"So, uh, I know you said that you'd explain when Auntie gets here, but…" Ela’s voice carries through the car as we drive. I can hear a groan from mom, but she doesn't stop Ela. "What's up with the, uh, weird emotions stuff."

"Weird emotions... stuff?" I sign as best as I can, turning to her. My head tilts curiously, trying to rack my brain in thought.

"Uh, yeah, like," Ela starts, thinking hard for an answer, "like when you got really scared, and then suddenly I felt, like, the same. It was… Really intense." My eyes go wide as I think back. I wasn't the most cognizant when it had happened, so I remember little aside from what I was feeling. I recall hearing Ela and mom crying as I came to, though. Had I done that?

An exasperated sigh comes from the front seat, and I fix my eyes forward. "I don't-, I mean, I think I know, but it's hard to explain without everything else. I will say that Dawn is likely emotionally… Volatile right now. We're gonna need to be real gentle with her, especially in public."

Ela nods, and I continue to keep my mouth shut. I didn't mind them being gentle with me, I couldn't really handle anything emotionally taxing right now. I'd been emotional before, but it almost felt like this last day had been emotionally supercharged. I closed my eyes and took a couple deep breaths; I'd been through the worst of it already.

My eyes flutter open as I feel a gentle squeeze of my hand. I look over and find Ela giving me a kind smile. Gosh, what did I ever do to get a sister as good as her.

Eventually, we arrive at a local diner. We'd decided against going to Mom’s Cafe, all of us a little worried about having to explain who I was. We're guided to a simple booth near the back when our server comes up to us.

“Well, if it isn’t the Sangrey’s,” I look up, frozen by those words. I look at the server and frown, wracking my brain to remember where I recognize her from. She looks at me at that moment and smiles gently, “And who might this be?” My eyes drop away from hers gently and I look towards the wall. My mind was drawing blanks on who she was, and the chances of me answering her verbally were close to none. I look to my mom and find her looking back at me.

I point to the lady and bring my right hand up to sign “Who?” to her. I can see that she’s about to answer me, but I hear the server lady answer instead.

“My name is Lori.” She sticks her hand out to me to offer a handshake and I look at it. She knows sign? I see Mom trying to get my attention out of the corner of my eye and I glance at her.

She’s spelling out something in sign, “K-a-n-e.” Kane? I look back at the server, looking her up and down. Lori Kane? I stare at her for several seconds before the connection snaps into place. Petunia Kane. My best friend. Her mother. My eyes go wide and I look at the intruding hand as if it’s going to bite me. Slowly, I finally bring forth the will to shake it gently. Looking at Lori after I do so, I can see the puzzled look on her face. I turn away quickly, picking up my menu to hide my face from her.

Keep it together, Dawn, deep breaths. It’s not like she’ll just recognize you, right? Don’t want another emotion episode, not where everyone can see. I clench my eyes tight behind the menu and feel the soft but firm grip of a hand on my knee. I let out a few strangled breaths, wrestling my heart rate down. It takes a few moments, but I hear the conversation continuing without me.

“This is Dawn, she’s not much of a talker.” Mom replied coolly. I couldn’t see her from behind the menu, but I could imagine she was looking my direction with more than a little concern.

“Like another one of your kids, from what I can remember.” Lori teases. “Speaking of, how is Daniel? He hasn’t come over with Petunia in a while. Miss seeing the kid.” I peek over the menu, looking at mom in horror. I have no idea what she was going to say. It seemed mom didn’t know either, because she met my stare.

I signed to her quickly, “What are you going to say?” The look Lori gave me reminded me that yes, she knew sign; and well enough to understand that. A fact which had my mother burying her head into her hands gently.

She gently signed back, “Should I tell her?” I stared at her, wide eyed. Could she even say? Would she believe her? A hundred thoughts raced through my head, all very similar. I could feel my eyes scanning the table in front of me gently as I sorted my thoughts. All the thoughts came to a halt as they all coalesced into one thought.

Everyone will know eventually.

The thought was equal parts relief and pure panic all on its own. I could feel Ela’s hand moving from my knee to my back, more openly trying to calm me down. I was seconds away from an honest to goodness panic attack, and we’d just left the house. I felt like a mess.

“Sorry, did I say something wrong?” My panic eased somewhat at Lori’s soft tone. I tried to remind myself that Lori was good. She was nice and had only ever been nice to me. Positive thoughts.

Before I could fall into panic again, I shakily brought my pointer finger to my chin. I didn’t look at anyone as I shakily signed “tell” to the open air, hoping that my mom would understand what I wanted her to do. I couldn’t let myself focus on anyone else as I tried to reign in the lasting panic. This day was doing a number on my nerves.

“If you’re certain, hun.” Mom’s voice carried its way to my ears. She probably would have tried to sign it to me, but my eyes were glued to the table they sat us at. “This is Dawn, she’s my daughter. She doesn’t go by Daniel anymore.”

The silence following is deafening; I don’t dare look at her. I can feel my thoughts pick up again, and I focus on the feeling of Ela’s hand on my back. It isn’t until I hear the gentle rustling of fabric that I chance a peek up and see her and my mother signing fluently to each other.

