Theonis hesitated before knocking on the door. It took a gulp and all his inner strength to follow through with the gesture. While he waited for a response, Theonis counted the seconds; for every one that passed, he felt a new bead of sweat run down his face.

Kateni opened the door.

“Theonis? Did you need something? Is there news?”

“Actually, I just… wanted to talk about something kind of personal and I didn’t know who else to turn to and was hoping that you were free and…” He bit his lip. “I know that I can trust you.”

Kateni glanced away and muttered, “I don’t normally let people into my room.”

“Please, Kateni? Can’t you make an exception for me?”

“If I’m being completely honest, Theonis, acting like I should let you in despite my feelings is a little entitled.”

Theonis opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again. He had a habit of getting a little defensive. And he didn’t want to pick a fight with Kateni.

“I’m sorry,” Theonis said. “Is there anywhere private we can talk where we won’t be overheard?”

For a moment, Kateni was quiet. Then she opened the door further and stepped aside to let him in. Theonis blinked in confusion before accepting the invitation.

“What did you want to talk about?” Kateni asked.

Theonis sat down on the bed and began rambling. “Well, I was talking to someone that I met in town, because Kosgoris said that I should go out and try to meet more people to help me feel more at home and there wasn’t much to do at the academy, so I thought I’d follow his advice. He’s actually pretty smart, you know. I guess I sometimes take that for granted. It’s amazing how smart you all are—”

“Theonis,” Kateni said softly, “where are you going with all of this?”

He took a deep breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his pant legs before answering, “There was this woman I met in town. She’s an aphrovia. Do you know what that is?”

“I do not.”

“Ah, okay. It’s basically when someone doesn’t like the gender everyone expects them to be and starts living as a different gender. I was thinking about seeing if I could find some books on the subject. It just seems so cool and I really want to know more because… you know, I can kind of relate to… to feeling like something is wrong with where you are and you need to pursue a different life. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so,” Kateni said, not looking Theonis in the eye. “But it’s not a subject that I understand very well. I don’t think I’m going to be as much help to you as you want me to.”

Theonis lowered his gaze and nodded.

“That’s okay,” he said. “I just needed to be able to tell someone. To actually say it out loud before I committed to it. Thank you.”

“Of course. While you’re here, though, there is something I wanted to mention.” Theonis perked up. “Dimileios cleared me to continue my training as soon as we leave port. I’m mostly healed, and even though I’m not in my prime anymore, I won’t let one beating slow me down for very long.”

“Great! I really need more practice after that disaster with Aylmer. Can you teach me more unarmed combat? I need to know how to take down someone larger than me.”

“Everyone is larger than you, Theonis, but yes, I will teach you.”

Theonis grinned wildly and clasped his hands together, giggling. Next time he faced Aylmer, things were going to play out differently. It would be Theonis who ended up on top!

His smile faded a little and he admitted, “You know, after this, I have to go talk to Myrova and Polithea about… being an aphrovia. And, honestly, the prospect scares me a lot more than having to fight someone does. It’s just such a bit step and I don’t know if I can do it.”

Kateni stepped forward and knelt down so she was on Theonis’ level.

“Theonis, you are one of the strongest people I know. You came from a bad situation and forged your own destiny. At every turn, you run straight into danger to help the people you love. Even if you struggle with this, it’s only a matter of time before you conquer it.”

“Thank you.” Theonis couldn’t help but smile. “That means a lot to me. I really appreciate having you as a friend.”

“As do I,” Kateni replied.

They both stood up. Theonis took a very deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. He could do this. He was strong. Kateni believed in him.

Theonis went straight to Myrova’s room and knocked on the door. He got no response, so he knocked again. After a few minutes, Theonis knocked a third time. Then his stomach growled.

It was about time for dinner, wasn’t it? Maybe he’d find Myrova in the canteen? Theonis turned and headed that way. Lunch was already in full swing by the time he arrived, but by scanning the room he was able to spot Myrova and Polithea eating together.

