Whatever I see or do. Stays inside. The question being… What will I see inside? The house itself was shady, sure it looked nice. But if my instincts were telling me to run, then… It was a bad house! No, it seriously was a red-flag…
“Em, what do I do?” No seriously. I can’t just barge in there and say: the collector has to do some collecting. And cool-ly push some imaginary glasses up. It would be cool though…
“Alright, so this is a special case. You see, this is a slave house.”
“Eh?” Like… slave dealer house?!
He nodded at my astonishment. “I can’t tell you what’s the right thing, since it’s a pretty shady area. And while the major acknowledges the problem he has no intention to fix it. So this is when… you do whatever you see fit. This is a test.”
“So… Do I need to announce myself or something?”
He sighed and shook his head. “What part of test do you not get? If things go wrong I’ll barge in, sounds good?” I nodded. I didn’t ask for this. But it’s all for a goal, it’s something I must do… However...
"But, what am I even doing here? Is there even anything to collect?" It didn't make sense... I received no reply for a second. Looking up he was frowning. I had made a mistake... After a short sigh, he finally opened his mouth.
"You go in, do whatever you see fit. These types of places are a necessary evil. Whatever happens, in there stays in there. The major won't do anything about it."
"But..." This still doesn't make sense...
"You wanted to work? This is work. If you get in trouble I'll come. Now shut it." I could tell, he was really annoyed.
Will he really come? Is what I wanted to ask. But I knew he would. At least I thought so... Was I relying on my instincts too much? Perhaps. Unfortunately, there was not much I could do aside from stand there and swallow my saliva in an attempt to calm down. I didn’t expect it to be so sudden. Nor to be thrown into it. Nor not knowing what this all was actually about... No choice, sigh...
I patted my thigh, made sure that I could take out my dagger as fast as possible. Re-checked my pockets and verified that everything was in order, checked myself… Checked the icons in my UI or whatever it was at this point; everything seemed fine. Even the collar icon was active, which normally didn’t happen when I was with the collector. I was ready.
I sighed and looked up at the barren gates, there was no gate. Just the metal poles broken down on the ground, even though the place looked fancy it also felt shady. I didn’t notice the metal bars on the ground; nor had I noticed the patches of dead-grass — the clearly mistreated lawn. Sure, it had beautiful flowers, but with just a careful glance and once could tell… the tips of the leaves were already dying. Nothing more than an attempt at keeping up appearances.
I took a step forward, stepping into the gravel that lead to the door. It was almost calming, hearing the sand-like sounds coming from the gravel, every single step a different sound. The wind blew, the plants rustled, the gritty sound continued — I stood before the door. It all happened so fast. The wooden door suddenly seemed to be a lot taller, and a lot more imposing. I can do this...
I steeled myself; it was now or never. Raising my hand towards the door I took a final breath.
Knock.
Knock.
The deed was done… After a short sigh, I began to hear footsteps, making me tense again. They were calm and coming my way… they stopped. I started to hear some faint whispering from behind the door, but I couldn’t make out the intelligible sounds. After some more chattering, the footsteps resumed.
I started to shake, would I need to attack as soon as the door opened? What about the slaves? Do I kill them? Will I have to kill them?! Such questions flooded my mind… I didn’t want any of them; neither of them was a good choice; nothing but terrible choices.
The door opened with a click, smoothly opening. A tattooed man peeked outside, he had a hood that covered his face and torso, only his slender arms with toned muscles to be seen. I don’t know what I expected.
“A collector?” He was oddly surprised. “You look like a collector, albeit a weird one…” He said as he scanned me from head to toe. Don’t panic… don’t shake… don’t…
“You selling?” My voice came out awfully cold, I didn’t even sound like a girl at that point.
He took a step back. “You scared me for a second, bro… sis.” Hah… “I thought you were a collector outside the loop. Familiar with the process?” Fuck…
“So, are you selling?” He sighed.