I barely caught the tail end of what my mother says, but it looked like she had signed something about being nice? I’m able to catch Lori’s silent message though before she notices me looking. “I don’t understand. How?” She catches me looking and tries to meet my eyes. I glance down and focus back on the table. I can sense her staring at me and I shrivel under her watchful gaze. I finally look up as she clears her throat and addresses my mother. “Um, I don’t know the sign for it, but do you know, a, um…” She seems to look around at the other patrons, biting her lip gently. She seems to roll an idea around in her head, her eyes settling once more on me. Whatever she had been thinking over, seeing me again must have been enough to convince her to continue whatever she was saying. “A wizard?” she whispers, finger signing each letter of the word. Her voice is barely loud enough for us to hear.

The slap of my mother’s hands on the table shock me enough that I cringe away from her. She’s staring into Lori’s eyes with an intensity I’ve never seen before. Her gaze is searching, while Lori stares back with a bit of fear. I don’t blame her, eye contact is scary even when it’s not this intense. I look between the two of them in confusion and fear. Is this related to the thing mom wanted to talk to us about tomorrow?

Mom slinks back into her seat, massaging her temples, muttering to herself too quietly for me to hear. “Ah, that, um.” Lori looks uncomfortable as she speaks up, “I just, ah, mean that you look great!” She says, turning to look at me.

“Lori, I don’t even want to ask, but I think I need to.” Mom says, looking thoroughly exasperated. Lori looks ready to respond before Mom raises a finger to stop her “Later, though.”

“Right, gotcha. Well, um…” Lori trails off, eyes trailing down to the table. “So… shall we start with the drinks?”

“Milk.” The words come to my mouth before my brain really recognizes that I’d spoke them. Lori gives me a nod and a smile, writing the order down on her notepad.

Wizard? She wanted to know if we knew any Wizards? My mind reels at the additional information. The hazy memory of a woman with vibrant green eyes peeks into my thoughts; I’ve stumbled across something crazier and wider than a family secret. I catch Ela looking at me, probably thinking the same thing I was. I already knew that magic was real, but now Lori knows about it too? Why? How?

Does Petunia know?

That thought stops me in my tracks as it occurs to me. Mrs. Kane, Lori, is Petunia’s mother. It’s not that much of a stretch. I shake my head, attempting to ignore the thought even as it sticks in the back of my mind. There were too many other things vying for my attention, and if I’m being honest I didn’t want to think about any of them. I just wanted to eat something and go shopping with my family. Mom said that she’d explain everything tomorrow, and I was going to trust her on that.

I take a couple more deep breaths, steadying myself. Ela’s hand continued to scratch gently at my back for a few more moments before pulling away and focusing on her own menu. I briefly realize that I’d completely missed Mrs. Kane’s departure, probably while she went to put in our drink orders.

Our table is relatively silent while we wait for her to come back for our orders, Mrs. Kane comes back to take our orders after a few minutes. She doesn’t strike up too much extra conversation with us, though I notice her giving me a few more nervous smiles. We get our food and I dig in. Having food to focus on helps me tune out a bit of the social atmosphere of the restaurant; I notice as I’m eating that I’m pretty starving. Whether it was some combination of the stress or just the fact that I’m in an almost entirely new body, I felt hungrier than I imagine I normally would.

My appetite had leveled out in the last year, and I’d slowly started eating less often than I had been after puberty had kicked in. I pause between bites, looking down at my stomach. I poke it gently, wriggling in my seat gently at the delightful squishiness of it. My stomach doesn’t reveal any dark secrets about my appetite to me and idly I have to wonder if my body is considering this a second puberty of sorts. Magically motivated or not, it was no secret that so far I’d felt the emotional side of my new hormones pretty intensely. I mentally make a note to look into the idea when I get back to my computer.

As we eat, I shake my leg nervously at the silence, still shoveling in large bites of the omelette I’d ordered. Ela gets through most of her omelette before she slows down. I’m cleaning my plate pretty efficiently when I see that she hasn’t even touched her hash browns. I set my fork down before leaning over and nervously tapping her shoulder. I point to the hash browns before messily signing, “Can I have them?”

Ela snorts out a laugh, shoving the plate my way. “Go nuts.” she says, surrendering the food to me. I nod happily, picking up the plate and carefully deciding to scrape the hash browns onto my own. The action doesn’t go unnoticed by mom, though, and I spy her watching me as she chews on a bite of toast. Her eyebrow quirks up a little at my commandeering of Ela’s cooked potatoes.

Her mouth still full, she chooses to sign to me with a raise of her hand. “Hungry?” I look down at my plate nervously, stuffing a bite of the extra hash browns into my mouth before nodding. She knocks at the table to get my attention, and I pick my gaze up to watch as she signs to me again with a swallow. This time, though, words accompany her signing. “I can flag Lori down if you need more food, Dawn.” I take another bite of the hash browns. I slowly nod as I digest the suggestion. I was still starving.