Theonis took a plate and, with another gulp, walked over to the table that they were at. Polithea spotted him approaching first and nudged Myrova. Both looked a little tense as he sat down.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “for running away like I did. I should have let you explain yourselves.”

“We’re sorry too,” Polithea replied.

“Theonis, we just wanted to—”

Theonis cut Myrova off, asking, “Actually, can we wait until we’re in private to talk about this? I’d be a lot more comfortable.”

The two women exchanged a glance and nodded. For a while, dinner continued almost as normal. The three of them talked as if nothing had happened, ignoring the proverbial bear in the corner. When they were done, everyone returned to Myrova’s room, which was the closest.

Locking the door, Myrova turned to Theonis and said, “I’m really sorry for what happened. You weren’t supposed to find out like that.”

“We didn’t mean to hurt you,” Polithea added. “We just weren’t sure how to talk to you directly about this.”

Theonis nodded, replying, “I understand. I wish you hadn’t kept me in the dark like that, but I doubt I would have reacted well if you’d just talked to me up front. I didn’t… I didn’t really understand myself until just today. And you were right. I… I want… I…”

He was shaking. Myrova stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Take your time.”

Theonis clenched his fists and closed his eyes, forcing himself to blurt out, “I want to be a girl.”

When he opened his, Polithea was nodding. Neither she nor Myrova looked surprised. Myrova was smiling softly.

“We thought you might,” she said. “I need to tell you something about the pendant you’re wearing. Sit down for this one.”

Theonis took a seat on the bed. Myrova sat down on one side of him and Polithea on the other.

Myrova explained, “I’ve been referring to the pendant as the Ipseity Pendant. Roughly, it translates to mean ‘Pendant of True Self.’ It works by combining yellow healing magic with indigo shaping magic to alter your body based on what you subconsciously want to look like. I’ve suspected you might actually be an aphrovia—do you know what that is?” Theonis nodded. “I’ve suspected you might be an aphrovia since I first examined the pendant.”

Polithea jumped in. “Myrova roped me into getting to know you so that she could get a second opinion, and maybe to push you gently into exploring the idea for yourself. We didn’t want to press too hard, though, in case we were wrong or just ended up pushing you into denial. When you overheard us, I thought that it was all over.”

“It very nearly was,” Theonis admitted. “I just felt so betrayed that I wasn’t going to listen to anything you had to say. If I hadn’t met a woman who explained what aphrovia are, I don’t know if I would have ever been able to forgive you.”

“It’s in the past,” Myrova told him.

“We’re just glad that you’ve figured out what you want,” Polithea said.

Theonis nodded and admitted, “I’m not entirely sure what to do next, though?”

“Well, you already look the part,” Myrova said. “Unless you want surgery to get rid of… um… you know.”

Theonis felt his face heat up and he squeezed his legs together.

“No thank you, I’m good,” he said.

“In that case, I think the very next step is to pick out a name,” Myrova continued. “What about the name that you gave Nikoris at the party?”

Theonis blushed even harder before explaining, “I panicked. I gave him my mother’s name without thinking.”

“Ah… in that case,” Myrova replied, “why don’t I help you pick one out?”

“I’d like that.”

Polithea giggled a little bit, drawing their attention.

“I can’t help but feel the tiniest bit disappointed,” she confessed. “I actually did kind of have the smallest crush on you for a while, but I just don’t like girls the same way that Myrova does.”

Beside Theonis, Myrova turned red and stammered, “I… Hold on! You can’t… Don’t just say… Stop helping, Polithea!”

Theonis and Polithea exchanged a look. Then they both burst into a fit of giggles. After a few moments, Myrova stopped fuming and joined in.

The three settled into a relaxed discussion for a while. It felt good for Theonis to have his friends back in his life. And it was suddenly making a lot more sense that so many of his friends were women. Other women. Wow, that still felt strange to think about.