Finally, he opened the door and gestured me to come inside. Even though the place was spacious it had almost next to no furniture. The ground was stained with something, although I couldn’t really tell what it was. Shady stains on the ground, check. No furniture? Also check.
We walked past what seemed like a living room; it had a fireplace but it was built with the house itself. It was pretty weird all around, the ground remained stained and the walls were stained with things as well. It was oddly unsettling, the place was barely lit as well. Nothing but small seams of light entering through the barricaded windows.
I kept walking before we stood before a room. Two people were playing some type of card game on a small table next to it. Both of them had metal helmets and shoulder pads, their muscular torso exposed; leather straps securing their pads. One of them had a maze dangling from their pants and the other one had no visible weapon; well aside from the spear on the wall.
“You two, guard. Meeting with a client.” They nodded without saying a word, the person I had been following opened the door and entered the room. I also did the same thing and closed the door behind me. Sweat ran down the side of my head. I was now isolated.
The room was well-lit by the same type of ceiling light system. Carpeted floor with what seemed wolf fur. Paintings on both walls, the wall itself was clear white and the place was arranged with furniture. A small coffee table along with a pair of couches to sit down for discussion. A desk at the very far end of the room filled to the brim with documents. If I was told this was a reputable salesman’s office I would believe it.
The tattooed mob boss sat on one of the couches. And gestured me to take a seat as well.
“I see you are rather tense sis.”
“Sorry, it’s been chaotic as of late.” Had to make small talk.
“I had never seen you before among my Collector clients. So I am going to be real with you.” He frowned. “Die or tell me who was your previous seller.” Aah… straight into the fray…
“So?” I could feel the hostility increasing, causing me to start sweating. I had to think…
Who the hell is shady as fuck?! The Collector of course… and… How did I meet him?! Right, it was right after that. You go unpunished by the death of…
“Gartz…” Aah, I said it…
“Ooh, that fucker?!” He started laughing. “Haa… I am sorry sis.” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Just how stupid do you have to be to die to your own slave?!” Yeah… “I have to say, his death has allowed more stability within our dealer hierarchy! The strongest get killed first after all!” Right…
He laughed some more. “I am sorry that you lost your faithful seller to a slave.” I awkwardly smiled. I was the slave after all… He stood up and walked to his desk. “Let me offer you a drink, for a successful business partnership!”
“Yes…” I wanted to kill this guy as well… He was just as rotten as Gartz...
As I relaxed myself he brought back a small cup of what seemed like tea — a clear deep brown liquid that was steaming hot. He also had one as well.
“Sorry I only have tea at the moment. Cheers.” Our cups clanked for a second before I brought it close to my mouth and started drinking, he also did the same as well and smiled. It was pretty tasty.
[Race trait activated — Dungeon cores cannot be poisoned.] Of course…
Thanks for the chapter Azrie, hope you are having and will have a nice day.
Thanks! You too as well :).
Just keep it up the story is great!
Thank you for your support (reading and whatnot). I appreciate it!
I'm still a little confused; what is she meant to be collecting here? Is it a debt? His life? What do the collectors collect in general? Sorry for my slow brain.
It's not slow brain, it's actually pretty unclear about what they collect. We do know they do debt and other things, about other things well, this falls under other things.
@Azrie Right; you might want to clarify specifically what Leah is after here. Its harder to put ourselves in her shows if we don't know what her current objective is. Still a good chapter though.
@skilodracus *shoes
@Azrie It's not clear in the story right now, which makes it hard to understand the society and plot as a whole. Repomen don't just nab all the random shit. How much is she collecting? What is she collecting for? Why not light the house on fire and take what's left? I know that last question seems really out of left field, but if the collector bossman were to actually do it and say "that's how you deal with this kind of place" then I wouldn't think it to be super strange because nothing has been explained at all.
@Pimgd it's purposefully ambiguous, the story is meant to be read like that — the entire society is a mystery, and is overall pretty weird. Who would be called TH1? Literally no one.