Deciding with finality, I nod eagerly, dropping my fork to sign, “Please.” I finish the rest of the hash browns, still feeling hungry. I couldn’t eat another whole omelette, but I definitely needed something. Mom flags down Mrs. Kane as she’s making her way around to the tables and lets her know that I wanted to order something more.

Mrs. Kane returns with a menu, offering a suggestion in more of a hushed tone. “Might want to try one of the smoothies. Should help more if you’re still feeling really hungry.” I nod at the suggestion, flipping to the smoothie page to browse. I settle on a chocolate, peanut butter, and banana smoothie, pointing to it instead of setting the menu down and attempting to sign it. Mrs. Kane takes the menu back and I smile gratefully at mom; she smiles back warmly. My eyes flick around the shop as I wait for the smoothie, my shaking leg increasing in tempo as I get more restless.

Mom and Ela both finish up their meals and Ela asks mom how the shop is going. They chat about the shop together and I try my best to pay attention to the conversation. Talk drifts to how work is going for Ela as Mrs. Kane stops by to drop off my smoothie. I sign my thanks to her and I feel a soft warmth in my heart at the fact that she understands when I sign to her. It was a small thing, but it did a lot to help me feel a little normal about my selective mutism.

With the smoothie finally in hand, I take my first tentative sips at the drink. My eyes widen as the flavor touches my tongue and I feel a gentle tingle across my tongue. I’d always considered chocolate as just an okay flavor, but this shake just felt so deep. The rich chocolate has a vivid sweetness to it I’m not used to from just about anything. I sipped it eagerly through the straw and I can feel the sugary drink filling some unseen reserve within me.

After a few moments, I notice idly that I’ve stopped shaking my leg under the table as I sip on the drink. My hunger faded as my smoothie ran low. I felt brighter somehow; like it had raised my spirits just enough that I could notice. I’d never been a huge fan of chocolate as far as sweets went, but with how good I was feeling about that smoothie, I decided that I could definitely do with some more chocolate occasionally. Was I really so hormonal that just having some chocolates and sweets could ease my mood?

I was completely tuned out of the conversation, but as I tune back in to my other two breakfast companions, I notice that their eyes are on me. I look between the two of them in confusion and Ela speaks up. “Damn, Dawn. That good? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that dreamy eyed over a smoothie before.”

I can feel the rising blush in my cheeks as I look down at my smoothie, taking another sip, hoping it’ll help fight off the intense flushed heat invading my visage. I could swear that steam must be trailing out my ears as I sip from the nearly empty glass. “S’good.” I mumble around the straw, clutching the smoothie glass like it’s a lifeline. Even mom chuckles as I try to wrestle my embarrassment down. I’m finished with the smoothie before I can fully get my emotions under control, my embarrassed mind hoping that I hadn’t done anything too embarrassing while I was lost in the creamy delight that was that smoothie. Luckily, I could feel that the smoothie had filled something inside me other than hunger.

With both my hunger filled and mood improved, we wrapped up our meal shortly after. We gave quick goodbyes to Mrs. Kane; I signed my goodbyes to her even though I didn’t feel too nervous to speak now, because my face was alight with not small amounts of embarrassment. Mom and Ela continued their conversation as we got into the car. Apparently they had moved past the discussion of work and had moved to the much more familiar discussion of movies.

I got past enough of my embarrassment to involve myself a bit in their discussions as we drove away from the diner. I was gentle with myself though and limited my responses to shorter phrases. It helped me avoid the occasional stutters as I calmed down from my nonverbal episodes. Ela was considerate and patient when I took minor breaks between talking, picking up the slack in the conversation between her and mom as we drove towards the mall; it really helped me calm down more. By the time we reached the mall, I found myself surprised by how much I was talking.

I’d passed by my normal apathetic attitude towards conversations like this and found myself engaged in the topic as the three of us talked. For once, I felt really comfortable talking. Ela seemed to notice my surprise as I absently reached up to touch my throat once more, grinning as she looks at me. She strokes my shoulder as I process the swelling happiness at the thought.

Before, talking wasn’t always nerve-wracking and anxiety inducing, but it was always unpleasant. I’d always felt uncomfortable with having to say anything, even when I wasn’t feeling non-verbal. Now, though? This voice felt incredible to hear, and saying simple things didn’t give me the slightest discomfort. I could just chat, and I didn’t want the conversation to end already. I felt so emotional at the thought I could almost cry. Ela looked a little panicked as I began to tear up though, and I remember mom’s warning. I laugh a little, wiping the pooling tears away from my eyes. Ela calms down once she knows I’m not about to cry and joins me with small chuckles. This situation is so silly, but I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way.

I give myself one hug, holding myself tightly. Whatever had happened, I was really glad it had happened. I was excited to just enjoy things without that lingering wrongness haunting me at every corner. Even as we pulled into the mall and I could feel my anxiety clawing at me to be concerned, I felt a smile come to my face. I was a new girl, I could do this now. I was ready to try, at least.

SylkWeaver

Woke up on friday and noticed that I was #5 on trending. Now today, we're #3! Just wanted to thank you all for reading!