"Ela!" I knock on her door excitedly three times. She doesn't answer immediately, so I knock again.

"Stop knocking, Danny! I'm coming, I'm coming." She says, small sounds of rustling coming from inside. Eventually the room goes quiet. I'm just about to knock again when the door opens. I drop my hand back behind my back innocently, looking nonchalant. Ela doesn't seem to notice as she lets the door swing open inwards.

On the other side of the door, she's wearing a long sundress I hadn't seen her in before. She does a small twirl to show off and the frills at the edge of the dress really add to the sway of the dress. She looks so beautiful I don't talk for a couple seconds. But only a couple, because after that I'm chattering excitedly about the dress. She seems to enjoy the attention as I shower her in compliments.

"I see you noticed my new dress, it's so cute!" She says, feigning nonchalance at the start of her sentence and quickly losing it to enthusiasm at the end. I nod excitedly and smile at her.

"It's sooooooo pretty! I wish I had a dress that was that pretty." I grumped. Looking down at my clothes, I realize that dad only gets me boring dull clothes like pants and shorts.

"Silly Danny, dresses are only for girls!" Ela chides, turning around and heading deeper into her room. I follow her on instinct.

"But why? Will I die or something if I put it on?" I ask, suddenly scared of the dress.

"What, no, of course not." She says, as if it was obvious. I agreed that maybe it was obvious; she knew more than me, after all.

"Then why not?" I asked. She opened her mouth as if to reply, but furrowed her brow. She seemed to open her mouth several times before just looking at me blankly. Her face was one of confusion as she asked me the same question back.

"Why not?" If she didn't have the answer, I sure as heck didn't! She's supposed to be two years older than me. If this wasn't something you found out before 4the grade, when were you supposed to learn it? We both went quiet, puzzling over the question.

"Aha!" Ela says, pretending to snap her fingers. I look up at her with interest, but she doesn't elaborate, turning and digging around inside her closet and pulling out another dress. "We'll just find out what happens if you do!" She says. I perk up at the idea, getting giddy at the thought.

She pulls me towards the closet and hands me the dress, offering to help put it on. It's a little clumsy at first because I've never put one on, but eventually it fits snugly into place. It seems one of her dresses from last year fits perfectly. I get excited, but she insists we're not done yet. She drags me to her table with the big mirror and brushes my hair. It's short, but she puts two hair clips in my bangs. She even hands me a stick of chapstick. I've used chapstick before, so I knew how to put it on. Honestly, I don't know what the point was, but it tasted fruity so I wasn't complaining. Finally satisfied, she sprays the back of my neck once with perfume and I giggle at the tickle on my neck; it smells nice. She drags me over to the full body mirror in front of the closet and I gasp at what I see.

It's me, in a long pink dress. It's a fairly plain dress, but it has small accents around it and goes to just below my knees. I spin gently once, and then twice. The third time I spin, I'm giggling and then I finally stop spinning. I stagger a little after having made myself dizzy. I look at Ela with a smile, averting my eyes from hers to look at her dress.

"Ela! I'm not dead, right?" I exclaim. She shakes her head excitedly.

"Nope! How does it feel? Do you feel like you’re really itchy or about to burst into flames or something?" She asks.

"Nope! I guess nothing happens. I wonder why they say boys can't wear dresses, this feels great!" I sway back and forth, letting the feeling of the fabric brush up against my legs. Gosh, I don't know what it was, but dresses felt way better than dumb, boring, old pants.

"Maybe you're actually a girl?" Ela giggles teasingly. I think about the idea thoughtfully; that would make sense. Ela is the smarter one, after all.

"Maybe I am." I agree happily. She just seems to laugh, picking up my old clothes.

"Okay, well, you can change back now." She says, handing the dull clothes back to me. I look down at them and frown.

"Do I have to?"

She scratches her head and looks down at the clothes. "I guess not, that is an old dress that was gonna get donated anyway. I guess I'll donate it to you instead, 'secret sister'." She gives me a giggle and a wink as I wink back at her. The term made me so happy to hear as I grabbed my old clothes back from her. I'd have to ask mom or dad to get me some dresses of my own.

"What do you wanna do, then?" I ask. She seems to think about it for a couple minutes, she's resting her finger thoughtfully on her cheek.