@Azrie Last chapter's question guessing game has the audience think along. This chapter, which is the second part of the same chapter, suddenly drops the whole "think along" aspect. That's strange. Why is Leah not asking what she has to collect when she's just been given a lesson in "ask more questions before moving on"?
@Pimgd because in her situation one would think "I will collect" without digging further down, since she thinks it goes as far as being a debt collector. Besides, since she has an objective now her mind is mostly focused on that rather than worrying about the other aspect. Not justifying things, but that's truly how humans in general work. Writers write characters not humans — which is an issue I run into a lot.
@Azrie Wait so even Leah doesn't know what she's collecting? Wtf is she doing there then? Is she just going to be like "Hey Im here to collect but i don't know what or how much." I get that your society is a mystery, but you still need to establish a consistant form of logic. Otherwise everyone is just confused and you'll lose interest. Also you may be writing characters, but your audience is human. How are we supposed to relate to a character if they don't act like a human
@skilodracus they act very human like. I just told you. She assumes she is going to collect some type of money. In this case she just got thrown into the fray. And well, she was depending on the collector to guide her, whatever he says or does is the correct thing. In this case, he basically said do whatever you want, I'll intervene if things go wrong. Also, she is still pretty awkward so she won't ask the collector or tell him its a bad idea since it would "defy" things.
My issue is, they are not characters, they act too human. A character would question without thinking, Leah won't question or think why she won't question because she doesn't want to get beaten up, even if the person seems okay one never really knows. I don't know about people, but as for me I am well aware of that nonexistent fear of not wanting to question too much. In this case (last chapter) she assumed it would be okay to ask a lot since it's all work related. But trying to "defy" work would be bad.
I can really keep typing all of these paragraphs of xyz but I am not really trying to justify my writing.
@Azrie well, sorry if things come off as inconsistent/bad and completely unreadable. Will try to do better next time or during this mini arc. Thanks for reading. o/
@Azrie First Thx for the chap. After, Perso I think than not asking what collect is normal here. Before she collected money and if not money furniture. If attacked by the target to be collected either you disable them and take furniture, money or others than you can sold or you kill them and take the loot of their corpse like with the skeleton or the dead body of before. Here I thought she was just going to take the money or she was going to choose a slave for payment, no need of asking question like "what I collecting here ?" for that. Personal opinion, but for me that's what is normal to think.
@Azrie I think its just a question of clarification for the reader. From your pov things might make sense but for us its frustrating to be unable to understand how the world works and what common sense is. There's nothing wrong with your writing, but some of Leah's actions make zero sense. I understand that she's unwilling to ask questions as that's dangerous, but how can she possibly be expected to do the job if noone tells her the details? What is she meant to collect? If its money, how much? If they pay, how does she know they paid the correct amount? Its like asking a farmer to suddenly pilot a rocket ship. The mystery elements of your world and characters should be there to intrigue your readers not confuse them. Regardless I'm enjoying the story, it just needs some clarification.
@Azrie I also had the same question in my mind as I read the chapter. I think it would be fairly normal to ask the amount to collect for the off-chance that they would be willing to pay. Its more weird to have questions like "Do I have to kill the slaves?" on the mind at that moment.
So yeah, even though Leah is quite detached from reality, depressed and without social skills it would be still more sensible to ask this one important question.
I know that its not easy to role-play a character with those traits in your mind but a little bit of common sense should be applied I think.
@Thor Well, this is going to 100% sound like a justification. But it's not easy to role-play a character (as you said) on a daily release when you are threading such a weird storyline. (While also having to deal with real-life if it was my job I wouldn't struggle, q.q).
He sighed and shook his head. "What part of test do you not get? If things go wrong I'll barge in, sounds good?" I nodded. I didn't ask for this. But it's all for a goal, it's something I must do…
This basically tells Leah. "Drop the questions." Which is why she doesn't question stuff until she gets to the door. This probably does not solve the problem, but I don't think things through as long as there is an obscure justification in there. It's quite hard since the story is on a daily release, and I am trying to not create plot-holes.
