Travel through worlds?
Allan experienced it.
But…
His family was slaughtered by Pirates.
His home was burnt to the ground.
Left with nothing.
He had to beg for food and money.
But the eyes around betrayed him.
Battered and broken, he found a fruit.
A Devil Fruit.
Since he lost his family.
He’ll build one.
His hunt begins.
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Image by ArtTower from Pixabay.
Discord Link: https://discord.gg/mzFEvqD
The writing is good, grammar spelling etc. there isnt much to the story yet but some issues have already appeared. Of all the infinite powers someone could receive from a devil fruit, this one seems limited and why that specifically. I feel like you watched that anime where they send teams to mats and have to fight the cockroach men. I'm sure someone else knows it... why is it so easy for the MC to kill, either needs more backstory, better events leading up too, or some more emotional reactions to it in the beginning. Basic outline is good but can already tell just the power is enough to make me stop reading.
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Interesting start! Looking forward to seeing more chapters :)
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Thus far, the story has been competently written and is an exploration into the world of one piece de-coupled from the canon story. The story begins years ahead of canon, the protagonist receives a devil fruit that feels somewhat unique and unconventional in the landscape of One Piece stories. The story, through the protagonists actions and goals, sets itself apart from the standard narratives and make the story feel fresh despite feeling that the pacing is a bit inconsistent. Aspects of the story I find interesting or enjoyable:
Aspects that feel out of place or could use some improvement/fleshing out.
Overall, I am happy to have the story in my favorites and look forward to reading every update as they come out. Thanks for the story, author!
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