"You should go get your blankets from your room! We can pull some chairs from the kitchen and make blanket forts!" She says excitedly. I nod eagerly in response. "I'll see if dad can help with the chairs!" She says, eagerly. She gets up and rushes down the stairs, off to find dad presumably. I hurry to my room to grab the blankets. I get my thickest blanket wrangled from the bed. I glance over to the mirror on the inside of the closet door and see myself inside it. I smile upon seeing the dress and I spend a couple moments just watching it swish while I pose in front of the mirror. Finally, moving to the door to my room, I drag my blankets with me. I'm just about to open the door when it opens on its own. My dad is standing in the doorway and I giggle as I see him. I guess Ela really got him to help!

What I wasn't expecting was for him to, spontaneously, slap me.

~~~~~~~

My eyelids flicker open, the inky blackness giving way to light, and eventually to color as my nondescript surroundings sharpen and become clearer. The sensation of my hair carefully being played with enters my mind, and in the fog I recall that my hair is long now. A face peers down at me as I come to my senses.

"Ela?" I ask, gently. My childhood nickname for her dancing familiarly in my mind. It almost seemed like it was silly that I had forgotten such an important memory at all.

"Hey sis. Morning, again." She says, chuckling gently. I can feel her fingers running through my hair, playing with the ends gently. "And, uh… Sorry for bringing that up. I didn't think about how tough that might be to take, that was kind of insensitive of me." An apology?

"What happened? Why am I asleep?" I ask, confused about why she's apologizing. The last thing I remember is that memory, and then…

"You passed out. Hyperventilating too much. I tried to help you calm down, but I couldn't seem to reach you." Her smile is sad as she recounts the tale, and I raise my hands up to cover my mouth. I guess remembering that time for me was just too much to handle at once. "Are you feeling better? You're talking at least, so that's got to be something, yeah?"

I look down at my hands and at my body. The panic and fear had receded to further corners for the moment, and it really felt like I had room to breathe. Letting out a sigh, I pull myself up to sit next to her. She doesn't resist, but she keeps messing with my hair as I sit up. "Yeah, there's that. I dunno, it's just been a lot for one day…" I say, pulling my knees in close and resting my head on them.

My mind flicks to the memory I suddenly recalled, several smaller details I had no memory of coming to light. A tiny playful smile at the thought. I chanced a glance over in her direction, Ela seems to be lost in her own thoughts, though. She had stopped playing with my hair and was looking at her closet. I looked over to it; I allowed curiosity to squash the despair that had been pooling in my core.

Maybe I am. 

The words of a child dance across my memory, urging me forward. The fact that I had wanted anything for myself before… I needed to explore that. I don't know what I want now, but I remember at least a little about what I had wanted then. Fear attempted to creep it's way back into my mind, but gulping it back down I stood up. Ela looked at me, startled by the sudden movement.

I turned to look at her, not meeting her eyes, but getting as close to looking at her eyes as I felt comfortable. "I want to try on some clothes." I could feel a warmth emanating from her, a calm that bit back at my fear. In seconds my fear felt nonexistent, like Ela was the brightest ray of sunshine ever. The corner of her mouth twitched slightly upwards as I stared at it. In the periphery of my view, I could see the playfulness in her eyes before she got up and walked to the closet.

"Anything in mind, or should I do my worst?" She says, a smirk hiding the genuine care I could feel coming from her. I laughed at the thought.

"What are you gonna do, make me wear another dress? Oh no, maybe I'll like it." I chuckled. She seemed to stop, putting on a fake thoughtful look onto her face.

"I was thinking maybe purple polka dots and green stripes." She says. I balk at the idea and she chuckles darkly, a mischievous look in her eye as she continues to sift through her clothes. A smile plants itself on my face regardless, and I tune out her silent musings. I plop myself back down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling.

After a few moments of kicking my legs while they were hanging off the edge of the bed, Ela seems to decide on an outfit. Or multiple outfits, I note, as she lays one outfit after another across her bed. I look at each one, equal parts giddy and apprehensive. I feel a calm, but eager happiness permeating my own thoughts and peer curiously at Ela. She's staring at me eagerly. As our eyes lock, I can see the eagerness within them. And I can feel it too, louder than before. With that added push, I break eye contact and turn back to the outfits. I pick one up at random to try on. I grab the bra she had given me too when I notice that I'm missing something.

