“Uhhh... huh?” I said as I became aware of myself in an odd situation. I wasn't burned, charred, broken, or blind. I was also standing, which really bothered me, because I've never been on my feet like that on a new world after travelling. It was really odd and I felt a little freaked out about it.

I looked around, a little panicked, and saw several weird creatures running around, heard growling noises and yells of fright, and kids wearing cheap scary costumes. I immediately associated the night as Halloween and I had no clue how I had gotten here.

“There you are, Xander!” A young woman's voice pierced through the night and a very sexy goth girl ran up to me. “I've been looking for you everywhere!”

I couldn't help myself and looked down at her and took all of her in as my eyes slowly went back up to her face. She was blushing pretty hard when I was done.

“W-w-we d-don't have time for... for that.” She said in a sheepish voice and then shook herself. “We need to help Buffy!”

It took me a few moments for the words to click into my brain. What were the odds that this girl... that I barely recognize and seems to know me... knows someone else that isn't the main character of a popular 90s television show?

A woman's high scream cut through the night.

The sexy girl jumped and winced at the same time. “Come on, we have to go save her!”

I nodded and we ran off towards the screams. We came across a young woman wearing a very fancy dress and two small demons were harassing her to make her scream.

“Shoo! SHOO!” The sexy girl said and ran at the demons and tried to punch them. The demons growled at her and ran off. I hadn't missed the fact that she had run through several things to get here and her fists hadn't hit the little evil beings.

It was then that I realized what had happened. I hadn't 'arrived' on this world at all and the nearly forgotten details of the show filtered into my mind. All that work with River had given me a great memory as well. I cursed silently in my head as I remembered everything from that episode.

It was a Chaos spell that summoned a demon's Chaos magic to change the probabilities of the costumes bought in a magic shop would come alive and give the people wearing them the minds and abilities of their costumes.

I glanced down at my long duster coat, a very cheap version bought at a second hand store, and I felt the familiar weight on my back. I did the quick draw move and held it in my hands at the ready. It was my Haymaker. The toy gun that Xander had bought at the store was my shotgun and not the soldier weapon it was supposed to be.

“Oh! Fine sir!” A refined voice said as I felt someone take hold of my arm in a formal way. “Please escort my personage to a safe haven from all the ruffians!”

“Buffy, he needs his arms in case anything shows up!” The sexy goth girl said.

I now knew who she was and I also remembered that she had a crush on Xander, even though she would eventually prefer women as companions. “It's okay, Willow.” I said and slipped the shotgun into the back holster. “I can draw and fire it with one hand if necessary.”

“Such a gentleman!” The long dark haired young woman said. “Lead on, my escort!”

“As you wish, my dear lady.” I said and took her free hand before I bent down slightly to kiss it.

Buffy, as the eighteenth century noblewoman, looked inordinately pleased and Willow looked like she was going to kill me.

I winked at Willow and she blushed a little. “This way, my lady. I will keep the fearful things at bay as our guide leads us to safety.”

Buffy nodded and let me lead her back across half of the neighbourhood to get to her house. Willow kept looking back at us to make sure I wasn't doing anything, which was kind of funny. I knew she liked Buffy just as much as Xander did, so the jealousy she felt was for the both of us and not just for me. I was just a convenient target.

We entered the house and I sat Buffy like a lady on the couch and she beamed a smile at me.

“Would you like something to eat, my lady? Or drink?” I asked.

“A good wine or spirit would not go amiss.” Buffy said in a superior voice.

“No! She can't drink! She's the slayer!” Willow exclaimed and tried to hit my hands away. She missed.

“She's not the slayer right now.” I said and walked into the kitchen as I drew my shotgun. I knew who was coming, so as soon as the door opened, I fired with a boom and Angel changed from eternal vampire into hay. I really loved my gun.

Willow ran through the wall as the remains dissolved. “What are you doing?!? You could have killed somebody!”

“It was just a vampire.” I said and stepped out of the house. “Here comes another one.”

“Xander!” Willow gasped as I shot the vampire and it became hay and then dissolved. “The gun is real?!?”

“No, it's a fake and the dead vampires are really just live people with a sunlight allergy.” I said sarcastically and walked back inside the house and then barricaded the door. “Give me a few minutes and I'll finish barricading the house.”

Willow sighed and walked back through the wall into the living room. I quickly went through the house and secured everything before I created a nice wine, one of Amelia's favorites, and poured out a glass of it to bring into the living room. Willow growled at me and crossed her arms as I gave it to Buffy.

“Thank you, kind sir.” Buffy said and took a small sip. “Mmm, a very good bouquet and flavor. Excellent choice.”