Although the part of her not questioning "wtf is she doing with a slave house." It is very valid, the reasoning would be since the collector says so, and is there. He is right. I might need to add a few lines of paragraph to the chapter; I only focused on getting the chapter out yesterday because I had a terrible headache and just wanted to rest. I'll add the paragraphs and mention the changes in the next chapter.
@Azrie Thats ok, like I said, its not easy to role-play such a character. I even get why she just walked in there without further questions, like 'am i supposed to kill them?' or 'what do I do when the slaves attack me?'. But I think the question 'What or how much am I supposed to collect?' is one that should have been asked since its essential even if he prompted her to stop asking in his own way.
This is a question that was on mind of a lot of people and that means it stands out. If you think the chapter is like you wanted it to be then there is no need to change anything but if you think that we raised a valid question then its never to late to change or add a paragraph.
Writing is a process of discovery and learning. Comment sections are not something you should see as a place to justify yourself or your writing but as a source for improvement and reflection in my opinion. Doesnt mean you cant ignore certain comments if they are outright insulting or unconstructive criticism.
Keep it up, I like this story even if its a bit rough on the edges sometimes :P
@Thor
He sighed and shook his head. “What part of test do you not get? If things go wrong I’ll barge in, sounds good?” I nodded. I didn’t ask for this. But it’s all for a goal, it’s something I must do… However...
"But, what am I even doing here? Is there even anything to collect?" It didn't make sense... I received no reply for a second. Looking up he was frowning. I had made a mistake... After a short sigh, he finally opened his mouth.
"You go in, do whatever you see fit. These types of places are a necessary evil. Whatever happens, in there stays in there. The major won't do anything about it."
"But..." This still doesn't make sense...
"You wanted to work? This is work. If you get in trouble I'll come. Now shut it." I could tell, he was really annoyed.
Will he really come? Is what I wanted to ask. But I knew he would. At least I thought so... Was I relying on my instincts too much? Perhaps. Unfortunately, there was not much I could do aside from stand there and swallow my saliva in an attempt to calm down. I didn’t expect it to be so sudden. Nor to be thrown into it. Nor not knowing what this all was actually about... No choice, sigh...
Added and fixed. If someone says is wrong there is no one to say they are wrong; it's better to think from every single perspective. The chapter is mostly how I wanted, but adding clarity for the sake of everyone's enjoyment doesn't bother me since it does not change the events or conversations going forward.
I don't justify my writing; or very rarely. I simply try to shove ambiguous logic to shed a light into it. I am always learning, been thinking about this comment chain for a few hours now. The entire story wouldn't be in this direction if people didn't give feedback after all. In the original outline Leah would currently be a soulless f*cker that thinks. it's just a stepping stone until I get out of this hell. And she would push herself to such limits until she ends up inevitably collapsing. Can't say much more since the original outline still has the same events that will happen here, albeit in a different manner from a different perspective.
Is the story outlined? Not really, just headcanon outline that is too washed to actually write it at this point. Thanks for reading/
From what I can tell, we are in her shoes. She knows nothing about what the job is that we don't. She's like "Okay, part of being a collector is... uh, smashy smashy, part of it has to do with debts, and now I'm being told to do whatever I want with this building that needs collecting or whatever the right verb is. WTF even is this job?!" and we're stuck wondering the exact same thing.
@Azrie Well, that problem is solved :P It even added to character building. Now I don't get the feeling that Leah is just dumb and doesnt ask important questions but gets thrown into situations she has to figure out herself on purpose.
Now we know than leah has been poisoned but that don't work. What to do here ? Kill the guy who think he can hurt a collector without outcome. Her mini blade need taste more blood, the blood of scum is the better of all.
@Stonelight You know what they say, a bit of stabby stabby makes everyone happy happy!