The writing is good, grammar spelling etc. there isnt much to the story yet but some issues have already appeared. Of all the infinite powers someone could receive from a devil fruit, this one seems limited and why that specifically. I feel like you watched that anime where they send teams to mats and have to fight the cockroach men. I'm sure someone else knows it... why is it so easy for the MC to kill, either needs more backstory, better events leading up too, or some more emotional reactions to it in the beginning. Basic outline is good but can already tell just the power is enough to make me stop reading.
Thus far, the story has been competently written and is an exploration into the world of one piece de-coupled from the canon story. The story begins years ahead of canon, the protagonist receives a devil fruit that feels somewhat unique and unconventional in the landscape of One Piece stories. The story, through the protagonists actions and goals, sets itself apart from the standard narratives and make the story feel fresh despite feeling that the pacing is a bit inconsistent. Aspects of the story I find interesting or enjoyable:
The story is not handcuffed to canon chain of events and has felt fresh.
The protagonist is not handed an obviously super-powered devil fruit. I'm interested to see how granted ability is explored beyond the face-value boons it provides.
The protagonist, while obviously far more gifted than most characters in the world of One piece, seems to not have every One Piece ability handed to him from the start.
The story has the option to naturally include 'kingdom building', 'management', and related story elements.
The driving purpose of the protagonist in the story is interesting and distinct from the usual motivation for a One Piece story.
The writing quality and grammar are more than satisfactory and do not distract from the story.
We see many b-tier supporting characters from the original story becoming the main supporting cast of the story.
Aspects that feel out of place or could use some improvement/fleshing out.
The pacing of the story can feel imbalanced. Some chapters feel very rushed and not fleshed out and some feel to be cumbersome and slow.
Despite what I mentioned in the aspects I enjoyed - I still feel the rate at which the main cast has gained strength still feels a bit rushed and less satisfying than it could be as a result.
In a similar vein, thus far I don't feel that the protagonist or his family have had to face any real adversity. As a result, this story seems to be somewhere between the power-trip stories that are so common and a more traditional "Hero's Journey" narrative.
Overall, I am happy to have the story in my favorites and look forward to reading every update as they come out. Thanks for the story, author!
The writing is good, grammar spelling etc. there isnt much to the story yet but some issues have already appeared. Of all the infinite powers someone could receive from a devil fruit, this one seems limited and why that specifically. I feel like you watched that anime where they send teams to mats and have to fight the cockroach men. I'm sure someone else knows it... why is it so easy for the MC to kill, either needs more backstory, better events leading up too, or some more emotional reactions to it in the beginning. Basic outline is good but can already tell just the power is enough to make me stop reading.
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Interesting start! Looking forward to seeing more chapters :)
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Thus far, the story has been competently written and is an exploration into the world of one piece de-coupled from the canon story. The story begins years ahead of canon, the protagonist receives a devil fruit that feels somewhat unique and unconventional in the landscape of One Piece stories. The story, through the protagonists actions and goals, sets itself apart from the standard narratives and make the story feel fresh despite feeling that the pacing is a bit inconsistent. Aspects of the story I find interesting or enjoyable:
Aspects that feel out of place or could use some improvement/fleshing out.
Overall, I am happy to have the story in my favorites and look forward to reading every update as they come out. Thanks for the story, author!
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