“Thank you for the compliment, my lady.” I said and there was a scream from outside. “Excuse me for a minute. I need to wear a disguise and rescue another noble lady.”

“Xander, if someone needs help, there's no time for...” Willow stopped talking when I covered Xander's face with an illusion of my own. I walked over to the front door and slipped out, then closed it behind me.

I created a wand and permanently transfigured Xander's skinny and toned body into my normal muscular one. I hadn't spent nearly a hundred years of friendship with the Mistress of Transfiguration without learning a few things. I made my clothing into my real ones as well, giving myself better armor and physical protection.

I ran over to where I knew a creature of some kind was trying his best to talk to Cordelia Chase, because he recognized her from school. I went over to him and punched him right in the face for being so stupid. He let out a girly scream and took off running.

I turned and knelt on one knee beside Cordelia, who was wearing a cute leopard print cat girl costume. “It's all right, Miss Chase. It's gone now and won't be bothering you anymore.”

Cordelia moved the arms covering her face and her eyes widened when she saw all six feet of me.

“Are you hurt?” I asked and waved my hand over her to check with several spells. “Just a small scrape on your arm. An easy fix.” I said and took her hand to kiss the back of it.

Cordelia let out a giggle and then took a quick breath to compose herself. “Thank you for saving me.”

“It was my pleasure.” I said and helped her to stand. “Do you know what's going on?”

“Yes. The same thing that happens every damn week. Things are going crazy.”

I laughed and she smiled at me. “May I escort you to Miss Summer's house? It seems to be the safest place at the moment.”

Cordelia looked around. “It's also the closest.”

I smiled and nodded as I offered her my arm.

Cordelia took it as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “So, what is the name of my savior?”

“John. John Hansen. I just arrived here not long ago and I suspect I'll need to leave before the night's out.”

Cordelia looked sad. “I just met someone actually interesting, so of course you have to leave.”

“I feel the same way about you.” I said as we walked at a leisurely pace. I cast Notice-Me-Not charms on us, so the chaos going on around the neighbourhood pretty much ignored us.

“You do?” Cordelia asked, a little surprised.

“Even from where I came from, I've heard of the most beautiful young woman in Sunnydale.” I said and she blushed. “Your brains are nothing to sneeze at, either.”

“Oh? How do you know I'm smart?”

“You're not a blonde.” I said without missing a beat.

Cordelia looked shocked for a second, then she burst out laughing. She held onto my arm with both of hers as she seemingly lost control, so I brought us to a stop to let her laugh out her nervousness and the underlying tension she felt.

“Th-thank... thank you, John. I needed that.” Cordelia said when she calmed down and she looked grateful.

“I'll take a quick kiss as payment.” I joked and smirked at her.

“You wish.” Cordelia said with a roll of her eyes and nodded down the street.

Just then a group of five vampires ran across a field towards the road and several scared people let out yells of fright.

“Excuse me for a moment. Duty calls.” I said and let her arm go, then I ran at the vampires as I smoothly drew my shotgun.

“Hey, guys! The food's coming to us!” One of them said and the others laughed...

...for exactly three seconds.

I blew that vampire's head clean off with my first shot and then strafed my shots across the other vampires, making sure to incapacitate the next ones with splash damage before giving them a full blast. It was over before I arrived near the people on the street.

“I suggest going right home.” I said to them and they ran off. “You're welcome!”

Cordelia stood where I had left her, safe under her Notice-Me-Not spell, and she stared at me as I came back over to her. “You just... did you really just...” She shook her head. “Are you like a vampire hunter or something?”

I chuckled. “No, those were only my third through seventh.”

“Third through...” Cordelia gave me an odd look. “You killed them earlier?”

“At Buffy's place. One was about to enter and another was following him, so I got rid of them both.” I said, giving her a major hint about who one of them were. I couldn't remember if she knew what Angel was at this time, so I smiled. “One of them was Angel.”

“He was a VAMPIRE?!?” Cordelia gasped, then she took a deep breath and let it out. “You got rid of the old creepy guy that's been stalking Buffy?”

“They just agreed to go on a date before this costume mess delayed them.” I informed her and she looked surprised. “I wasn't going to let a several centuries old vampire corrupt a teenage girl.”

Cordelia was silent for several moments, then she looked thoughtful as she stepped close to me and rested her hands on my muscular chest. “Who's going to save this teenage girl from you corrupting me?”

“If my guess is right, you're actually seventeen and about to turn eighteen.” I said and her eyes widened slightly. “No one has the right to tell Cordelia Chase what she can and can't do.”

Cordelia slid her hands up to my neck and then wrapped her arms around it and snuggled into me. “Do I even want to know how old you really are?”

