Quenton Keller is your average Otaku, bullied at school and unlucky in love. One day he wishes to be anyone else only to find his wish granted. Reincarnated as Briony Moray, a young noble girl in a world of ruthless aristocrats and dangerous magic. Quenton must adjust to life as a lady, navigate deadly court politics, and master his class before doom befalls him and his new family.
By Blackleaf and Guillotine-Chan
Authorship Discord: https://discord.gg/srNExMhUC9
Cover by natihchan: https://natihchancommission.carrd.co/#prices
This is a solid story with a lot of promise, and I enjoyed reading it up to the current point when this review is written. I'd like to emphasize that the criticism below is more 'things the author could do better' then 'bad things about the story.'
The author has a lot of good ideas, but at least as of the current point there are too many individually good ideas and too little time spent on each individual point. The idea of an Shojo Otome 'social conflict' system rather than a more traditional one is good, but despite the main character having a 'help' option they barely use it. They only look at the definition of two of their attributes, and none of their traits. The character gains points and traits, but doesn't spend them or discuss them on screen on at least one occasion. This runs counter to the 'point' of a System story, of getting the crunch of a video game in a story. Also, it took me way too long to realize that the System seems to be unique to the main character, as it's never stated.
This sort of thing makes it hard to tell when a character's being stupid (like I believe the parents to be) and when a the author is just skipping details (like with the main character's lack of interest in the System). I believe it's meant to be the case that the mother cares too much about appearances and too little about doing even a little to back up appearances, and the father spends too much time on chariot races and too little on dealing with his actual duties, but that also could just be the author not having them do things.
Long story short, the author could do with slowing down and focusing on individual plot points or subplots before introducing new ones. We have the subplots of the main character being isekai'd into a noble girl, the ruin of their house, their new family, the System elements, their desire to evolve their Class, their friend's houses ruin, a higher-ranked social rival, and assassins. That's a lot of plot elements; further introducing a gentleman inventor adventurer, a myth of a fairy queen, and an entire fantasy Pokémon tournament/fantasy underground dogfighting tournament subplot is entirely too much for a 20 chapter story.
The story is really good, and if the pacing/focus issues were improved then it would very quickly become one of my favorites. Unfortunately it's way easier to talk about issues than good things.
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Three chapters in and the author almost got me hooked. I use that word almost, because of how addicting novels like these can get. Had to stop myself from reading more to write this telling review.
First things first, I am not at all a fan of gender-bender genres. Putting biased opinions aside, I can clearly tell the author grasped the notion of the genre quite well. Not many know how to portray a male character in a female body. They not only have to act the role, they have to live with it as well.
Which brings in the main character, Quenton. Between the names Quenton and Briony, I'm gonna go with Quenton. I love the fact the author didn't cast his old name aside. It makes it all the more engaging knowing that he's still in a fantasy world. I'm already frustrated at most of the character's behaviours. But! That's the point. The author made certain characters to be disliked. I won't name any as not to spoil those willing to read it.
Let's go ahead end this long review by saying, LitRPG? More like LitNovel. Great going, author. You drop this and I'll find you.
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This is an interesting concept, though it has problems throughout it.
The biggest being how heavily railroaded the MC is, the railroading is not that well explained or even used in a way to develop the plot. Instead of the system being a cool tool for narrative purposes, it is a shackle to force the MC to do things a certain way.
There is quite a bit of potential in this story and core concept. Having the story set up this way has a massive number of options, unless someone intentionally cripples the options with a railroading system. I will continue due to one of the chapter names giving me some hope, I want to finish this first. If editing of this is needed, I will do it after finishing reading.
I normally try to read everything available before leaving a review, I just could not continue with how the story is set up. The MC is just confusing, he thinks of himself as male and is trying to figure out how to use his railroading system to do what he wants. This is an ok core concept, if you want this to be the focus then let it be the focus. Make it the big thing currently going on and resolve it so the story can take off.
She keeps letting herself get drawn into other issues or not using the opportunities given to her to the fullest. The first quest scene should have been built on more. This was a great opportunity for many things to happen, from the build up to it. To the actual event, so much could have happened. The railroading system could have proven its use leading up to this and during it, offering tips and goals for this large event for the MC.
Here is a brief outline (feel free to use this for a rewrite if you want.) Over breakfast, the lady of the house makes an announcement that in two weeks they will be going to the event. After breakfast the governess shows up to prepare the MC for the event. The railroading system then gives a multistage quest to prepare for the event, full of hints and tips for what to do and ask. (If you are going to railroad lean into it more and use is to help the MC.)
This should go on for several chapters or use timeskips to speed it up. Then for the event itself, there would be its own multistage quest. Starting with greeting people, then moving on to the conflict and ending with a big moment for the MC. It should end on a high note and cover several chapters, this will let it be used to aid in propelling the MC into the story. Maybe even leading to him thinking of herself in a new light, he might not be fully there yet though.
If you look at what I have put on SH you will see a rewrite of one of my stories and I am doing so again. Starting out doing something like this is never easy, I can see the potential in this story that is why I am so critical. I want to see you make a name for yourself with this story, seeing a story explode in popularity is always great.
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