Van was born a dhampir with memories of past lives that plague him. If he does not overcome them, he may face a slow descent into insanity. Growing up in a world where the memories of his past lives, clash with the truth of this strange new world. A world where women outnumber men to a large margin and are in control. Filled with magic, ki, aura, and creatures from other dimensions trying to break into his world to devour it. Will Van survive and thrive and make sense of it all?
This is a story where I’m hoping to take some things and put them on its head. Everyone has heard of isekai about now, but has anyone ever really contemplated what it would be like to have voices, visions, or archaic ideas and views swim around a person's mind? We also hear about how the mc’s always gets the harem. But what if that's because there are more women than men and women are somewhat biologically different then the women we know from our world. Imagine a society where anyone can become strong and since there are more women than men, there are more stronger women than stronger men and now apply medieval history and a view that men are lower than women because the goddess made women in her image. And what if, the mc isn’t the only one with memories of past lives, and he meets some people who have been driven insane because of it?
This is my first time writing a book and showing it to potential thousands of people. I won’t promise that my work will be good right off the bat. But I'm hoping that, with enough constructive criticism, I can provide an interesting read for all comers and improve to match and exceed the expectations put on me.
The image used above does not belong to me. Warning! There is blood, gore, sex, and rape! I may not be a good writer yet, but I will try to give a more realistic and authentic view of this world. This world and what you know of it will be of the view of the mc. So if something does not make sense to you, it probably does not to the mc ethier.
Finally. For the sex or smut, scenes. I will hide them under spoiler or line break. But you should not have to worry about it until somewhere around chapter nineteen or twenty, so if you don’t want to continue reading a book with sex, stop there. I will also be putting an NSFW sign in the chapter heading to warn people ahead of time.
Thank you for reading and please help me become the writer I am hoping to be as well as the writer you all deserve to read from.
also, I will only be posting once a week. you can find me at my Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Vransolis
I also post a royal road which you can find here https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/36458/world-of-alvarra-rise-of-the-vampire-lord
Honestly the concept was really interesting but what a poor execution. The parents put the MC through so much sh*t any normal person would have had some type of reaction, but instead nothing really happens. Why? Cause the main character is extremely boring. But it's not just the MC, the story suffers from terrible or uninteresting characters. Luna is boring, the second wife whose name I have forgotten is boring and Anna doesn't even feel like a human. She is just a doll with dialogue. And one or the things this author suffers from is over explanation syndrome there can be dozens of chapters with absolutely nothing happening where it honestly just feels like a chore to read. 50 chapters in and aside from the introduction of several characters, the rape and the explanation of what the MC is, which was uninteresting as well, I don't feel like anything has even happened.
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I had to drop this story due to frustration and annoyance. The world building is fantastic, the character development not so much. Grammar is also mediocre at best with annoying misplaced words that reek of word document auto spell check that the author didn't proof read afterword's. i.e. Thought instead of though etc.
The worst part of the story is the never ending training arc that powers him up but when its needed he folds like a house of cards and gets raped twice because of it. If your going to subject your readers to every chapter of your novel being training of some kind atleast when he does venture into the outside world have all that training pay off. Instead we get endless training where he acknowledges his faults does little to correct them, then heads out and gets his face smashed/brutalized due to said faults then back to training. Rinse and repeat. I'm over a hundred chapters in and there isn't one chapter where all his training pays off, we just get an endless loop of training, losing, then training some more.
In an effort I assume to make the MC more realistic and relatable he is riddled with character defaults and his attitude is wishy washy at best. It comes off as pathetic that the MC can't make a decision and stick to it. His morale compass is all over the place and repeatedly holds him and his companions back, even after this is addressed in the story and vows to due better he never does. There is no payoff in this story, the endless training and moronic choices the MC and his parents make just perpetuate endlessly. This does not make an enjoyable read. The powerups and abilities the MC gets that have huge potential he never does anything with even though he loses almost everybattle.
All in all this story had alot of promise but is ruined by unlikable characters and bad development. Needs a complete rewrite to fix these issues.
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Not going to lie... the severe lack of reaction the MC gives to all the stupid things his parents do really kills this story for me.. they literally are the main contributing factor of him being raped and he's just like "meh".... and then the whole "he's your husband.. make sure he f**ks who you want him to" is just a big forced setup for a harem and really kills the whole story... and dont get me started on the chick with 12 bodies that is basically forced on him to "fix" his damaged soul and is soul bound to him.. yet he just full on allows himself to be dragged along... really don't know how this story has a 4.0 reading... MC has no voice.. his family are a bunch of cliché idiots.. and of course the weird betrothed to your stepsister thing... is this a collab between scribblehub and pornhub??
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Good idea, poor execution.