“I've only been here for about an hour, so I'm barely a baby.” I joked and she laughed softly. “Physically, I'm about 25.”

Cordelia touched her nose to mine and lightly kissed my lips. “What about mentally?”

“I'm about fifteen centuries old, give or take a decade. I honestly stopped counting centuries ago. I just live my life wherever I go.”

“Centuries. You've lived for centuries.” Cordelia whispered.

“All spent on different worlds. Or realities.” I whispered back. “But, I also have a secret.”

Cordelia lightly kissed my lips again. “What else can you shock me with?”

“I've only been with five women in all that time.” I admitted and she looked shocked. “I spent centuries caring for just one of them before going to another world and spending almost two centuries with her.”

Cordelia stopped breathing and stared deep into my eyes.

“I learned a lot about how to properly take care of a woman.” I said.

Cordelia purred like the cat woman she was dressed up as and kissed me passionately. “Show me.”

“Right away, my lady.” I said as I made the Lovegood's Rookery, a castle tower home, appear in the field beside us and took Cordelia inside. She didn't even ask me how I did it.

*

After I showed Cordelia the best secrets of taking care of a woman that I knew, I cast a sleep spell on her. I had some work to do before certain other people took advantage of the night's events like I was going to.

I ran out of the tower and seeded control of it to Cordelia. I wasn't going to be coming back here, so she could have it. No one else would notice it unless she wanted them to. The Fidelius Charm was funny like that.

I used a broom and flew to Ethan's shop and immobilized everything inside. I used the human reveal spell and found him in the back and praying to the little Chaos God's statue. I shrunk it and levitated it into my pocket, then used a Bombarda spell with a wand to obliterate him. I wasn't surprised when the demon hunting him showed up and claimed the soul.

I waved to him and the demon looked surprised instead, then it shrugged and ate the soul before fading away. I left the shop and flew up high in the air to hover over the main part of the town. The Hellmouth. I was quite glad that I couldn't acquire such a land, since it created a connection to the demon dimension. I did not want anything like that floating around in my head.

I used my wand to cast a neat spell that turns things transparent like glass, for sixty seconds. It was a revealing spell that Aurors used to check packages for hidden cursed items and spells. I cast it on the entire town and all of the buildings, cars, streets, houses, and yards all became transparent to reveal all the people, monsters, and vampires. The Hellmouth glowed a dark red.

I took out the little statue and held it tightly. “I hope you liked having utter chaos happening in your name.” I said and pointed my wand straight down. “LUMOS SOLEM MAXIMA!”

A miniature sun formed right over Sunnydale. Because of everything being revealed and made see-through by my spell, the magic sunlight went everywhere. Thousands of screams from dying vampires filled the night and every vampire in the city was immolated where they stood. Even the vampires on the upper levels of the Hellmouth suffered and died, which was just a bonus.

I felt my body start to shake and realized it was the statue I held in my hand. I knew what that meant, so I left the Lumos spell there and flew down to land beside Buffy's house. Buffy and Willow stared at me and I waved at them.

“Sorry, I can't stay.” I said. “Tell Xander that John thanks him for the temporary use and rewarded him.”

“What do you mean?” Willow asked.

I pat my crotch to make her look at it briefly. “If you decide that you aren't too afraid to be with your best friend.” I looked at Buffy. “Either of them, you'll find out.”

Willow blushed and looked down at my crotch again.

“By the way, all the vampires in town are dead.” I held up my hand with the statue that was vibrating like crazy. “Time's up! I wish I could hug you, Willow. You're pretty sexy like that.”

Willow blushed again.

I ended the spell on my face and the sunlight spell. “Goodbye.” I said and crushed the statue.

*

Cordelia woke up and lay in the bed, as if boneless, in the large bed at the top of the tower. The view over the neighbourhood was fantastic, even if it wasn't her neighbourhood. She sighed as she gazed out at it, because the sun breaking over the horizon signified that her unbelievable lover had disappeared and moved on, just as he had warned her.

She tried to sit up and couldn't. She was too relaxed and felt too damn good to do more than move her arms. She did that and felt a piece of paper. No, not paper. It was too rough for that. She picked it up and saw that it was a handwritten note.

“We may have only spent a few hours together; but, we loved a lifetime's worth.” Cordelia read out loud and then huffed. “God, that's only the first line of the note and it sounds so cheesy.” She said and a tear came to her eye. “The tower is yours. Only you can see and enter it, unless you want someone else to come in, then they are aware of the secret.”

Cordelia sat there and stared at the note for a lot longer than she intended to. She also didn't fight the tears flowing from her eyes. She was both really happy and sad, and she was having a difficult time dealing with it. She thought about crushing the note, then changed her mind and folded it. She saw the writing on the back and turned it to read it.

