I try to hold Dwayne back, but he shrugs off my hand and goes over to the lich. She grins with satisfaction and hikes her dress over her pale thighs, revealing male genitalia.

No, scratch that. It's not so much a penis as a writhing moray eel with a circular row of teeth at the end. The appendage is longer than the average male-junk and if it hung down instead of twisting in the air trying to reach its victim, it would almost reach her knees. Whatever is about to happen, it isn't going to be pretty. I reach out to one of the dead bodies in the tomb and bring it to life.  A skeleton shambles out of its nook.

The lich says, "Oooh! Two can play at that game." She casts a spell and two beings take form. They look like copies of her but are ghostly and I can see straight through them. One goes for my skeleton and the other for me.

Detect informs me:

When Dwayne reaches the lich, she screams, "Now, bend over and take it like you need it!"Then, she shoves him over the sarcophagus face first and pulls the cloth covering his crotch to the side.

I'm almost grateful when the ghost attacks and prevents me from seeing what happens next.

Because the knife will be useless, I dance. With my upgraded stats, it doesn't take long to kill the two low-level pets. My skeleton and I turn our attention to the lich, who stands behind Dwayne slamming her pelvis against his plump hindquarters. His feet dangle in the air and their size difference makes the act even more obscene.

Drool drips from his mouth, and he's moaning, "Yes, mistress! Give it me! More! Yes! More!"

I reach out and draw the lich's life into me and the skeleton lashes out at her with its bony hands.

The lich snarls at me, "Can't a girl get any privacy around here." And she summons two more of her pets.

I send the skeleton to fight them while I switch back to the Dance of Death spell. She picks up the pace on poor Dwayne. But he seems to be having the time of his life moaning and saying the most obscene things I've ever heard another person say.

I dispatch one of her pets is instantly, and the other one needs only a push to join it.

Dwayne screams out in orgasm clearly enjoying what's being done to him, even though he looks terrible. His skin looks bloodless, his eyes sunken, and his hair limp. The lich pulls out, points at me, and commands, "Attack that bitch!"

With a dazed look on his face, he lashes out with a water tornado while the lich hits me with some stabbing cold spell. As they both rip into me, the animation on my skeleton wears off and it collapses into dust on the floor.

I avoid attacking Dwayne even though he's hammering me with his water attacks. And we continue trading spells until I'm out of Mystic energy, then I switch to my knife. I'm insanely lucky and score a Critical, ripping the blade straight across the lich's throat and nearly taking it's head off. There's no blood, but it crumples to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut.

Dwayne's eyes clear and he screams, ramming his head into his hands.

"Are you okay?" I ask placing my hand on his arm in a supportive gesture.

He punches me. "You bitch! You killed her! Why, oh why!"

I back off, putting some distance between us. "Dwayne, snap out of it!  It's over." I begin to wonder if I'm going to have to kill him after all. But he calms down, his shoulders sagging.

"Sorry, I... I wasn't myself for a minute there." I ask if I can do anything and he says there isn't he just needs a moment to collect himself. But I notice a hint of hostility tinging his voice. He walks over to the corner and stands there blankly. I can't help but noticing his moist crotch is still exposed. I want to tell him to cover up, but figure it might be best to give him some time alone.

I search the tomb, and come across a good sized ruby and a silver circlet that has no magical properties but is worth a fair amount. On the lich, I take off a silver necklace with a black stone that gives a Life Force bonus and her dress.

The system calls it a burial gown and it seems to be made out of several layers of sheer fabric, none of them seem to provide full coverage, but most of the layers overlap to make it opaque. Although there are few spots where skin shows through. Still, I'm excited to switch it out for my annoying (and useless) cape.

Once it's on, I realize how much of my body it shows and I'm a bit less enthusiastic. From the top of my boot (just below my knees) almost to my crotch the skin is bare. It's the same with my arms, except for the shoulders. The front of the dress scoops down my back exposing half of it. But the most noticeable element is the bust. The front is cut in a wide V and the tightness of the fabric pushes my pale orbs into full display. Still, it's better than flashing people constantly.

When I'm done checking out my new outfit, I approach Dwayne again. I sit next to him and gently say, "Hey, Buddy. You going to be okay?"

"Of course, I'm going to be fucking okay! Why wouldn't I be!"

"Look, it's not you're fault. And besides it wasn't actually real. It's just virtual reality." Then after a second, I add, "But if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

He looks at me and for a second I think he appreciates what I've said, but then his eyes narrow. "Fuck you of course it's not me fault. If it's anyone's fault it's yours."

"What?"

"Why did this happen? Why didn't you stop me from continuing to explore this stupid dungeon!?! I can't believe I let you talk me into this! Now, I'm infected or something. Goddamn it! Every time my health gets to low I'll turn a little bit more into a lich. And it never would have happened if I didn't meet you!"

This rewriting of history makes me lose a bit of my sympathy. And I say in a colder voice than I intended, "Well, are you ready to get out of here?"

"Yeah."

"I have some loot to divide."

"You take it. I don't want anything you got from killing my Mistr—HER. Anything from her!" 

"Why don't we take a sleep. We could use some healing." I don't tell him he looks like he just crawled out of a grave.

After another eight hours in limbo, I ask if he want's to go back the way we came or go up the narrow set of stairs in the back of the tomb.

"Might as well keep going," he says. "It can't be worse than what we've been through."

I almost remind him he said that when we entered this dungeon, but I bite my tongue.

The stairs lead up to a crypt where we get attacked by six skeletons, but they're only level 1, and we carve our way through them pretty quickly. Then were outside. The crypt turns out to have been a cairn that looks like a pile of stones with a small door. We're in another field of windswept tall grass that looks exactly like all of the terrain I've crossed since entering the game. It's night and the rain has passed.

Dwayne hoots, "Yes! Level three! In your face!"

I check the system map and it shows us a little east of where we entered the dungeon. It's not too off course from the village, so we continue on our way. We eventually hit a dirt track in the grass that is essentially two ruts from wagon wheels. It seems to be the closest thing to a road we're likely to find, so we start following it.

When we see a fire, I say we should give it a wide birth, remembering my experiences with the bandits.

"Don't be a wuss. Let's check it out."

I'm beginning to look forward to parting ways with Dwayne when we reach the village. He's not a very good party member.

At the fire, a woman with large fury ears cooks something on a spit. When she hears us, she leaps to her feet and draws a bow and arrow. "Who's there?" she calls. A bushy tail whips sharply from side to side along with her head.

"It's some kind of wolf-man. Let's kill it!" Dwayne screams in excitement.

"Hang on!" I say. "The Detect says it's a player. Species Vulpera."

"Let's kill it anyway."

"No!" I say, putting my foot down. "We shouldn't attack, so long as she doesn't attack us."

"I won't attack you, if you don't attack me," the Vulpera says, obviously overhearing our argument.

"See!" I say. "Let's try not being coldblooded murders. Okay?" Dwayne slouches with the realization he won't get the fight he wants.

We walk up to the other player with our empty hands in view, and she slowly puts down her weapon.

I call out, "I'm Triste and this is Dwayne."

"That little girl is Dwayne?" she asks incredulously.

"Yeah! You got a problem with that!"

She shrugs unconcerned. "I'm Astra. Do either of you know where the hell we are?"

"Not really," I admit. "But we think this road leads to a village. We're heading there."

"Oh, really. Cool! I came to these tracks and wasn't sure which way to go. Mind if I come along."

"Sure thing."

Dwayne says, "What are you cooking?"

"It's some ugly mole-thing I killed. Want some."

We both decline.