
@Jemini Understood, let me put it another way. Lets say you found yourself in Iran and someone asked you to sign a contract as part of some minor business you were doing. How would you react ?
Point being even in your home country, you could be presented with a legible contract that is exactly as presented but still not understand all the implications. The Old Man was in the medical profession and operated a business (a dojo). He would have been well aware of the potential problems and the need to have the potential issues explained to him. He might or might have done it anyway. It just felt very wrong for him to, shoot from the hip
@Kawaii1234567 well, in the same sense he would also have sworn the hippacratic oath as a nurse and as a Catholic he would have a few oaths before God. I don't really see how he would have reason to think this was any different. Again though, while I disagree with your reasoning on the character, I absolutely agree I should have shared more of his thought process. It was a little egocentric of me as the writer to think the reader would be able to interpret these motivations. It is the explanation that needs correcting.
@Jemini After reading the end of the arc, I definitely agree that it's not out of place, but I think your tendency to go deep went wrong there. While I normally love that you do, law stuff is inherently boring (well, to me), and there was way too much details.
You could easily compare to any court case you see in a movie, there is no details and little explanation except for the general case and some details where the case will get it's big moment. What they do put the emphasis is how f*cking long and hard the lawyer job is, which you did well.
But the whole thing is set to be aborted anyway, I don't want to know in details about the witnesses and why it is important but wrong that Aerien gets to be one. We already have the big issue of her being the biased judge. Essentially I think it's just too much details overall, the deception of the Queen explaining why it is important for her to be the judge to appease the dryad is enough, adding layers of explanation/deception on why moving the court date and others such things felt like so much was happening, but in the end half of what we though was happening/important just disappear.
I understand that the Queen is ancient and cunning, so we get to see how deep any of her scheme can run, but when even the reader have a hard time following, it's a bit too much ^^
I don't have any actionable suggestion for improvement though :(