The first issue is the very awkward underage s*xualization. I don't care how much you try explain it away... It's still gross. After that is the completely illogical and nonsensical actions and reactions of everyone in the story... Seriously, no one in the story says or does anything that makes sense. Next up is the horrible dialogue... It feels very inorganic and immature. Think bad anime, or low budget 80's movies. There is no story, plot, or world building. Just walls of explanations explaining how our edgelord MC is soooo unique, blah blah blah. The guy looks at a door knob and people are like "no one's ever looked at a door knob that way, he must be a door knob prodigy!" Overall, the writing isn't the worst on the site, but it reads like a high school boy's checklist for an edgy power fantasy. I am not trying to be mean, but a little time watching YouTube videos on how to create a story would solve most of the issues. If you are going to build a house, it helps to have a basic understanding of construction and blueprints. PS: The child s*xualization thing is seriously FK'd up... There is no spinning it, it's straight pedo fantasy.
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MC being R*aped like a girl, TWICE
Fetish NTR (your girls have others girls, when they should live for the MC)
Harem without plot... Actually, Not is "MC's Harem" but "Luna's Harem"
MC being a coward, running of s*x for 100 f**kING Chapters... but, WITHOUT WHY, he is f**king animals (Yes, a wolf and others).
MC don't have discipline, autority (BUT he is a Noble), coerency, plans, not even know how to lead yours soldiers. Don't know how keep a secret (a secret mortal... he can die or be a slave for all live because this secret.
Explanations about your others lives???No. Explanations about the world? NO. Plots envolving the country or others territories? MC don't give a f**k about.
100 f**king chapters for a MC who don't even know where your country is located.
okay, this is just 10% about our MC. Now, about our dear author...
He don't know to focus in a thing. Better be a master in 1 thing than a begginer in 100. Yes, begginer, our MC is a begginer and don't want stop and learn about 1 single thing.
Author also forgets where he want to go. Bigger goals and objectives like going to school (mandatory for any noble vampire to be respected, in the author's words) or how to build your own army and have your own wealth are set aside in exchange for small things like going to training in a haunted house that didn't make the slightest difference to the story or like going to train in a forest with your troops without discipline and without equipment.
Worst of all is the massive amount of unnecessary information the author writes every 5 or 6 chapters. It seems that instead of focusing on the story and developing the characters, the author is looking for several other possibilities. This in itself is not a defect, it is the same as being studying architecture school but having to work as a clothing store manager... You need to know how to focus and develop each task independently without sacrificing one of them. And the author doesn't seem to be one of the people who do it the best way possible.
Well, I'm tired. Maybe come backj in one or two year to know how is going.
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TLDR: If you can make it to chapter 33, and still find yourself enjoying the story, keep reading. The author will answer at least one big question a lot of readers had at that point.
First of all, let me preface this review by saying, the author did a good job with their story.
World building? Check.
Grammar? Not perfect, but still a good job overall. Check.
That being said, the review is more about how this story makes me, personally, feel. One of my biggest complaints about this author is their penchant to hold a lot of important details ridiculously close to their chest, and never really elaborate or go over them until much much later in the story.
For example, about the fiancée:
She's introduced really, really, early on. Like first ten chapters or so. However, even though she comes from the lady that will be getting married to the dad of the MC, the dad of the MC isn't her dad. Who is? It's never explained till Chapter 33, and the MC never cared to ask. She was also horrifically abused, and had many scars on her body. Why? Again, kinda just glossed over, until like chapter 18.
This is fine with minor details, but with important pieces of information, and when this keeps happening over and over again? It gets ridiculously frustrating. If you can't stand that kind of frustration, I wouldn't recommend reading this.
Some of the character interactions and reactions to certain incidents feel.... hollow, and really fake. Like the
rape incident
Finally, some parts feel really short, and others feel wayyyy too long and drawn out. For example, the reveal of how the main character's fiancée came to be
was covered in like 1 or 2 chapters max, and that was only when it was revealed to us as readers. When it was revealed to the main character, it got like a paragraph tops talking about it.
All that being said, I feel this is still a good story. Just... a very frustrating one. The star rating is a reflection of not how much I enjoyed the story, but how much I value the effort the author put into it.
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This novel is very poorly written it's filled to the brim with info dumps the author simply doesn't understand show don't tell, the main character is supposedly smart and talented yet is stupid and clumsy in reality the character progression in this novel is horrible in fact it's more like character regression every chapter he gets stupider and stupider less and less confident to the point he stutters with every sentence and acts like beta JP MC.
in previous chapters he would have expert instincts capable of sensing a sneak attack when he least expects it and now he he can't see someone charging at him in a middle of a fight.
next he could easily kill magical beasts and now he literally gets man handled by everyone and everything only when it's convenient for the author so he could create some drama and then save him with an ass pull.
it's gotten so ridiculous that even no name mobs can beat and capture him only for characters that are much weaker than him to easily beat the same mobs, this novel is a joke. There are so many plot holes and ass pulls that this novel is more like swiss cheese.