"Uh, Ela? Do you have any, um… clean, under… garments?" I ask her, hopefully. Her eyes go wide and she smacks her head.

"Forgot about that. Yeah, uh, lemme find you something." She mutters to herself quietly as she rummages through one last drawer and tosses me a chaste pair of panties. My face heats as I catch it, quickly attempting to lose it in the small pile of clothes in my arms.

I look around the room for a place to change and realize that there isn't anywhere clear to hide while I change. I look to Ela and she rolls her eyes, turning around. Grateful, I strip naked. The saggy and too big clothes from before fall off effortlessly as I tug them away. I keep my gaze away from any of my sensitive areas, looking for anywhere else to look. My eyes run across the mirror and I nearly stumble backwards, seeing myself for the brief second I did. I also notice Ela's wandering eyes meeting mine in the mirror before she turns her head away quickly.

My face flushes crimson red at the glance, and I put the underwear on quickly. With that in place, I find myself able to finally take in the outfit. It's a pair of dark grey skinny jeans and a red T-shirt, paired with a black leather jacket with red accenting. As I pull the jacket on I turn to the mirror and Ela.

"Done." I inform her. I look over the outfit curiously; the skinny jeans are only just too big, but they look like they fit well, regardless. Giving my admittedly kind of badass outfit a look over, I realize that I'm kind of smoking hot. It's weird to be my own type. "Do I look hot to you?" I ask Ela absentmindedly as I continue to look in the mirror.

"I mean, you're definitely my type if you weren't my sister." she muses after several seconds of silence. I startle at the revelation, looking at her.

"Your type?" I ask curiously. She blinks at me before laughing.

"Sis, don't tell me you don't know I'm a Lesbian." She tells me matter-of-factly. I did not, in fact, know that she was a lesbian. "Shit, girl, why do you think I'm on dad's shit list?"

"I kinda just assumed you'd gotten caught sneaking out or something a while back?"

"Well, pffft, yeah, of course. But I'd been sneaking out to see my girlfriend, which is why dad doesn't trust me." I nod at the information, parsing through it. With this new context, and the remembered memory, I was starting to see some credence to Ela's attitude towards him.

I walked over towards the array of outfits, picking out a new one. Ela doesn't turn around this time, but I don't make her; at least now I’m wearing proper underwear. As I get changed, I address the previous incident.

"So, uh, you were looking at me in the mirror earlier… Were you checking me out, or…" Ela sputters at the insinuation, tripping over her words as she tries to answer.

"No, n-no… Gods no. I mean, like, I was curious, cause like, not used to having a cute younger sis, but, like, no, I wasn't checking you out. I just… I want to know what my younger sis looks like, you know?" Ela sputters out. I nod as I digest that information with a somewhat relieved sigh. "Wait, hold on." I'm just about to pull the top overhead with my back turned to Ela when I feel her hands press against my lower back. I let out a strange mix between a yelp and a squeak at the unexpected touch.

"Your birthmark is still here." Ela gently touches the area again. I pull away as shivers of an odd sensation travel up my back into my head. I let out a couple breaths as I try to get a hold of my errant mind, looking back at Ela.

"Uh, yeah, I do. It's about the only thing that stayed the same." I say, pulling the top down over the mark. Ela seems to be deep in thought, but after a bit she pulls herself out of it for long enough to look at the newest outfit.

The top is a plaid button up; knowing that my sister is a lesbian suddenly gave its inclusion in her wardrobe a lot of context. It's actually soft, despite how scratchy it looks like it would be. The bottoms are a simple pair of jeans, but the women's pockets clue me in to the feminine style and cut of them.

"Not a big fan of this one, to be honest, it's a little too dull. I liked the colors." I say. Ela picks up one of the more colorful options and hands it towards me. The color scheme is a mix of sky blues and pastel yellows.

We go through a couple more outfits like this, the topics of conversation not straying far away from fashion. With each outfit, I feel more and more curious about other outfits and types of clothes. I was getting into it. It was weird, because I'd never concerned myself with what I was wearing, but suddenly I felt interested. Everything I tried on was just so… Amazing. I was having fun just trying stuff on, and Ela gave me a knowing look when I looked to her for thoughts on my newest outfit.