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation.

When Polithea opened the door, Kosgoris stuck his head into the room and told them, “Satiria is back from the academy and she’s called a team meeting. It looks like good news.”

Theonis and Myrova bade Polithea a quick goodbye before following Kosgoris to the meeting room. Kateni sat in a chair looking bored. Satiria was standing with Dimileios and Lias, huddled over several maps of the region. The newcomers took their seats and waited for someone to say something.

“Alright,” Satiria finally said, turning her attention to the room, “I think we’re done here. Cross-referencing the notes I took on Nikoris’ map with star charts and navigational records, I’ve narrowed down the possible location of Agathula to one specific uncharted sector of the Pelakavi archipelago.”

“If it’s uncharted, how do you know that it’s there?” Theonis asked.

Satiria explained, “I’m working based off of early reports from explorers who traversed the region when Pelakevi was still young. Specifically, I investigated the stories and records they got from the isolated tribes that they interacted with. Everything lined up. We have a pretty good idea of where the island that Agathula is located on is.”

“But we will be pretty far away from any large city centers, won’t we?” Kosgoris asked, glancing idly at the maps laid out on the table.

“That is indeed the case,” Dimileios said. “I’m going to have Captain Markis schedule a stop somewhere for you to gather the supplies you need, but it will be a long trip without any chance to restock. Do you think you can handle it?”

“I do.”

Kateni added, “If we need food while we’re on the expedition, I can bring my bow.”

“Plan for that contingency, but I don’t think it will be necessary,” Dimileios replied. “Our plan is to find the site and secure it for the navy to come and lay claim to it before our opponents can reach the island. There will be no time to do a thorough expedition and we won’t equip ourselves for it. Myrova?”

“Yes?”

“Will your divination be able to help us narrow down the location of Agathula, both the island it’s on and where the city is?”

“Perhaps.” Myrova looked thoughtful. “Blue magic has never been my strength. But if I can get a good long look at the map we’re using, I should be able to keep us going in the right direction.”

“How are we going to find the vault?” Theonis asked.

“We won’t need to,” Satiria replied. “If it’s there, the navy will find it with their own dedicated archaeologists. Our mission ends when we secure the site.”

Theonis nodded, but slumped in his chair a little. Once again, everyone but him had something to do. He reminded himself what Satiria said, that he just needed to be patient, but it was difficult.

“If there’s nothing else?” Dimileios asked the group.

A few people shook their heads, but Myrova nudged Theonis and gave him a pointed look.

“What?” he whispered.

“Tell them,” she hissed back. “About what you told me.”

“What? No!”

Dimileios cleared his throat, getting their attention.

“Is there something else?” he asked, his tone curious.

“No, sir,” Theonis replied, getting a frown from Myrova.

“Then let’s all go to bed. We have a lot of work to do starting tomorrow and I know we’re all excited, but I want everyone rested in the morning.”

Everyone filtered out and dispersed. Myrova walked with Theonis; their rooms were in the same direction. As they reached his room, though, she stopped him.

“Why didn’t you tell everyone?” she asked. “They have to know eventually, right?”

“I’m sorry, Myrova. It’s still very new and kind of scary to me and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just not sure what to say yet.” He rubbed his arm. “Besides, everyone is caught up trying to find Agathula. There will be time to tell them later.”

“So for now it’s just a secret?” Myrova asked, her expression softening.

“Yeah, I guess,” Theonis replied. “Just you, me, and Polithea know. And Kateni. She knows.”

“Then why not…?” Myrova sighed. “Alright. I’ll let you take the lead on this; it affects you more than anyone else. Just… remember that they’ll be supportive, alright?”

“I know. I just need time.”

“Sleep well, Theonis.”

“You too.”

QuillRabbit

Yes, "ipseity" is actually a real world. Congrats to everyone who thought to look it up and see for yourself beforehand.

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