“The closet and dresser are full of the prettiest and most expensive things that a beautiful woman like yourself would ever need. I want you to have fun, live your life, and be happy. Love, John.” Cordelia read out loud.

Once again, she sat there for quite some time before she shook herself out of her shock and stood up. Her costume was nicely folded on the chair beside the bed and she immediately convinced herself that there was no way a man she just met would give her a new wardrobe.

Her mind resolved that it wasn't going to happen, Cordelia walked over to the large closet and opened the double doors. She gasped as her heart skipped a beat. She stared at the multitude of gowns, dresses, outfits of skirts, blouses, light and heavy wraps, jackets and coats, and boxes and boxes of shoes on the floor.

Cordelia stumbled backwards from shock and the back of her knees hit the edge of the mattress. She sat down and bounced a little, then her eyes went to the dresser. She had to know. She had to see. She absolutely had to. She jumped to her feet and strode over to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Her breath caught as she saw dozens of silk shirts and camisoles that cost a fortune.

She shoved the drawer closed and opened the next dresser. Underwear of all kinds were there. Bras, both cloth and lace covered, hard and soft, strapped and strapless, lined the top of the drawer. Panties of all kinds were at the front of the drawer. Silk, cloth, lace, frills, everything she could imagine was there.

She closed that drawer and opened the next, only to gasp at all kinds of shorts that could be worn in any situation. Short, long, thin, thick, high slit sides and some that were not much better than panties. There were even boy shorts for the days she wanted to wear a guy's things.

She eased that drawer closed and knelt to look in the bottom drawer. Inside were the things she liked the most. Casual wear. Jogging pants, t-shirts, both small and oversized, big thick socks so she didn't need slippers, and long sleeved t-shirts when she wanted to cover up for some reason.

Cordelia closed the drawer and stood up, her legs shaky, then she saw the long wooden case that was almost the same color of the dresser top. “N-no. No, he.. he wouldn't.” She whispered and reached for the clasps. She wasn't sure she could handle what was inside, if it really was what she thought it was.

She took several deep breaths and then lifted the top... and her mind couldn't make sense of it. It wasn't possible. There was no way that he could have given them to her. It must have been a mistake.

Cordelia's hands went into the long wooden box and caressed the many, many jewelled things inside. Necklaces, earrings, brooches, rings, bracelets, anklets, pins... then her mind screeched to a halt. Her eyes and fingers went back over to the small ring section. There it was. Exactly like she knew it shouldn't be like. It wasn't possible.

Her fingers defied her reasoning and she plucked a very large diamond engagement ring out of the holder and she saw a small folded piece of paper. Her hands trembled as she reached for it and then opened it to read it.

“If I never asked the question, you never have to say no.” Cordelia read and she clutched the note to her chest.

She stood there for several minutes, unsure of what to do with herself. She looked down at her still trembling hands and saw the ring on her ring finger. She didn't remember putting the thing on. She stared at it and her hands stopped trembling.

“You're right, John.” Cordelia said as resolve filled her. “I never have to say no.”

She tucked the note back into the ring holder before she walked over to the closet and picked out a very stylish coordinated outfit. She went over to the dresser and picked out a set of bra and panties that matched each other and the outfit, then she brought everything into the bathroom and had a nice shower. She cleaned herself up, dried off, and dressed.

Cordelia left the bathroom and checked the jewellery again. She chose a nice thin chain and a one carat diamond solitaire pendant, put it on, and walked over to the bedroom door to look in the mirror. She looked exactly like she felt, like she could take on the whole world, and that was perfect for her.

She went down the stairs and saw that breakfast was already prepared for her. She didn't question it and sat and ate. It was delicious and she said thank you out loud. It was then she noticed another note.

“The tower has a caretaker. They will clean, cook, and maintain the place for you. You will never see them unless you want to. They will also get you anything you want, just like I would have if I was there. Love, John.” Cordelia read out loud and thought about testing that. “I want a coffee to go. Travel cup.”

There was a little snapping sound and a travel cup of coffee appeared on the counter.

“Don't worry, John. No one will ever know about our place.” Cordelia said and picked up the cup. “Whoever you are, I'll be back after school with my things. I'm moving in.”

There was a soft pop and then another. A note appeared on the counter.

“Your things are in boxes in the bedroom. Another closet has been added if you want to keep it all.” Cordelia smiled. “Thank you. Please put the boxes in the closet. I can sort it later.”

A soft pop answered her and she knew it was done.

“I have a school full of people to amaze, especially one particular blonde.” Cordelia said and left.