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I tried very hard to like this story but the main character parents and the adults around him put him through physical torture so that he can get stronger so that he has nothing to worry about in the future but don't teach him anything beyond that. Somehow the main character van has multiple past lives and is a bookworm that reads regularly but fails to know anything significant and is alway surprised. Also the character Anna is probably the third most useless character in story where I read up to because somehow their are ten of her and not one of them was there for the rape that happened
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I think the biggest and only problem with this story is the way it focuses too hard on character's it's already set up this is a problem that I haven't seen before so it's hard to articulate why it's a problem but I will try so the story introduces a character then it sets up a basic outline of what they went through to let you come up with your own ideas about what could happen then it says a massive part of it that's really important around ten chapters later this is way too quick they also spoil a cool thing about a character before the character gets to even starts to use the powers mentioned it really feels like the author has ideas that are cool reveals later that they spoil at the start because they can't wait which doesn't give the reader me any breathing room to guess or anything which makes it worse which is why I want the author to keep the cool reveals until they matter but that kinda it for criticisms I have other than the small nitpicks like sometimes things don't flow well but everyone prefers there own flow for a story so now onto the likes the characters are all really good and they feel like actual things people would do in the situations presented and how people have good plans that were thought out another point I love is how the setting and the characters are intertwined while the MC feels disdant from the setting which gives you a nice contrast that makes you just feel so nice the way the setting is actively getting in the way gives a nice reminder that we are not on earth which is something that is fresh compared to other reancarnation novels right now the system for supernatural stuff is a very interesting one that is different compared to others the harem is believeable which is not something you see everyday it's just getting started tho so all this could be different later I will add an edit if my opinion changes this is my second review so take all this with a grain of salt my rating is 4.3 out of five
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The story world had such promise, and the writing was good, but the author pretty much ruins it by forcing an otherwise interesting protagonist to be a second-class citizen s*x slave. If you are a dude into masochistic s*x and dream of being passed around by callous women, this is your dream story... read it. For me... this is just statutory rape smut with a cast of whitewashed co-abusers. (Note that this story is edited on RR; author makes clear where to find the NSFW chapters on other websites that more graphically portray what is happening to this young man.) For the rest of you, my review may be enlightening. As far as I can tell, the "forced s*x" could largely be replaced with some other driving intrigue element (feel free to keep the s*xism) and it would be fine, but the author intentionally reversed... and then (my criticism)... s*xually warped medieval fantasy society into a nightmare for men (and not good for women either). This story is on the level of unhealthy rape/mind-control p*rn fantasy; while the story isn't glorifying it, it is fantasizing it unnecessarily and is mentally healthy for nobody. Essentially in this world, males are commodities and tools to get women off, love like prized cattle or pets (few exceptions) forced to wear hoods and victimized publicly. Women are uncontrollable gang rapists, and this is apparently viewed as normal and reluctantly accepted. Despite any story premise that the main character is rising to become a "Vampire Lord", in this world that translates to "Top Class s*x Toy Second-class Citizen"... of course I'm only a couple dozen chapters into the story, but it is clear that this is the best his loving family, soul bonded wives, and even the gods of this world expect and demand of him, and despite finding it demeaning he does not resist or even speak up about his feelings. The protagonist's father, the current Lord of the City, is expected to service random women off the street if they strip naked and ask politely. (At least she didn't try forcing him, which is apparently even more common.). It is the civic duty of men, in this world, to quaff eros potions and surrender s*x to women who "need" it (but are presumably unwilling to participate in a group marriage with a man). My favorite scene recently was... where the young 16 year old protagonist's new wife, whom he dotes on and protects, on their wedding day (the day after he as violated and virginity stolen) stops the public wedding ceremony to declare, "Hold up! I want my good friend, here, to join our happiness as a fellow wife. You don't object, do you sweetheart?!" (This other person was essentially a complete stranger to him and the audience is a bunch of dom women rulers and his family, who knows he couldn't possibly know this new 3rd woman)... so, yeah, zero respect within the marriage. Wives casually farm out their men for s*xual acts with zero consideration of their feelings, and the co-lead cast of wives cheerfully gossip about how proudly they will pass around their beloved (the recent rape victim) to service their friends and show how lucky they are. Currently his new teacher just told him he needs to pleasure her or she can't in good conscience send him to college... it is her job to ensure he is a properly trained s*x provider. (She was hired by the "pro-equality" progressive faction.) I HATE to quit a story, and may give this one a few more chapters to change my mind (if so I'll edit this review) but I've reached the point where I'm comfortable warning others away from this story. Edited at Chapter 47. Dropping story hard. I don't care about matriarchy and role reversal... that's fine and cool. A bit of casual s*xism and occasional deviant assault, uncomfortable but reasonable for action fiction. However, If the girl/guy ratio in this world is 3-4/10, then most women will have both a husband AND son; the fact that the rulers of this world's society force men to do this is worse than any practice in actual history... totally unnecessary to force this on reluctant men when there are willing men and women can engage in self-gratification (women can go a year without s*x), and it s unnecessary with artificial insemination practices, so it clearly is something manageable and all about gratification or unwillingness to treat a guy with enough respect, or pay, to get a willing partner). Progressives and fathers in this society supposedly hate these practices, but in practice are able and willing to fight monsters, but apparently won't verbally stand up against wives or women to reject the abuse of their sons, much less raise a sword to prevent s*xual assault; same goes for his soul-bonded "wives" who feel the emotional state of their unhappy husbands but generally don't give a damn that they are traumatized, unhappy, or about to be serially raped by a bunch of villagers, and often just pass "their men" around for social or political favors.
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