This is an original story, but it is obvious that it is one of the first attempts. I think the lore has a lot of potential, really, I do. But it is given in the way of the Avatar: Last Airbender Life Action movie. Too much exposition, and too little character development. 

Magpie wants for the Goddess of Death to destroy the world? But how, when, if I have understood correctly, he doesn't have a free will anymore, and why? What made him give up his name? What spooked up the Main Cultist of the Goddess of victory? And then we come to the next point. 

Too many characters. There is barely any time for them to be properly introduced. I have to admit, I binge read this story up to chapter 23, but I don't remember all of the characters. Most of them are just filler. There are like 2-3 interesting characters, and I applaud the author for writing a transgender character, really, I do. But why are they transgender? What are their motivations? 

A story breathes through its characters, not through its lore and landscape. When you didn't have Cersei Lannister and Jaime Lannister, you wouldn't give a hoot about Kingslanding, at least in the first season of Game of Thrones.

 I am sorry to say, but these characters seem like puppets. If that is what the author wanted to do, then great! You managed it, MintiLime! But I don't think that is the case. 

The Grammar and Style are very good, though. I spotted only a couple of hiccups. Some of the paragraphs could be shortened for an easier read. The chapters are given in segments, but if one binge reads, then they will see that they are of a decent length. 

I really enjoyed the lore, and I think that when MintiLime takes some time to flesh out the characters, this story can really take off. Less is more. Fewer characters, but characters whom we will remember. 

Kudos for the originality. MintiLime really captured the atmosphere one would imagine of fanatics. Magpie being the main example. But if the characters are allowed to speak more, and the narrator takes a backseat, the story can really be brought to shine. 

MintiLime, feel free to disagree, but know I took 1h 40m of my time to honor your first book. I hope you know that I am being honest, and not cruel. Once again, I wish you happy writing! With practice, you can use your ability to create fleshed out worlds, when you combine them with living breathing characters, to write a book that the people would want to reread. 

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This story has many strengths. From its grammar to its coverage of personalities with deep and real emotions that can shock you at times with their intensity. Characters like Magpie and, later on, Silnarion, really shine. The originality of the plot is unlike nearly anything you would read. With divine beings and their development; and their fanatics and those chained to adhering to their philosophies, it is deeply enjoyable to read.

There are a few weaknesses too. The biggest are the chapters are too short for what they cover. Certain moments could use a good bit more “stopping to smell the roses”, while moments could be added to clear up and create a more cohesive narrative. For example, thinking of the Imanjar (I believe it was spelled) of the Goddess of Victory is more of a foil for Magpie. Harder to recall. Or the interactions between the varied powers.

But there a few unique ones that set it apart from the chaff, and even the top fictions. The Fairytale Grimm style of describing things sets the mood and vibe like nothing else. The story’s drawing on various mythologies (such as the tales of Brother Spider and Brother Death) is wonderful and invigorating to read.

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