"We're gonna need to take you clothes shopping sometimes soon. Sharing my clothes with you is nice and all, but not exactly sustainable." She chuckles. I nodded, a little sobered by the thought.

"How am I gonna hide this from mom?" I asked her, worry feeling my voice. Her eyebrow raised a bit at my statement.

"Sis, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but what the ever loving fuck are you talking about. You're like, four inches shorter, your hair is shoulder length and very red, and you've got tits." She exclaims, making me feel sheepish at the mention of them. "Very nice tits maybe, but, like, none of this is stuff you can just hide." I nod at the reality of the situation glumly. I'm thinking about what my next step could be when she continues. "Now, what are we going to tell mom? Well, I've been thinking about a couple things. I'm not sure which is best, but… maybe we can call Aunt Fern?" I'm a little shocked by that plan, more because of the mention of Aunt Fern. She was our mother's sister, and she was the best. She was weird, though; dad and her didn't get along well. It's been maybe two or three years since I'd last seen her.

"Why do you want to call Aunt Fern?" My body shook a little at the prospect.

"Well, you know her. She's into the occult stuff. All the reasons that dad and her don't get along, of course. I'm thinking if anyone could know something, wouldn't it be her?" It made some sense. I could still feel the lingering dread of having to tell anyone threatening to overtake me, but I drowned it out.

"Isn't she just kinda crazy though? That's what-" I stop myself and Ela looks at me, amused by my expression. Magic was real, so she wasn't crazy. I mean, depending on what she learned, she could still be wrong, but she wasn't crazy. "Okay, yeah, I get what you mean about dad." I sigh, sinking into the bed next to her.

"Proud of you, sis." She says, ruffling my hair. I move my head away, giggling at the gesture. "Speaking of, I can keep calling you Sis, but have you maybe thought of a name that might work better for you than 'Daniel'?"

I stopped to think for a moment. The thought hadn't really occurred to me yet, but it made sense. I could try to kid myself that I was still okay with Daniel, but admittedly the thought felt hollow. I'd learned something important, and the more I tried to resist it, the more hollow I felt. It was hard. Allowing myself to just do something because it felt right? It went against all the things I had learned. All the things I'd been taught by him. With disgust, I threw out the old name. I could use Danielle, but somewhere deep inside I knew that would only hold some of the same sting. No, this was a new me. New name, new start.

"Dawn." I said, softly at first as I felt it roll across my tongue. Ela seemed to nod approvingly, and I said the name again, this time much surer. "My names… Dawn."

Ela looked me in the eyes, and for once, I held that contact for as long as I could. I hoped that she could see the conviction inside me if she looked hard enough. My eyesight drifted downwards. The link was broken. "Dawn it is then. Cute name." Ela says, ruffling my hair again. I didn't stop her this time, just allowing myself to turn a slight tinge of pink in the cheeks at the show of affection. Ela was too nice to me. "Well then, Dawn. Shall we call our dear Aunt." Swallowing the lump in my throat, I thought about it. Was this really the best course of action we had?

"I g-guess so." I stutter, wringing my hands nervously. "Do we h-have her phone n-number?" I ask meekly. I know that I sure didn't.

"Shit, I didn't think about that. I think if I ask, mom might give it to me. Without asking questions, though?" She hummed in consideration for a minute before deciding. "I'll handle it. I'll figure something out. You wait here for me, Dawn." I grinned at the use of my name. I could definitely get used to that. Was this what it felt like to have a name that fit you?

I was left in her room while Ela went downstairs to badger mom for Aunt Ferns phone number. Absently, I got up and walked over to the mirror. I was still wearing the last outfit I had tried on. It comprised an almost plain shirt, a blouse I think Ela had called it, and a white and black long sundress. I was wearing shorts underneath, just in case, but it felt breezy and freeing. The small patch of skin I could see on my legs below the dress sent tiny drops of euphoria to my mind. I sighed a little as I thought to myself absentmindedly, I really am a girl, huh? Have been this whole time. I turn away from the mirror, happy with my look. I don't bother changing out of the outfit; it feels good.